Some cunter made a comment about this, and it intrigued me.
They don’t go anywhere, they die, having already fulfilled their purpose.
How to keep them out of your house?
Cinnamon – use cinnamon as an air freshner, as flies hate the smell!
Lavender, eucalyptus, peppermint and lemongrass essential oils – Not only will spraying these oils around the house create a beautiful aroma, but they will also deter those pesky flies too.
Another link follows.
Nominated by Jeezum Priest.
Unfortunately I live where it rarely freezes so flies are prolific.
Was reminded of this 2 days ago when I found my cat’s rotting body in the back yard of the house next door.
Who’s hungry?
Afternoon all!
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I found a leg this afternoon on the lawn, mostly bone with a paw. A few feet away I found more bone, possibly a tail. I suspect it’s a cat but wtf took it? And where’s the rest of it?
4
“How to keep them out of your house”
Get yourself a small African child, flies love them.
And with slavery still rife in Africa, inexpensive to.
Maybe the commonwealth pavement ape countries could look into that?
Nah…. grifters gotta grift..
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Even more of a mystery, where do politicians’ promises go once they’ve been elected?
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Into thin air
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Same place as flies in Winter.
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They go behind the bell box on my burglar alarm. Backup batteries went down in the winter. Climbed the ladder, took the cover off to replace the batteries and there they were, hundreds of the bastards. Some of them moved groggily, still half asleep. Most satisfying to spray the fuckers and watch them fall off dead. They’re one of the reasons I like spiders.
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I got the ‘where do flies go in Winter’ thing off my dad. When my mum used to ask him something obvious or daft, my old man would say ‘Where do flies go in Winter? Nobody knows, and nobody bloody well cares.’
As for getting rid of the fuckers….
Ordinary vinegar, washing up liquid and a bit of sugar.
Those midges and fruit flies can’t resist it. And it drowns the little cunts.
And those bigger ones – the houseflies and the bastard bluebottles – there’s this cheap fly spray we can get from the paki shop called Tox. It’s like napalm for flies and it really does the trick. Hit them in mid-air and they drop just like that.
Another good one is WD40. They spaz around and breakdance.
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Fruit flies are horrible little cunts.
there’s something immensely satisfying about seeing caught bang to rights on the webs in the greenhouse.
8
Mrs Norman always winces if I smack a fruit fly between my hands in mid air.
I pleases me no end when I get one.
That Ninja Fruit Fly Formulsa is good as well.
Two bottles for a tenner off Amazon.
Stick the little bottle to a wall somewhere, and the cunts dive through the top and can never get back out again.
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Given that I have no fruit, or fruiting plants, shrubs or trees within two miles, why do I get fruit flies?
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Flamethrower 🔥🔥🔥
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A mate of mine went a bit – shall we say – creative with some outside flies.
It was those horrible black fly cunts who like stagant water, and there were a shitload on a patch of concrete in his back garden.
Anyroad, this mate of mine doused the flies in white spirit, and he then put a light to it. They burned, popped and crackled like good ‘uns. It
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Missed the end off.
It was quite a sight.
6
The Girls have both bought those houseplants that attract flying insects and “eat” them.
They both say that the plants, Venus Fly Traps and the like, have worked a treat this year, not to mention looking strangely attractive. Be interesting to see how they fare over the Winter months.
( visions of them both slicing a finger open to drip blood into the gaping maws).
Feed me, Seymour!
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Nugget of info on the VFs as mentioned, .. the MUST score a kill every second or third time they snap shut, else the energy used vs. received is tok much & they die. So. kids and lesser adults poking at ’em with pens, say, kill the vast majority of house or shop examples. Tell the girls to keep ’em out of reach of visitors!
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Will do, and thanks for the tip CuntemAll.
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Flies go to Africa in winter.
They migrate to live off the nutritious faces of starving piccannies.
The more flies on your face
The more prestige.
That’s what those raisin things are on Morgan Freeman’s face.
Prestige bluebottles
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“use cinnamon as a air freshener”
Yeah, so everyone thinks your Ducky baker?
No chance.
Hang a pair of Angie Rayners crusty knickers at the bottom of the garden to draw the flies.
It also draws seagulls
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Maybe JP was talking about gerry cinnamon, though some Adele or ed sheeran would surely work better.
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Lewis Capaldi croaking out on of his choruses to one of his dirges would also do the trick.
