is a cunt.
Yes folks, the useless overpaid cunts that we’re supposed to fawn over, or aim to emulate, grabbing £££££’s of filthy lukka for advertising.
Back in the day you had Normon Rossington and Joan Collins camping it up in the Campari ads, Boxing great Henry Cooper splashing Brut aftershave (it could never be named that today) and even Ted Heaths cabinet in the PG Tips ads.
Now though, we seem to have this never-ending procession of Multi £ Million Footballers, Actors and general Hollywood types, shilling as if they’re looking for lost £coins down the back of the sofa.
Cases in point :-
Judy Dench for some insurance outfit
Patrick Stewart, Sean Bean and Sarah Lancashire for Yorkshire Tea
DeNiro and Samuel L Jackson for Warburtons fucking bread
Harry fucking Rednapp for anything (that annoying red faced cunt would turn up to the opening of an envelope)
The latest to grind my gears is David hasbeen Beckham, advertising Stella Artois over-priced French piss, like he’s just realised he’s down to his last £800Million.
His hands are covered with tattoos – he looks like a Schizophrenic who’s been writing what the voices in his head say with a Biro on his skin ’cause the men in white coats won’t allow him paper,
What a fucking massive bell end.
Nominated by Lord of the Rings.
And then there’s these
https://youtu.be/LHBjbxh817M?si=BLWxSSjHXhfd8b-8
where the owner/MD decides to make a “vanity ad”.
He’s so wooden, he’s one head off being a totem pole.
6
Fuck me.
Devoid of personality.
To be fair JP, he’s seriously ill.
Just been diagnosed positive for woodworm.
5
😂
2
Dyson used to do his own ads too.
He needs a personality injection.
Other are the cunt with his own brand of power tools and vacuum cleaners, can’t remember his name.
And Jane, owner of the Janeplan diet foods rip off.
She is a wierd looking bitch.
7
Ffs someone plug him in.
Dire.
3
People who do the advert themselves?
Never a good idea.
GB news is riddled with them.
Ones for some hotel and they want you to book a wedding do there or a spa day.
Problem is they do the advert themselves.
Ethnics. look
Like extras from Bollywood.
Jesus! Hideous.
I’d not want my wedding surrounded by people who look like mother Teresa or from North sentinel. Island.
Put me off my wedding meal.
Chips n gravy😁
10
I would be well happy if those fucking meerkats got replaced by a celebrity….. Any celebrity.
How many more years do we have to endure the cunty things?
5
Thise cunts sound like the criminals in my town who swarmed in when we had open doors to the Reich.
“Dobjay Dobjay, Yak semash, I is just like meerkat, innit. You wanting kitchen fitted, da? You wanting me steal your jewellery? You wanting da party powder?
Korr-vaaa.”
8
What the Dickens has happened to my face?
My lovely green face?
3
It’s all about diversity, Captain.
Enjoy it, you no longer look like an extra from the Star Wars canteen, that’s got to be a positive, innit?
3
Hehe 😅
Why’s all the avatars fucked up unless it’s a gravatar one like mine?
Admin is there a new boy Manning the controls?
Work experience kid with a massive Adams apple and a bum fluff moustache?
4
If it were about diversity, then I want a negr0 or chînky face with visible disabilities and the chance to be the next Dr.Who or James Bond.
8
Ooo, there’s a thought.
Good point, Captain.
3
A lowbroud breed are them celeobtrities.
“Its only money”
Botox the fk off, yah shower of shite make up plastic non recyclable garbage and,
“Leave them kids alone”
Too late for that now, I fear.
The big bird is shitting allover
2
I prefer my original arse licking Aviator admin, why?
3
I don’t mind, Mecuntry.
At least this one looks happy instead of suicidal.
3
He he he hah, Nice one Jeezum
2
They say the most trustworthy sounding accent is the Yorkshire accent.
Dependable, earnest, people respond positively to it.
The most off putting accent is sadly brummie. ( although they got voted the most friendly, so mixed messages there)
If you hail from Newcastle, forget it.
No fucker below Hull will understand you.
Wasting your time.
