Amazon’s Suggestions Algorithm

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On March 6th, one Jeezum Priest posted on this site about a promotional mail he’d received from Amazon.

“Just had a marketing email from Amazon assuring me that I can find all my needs for Ramadan and Eid on their website”, he reported.

Only minutes after reading his post, I checked my own Amazon account about an overdue book.

(A 2000AD reprint, ffs), .. when the unasked-for ‘other books you might like’ suggestor ribbon threw at me …. a simplified/’simple english’ quran!!

I looked at it’s description. Not out of a modicum of positive interest, more a wtf? mixed with a ‘know your enemy’ notion.

The last line of the description finished with …. ‘to help you, the reader, find a commonality with 1.6 billion of your fellow human beings.

Not in a fucking million years is there anything in my online carrying-on in the last quarter century that should ever, EVER put such unadulterated shite in ‘my’ recommendations. And *I* will decide who my ‘fellows’ are, thank you very much, from the 8.2 billion people I would consider mostly cunts on this earth… and nary a single one of the 1.6 billion alluded to in the blurb is gonna get near the shortlist.

2 otherwisely unconnected gentlemen who post a bit on a niche site both being softly groomed for muzzie indoctrination in the space of an hour or two?

Something fucking stinks about that. Do the cunts reckon they have enough of a foothold to initiate the big push at this juncture? Anyone else on here being gently pressganged by Bezo’s software at all?

Nominated by : Cuntemall

56 thoughts on “Amazon’s Suggestions Algorithm”

  3. Never been offered books on fairytales before on amazon.
    But they do have a habit of recommending an item you purchased two days ago..

    Maybe it was a ramadam ding dong special? Were black bin bags and underage white girls on sale?

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    • That’s the vast majority of the email shite I get from Amazon, Barry. ‘I’ve just bought that, why the fuck do I need another 5 emails suggesting same/similar.’
      Then you have the chink outfits with an unitelligble string of letters for a name, that change on a weekly basis – usually for getting sussed selling defective kit, the scamming cunts.

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      • I know it was the BBC but on the radio a week or two ago there was a thing about Chinese websites. They sell you something, in this case a supposedly cashmere cardigan for £30, ridiculously cheaply. When it turns up it is polyester and costs you £30 to return it. That, however, is not the scam which is that they now have your bank account details and they extract money in small amounts, on a regular basis, from you, hoping you won’t notice.

        Good Morning.

      • That’s one of my peeves about Amazon, or indeed any kind of online shop.

        Once you’ve bought owt, you get inundated by marketing shite from them, even if you’ve tick/unticked as appropriate, the box that consents to it, the twats!

        The only way to stop it is to block them.

      • I hear Amazon are flogging a big fuck off box of white Cadbury’s Creme Eggs at a good price.

        Won’t there be complaints about racism though? A white egg isn’t diverse or inclusive.

  5. I wonder what is on Kweer’s recommended reading list?:

    How To Bluff Your Way In Politics
    Bumsex For Beginners
    Me & My Beard (The new Blair autobiography)
    The Idiots Guide To Warmongering
    Diary Of A Nobody

    Just because he bought Wes Streeting’s hagiography (secondhand copy of course)

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  6. I have never had a problem with Amazon.

    Using them is certainly better than wandering around shops, mingling with the great unwashed.

    Amazingly they always deliver to me when they say that they will.

    But if they ever suggest that I should buy a fairy tale Muslim book about some pédó and a sky goblin, I would tell them to fuck right off.

    The cunts.

    Good morning.

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  7. Mulling it over I think we should pause for thought any more before casting aspersions on the teachings of the quranderthalic’s book of lies.

    When you think about it, western religions’ dogma must be equally ludicrous to them and their way of life.

    I mean, in the big ‘un round this way, ‘Mary’, supposed mother of alleged ‘jesus’, … was past childhood and puberty, but still a virgin.

    Wrecks their heads when they hear that.

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    • The Feeding of the Five Thousand should be legally enforceable reading for the grooming cunts to get them off benefits. They could bone up on the water into halal water while they’re at it.

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  9. ….‘to help you, the reader, find a commonality with 1.6 billion of your fellow human beings.”

    Howsabout

    … ‘to help you, the reader, gain better insight into the cray-cray that pervades in 1.6 billion subhuman beings that are infesting the planet you live on.”

    I’m going to use this quran incident to bump my lickle josh (buried, late, in the middle of the recent sarah owen nom, and seen by probably nearly no-one), in the style of a youtube comments ‘joke’.

    “Do muslim shitholes allow the burqa in police mugshots?”

    “Only Britain, currently”

    “But Britain isn’t a Muslim shithole”

    *awkward silence*

    😎

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  11. Don’t amazon use drones to deliver stuff?

    Imagine what the neighbours would think if a flying robot dropped a copy of the Quęeran into your garden?

    Clearly they haven’t thought it through properly.

    The raghead loving billionaire cunts.

    Good morning.

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  12. I got an email from British Heart Foundation with some bollocks about Ramadan shit, I emailed back and just wrote ‘shove your Ramadan up your fucking arse’

    I should be arrested any day now 😂

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  15. There has been an interesting change in the propaganda of the ruling class regarding religion recently. For most of my life, the attitude of our morally superior lords and masters has been that religion is garbage and its followers morons. In the last couple of years, we have been ‘encouraged’ to celebrate Muslim festivals and ‘respect’ their religious ‘sensibilities.’

    From 313, when the Emperor Constantine granted ‘toleration’ to a younger version of Abraham’s delusion to 391 when the Emperor Theodosius I banned all other religions was about three generations.

    Admiral Akbar, you cunts.