And, why can’t Adele pronounce the word ‘all’?
The illiterate skank always squawks ‘Ow-err’.
‘We almost had it ow-err.’
And always in one key as well. She is fucking shite.
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Dirty Ange has put me off Scampi Flavour Fries for life, Miserable.
My younger sister reas online that peppermint spray deters flying ants. So, she sprays her new swanky garden parasol in it.
Needless, to say, the thing was covered in flying fucking ants. It was like sometihng off the Ten Commandments.
And it was up to me to hosepipe all the cunts and sweep up the dead bodies.
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I don’t mind being called a ducky baker, cinnamon buns are luscious.
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My local chippy (now sadly closed) had one of those zapper things.
Those light up blue electric contraptions. And it wasn’t just flies. This thing lured in the lot. It was worth going for the chips, definitely. But we also got to see flies, moths and daddy long legs scorched and crackled, Emperor Palapatine style.
Once saw a ‘daddy’ get electrified and virtually explode when it it the zapper. It was quite apectacular.
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Flies are like lefty celebrities, leaving for warmer climes, but at least the flies don’t bang on about climate change when sitting in a 5 star resort, supping on a pina colada.
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And flies don’t tell us how to vote.
That cunt Beyonce at Kamala Knickerless’s latest rally was vomit inducing.
And Kamala is very pro-abortion. I bet she fucking is
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She was reportedly paid 10 million to endorse and perform at the rally, fucked off before performing. Not sure if that’s a bad thing.
More cackling kamala time..
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Flies are cunts,very likely exported from Africa.
Expect Stormer to arrange some sort of multi billion pound compo whilst the Jamaicans laugh their funny rasta hats off.
The Cunts.
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On the flipside, there’s that heartwarming story of the fly that was buzzing around a works canteen one night, .. one of those little cunts that flies straight through a gauntlet of newspaper-swinging people unscathed … and consistently wouldn’t land anywhere low enough to swat.
Then, on yet another buzzing run it suddenly found itself in line, – on a crash course with – the ceiling-mounted electric zapper. And as it got closer, it saw all the corpses of the previously-electrocuted insects dead in the collection tray, suddenly knew what was about to unavoidably happen to it, … and instantly died from an acute fear-induced heart attack.
However, it’s momentum at that fatal moment was sufficient to carry it on through the outer mesh of the contraption. at which time the device threw an electric shock/arc at the dead insect …. which re-started it’s little heart, and it flew out the other side .. lined up with a window and escaped along that moment to commence it’s second chance on this oft cruel Earth …
There’s a rumour I was witness to the above, and a counter rumour I made the whole thing up. Decide for yourselves! 😉
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And viewers you know who the fly grew up to be..
Marty Mcfly.
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I always thought that cunt Bono was The Fly….
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No, he was the shit the fly landed on.
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Not too bothered about flies, but I live yards from the River Thames, my neighbours and I have been bitten to buggery by Mosquitoes, never happened before, and I didn’t think they lived here the cunts.
So flies get a free pass from me. 🦟💥💀
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JP, you might not have any flies in the house but it will smell like a tarts boudoir. Alternatively you could take on a Chinese lodger and watch as his lizard like tongue picks them off mid-air. I could do some David Attenborough style commentary if it helps.
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That’s an interesting notion LL, but I neither want nor need a lodger.
Do you think I could get one to pay me to lurk about during the busy, buzzy season?
I’d provide free water, because I’m generous like that.
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I’ve a statue of David lammy in the corner of my abode, the winged shit carriers can’t resist flying straight into the cavernous hole and never reappear from all the💩 that’s in it…..🪰
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Is a fly with no wings called a `walk`?
🪰
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I know one with no wings or legs is called a raisin.
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I have to watch the cat like a hawk Moggie. He loves to chase, de-wing and play with flies before eating them but, because he’s a cat, he doesn’t know wasps and bees should be left alone.
Dex! Sky raisens OK, jalapeños not OK.
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Id say there’s a few bar flies on here, I better get a can of paki Tox.
Fruit flies are the most annoying knts of all ,and I’ve drank a few to many in my day, at least one can usually see the other species, as you chase stealthily with a folded newspaper, remembering not to create air movement before the killer strike.
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OT. Pathetic today. Cunts moaning on about a penalty that, even if not given, would have left Manchester United with a draw at best, 14th now for fuck’s sake.
