*Knock knock knock*
“Erm, good morning. Mr erm Knee is it? I’m Sgt Crapp and this is PC Bulshyte from the local station. We’d ah, like a word. May we come in?’
“Oh great! You’re here about the vandalism to my car two months ago I presume…”
“Um, no sir. We no longer have the time to investigate actual crime. We’re here about a erm ‘non crime hate incident’ complaint that’s been made against you and stored on our data base for future use against you. Let me see now… ah yes. On a certain date on a certain website, you referred to a certain public personage as a erm certain naughty word…”
“Then no, you can’t come in. Just hold up. What is this ‘hurty word’ nonsense? Who is my accuser, and what am I specifically accused of?”
“We can’t disclose that information at this point sir, as that would allow for the possibility that you could begin to defend yourself against the fact that no crime has been committed. Also, there is no ‘accuser’ in this case. There is a ‘victim’. The ‘victim’s’ feeling’s have been hurt in this non crime crime incident”
“Right so let me get this straight. As I understand it, although some tosser has made a complaint, you’ve just said plainly that no crime has actually been committed by me. Why on earth are you here then, wasting my time, when you could be out looking for burglers, shoplifters and worse?”
” *harumph* Well sir, we’re here to advise you that at some point, according to the course we’ve been on, you may be called in to the nick for interview in relation to this non crime incident. You will then be required to check and regulate your future thinking in order to ensure that you don’t commit further non crime crimes at some point in the future…”
“Tell you what Sgt, why don’t you and PC Kafka here stop trying to infringe my right to free speech and just fuck off?”
“Did you hear that PC Bulshyte? Did you hear him just tell us to ‘eff off’ or what? Right sunshine, you’re under arrest under Section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986…”
Nominated by : Ron Knee
If it’s a non-crime, why tf are the police involved ?
I grew up in the 1960s and 70s and the coppers I knew were allegedly racist,homophobic,and transphobic yet were well respected and trusted by the local community.
What’s gone so badly wrong?
Expecting to have my front door smashed wide open at 2o’ clock in the morning.
That K. Stoma can fuck right off.
14
… unless you’re a white, straight male. Then it’s open season.
I have a feeling things are changing and people have had enough of this bollocks. About time. I don’t think I can take another black, lesbian Viking queen.
14
Non – crime ? Then it’s nothing to do with the law or the police, rather it’s a double down in intimidation and demoralisation from the Stasi, I mean State.
For a crime to be committed there has to be a victim-if it’s not a crime, there isn’t a victim, fucking doublespeak again.
Fuck off.
13
An admirable summing up my friend.
This is about intimidation of the public, trying to cow us into silence.
It’s also shaping up to deliver a blasphemy law imo.
Morning all.
10
Hi Ron,
Could you explain why sarcasm isn’t a get out clause ?
6
It’s simple Sammy.
Stick up the arse ‘wokery’ doesn’t recognise sarcasm, or humour in any shape or form come to that.
‘Just having a laugh’ doesn’t constitute a defence I’m afraid.
10