are cunts.
I remember watching an episode of Tomorrow’s World when I was a child.
The revelation on that particular programme was that in the future there would be no need for food.
Cooking would be redundant as you would be able to get all of your nutrients by taking a cocktail of pills.
Of course that didn’t catch on.
They didn’t take into account that preparing and sharing food is ritualistic.
It’s a basic, human thing to do.
No young man has ever proposed to his sweetheart over a couple of pills and a glass of water.
Nobody has ever celebrated a birthday or anniversary by downing a handful of capsules.
For many, to cook for someone is a privilege.
It’s important.
La mesa.
People often say that the kitchen is the heart of the home.
That is only true if you have a table to eat from in the kitchen.
A small, galley type kitchen barely big enough for two people can hardly be described as the heart of the home.
An important feature of many Mediterranean homes is the table.
It’s usually a simple wooden table with a number of wooden chairs.
Nothing elaborate, but extremely important.
That is the heart of the home.
The entire house can get flattened by an earthquake but the table must be saved.
To be invited to someone’s home is to be invited to their table.
You will of course be offered wine and food.
How fucking ignorant can these fussy eaters be?
You don’t eat dairy products.
You don’t eat pork.
You only eat ‘organic’ produce.
You only drink fair trade coffee.
You have ‘got’ some imaginary allergy, diagnosed by yourself.
You are a fucking vegan.
Or a combination of all of the above.
Fussy eaters will not compromise.
They think that they are being special and interesting when in reality they are just being cunts.
They will not, even for one evening put their silly habits to one side.
Yes you may be vegan but that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible for you to eat meat.
It only means that you prefer not to.
Forget your preferences for a short while.
Understand that someone is welcoming you to their table.
But they won’t because they don’t care about who they insult.
It’s all about them.
La mesa mía.
Mrs Cunter wanted to invite her friends around for a barbecue.
After some thought she changed her mind.
One of her friends is a vegan.
A completely uncompromising vegan who gets upset and refuses to eat if meat has been prepared in the same place as her vegetarian food.
The food that someone has gone out of their way to buy for her.
Mrs Cunter cancelled her barbecue evening.
She said, “Fuck this, I can’t not invite her and I can’t be arsed with her fucking ignorance”.
Quite right too.
Nominated by The Artful Cunter.
Running on from yesterday’s Grand Designs nom, I’d bet that most of the program’s participants who live in ‘contemporary’ houses are fucking bastard vegans.
When vegans come to your house, they will of course make an obvious demand that you acquiesce to their dietary requirements so when you go to theirs, you can return the favour and demand a nice, juicy steak.
22
Fuck that Thomas,
We do the summer BBQ thing and we always invite the same people. Those that are “that way inclined” know that they can always help themselves to as much lettuce as they like. Those that don’t like the arrangements can fuck off, but they keep on coming!!
Can’t say that I have ever been invited to a veggie BBQ! Do they host BBQs?
12
Should have invited her and let her out into the garden to graze.
And they get the right arse if you go to a vegan restaurant and ask if you can bring your own meat.
14
Did anyone else’s Mum follow the 70’s English curry recipe?
Minced beef
Onion
Curry powder
Sultanas
and sliced carrots for some reason.
“Mum, I don’t like it!”
“Eat it or go to bed hungry.”
A tactic that ought to be applied to all vile modern kids.
26
Good Morning Thomas,
Standard practice in the ’60s and ’70s at least in my parents house, even worse when I was sent off to boarding school, always bloody hungry. They filmed If there if you want to see what it was like.
Your mum had my standard curry recipe.
7
lf…..
Brilliant documentary about public school life. 57 years later l am still scarred.
9
You and me both Guzzi. We had outside lavatories, complete with Izal, and someone wrote on the wall If was a documentary.
The headmaster was livid with Lindsay Anderson who had told him that his film would be a promotion of public schools. Arthur Lowe sent his son , Stephen, there so there was a lot of school detail in the film. The beating in the school gym though was a figment of the imagination.
4
Plus a smack round the ear for being an ungrateful cunt.
3
& never let them use your toilet ffs, as it will remind you of the time when you pebbledashed your drive.