Do they have to be in the relegation zone before that cunt Ten Hag is axed?
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Ten Hag, they made tools if memory serves or was it watches.
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Worst manager at Old Trafford since Dave Sexton.
And the worst United team ever. Well worse than 1he 1974 relegation side.
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Roy Keane is not an option Norm nor is Brian Robinson.
They would only upset the fairies who need pampers to perform
4
During the hot summer months I employ Ralph Macchio to sit in my dining room.
He is not as efficient as a fly swatter, but he does also paint my fence, sand the floor, wax my car and paint the house.
Not bad for 50 quid a day.
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That Kobra Kai series was a hoot.
William Zabka as an aging bitter and pissed up Johnny Lawrence bring the star.
And the comebacks of villains, John Kreese and Terry Silver were great fun,
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It’s 90% fuckin’ stupid, but I still mostly liked it, to date. Doesn’t bow down to the gender stazi etc., that’s for sure., mostly through tye mouth Lawrence’s character.
This Ralph Macchio self-parody clip might blow yer skirt up, Norman, seing as you liked C.Kai. …
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TAtd2r49wFw&pp=ygUWcmFscGggbWFjY2hpbyBuaWNlIGd1eQ%3D%3D
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^ ..mostly through the mouth of Lawrence’s character…
(e.g.)
“I’m on the spectrum, sensei”
“I don’t know what that IS, but you better get off it quick sharp”
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The kids in it are bloody horrible (especially that uppity treeswinger, Kenny) and my only interest in it is the older characters. It’s like a spoof of the original Karate Kid films.
Thanks for the clip. CuntemAll.
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No worries. I forgot it was called “Wax on, Fuck off” 🙂
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I get Diane Abbot to squat in my garden. No flies in the house.
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And baby flies are cunts and all.
Once, our wheelie bin was heaving with maggots.
The Mrs wasn’t happy. But I gleefully drowned the fuckers and then tipped the bin onto the path.
Mrs Norman said ‘You can’t just have them all over the path.’
What she didn’t know was that, in the morning, the birds would eat every single one of the bastards. The blackbirds and sparrows had a breakfast bonanza.
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Even flies wouldn’t come near this piece of shit..
https://x.com/Sargon_of_Akkad/status/1850567998379069582?t=o3LJd-xAnJxu2GjJGtKrGg&s=19
I wonder if he was asked what a working person is.
Bad news for him is he ain’t a pàķi or a pavement ape so Rodney won’t back him.
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Who does he think he is, 2 Jags Prescott?
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Oh dear!
That’s not going to go down well, is it?
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Can’t wait to see how the two tier justice system deals with this one.
If you can get two years for telling a police dog to FUCK OFF, then this fucking disgrace of an MP should get a whole life sentence.
The ‘ Honourable ‘ member for Helsby…… Yeah right.
I’d have fucking loved to have been there. I’d have made a citizens arrest.
Using the minimum of reasonable force. I think he would have put up a struggle.
At least I hope he would.
Labour scum.
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Hoping is on the receiving end at some future point.
” Do you know how it feels
to know somethings missing
To hear a small still voice
that you, just keep dismissing ? ”
just desserts later
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Tosser
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Jeezum, you will find a single piece of mince dropped into the jaws of the Venus fly trap will keep them fed over winter. Tweezers would be a help too.
5
Younger tells me that carnivorous plants ‘hibernate’ during the winter months.
Her VF and pitcher plants are now on a windowsill in an unheated room. They’ll get sunlight, if there is any, but other than a once a week water that’s it until March.
I’ll pass that on though, CM, as this will be the first winter they’ve had them.
All tips on keeping them alive gratefully received.
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I’ve never managed to keep one alive for more than a couple of months.
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I’ll let you know if they are still alive next year, Moggie.
I’m not enchanted by the VF, but the pitcher plants are curiously beautiful.
4
I watched a programme about some shit hole country in Africa.
There is a time of year when all the flies hatch.
Billions of the fuckers.
The níg nógs catch thousands of them at a time in a net. They then squash them up and eat them like burgers.
The dirty fucking cunts.
African flies are easily the most annoying fucking things.
When a normal fly lands on you it will fuck off if you try to smack it, at least for a short time.
African flies come straight back.
They are not scared at all.
That’s probably why African people are covered with the things.
It’s pointless and just a waste of energy to try and get any relief from them.