Get a actor in to do your advert (not Jimmy nail)
But the absolute kiss of death is a scouse accent.
It makes people put their hand subconsciously over their wallet.
And check the wheels are still on the vehicle.
Everyone will assume its a scam.
And you’ll rip them off.
No one to blame but yourselves you cheeky, cheerful bindippers.
9
Trustworthy, the Yorkshire accent?
Obviously never been to Sheffield, then.
If you ever shake hands with a Sheffielder, count your fingers and check your watch is still on your wrist!
7
The obvious nóg that does the voice over for Curry’s adverts does my head in.
Replace him with someone with a German accent.
Anything would be better.
10
People don’t respond very well to ze German accent Artie.
Unfair but it raises memories of goose stepping, bombings and such.
They also sound like dogs barking,
And not known for a sense of humour.
French? Universally hated👎
Irish? People assume that you live in a caravan and will steal the lead off the roof.
I’d go with South African.
A warm people, lovely accent, and like a laugh.
5
What?
South African? Are you demented?
Australian, that’s the one to go with!
5
Or Canadian.
Not French Canadian, obviously.
5
Was being sarky about the seffricans JP.
They sound like daleks and have the same personality.
And the Canadians sound a bit slow.
I’d go Scottish.
I like the porridge w09s.
6
Not keen on the Australian accent, then?
All cobber and kangas!
3
No I like the aussies!
One of the few nationalities I do like! 👍
4
Scottish, mmm!
Depends which area.
Some Scottish accents are so fucking hard to understand, it’s like they’re speaking Swaheli, not english.
5
And copper Mis, it’s like the Pikey glory gold treasure hold.
Vacant properties need a refit, once sussed.
3
Paul Hogan’s Fosters ads were good.
And those XXXX lager ones were funny as well.
4
Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins advertising Cinzano. They were good.
I have a special dislike for ‘Professional Northener’ adverts.
Cunts like Paddy McGuinness, Sarah Lancashire, Peter Kay.
McGuinness in particular on Greggs adverts. Blabbering that shite he comes out with. ‘Dinny Donny Din Dons’ and ‘Snicky Snacky Snoo’. What a cunt.
12
Here’s a good advert.
https://youtu.be/j7R6f7dUaug?si=pHxfliaAuC-DhrvO
Remember that?
4
And another good un
https://youtu.be/f0_zJ-0VHu0?si=tjh1948N-9oevDxF
From when Cadbury was a luxury British product and didn’t taste like shite.
4
Fat Reg did a Cadbury’s advert.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WvlhVK1yP8
4
Fucking hell don’t remember that one.
Was it cancelled when the Advertising Standards Agency discovered he was a Půff?
4
Cheers Miserable.
Steptoe was fucking ace. Classic.
3
McGuiness is an A grade cunt.
That wireless ad for holidays he voices makes me vomit.
Are you a smart booookkeeer or a silly boooookkeeer he enthusiastically’northerns’…
No im not McGuiness, but you are an utter cunt – is my retort to the radio just before muting the thing.
6
I hear those ‘Silly Bookers’ adverts every week, Leo.
And, I have to say, I have grown to despise McGuinness because of them.
5
I sometimes nominate McGuinness’s career in the dead pool Norman.
1
Adverts were memorable and imaginative in years gone by.
Many to mention. The Cadbury’s Smash Martians, the Secret Lemonade Drinker, God meets the Devil on a Kit Kat advert, the talking Guinness Toucan, the KP Crisps monks, There’s a Humphrey about, those many great Heineken ads, Steptoe and Son using Ajax, and the iconic Hamlet cigar commercials.
Now. it’s almost all treeswingers and bum bandits. Everything’s catered for blacks and pooves.
And, while in the 70s and 80s, adverts did often use much loved household names. Now they use any old clapped out has been. Dawn French as the Marks and Sparks Christmas fairy? Dawn fucking French? Whatever happened to those M&S ads featuring an aging but graceful Twiggy and all those saucy young models in their duds?
12
The lager of Lamot.
Like a lord of the rings type fantasy cartoon with a knight riding a giant lion up a mountain looking for a chilled alcoholic beverage.
