Although it has scraped the barrel in recent years, the poshos cunt festival will plunge to new lows this year.
As Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Stone Roses and The Smiths have turned those Eavis cunts down yet again, Farquar and Jocasta will have to pay offensive amounts of money to watch something like a rock ‘n’ roll scrapyard.
Top of the bill? The nepo pussies and Greta-ite load of crap that is The 1975. Is this really the best they can do? I am no Oasis fan, but they tower over these cunts. Whatever our views on Oasis, they were massive. A festival is supposed to create a buzz of excitement. Hendrix, The Who, CSNY and Creedence at Woodstock. Or Dylan, The Doors, Free and Hendrix at the Isle of Wight. But, The 19 fucking 75?! One can imagine tumbleweed and a quiet whistling wind through a Western ghost town. I mean, for fuck’s sake. Is it the worst top billing of all time (after Stormzy, of course)?
And, the rest of the line up? The antique that is Neil Young. And a creaking croaking decrepit Rod Stewart. I have no doubt the upper and middle class tosspots and student bellends will not know one note of any classic Faces material, or anything off his first early 70s albums. Yet, they will think they are cool and postmodern as they sing along to ‘Da Ya Think I’m Sexy’ and ‘Sailing’. And I have no doubt that ‘The Killing of Georgie’ will be played to appease the LGBTQ Gestapo.
Needless to say, I hate ‘Glasto’ and all it stands for. But, even by is own dreadful standards, this year’s line up is the pits. And Alanis Morrissette as well? Jesus Horatio Hornblower H. Corbett Christ.
Nominated by : Norman
Glastonbury deserves to be nuked.
But get Neil Young out of the way first. He’s one of my favourites.
10
Neil Neil orange peel.
He said he wouldn’t play Glastonbury.
Said it’s a corporate sham.
They offered more money.
He’s onboard.😂
Never trust a hippy.
6
The old cunt needs the money, thinks he can take it with him. Being a good socialist he should be playing for free.
6
I wish it was 1975..
The ripe smell of that line-up is stronger than a three day old portaloo full of tarquin and cressida’s vegan courgette pie.
12
Just wait for the stench from the knickers of Rachel from Accounts as she does her nude whip dance (after a very thorough striptease) in her Glastonbury special guest spot. Don’t be in the front row as she will be throwing her clothing over the audience. Kweer is hoping to grab her arsey smelling trousers. Streeting is hankering after the stockings and suspenders. If they fail, Kweer will be running along smelling womens bicycle seats and Wessy will be hangin round the latrines. Music from the Dave Lammy Banjo Maniacs.
6
I haven’t heard a speech pattern like Rachel Reeves since Harry H Corbett in Steptoe and Son.
Odd droney woman
11
She’s always looking for “growf”. The old chav of Threadneedle Street. Growf innit.
4
Ratso Rachel sounds like one of the classic era Cybermen.
7
Norm, it’s Cyberpeople now!
3
A bit of asparagus in there with the courgette vegan pie would add a bit of extra flavour to the portaloo Barry.
5
I’d sooner enter a quieter less muddier field with new born lambs leaping around enjoying themselves and go home as clean as I came, without a ringing in my ears. Besides my bank account being untouched, whilst listening to a Bruckner symphony.
8
Not to worry, Norm; it`ll be a better festival next year (spoiler: there isn`t one).
🎺
12
I’m hoping for torrential rain for the entire duration of the festival, pictures of the mugs who pay silly money to be soaking wet, splattered in mud and freezing cold fill my soul with joy!
Also, the Eavis’ are missing a trick by not making it 100% holographic, they could have had a line-up that’s worth seeing.
16
Two days of pissing rain. The fields a foot deep quagmire of liquid mud and human faeces and then a massive lightning storm that incinerates all the glamping yurts along with their inhabitants.
I would piss myself for weeks.
3
Pure unadulterated 💩…. should be renamed gullible-bury 👍
11
I’m wondering what the reaction will be of all those middle-class throbbers to Keir Starmers first year in charge?
Well, we all know already. Fuck all.
The Tories were cunts but if they had cut the WFA, cut foreign aid to spend on defence, cut welfare and were war mongering in Ukraine the usual ‘fuck the Tories’ would have been even louder than ever.
The ‘music’ is shit too.
10
I enjoy small festivals, preferably with a strong sound system in the jungle/drum and bass tent, and the same in the psychedelic trance tent.
Those small festivals tend to have line up posters much like this Glastonbury headliner one, full of people I’ve never heard of.
I hope they get a good vintage year, thigh deep mud and portaloos overflowing into the mud.
6
Bunch of crusties.Napalm them 💥💥💥
8
Pseudo crusties!
5
You soft liberals make me sick!😂
3
Glastonbury… pfft…
Not a patch on Altamont.
8
Altamont.
That thick as mince treeswinger, Meredith Hunter.
Fancy acting flash and waving a gun at Barger’s pissed up and psychotic Hell’s Angels. There was only going to be one outcome.
I know they can be uppity chippy cunts. But that was just stupid, even for one of them.
7
My favourite part of Gimme Shelter the film of the Altamont festival is when one of Jefferson Airplane says sarcastically
” I’d like to thank the angels for knocking out our bass player”
😂
More bands should get beaten up onstage by outlaw motorcycle gangs.
3
Especially drill rappers.
3
There’s nothing between that pile of shit and Cliff Richard. On balance, I’d sooner watch Cliff Live at the Parr Hall in Warrington than that line up, if only because the ordeal would be over a lot more quickly. Definitely before the last chippy shuts.
7
It would only be interesting if one or more of the decrepit band members dropped dead on stage from old age or the normal drug overdose.
