are cunts.
Well, there’s been leaves on the line.
The ‘wrong’ kind of snow.
I’m sure, a few years ago, the was unprecedented heat warping the tracks.
As well as the unavoidable flooding, high winds and such, train operators are as skilled as tradesmen for coming up with reasons why the job they are being paid to do is delayed or cancelled.
This one, however, absolutely takes the biscuit ( acorn flavoured).
Service cancelled due to squirrels!
Nominated by Jeezum Priest.
They caused ‘pandamonium’?
‘squirrelmonium’, surely?
Jill would love it if it was pandas!
13
Oh yeah. 🐼❤️
12
Train cancelled as the driver’s wallet was too heavy.
26
Call in the IDF.
They’d turn a couple of squirrels into a smouldering hole in the ground.
Job done.
14
I despair
10
I think the red squirrels are yanks and they’ve delayed trains for up to an hour on the hourly basis runs. Its never said there’s one missing for some strange reason.
7
There’s no mention in the report as to whether the rioting squirrels were the indigenous reds,
Or the illegal foreign greys.
I think we should be told.
11
They were obviously black squirrels MJB.
4
We were warned about squirrels, did anyone listen?
https://youtu.be/gC1HLDM1UP8?feature=shared
Little bastards!
7
Is there anything more dangerous than a angry squirrel? 🐿️
They are known to be able to kill a man with one swipe, run at speeds of 40mph and sometimes to stalk man.
Sorry, I’m thinking of grizzly bear.
But the same thing.
14
Probably “far right” squirrels.
Straight to jail, do not pass go….🐿️
18
We all know what the bloody foreign grey squirrels did to the indigenous population. Red squirrels are now considered extinct in this country.
Did Attenborough or Packham say a fucking word in warning?
9
Oh ! Nuts.
5
“there was a faint aroma of almonds, then bedlam as they attacked.
It’s left me psychologically scarred and now I have a panic attack if I eat a Topic bar.”
10
Apparently the squirrel problem has been solved. In a brilliant policy move, the Government has enabled tens of thousands more Romanian immies into the country. They particularly enjoy eating squirrels, so its job done. A spokesperson from the BBC said ‘Anyone who says Sir Kweer is a useless piece of mong shit will be looking pretty silly now.’*
*This story had been fact checked by Sue Gray’s Office for the Politically Retarded.
14
I don’t recall ever hearing about squirrels rioting in the past. I’m surprised the article doesn’t pin the blame on climate change.
Or racism.
Or Brexit.
Or the Far-Right.
10
Give them a day or two, Geordie.
1
I guess illegal immigrant grey squirrels replacing the indigenous red squirrels was a portentous sign of things to come in GB…..!
13
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w_Ry9tiz9_c
Tufty goes rogue.
Likely egged on by Yaxlelsy Lennin.
Good morning.
8
Big Story in the Telegraph this morning about new trains for south eastern railway , ordered in 2017, delivered by 2020, still languishing in the railway sidings due to some minor technical faults and the extremely well paid drivers refusing to drive them due to over large windscreen wipers. Now they have a new pay deal miraculously they can start using them.
12
It was a squirrel protest, not enough trees, not enough nuts.
A spokes squirrel said that until our demands are met the protests will continue and all the reports of violence are wildly exaggerated, it was mostly peaceful
10
Expect a ‘Queers for Squirrels’ demo outside Downing St at any moment.
Morning all.
7
Just brought back a memory for me, a mate of mine ( now dead) came in the pub one evening with blood seeping through his coat pocket.
WTF, say’s us. He pulled four grey squirrels out ,these will do for our tea.. 1983 unemployed..!
The same barnpot once had a pike in the bath.
” Keeping it fresh until we eat it on Saturday”
Probably died of squirrel pox….☠️
12
Just sums up the whole country….nuts 🌰
Tickets please 🎟️ for the next installment 😩
6
This wouldn’t happen in China.
Someone would have trapped and skinned them and then put them in their suitcase before they got to the airport.
4
In the news article, replace ‘squirrels’ with ‘immigrants’.
4
Not just any kind of squirrels though: UNPRECEDENTED squirrels!
5
I’ve had many. My best from the list are; swan on the line, cow on the line, staffing issues, no driver, runaway train! Wrong type of rain or in fact snow, & suicide at Sittingbourne. I think statments like that have now been renamed as “tresspasser on the line,” so as not to upset the sensitive.
4
” Swan on the line” Scunny.
Best one ever!
1
Bet the furry fuckers got done for not having a ticket. I can understand the fear felt by the passengers, imagine one of the hairy devils spawn running up your trouser leg. The little bastards have a mean bite and claws. Imagine a white Rhino charging through the buffet car that’s scary but exciting in a weird way. In truth I had enough problems with some of the other passengers to worry about banzai rodents.
2
A mate of mine years ago hit a squirrel at speed on his way home from work one evening. He saw it leap out in front of him and didn’t stop, just thought to himself oh well, one squirrel less. When he got home and walked round the car he found the squirrel head first in the radiator grill. He took hold of it’s tale and pulled it out. He then watched as a thin jet of hot coolant squirted out through the grill for several minutes.
I once hit a pheasant at 70mph near Amersham. There was quite a loud thump. When I got home I reversed the car on to the drive and walked into the house. My wife went out front for something and when she came back in asked me why I had a pheasant hanging out of the radiator grill. It was a big bird. When I opened the bonnet the feathers were fucking everywhere in the engine bay.
3
For being the country with the first real life sized train set, we got a good system built up and it had got worse and more expensive since then.
Plenty countries have trains that can travel over some leafs and function in very snowy places.
All we have is a bunch of massively for profit money sponges absorbing all the money.
I would say privatise but our supreme leader would spearhead the further decline and soon be known as 2 working trains left keir or some funnier kierism I can’t think of just now.
3
I read a news item today about Pine Martens being reintroduced into areas where they had died out, due to excessive trapping.
Apparently one of the things they like to eat are grey squirrels. Rail companies ought to keep a couple handy just in case.
Can you imagine..
” There’s unprecedented squirrels loose in carriage C, unleash the Pine Marten!”
3
Did anyone see the news report today on the 90 brand new trains that have been sitting going mouldy in a siding since 2017 ? something about the wrong sized windscreen wipers.
Get yourself a horse quick before they’re all gone. Transport is a joke in this country, like everything else.
1