13
‘No young man has ever proposed to his sweetheart over a couple of pills and a glass of water.’
Maybe not, but a few mummified ones will have proposed over a double dose of the blue pills. Like this Tutankhamun wannabe for example:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c9ee487k1eyo
7
You know what is going through that woman’s mind?:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aiMHwWmOHQ
7
The ‘fussy eater’ accusation was one my dad constantly made against me over the years, to my persistent bemusement, as it came from a strictly boiled chicken and boiled veg man. He seemed to regard my taste for variety as ‘fussy’, as a distaste for ‘proper’ food.
I finally lost it one day when visiting an aunt’s house with the wife and new daughter, my dad in tow. My aunt had laid on a royal roast lunch with all the trimmings. ‘This is great Aunt B’ I said, to which he piped up, inevitably, ‘you’re usually proper fussy eater you’.
‘Okay dad’ I said. ‘Next time we’ll go to an Italian restaurant. What’ll you have, spaghetti, pizza? How about an Indian meal, a lamb curry perhaps? We could go Spanish and have some tapas, or how about a Chinese chicken and fried rice? You can choose…’.
I got a really dirty look back, and a gentle smile from Aunt B, his big sister who knew him of old. Strangely that was the last time I heard anything about being ‘fussy’. A small and petty victory under the circumstances you might think, but it was an warranted niggle from my dad that had been pissing me off for years.
23
Vegans. Soppy bastards. They think living on rabbit food will save the planet and enable them to live for ever. Dull cunts. Amuses me that more than 1 in 4 of them is measurably short of vitamins and essential nutrients which is bound to have a detrimental effect on their health in the long term. In middle age they’ll be staggering around with that peculiar gait those paki women develop from living in a bin bag. Har-fucking-Har! And those imitation meat products they eat cost a fortune and taste like shit. Can’t be doing with it, haven’t the patience, fuck ’em. I have the good fortune to have a wife who learned her culinary skills in the seventies and cooks for taste with meat, dairy products, alcohol and probably other ingredients which would cause these twats to fall down in a faint. I’ve been fucking lucky in my life, no two ways about it.
17
Same here. We are blessed.
6
I don’t like food, or the eating ‘experience’. Just a chore once a day, maybe twice, .. some kind of sandwich stuffed down my neck is all it usually is anyways. One or two days a week skipped altogether par for the course f’me.
Dad was a butcher.. best of food always in the household, but as far back as I can recall I wished the ‘astronaut pill’ could be invented .. pop one of those once a day & that’s that shit taken care of. (This is absolutely nothing to do with weight or any of that shit!)
Had some pizza one time, after smoking one of the first doobies I ever partook in, and memory tells it felt like the nicest thing ever cooked, so I dunno? .. suppressed taste buds or something?
Exception? McDonalds. Luckily I’m 40 miles from the nearest one, so tempatation/distance rarely overcomes ‘dining’ apathy… once a year maybe these days (although did a list one night & recalled 65 different McD’s visited on concert trips/holidays.)
Old man always said I’d die young due to not eating well, but I hit 50 two weeks ago, and haven’t been to a doctor bar stitches or broken bones, .. in 33 years.
I don’t make it anyone else’s problem., so I find know if that puts me on AC’s cunts list or not ….
7
I totally agree. I would welcome the pill once a day, perhaps twice on Sunday’s – no washing up and no fucking “Kitchen Cabinet” on Wireless 4 for “foodies” as the fat bastards call themselves, ditto “The Food Programme” unctuous microphone swallowing by some posh up-her-own-arse twat, with an audience of Islington Tarquin’s.
(Absolute disaster in the kitchen on Sunday, duckie, my soufle’ collapsed)
Eating is a chore, and if you are not Chris Bryant or Wes Streeting you don’t want to spend time mincing in the kitchen.
9
Seriously WC, get a dishwasher, I mean a machine not the wife! Washing up is a mind-numbing task and the machine does it painlessly and highly efficiently. We’ve had one ever since we got married and wouldn’t live without it. Oh and switch off the radio!
