Occasionally I go on to Youtube in search of new recipes (or variations on old favourites) to add a bit of variety to our mealtimes. I’ve discovered some delicious options over the years, many of which have the added advantage of being very simple and easy to prepare.
The downside of this however is that I’ve also seen recipes for dishes that look absolutely disgusting, and lead you to ask immediately ‘who the fuck thought THAT up?’. Take for example this mess involving the baking of bread, tinned beans, eggs and cheese, to produce something resembling slices of vomit;
The American narrator claims to have learned the recipe from ‘a friend in England’.
Now I’m from this sceptred nation and I’ve never fucking heard of it, and even if I had, I’d keep quiet about it. I wouldn’t want to add more damage to the already maligned reputation of our national cuisine.
Of course this is just one example among many; Youtube is loaded with examples of cunts punting cack recipes that only warrant being transferred straight into the nearest bin.
So be warned cunters. You’ll find some good stuff on Youtube, but some of the crap you wouldn’t put in the pig swill. Gawd, I can feel an attack of irritable bowel syndrome starting at the mere thought;
Enjoy! Oh, probably not…
Nominated by: Ron Knee
I couldn’t watch too much as I started to gag.
I doubt he learned it from anyone in England unless they’d just got out of the loony bin.
12
Spam covered in an evaporated milk sauce; Lawdy. What cunt thought that one up?
But to be fair, as I said there’s some great recipes on Youtube. Here’s a classic Nigella midnight feast;
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=northern+nigella
11
Brilliant. Chocolate cheesy peas.
I know what the in-laws are being fed this Christmas.
That should keep them away from now on, and I can watch the Bond movie and The Great Escape in peace.
11
Spam,spam,spam,spam,spam. Spam with carnation milk. Spam,spam,spam..
Wasn’t one of posh and becks special needs kids trying to reinvent himself as a chef.. though I wouldn’t let that window licker anywhere near fire and gas.
12
Just an ordinary egg omelette with baked beans, is my Beano after the famous comic.
7
Mrs Twenty watches loads of cooking shows. Load of bollocks. Jamie Communist, Rick Communist, Hugh Fearnley Communist – all getting rich.
My favourites are all dead or out of favour. Fanny Cradock, Graham Kerr, Gary Rhodes, Keith Floyd, Ainsley Harriott, Rusty Lee, Bernie Winters, Jimmy Edwards…
They all come out at Christmas, alive or dead, telling us how to cook fucking carrots. Cunts.
Good afternoon, everyone.
15
Keith Floyd,now there’s a magnificent drunken chef and all round Good Egg.
What a Victory that man was.
16
Verily, he was the Olly Reed of the kitchen!
9
Keith Floyd was ace.
Whenever I hear that shitty Toploader (cunt of a name) song ‘Dancing In The Moonlight (cunt of a tune)’, I think of that fucking cunt trombone Jamie Oliver. What a bona fide twat.
And Ramsay is a cunt and all. I long for someone like Roy Keane or Vinnie Jones to go in on Gordon Ramsay two footed in that Soccer Ad shite, and do the cunt some damage. Might shut him up.
2
When I hear Jamie Oliver say ‘now let’s throw in these bad boys’ I want to put my foot through the telly screen and send the bill to the BBC.
16
I cannot stand the way oliver bounces about like a demented gordon ramsey on crack, fucking wanker that he is!
2
Jamie Oliver is a cunt because of those awful and failed ‘Jamie’s Italian’ restaurants, plus he adds Chilli Jam to egg fried rice.
0
Sam the Cooking Guy does some bloody nice recipes on that youtubes.
I’ve never looked into most other recipe videos in case of The Gay,The Blek,The Man in a Dress and Gordon Ramsay,the fucking cunts.
I had 2 sausages,2 fried eggs,toast and beans for breakfast.
I did not video Mrs Terry making it.
I still managed to enjoy it however.
For Shame!
6
@UT…if there’s anything finer than thick cut yourself bread with lashings of butter,branston beans, brown sauce, ground black pepper then I’m a 🐒 uncle 👍….stick that up your jacksy MasterChef 😩
5
Toast? You sir are a disgrace. Fried bread first then toast. I had toast Marmite and homemade peanut butter.