7
They should definitely give free tickets to the Croydon gangs and Nottinghill carnival attendees. More black youths the better I say. Let the left wing white hippy drips have the shit cake they want. Doesn’t taste so good when it’s standing there with a knife at 3.00am in the Green fields. Release the beasts
12
Here’s hoping for a fierce outbreak of Weils Disease.
Middle class arsepiss.
12
🐒pox Unkle
0
Rather stick pins in my eyes than indulge in the Glast experience. Biggest wankfest since voting new expenses rates in the House of cunts.
8
I’d rather sit in a field full of cows in the rain than with all those pretend hippies.
By the way, James O’brien is a massive cunt.
11
It’s much more fun to get hammered in the shed listening to Motorhead on CD.
14
Sounds much more enjoyable than glastobollocks
6
I thought Neil Young wouldn’t play anywhere unless everyone present could prove they’d had fifty pointless jabs,or some such bollocks.
Silly old cunt,hope it’s his last ever performance.
9
He’s a daft old cunt.
Those elderly hippies Crosby Stills Nash and Young. Fighting over hippy slappers and other tarts at their age.
Croz has now snuffed it, of course. But it was funny how he ‘upset’ Young by calling Daryl Hannah a shit stirring slag, And he also ‘offended’ Nash for calling him a cunt for leaving his Mrs for a younger trollop and a Joni Mictchell impersonator.
Mind you, Mister Peace and Love Nash has form for leaving his wives to piss off with a younger bit of fluff. No wonder the rest of the Hollies thought he was a cunt.
7
That’s why he left the Hollies. Nash claimed it was to work with Stills and Crosby and follow the American hippie dream.
Bollocks. He was after LA Canyon hippy fanny and flower child groupies. Of course, daft tarts like Joni Mitchell thought Nash was the archetypal ‘English Gent’. He was just filling his boots and smoking their pot.
5
Horrible wailing voice also.
2
Well hopefully with all the Palestinian flags flying this year and all the keffiyeh’s on show the IDF will think it’s a hamas training camp, and bomb the shit out of it.
18
The thing with all so called music festivals is two fold
1 Just a corporate money making scam
2 There just aren’t that many decent bands anymore.
12
Did I mention I was hip?
No?
Well I am.
I’ve been to Glastonbury a few times as a youth.
Up North no cunt had heard of it!!!
Never paid like.
Once climbed the fence
Once under the fence
Once got someones wristband
And once in a pickup truck full of New Age Travellers.
Them New Age Travellers certainly liked to screw over Michael Eavis!!
They NEVER paid.
Eavis with his weird Quaker beard would give in to their demands.
The big knobhead.
I wouldn’t go now.
Full of hooray Henry, yuppies , c-list celebs, actor types and the sort that used to go Henley Regatta.
I went to Stonehenge festival too.
Faaaar out maaaaannn ….
6
Britain hasn’t seen a gathering of Cunts like this since the last annual Labour Party Conference.
Still, I don’t favor a nuking them as was proposed earlier in this thread. This is after all the 21st Century and we have better technology.
Why can’t we create some sort of Wuhan like virus that would race through the attendees then dissipate before reaching the general public?
Something that after offing the lot would eat their flesh and bones leaving no trace of the cuntish multitude except empty clothes, vacant stages and silent equipment.*
Rod Stewart? Neil Young? Who the fuck is Olivia Rodrigo?
*You could auction off the Volvos and the Beamers and Land Rovers and use the money to deport the Shitholians back to Shitholistan.
8
I would unleash a particularly unpleasant form of norovirus and chain all the portaloos shut.
4
Whenever I see birds on the shoulders of their chaps at Glasronbury, I wonder if they have remembered their Tena Ladies or if they are just pissing down the chaps’ backs?
Good afternoon, everyone,
6
I suspect Mr Cunt Engine will be along shortly to provide all the necessaries.
Good show.
4
The Ukrainian flags won’t sell as well this time round.
Dell-boys dream, will have to wait for another year.
For Gods sakes Rodders, how many times have I told you never buy anything off of Mickey
2
I can never get a ticket, fucking internet connection is to slow…
Every cloud ect…!
4
Eavis looks like Gary Glitter with that fucking beard.
2
O/T
CuntemAll, our inspired guess regarding the photo shopping ( Sarah Owen nom) was indeed correct.
If you check back, I have pointed this out to Admin.
You’re quite right about the postage, which has to be sent to Admins accountant before any prize is despatched, really not worth it, although I seem to remember that once there was the toy from a Happy Meal!
1
Wonder if Quisling Farage will be at “Glasto”, he’s definitely starting to align himself with the open borders Islington set, after using the “R” word to describe most of his party’s supporters, fucking turncoat CUNT!!!
10
But… But…. Sir Nigel….but….
Don’t wanna say I told you so..
But I told you so.
4
The more important question is Holly ” chipmunk cheeks” Willoughby planning to attend this year, along with that grifting slag Carol Voldemort?
Will they bravely save the planet once more by selflessly arriving by helicopter, to spend the Festival in the squalour of a custom-built motorhome with central heating, flushing loo and hot water shower powered by diesel generators?
Enquiring minds….
6
He’s a slag innit he, sling you’re hook luv.
2
I think I hate Glastonbury as much as the House / Garage, Ibiza scene. Pretentious, cliquey, if you don’t dance like C3PO with the shits you’re not invited. Up its own arse, a dirge to listen too with DJ’s who think they have the same musical talent as Mozart. As for Glastonbury, a refuge for has beens I couldn’t give two fucks about. With wet farts of 18 years old singing along as if they’re attending Woodstock 1969.
7
To paraphrase ex-Channel 4 bedwetter Jon Snow –
“I have never seen so many cunts”.
7