8
There is very little to switch the radio on for these days. This morning for example wimminz from America were going to tell us who they are going to vote for. At least we didn’t have a documentary on the plight of lesbians in Sub Saharian Africa, or an effnic play.
7
Is that fat cunt Jay Rayner still on Kitchen Cabinet?
Looking at the bucket of lard is enough to put you off food.
Afternoon WC, afternoon all.
2
p.s. stitches when it’s minimum 10 required – although I once tourniqueted a 17-stitcher (rotary saw to the thigh). To quote myself … ‘Anything less than ten is only for lasses and puffs’. 😄
7
Theres always superglue for wee cuts.
2
Imagine inviting Kweer and the Gang round for dinner. Entertaining Team Twat – probably as bizarre as Entertaining Mr. Sloane. Whatever you do, don’t offer them Benjamin Netanyahu’s Pork Pasties, and don’t go offering Jess Phillips crumpets..
6
Rodney’s not a fussy eater mr boggs, he will any old Pàkis arsehole out, and go back and ask for seconds.
10
If the liemore party rocked up to mine for lunch they would all be given the finest toxins known to man.
6
I’m not vegan or allergic to anything but suppose I am fussy.
I know what I like and enjoy.
I like meat and spuds.
I like English food.
I refuse to eat wøg food.
No curry
No pasta
No chink stuff.
At 54 I know my own tastes.
And I’m not afraid to appear rude.
You put a plate of squid paella in front of me?
You better duck because I’ll throw it across the room.
Lifes too short for indulgence of others.
11
I don’t think that knowing what you like equates to being fussy. Why would I eat something I don’t like?
7
Peer pressure.
Some cunt always knows what you might like!
“Go on try it! You’ll like it!
The indigenous tribes of Indonesia eat it!”
Shove it up ya arse.
Pudding chips peas n gravy 👍
6
“Fussy eaters” are the type who go in an expensive cafe then reject almost everything on the menu due to an “allergy” and likely the added calamity of Veganist tendencies..
After that they interrogate the 17yr old waitress on 6 quid an hour about where the fucking milk is “sourced”..
They imagine it makes unique,intelligent and worthy of a free soy latte..
They are in fact total fucking Cunts.
Good morning.
13
If my sister and I didn’t eat our tea then it was waiting for us at breakfast the next day. There is very little that I wouldn’t eat bar any substitute vegan shite and if someone has cooked for you with a food you don’t like then just try your bloody best. I bet Terry Waite didn’t bitch half as much as some of these fussy cunts.
12
‘whats for tea mam’ …🥚&🍟 ….’dont want it, fine there’s nowt else’ …no time for being defiant back when times were a lot harder 👍
…your belly will overrule any pangs of fussiness 😩
10
When I was a kid, my parents – especially mum – worked on the basis of “you aren’t getting down from the table until you’ve finished it.” That worked. I was banging down Madras aged six.
Several decades on, there’s not much I won’t eat. I still detest boiled eggs for the most part, but I’ll eat egg mayonnaise if it’s got loads of salt in it.
My partner (being a child of the Soviet Union) is dead good at frugal-yet-tasty cooking, which is something more British people who adopt a certain lifestyle choice could learn from. It’s a skill that’s come in useful in 2024, given this year has been rotten in every single way, and we’ve needed to stretch the house budget.
With a bit of creativity you can make some cracking, nutritious meals from not much. I’ve developed a huge taste for soups, and the cheaper cuts of meat are delicious – offal, neck, trotters.
There’s no such thing as “can’t cook”. It’s just fucking laziness. Being thrifty is heaps cheaper than ready meals.
11
When I worked in a butchers as a Saturday boy the Caribbean crew came in and cleaned out all the trotters, tails and heads. I think they stewed them up or something, anyway the boss was grateful because almost no Brit would touch them and would cost to get rid.
11
That’s the one! In the Eastern lands, they make a meat jelly with all the tits, lips, and arseholes in there. It’s not my favourite thing, but it’s got plenty of protein. You can also use that sort of stuff to make cracking stocks, etc.
I’ve got a lot of respect for living this way.