I also did not film the Ayatollah cooking it.
4
This nom is nothing more than an excuse for Mr Knee to get stuck into Nigella 😂
He recipe for a naughty night, delicious 😉
10
As someone once said, she’s the reason Kleenex shareholders drive around in Bentleys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2O4LNrevWQ
Afternoon all
11
In your first link Ron, I can only think he hasn’t caught on that his English friend is taking the piss. As for slices of vomit, if I threw up something that resembled that stuff I’d go straight round to A&E. I’m impressed though that you have found two Americans who know how to use cutlery. But I should keep my mouth shut really. The kids reckon if my wife predeceases me I’ll shortly go down with a combination of scurvy, rickets and beriberi.
8
God eats Spam®.
Delicious with a bottle of Domaine de la Romanee-Conti Grand Cru 1945.
Bon appetit.
🍷🤢🤮💊
6
Ah now it’s funny you should mention this, because I happened to be looking up fine wines last night and came across the Romanee Conti ‘45 in my travels; AKA the most expensive wine ever sold at $588,000 for the bottle.
I was looking to see if I could stretch to an Yquem for a very dear fine wine loving friend of mine who bailed me out of desperate times; just £105,000 a bottle for the ‘47 (1847), but the fucking £3.97 delivery charge was a piss-take so I thought fuck that!
https://caskcartel.com/en-gb/products/1847-chateau-dyquem
3
Nice drop of plonk to boil a chicken in.
0
My naughty minded grandad (bless him) was a huge Fanny Haddock fan. He would run wild on the subject of her being a dominatrix, and had an endless supply of ‘fanny and johnny’ innuendos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EQJ8GnDsiw
I miss the old sod.
8
The recipes were shite. I have thrown better looking pavement pizzas then them on a refreshing night out.
Nigella on the other hand, PWOOOR. I shall research her later.
7
A red hot bit of milfery and no mistake
https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/nigella-lawson-football-stirs-me-6714176.html
8
Those norks look well suckable.
4
I’ll say Cunty. No sign of a bra and it’s obviously a comfortable temperature in the room. Imagine if it was chilly…..
3
Back in five arfur, nah bugger it 10.
2
Rubbish.
People eat rubbish nowadays.
Eyetie shite
Curry , like a shitty nappy.
Chinky stuff.
Not me
I’m a English man to the last breath.
Hey Ron,
All them nettles in your garden?
Get em eaten.
Full of iron
Good for you nettles are.
5
Here’s a recipe
Diced beef (British)
Onions ( British, I of course grow my own)
Salt n pepper
Slow cook them top it off with mash potatoes made with British butter
If you don’t like butter or mash potatoes or your gay or something,
Then chuck the ingredients in short crust pastry.
This is called a pie.
Pour yourself a bottle of hobgoblin gold to accompany it.
13
Meat and potato pie. My gran used to make it. A true British classic.
6
Black Pepper comes from India, MNC, you pretentious cosmopolitan sod.
2
Clearly MNC, you`ve never tasted Endangered Species` “Special Reserved” Pie served with sprinkles of grated elephant`s tusk.
Now that`s a pie.
🥟
6
🐘
3
Indian or African elephant pie Sam?
Pachyderm in pastry?
A mammoth treat!
4
Aye up Miserable.
The wife reckons that she’s eaten nettle soup, but I’m not sure that she isn’t having me on. She keeps telling me that she’ll make it sometime. I can’t wait.
She also makes liquid nettle compost, by the simple expedient of piling them into a bucket, filling it up with hot water, then leaving it in the shed to ‘mature’ for three or four weeks.
It’s a concoction made by her hero Monty Don. Might be good for the plants, but it stinks like fuck.
9
Yeah, wasn’t joking Rob!
I eat nettles!
They are full of iron and they’re free!❤️
I like free.😁
Missus miserable refused to eat ‘ bloody weeds that dogs have pissed on’
But shes a bit of a fussy fucker.
8
Autocorrect changed your name to Rob.
Fuck off auto correct.
4
Ron.
When she says she’s “eaten nettle soup”, I can’t help thinking that’s a euphemism.