Seek it out.
I did. It was shite.
5
Here you go JP.
Yorkshire accent.
Launched a million beefburgers.
https://youtu.be/-1kHWJF3fgk?si=0iaRoojuNCsI-w9b
Does thee Ben? 😂
2
Always loved this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37_Nzg8BOu8
3
Here you go Norman.
Salford lad and Englishman Joe Gladwin
https://youtu.be/LrXGA39XEvY?si=bGXBFT_1omYacC0N
Now that’s how you sell bread.
Take note Deniro you little sobbing fanny.
4
Here’s one from the auld cuntry, MNC
https://youtu.be/Qf2EXK4znxk?si=cIdHXREoKA6aolpO
I’ll not sure where these gentlemen hail from but they don’t look like they belong in our parish.
2
That unfunny horrible little cunt Jack Carroll is ‘performing’ right near our house next week. A yuppie twat/wimmins/dogs welcome eaterie bar thingcalled the Dog Haus.
Thinking of going, just to heckle and terrorise him.
2
Hey Mis, you ever been to the Hovis bread street in Dorset?
2
No pal, but I’d like to.
It’s a tourist attraction isn’t it?
Steep as fuck.
Yanks stay at the bottom 😁
3
Tom Selleck hawks reverse mortgages on American T.V. to keep his estimated $25 million stash topped up.
It’s generally perceived to be a murky trade, though, Magnum…
How could an 87 year old widow say no to that bushy ‘stache?
Ha .. the guy has a big stash and a big ‘stache.
💰👨
3
Hell do anything for a quid.
Shameless cunt.
He goes scuba diving down grids with Robert deniro on a weekend looking for spare change.
Never enough money for those cunts, never content.
Imagine being famous for your moustache?
Not your acting or anything
Your lip hair.
The old arse bandit.
3
If the old widow says she would like to ask her grandson to check the figures, Tom throws in the old double-eyebrow twitch at her and the deal is clinched.
I guess that’s what they pay him the big bucks for.
I believe in the ads aimed at old dears he exudes three George Clooneysworth of charm.
2
Tom Selleck’s double eyebrow shuffle is not to be taken lightly you know.
Rumour has it that one time he was doing a Magnum meet ‘n greet with 200 screaming female fans. He gave the entire crowd the old double eyebrow shuffle with a cheeky wink and every woman in that audience realised all at once their bras had spontaneously come undone.
***
Exude wasn’t the best phrasing in the post further up. He laid-on 3 George Clooneysworth of charm in the ads is more proper.
2
Funny, how all those wimmin wet themselves over Selleck.
When he was a bona fide botty bandit.
See also James Dean, Rock Hudson, Barry Manilow, David Hunter off Crossroads.
1
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n1pg1zpNgB0
Back when things still made sense..
4
👍👍
Brilliant.
2
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hfe5xguCZJo&pp=ygUSY2xhcmtzb24gaGF3a3N0b25l
Another man avertising his own products in his own inimitable style.
1
I liked The Sandeman add by Orson Welles, dark cloaked and all mysterious , looking for a few bob but with style.
2
I remember that Carling Black Label advert,
Where those cowboys go through about three or four ‘different’ commercials.
It was quite a good idea. But it was only shown very late at night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYd0yZHWGeg
2
We’ll never see this advertised on TV. But I’m definitely having it.
https://superdeluxeedition.com/news/horslips-at-the-bbc/
3
David Beckham is one of the biggest cunts on planet earth. Massively overrated as a footballer with a reputation garnered for marrying a chippy, up her own arse, talentless slag and scoring a goal against Greece in a closely fought World Cup qualifier (he missed tons of others). Look up George Bests summing up of this cunt. And Stella is fucking shit too. David Beckham !! Steve Coppell and Gordon Hill were better.
0
Dench has milked her James Bond ‘Q’ role to the absolute dregs. I wish she would just put her Always Ultra pad on and live a quiet life like most people of her advanced years.
0
I meant Always Discreet, the old crone is way past having the painters in there. 😂
0