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  17. Never shopped on line, for the simple reason that I don’t want to to be “shopped” by some robbing bastard. I feel safer getting up off my arse a getting it.

    As for turdbin wearers, set fire to the Caren after you’ve stuffed it up your arse.

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  18. Our Israeli friends should make a load of Korans with a small explosive device in the hard back cover, triggered by hearing Alan’s snackbar at close quarters then distribute among the rag heads.

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  19. Fuck Bezos

    Let him suck Muzzer cock if he wants to.

    Clearly feels he isn’t rich enough yet.

    I’ll be shopping at Temu , the Chinese have the right idea with the snack bars.

    Internment

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  20. Ah, 2000AD, Strontium Dog, Rogue Trooper, The ABC Warriors, Ace Garp, Tharg’s Future Shocks and of course JD to name but a few.

    As for the sky fairy book, it’s not much use really. No good as arse wipe as the pages are already covered in shit and doesn’t last very long in the log burner.

    Borag thungg earthlets.

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  21. I enjoy watching weak willed people on utube, who can’t stop drinking and gorging themselves on gunge. I piss myself at the alcoholics explaining the amount they drink and the fat cunts who can’t stop eating rubbish. Real people make me laugh more than comedians.

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  22. I enjoy animal attacks Sammy.

    A cyclist getting mullered off a moose,
    A yank getting mauled by a bear etc

    It puts a spring in my step and a whistle on my lips.

    I love nature ❤️

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    • I’ve managed to stay free of danger on my bicycle, Mis. But I love bulls tossing taunters in the air and removing their clobber with the horns. I also piss myself at the rodeo shows, when the silly arses are slung around like rag dolls and friends drag them off, more or less finishing them off.

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  23. Any Scottish cunters out there?

    You never hear of a Scottish convert strapping on a bomb belt .. I imagine this whole muslim mischief is a bit harder to sell if 72 Susan Boyles is what pops in to your head don that score during the hard sell. Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman times 72 would be a far better bribe, if the cunts(the muzquitos) had an ounce of knowledge of culture-lore about them.

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    • ” I don’t know, Iqmal, .. I’m still on the fence about all this. Do the 72 Gal Gadots still have their Wonder Woman costumes? ‘

      ‘By Allah’s word they do’

      🤔

      ‘Here, give me the belt’ …

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    • Bog roll I won’t scrimp on. I get really expensive stuff imported from China made from pandas ears and I daresay every one of you would too if y’ got to experience the absolute zenith in arse wiping.

      It dispenses, of course, from a 24 Karat gold antique Elizabethan era toilet-roll holder.

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  25. I loathe and despise Amazon. Many reasons, but I’ll mention just 3.

    1) Years ago they were very price competitive mostly due to not charging state sales tax (VAT for my fellow Brits). Then Amazon decided to build a warehouse in my state. Once they had a physical presence in the state, their pricing (by law) had to include state sales tax. Cunts. They decided to build that fucking warehouse, but I end up being charged more because of Amazon’s business decision. Fuck right off.

    2) Years ago you could contact their Customer Services via email or ‘phone. The great thing about email was you could write up the issue in your own time, send it to them so they could work on the issue in their own time, then get back to you. That was obviously too convenient for the customer so they scrapped that and replaced it with instant chat. So now if you have a problem, you have to spend your valuable time in real time to resolve it. Amazon know people are a lot less likely to want to tie themselves to a chat session or call, so are more likely to just live with the problem or let the issue go. I’m sorry, but how is that offering effective and customer focused customer services? Answer, it’s not. Cunts.

    3) Years ago when you bought some items, Amazon would shrink wrap the items together, often to a piece of cardboard, then place it in an appropriately sized cardboard box. Worked great! Stuff arrived in perfect condition 99.999% of the time. This avoided items crashing into each other in transit and the right size box meant the shrink wrapped items had little to no room to move around. Thus damage during shipping was all but eliminated. These days, some could-not-care-less brainless dip shit cunt throws all your items together in a paper thin plastic envelope and sends it on its way. What happens? Delicate items (e.g. paperback books) get mashed by heavier items which themselves often break after having been smashed because the packaging offers little to no protection. Absolutely fucking moronic.

    What other business can claim the way they choose to do things actually causes the vast majority of returns which costs the business eye watering amounts to send out replacements in the exact same manner which caused the damage and return in the first place?

    How can Amazon sustain the huge costs of returns that they themselves are causing and still stay in business? Actually I know and I’ll tell you if you’re interested. I hate Amazon and wish they’d fuck off.

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    • Another one, IY, is their habit of sending a relatively small item, like a tin of drinking chocolate, in a box big enough to house a dinghy full of ” refugees”, which you then have to dispose of.

      Utter, utter cunts. I’ll never order from them again after that email.
      All my needs for Ramadan and Eid my shiny, white Jewish arse!

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      • Hi JP – Yep, that’s another Amazon classic.

        I’ve had over-sized boxes with no internal packaging materials for something small that could (and was) easily be damaged simply by bouncing off the walls of the box in transit.

        Other times I’ve had the right size box, with air bags to hold the item in place for something which would be almost impossible to damage.

        The morons they employ to actually do the packing are thick as pig shit. They really are. They are literally the cause of millions of pounds/dollars in damaged good which need to be replaced and re-shipped at Amazon’s expense. And Amazon tolerate it. Why FFS?

        Imagine if someone who worked on a car assembly line just whacked door panels with a hammer for a laugh. Would the car plant tolerate that? Don’t think so.

  26. Well I can say the Eva Lovia anal fleshlight I ordered arrived in mint condition and it has been a huge source of enjoyment and I am very satisfied with my purchase.

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