I know have, when desperate.
🌵
4
Would you care to elaborate Sam? *nudge nudge*
3
I’m not a vagitarian, Ron.
But we’ve all been there.
🥬
4
Proper meat.
Proper spiuds.
Proper greens.
That’ll do me.
And most takeaways and pizza places (even the ones that sound Italian) are run by Parkies. And their stuff is all Halal too Screw that.
7
This looks about as lovely as opening a recent grave and spooning out the contents from a cadaver’s body cavity and serving it up…https://youtu.be/DPzWZzwdaoM
4
Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Make Keir eat a load of it.
5
Fuck me. This is literally maggot shit.
8
One deliciously is sucking diarrhoea through a sweaty sock.
2
Take some spuds and peel em.
Now chop em up and throw them in boiling beef dripping!
These are called “chips’ and form one of the basic food groups.
Pour gravy on them and your away!!!👍
9
Alright Mis. Have you ever seen the Beard Meats Food channel on YouTube? He is a competitive eater from Leeds does Britain proud all over the world, mainly the U.S. I dunno if he could beat you in a chips and gravy competition though? 9/10 for the beard, it must be a food magnet.
6
Not seen it LL,
But well done him👍
I saw one with Eddie Hall doing competitive eating in the US,
It was very entertaining!!
Give the yanks their due,
They aren’t tight on portion sizes!!
4
that good British lad Beard meets Food can eat like a Lammy.
4
Beard absolutely slaughtered Eddie Hall, he can put a lot of snap away for a little lad. Had to laugh he went to a chip shop about half a mile from my front door to get a mega box of crap and the cheeky twat said better be quick here it looks rather rough.
0
On the subject of gravy, are we hiring the gravy fountain again for this years Christmas revels?
Only, I’ve been getting e-mail from the hire company hinting that a decision is needed “soon, to avoid disappointment”.
4
Get it booked.
As em if they do a hot tub too.
2
Will do.
2
The horrible shite they have in the shops is bad enough.
Who the bugger eats Pumpkin and Pinach burgers?
And anything vegan is shit. Vegan Cheese is from Satan’s jacksie.
6
That’s why a lot of vegans eat their own ear wax and the contents of their noses.
Half mad with starvation.
I heard of a vegan who relented with his Communist ways and ates Hollands meat and potato pie.
His body went into shock.
He arched his back in a massive orgasm ,
Creamed his knickers,
Cut a big wet fart
And slipped into a 3 week coma.
True story.
Saw it in the Manchester evening news.
7
I remember Paul Weller (yes, that one) was a veggie during his Style Council years.
But – around the mid 90s – Paul started eating meat again. When asked why, he replied,
‘Ten years of being fucking hungry really.’
15
My daughter went through a phase in her teens, and ate vegan stuff.
The cheese looked disgusting, but the meat free ‘bacon’ was something else again. When cooked, it resembled strips of fried cardboard. I can only hazard a guess as to what it actually tasted like.
12
I think vegans should be banned from referring to their horrible products as
Cheese
Bacon
Hostage
Burger
Chicken, etc.
Anything that has the word vegan in front of it is a deceitful description, and the purveyors of such shite should be prosecuted for fraud.
13
Indeed. Literally a contradiction in terms JP
4
I have the recipe for Danish pastries and if you think I’m putting it out there, you will be very disappointed.
5
Spoilsport
0
Ah go on Odin, spill the beans on the recipe. I bloody well love them, so does the wife.
2
There’s something called Fresh Fields in the frozen counter of our local co-op who do bloody good Danish Pastries. They also have Cook Frozen Dinners , a bit pricey but excellent and a machine which squeezes oranges. A very up market Co-Op, none of your people’s store nonsense. It is in Thrapston but I guess they think they are in Islington.
0
Corned beef is marvelous isn’t it?
I never get bored of it.
On butties , in stews, it’s great.
Nobody has written a recipe book about it yet though.☹️
But they say a army marches on it’s stomach and many a soldier has enjoyed a delicious portion of ‘ bully beef”.
And we sold it to the disgusting french.
They’d feed it to their slaves in the west indies.
Lucky slaves!!
They make out it was horrible but sat in the sun eating corned beef!!!