I am in two minds about mosquitos.
They don’t bother me at all. I will sometimes get bitten but I don’t even itch.
Mrs Cunter is a magnet for the bastards and she suffers.
However, mosquitos carry horrible diseases which kill millions of people in Africa.
So I am quite pleased about that.
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I was bitten my a mozzie in West Germany a few times, yes that long ago.
Painful spiky needle point jab it was, didn’t even know the knts were there in the wet trench of a massive building project.
Managed not to have any adverse reactions unlike the Horseflies bites in my home country in July, where I would end up with a white sore inflammation usually on the neck, where the knts pierced me.
The midgets ate me s well when the knts surrounded me when fishing for trout on an evening rise, right bastards they were.
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I knew of a chap that was bitten on the arm by a large fly in Greece, while resting on a sun bed. He said when he first saw it, he thought one of his kids had placed it there as a joke, as it did not look real. What followed was great pain, before it made a very quick getaway. He had to have two blood transfusions, three months off work, & nearly died. There are some nasty things out there.
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I went to the Maldives once, won an all inclusive holiday.
I was bitten by everything going, huge itchy bites that turned into itchy blisters, fuck me. Those that didn’t bite stung me. I had to see the islands doctor, who said he’d have me helicoptered to the main island hospital if the antibiotics didn’t work, and I wouldn’t be able to fly home until I was fit.
So, what a great prize that was. I still have the scars.
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Understandably, I loath owt with wings and/or mandibles, pincers or jaws.
I hate snails and slugs, too.
I’m an ecumenical hater.
5
The other hazzard is sepsis, or as I prefer to call it septacemia, as it used to be known. This can happen from scratching a wound, with the fingernails. Avoid this at all costs. I did this from a bite of some sort while on a school holiday in Corsica. A red line was travelling up my arm. Nothing that a large needle full of penicillin couldn’t cure. Funny though that the nurse didn’t ask me if I was safe with the stuff before she stuck it in my arse.
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Mosquito and horseflies love my beautiful pure English blood.
Like a rare treat for them.
Truffles or beluga caviar.
I must of lost 3pints of blood in Crete.
Mozzies .
Unless it was Bela Lugosi?
Even in Holland!
Didn’t know they had mosquito?
That fucker swelled up like a egg on my arm that when I squeezed it spewed green puss.☹️
And the NHS is the same always wanting blood.
They can get fucked too.
Putting my thoroughbred Domeday book 100% English blood in some anemic sooty or dinghy sailor.
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Quite right!
Standards must be maintained.
5
Exactly 👍
4
Bradford. Same they do in Summer.
5
Them horsefly are bastards JP.
Bites always go a bit infected.
I don’t care for them.
Here’s a close up.
https://images.app.goo.gl/36c8Dzq9dAN6JUTQ6
Wearing sunglasses!!!
Proper badass
6
Why is it called a horsefly?
Because it’s big enough to carry off a horse!
Horrible things, but if they eat slugs, they get a pass.
Sandflies are shitty little fuckers, too.
5
Apparently, they are bloodsuckers, so why not call them vampire flies.
It can’t be a racist thing, no one had a problem labelling a species of bat as vampire, did they?
5
Not a fly, even though it does have wings, check out the bloodsucker beetle, also known as the bonking beetle. This beetle is red, but does not suck blood.
4
They’re called Horse flies because they saddle you with the galloping trots.
5
Dragonflies and bats are OK.
Because they eat those horsefly cunts.
One felt a sting on my arm, Fucking horsefly sucking blood out of me.
I promptly twatted it to death. But a liittle bit of blood still gushed out where the little fuck’s fangs had been.
2
I took the dog for a long walk in shorts, me not the dog! Got bitten on both legs by horse flies, felt like pneumatic drills. Could hardly walk for a week.
Evil cunts.
5
My flies are always closed in winter. But during the summer months, when the sun Is shining, when I ‘hang out’ with the lads, & during heat waves, we have to expect more of course, there is always natural air conditioning to think of.
4
Thanks Scunty.
That’s a fine image for me to take to bed.
Reminds me of that old Morecambe and Wise joke.
” Nice out, isn’t it?”
” Yes, better put it away now, though.”
5
👍
3
Hopefully, the flies will go to Iran this Winter.
With any luck, they will get bombed to a crisp.
Along with the savages that live there.
5