9
That’s the ticket!
Corned beef with some sort of pickled onion and tomato sauce on a muffin..
Best served with a nice Cotes Du Rhone.
6
Corned beef and tomato roll.
With real butter and tomatoes fresh out of the garden.
Food of the gods!
5
Corned beef hash for me.
4
Corned beef and Branson pickle cob yum.
0
Just for you mis..
https://youtu.be/TFX55Z28OSE?si=pla2ijn44CZU_vhT
3
Brilliant Baz just brilliant 👍
2
Food of the gods Mis.
The only problem I have with a corned beef sandwich is deciding whether I want Branston or English mustard on it.
Don’t set me off on one about corned beef hash…. Mmm mmh!
6
No offence to Americans but they eat shit.
Processed shit to be precise
Even when cooking buns or cakes, there’s 5 pounds of sugar and 4 kilos of not really butter to make a dozen queen cakes.
Everything else they cook for a dinner must have not really Cheese grated throughout the size of a bail of hay.
They haven’t a clue what spring lamb and dressed head of York cabbage , roast potatoes with rich gravy sauce, made from the residues of the baking dish.
Utube cooks, for people who eat from packages and think they are cooking wholesome meals.
9
Brooklyn Beckham?
Cookin’ wiv Brooklyn.
Cunt.
7
Mecuntry @
They’re basically upright pigs in Levi’s.
But they are enthusiastic you can’t deny that.
I like to see people enjoying food.
And the yanks definitely do!
No point bothering with a plate,
Just fill a bucket for them.
9
Ps
That’s not meant to be offensive.
Just factual.
You take a average American , put a apple in his gob,
You’d beg me to put him on a spit over a open fire 🔥
And carve some crackling from his chubby arse.
7
A troff more like Mis, he he he
All you can eat for 20 bucks buffet
Cannot imagine what the fk muck is in it and yet Yanks are the most health insurance obsessed nutcases in the world.
6
Funny people aren’t they?
They love me!!!
Never met one yet that hasn’t instantly fell in love with my earthy charisma.
MNC ” Hiya fatso, that’s some pair of tits youve got lad!
What’s your cup size?”
Yank ” gee that sure is that English humour!
You know John cleese?”
Sort of innocent aren’t they?
Bit simple🖕😀
10
I’ve come up with a invention!
Just need funding now.
Chewing gum that tastes of Bovril!
Or bacon.
Maybe a packet with different meaty flavours?
Corned beef for sweet smelling breath.
5
Nah, not chewing gum, Vapes is the way to go Mis
and don’t rule out the French marketplace also, you could supply extra onion shallot fragrances, they love a puff
For the German market you supply public toilet aromas, a guaranteed hit there.
This time next year
4
Good thinking!!
I never considered the vape market.
Bisto vapes
Sage n onion stuffing flavour!!
Black sheep ale flavour!
2
Used to love that old add on telly Mis
Peperami, “its a bit of an animal”
At least for its honesty.
3
Yeah, it looked like a angry victoria Beckham didn’t it?
I used to like them!
The polish like sausages like that don’t they?
Loads of different ones in Lidl , but I can’t make my mind up which to try?
Then I get self conscious.
Stood staring at sausages people might think I’m a Gaylord who has been dumped by his boyfriend?
4
Evening MNC/all.
Benders like peperamis.
They get a boner and try to insert the peperami into their jap’s eye as far as possible.
Elton John can get one down his urethra so far he can dip the tip in his bladder.
Then David Furnish has to retrieve and eat it just using his teeth.
7
Least they’re eating healthily Thomas.
Better that than vegan bacon.
I think they should sell jars of helmet cheese for single gay blokes,
So they still get calcium.
They could spread it on a croissant.
5
They could call it ‘Rimula’! 🤢
7
Felladelphia😆
4
Hehe…you are awful Cunt Engine.
3
Maybe a chocolate spread that tastes like a shitty dick?
Shitella.😂
2
Or lemon curd that raises money for Stonewall.
Call it Lemonaids.
3
They’ll get Ncunti ‘Shooti (Updi arsei) Gayblack to advertise it.
4
💩 tube recipes?No thanks.
1