7
Artful Cunter … this clip/sketch from Manstrokewoman is called ‘vegetarian at a barbecue’ and from reading your nom more thoroughly since my first contribution ^, I reckon you might want to show it to Mrs Cunter…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kaaYz3lb0LA&pp=ygUXTWFuc3Ryb2tld29tYW4gYmFyYmVjdWU%3D
I’ve been to one or two barbecues. I just abstain from the grub and make zero deal out of it. I drink beer, for fucks sake! 😄
7
I only eat Toblerone, Taiwanese fish cakes, and steak and stilton pies. This is completely normal fayre for a person of my age and physical ability. I can still run 100 metres in less than an hour. I used to like sherbert fountains but someone told me they were a bit gay.
Good morning, everyone.
18
Fuck the ‘Mediterranean Home’
Bunch of overweight inbreeds talking too loudly eating half-alive squid and shitty, oversalted cheese. Whether they’re Greek cunts, Italian cunts, Spanish cunts, or Croat cunts, they’re all fat, hairy loudmouths with bad moustaches.
And the men are just as bad.
19
Fasting is one of my favourites to food, looking forward to what I will eat later. Its easy for me to do, due to being born into a family who had fuck all. Being older now, I play games by doing without and not having the heating on, of which the “iron” in drop-down-dead street, is helping me out with at the moment. I’ll be keeping myself warm at some time in the future, by kicking the cunt in the bollocks.
7
Know what you mean Sammy.
I’ve been doing the ‘five-two’ for years, it’s a great way to keep unwanted podge off, and looking forward to what you’ll eat the day after a ‘fast’ day is all part of the experience.
Afternoon all.
5
I used to love food, all kinds except liver (fucking disgusting). I loved Mediterranean food, Greek, Spanish even French.
Now, can’t be fucking arsed, would love the pill thing, as long as I can get my morning tea and intravenous coffee
7
On reflection, I have zero issue with the cunt the nom pic shows taking whatever the fuck he wants on holiday with him. Have oft carried several 2L Lucozades transatlantic.
What I DO have an issue with in that case is that the cunt approached, or was approached by, .. some form of entity that made/published a ‘story’ out of it, including the use of a fucking no-value picture of assorted foodstuffs, and a no-value photo of the cunt (which includes his moll in it for some reason), both of whom would appear to be delighted to have found their 15 seconds of ‘fame’. Over a thing, the sum-total value of which is absolutely zero.
christ, the bar is oh so very fucking low these days ….
7
Pop the vegans into a large industrial sized oven.
9
To be honest I’ve no issue with anybody who simply eats a vegan diet.
My problem is when anyone so inclined gets on their ‘meat is murder’ moral high horse, or starts on about cattle farming destroying the planet or whatever. Into the oven these sanctimonious, pontificating cunts may go.
13
Hello Ron,
How you getting on, mate?
I agree with you here. I find rabid carnivores are just as bad as the ‘Meat is Murder’ brigade. A lot of the frugal cooking I was going on about earlier is vegan, and bloody lovely at that!
4
We don’t have a dining table anymore.
Got a ‘breakfast bar’.
With stools made from tractor seats.
I don’t use it.
Don’t have guests round for food either cept Christmas .
Don’t particularly want guests.
And if I had them they’d be eating same as I am.
What allergies? Peanuts?!
Fuck knows, Google it while you eat.
It’s probably all in your mind.
7
Alright, MNC,
How you getting on?
Yeah, we have a ‘Breakfast Bar’ too. It’s become a glorified workspace. We’re common, you see – sit and eat our dinner on our laps in front of the telly.
Also, what you said about not liking foreign food – normally I’d have not had any of that. However, I’ve recently had an operation, which means no booze, and nothing spicy.
Since then, the menu in CC Towers has been largely beef stews, soups, sausage casserole – it’s all been fucking lovely. My insides have been on top form. I reckon you’re on to something here by rejecting foreign muck, my old fruit.
7
There you go then CC.
My medical advice is often ignored on here.
But it’s cured you.
I’m not comparing myself to Jesus (I have a better beard) but I’ve healed more people than him.
Beef stew is the best food a man can eat.
Your on the road to Damascus my old sausage 👍
Anyone who disagrees is a communist 😁
5
Ps
A swift recovery to you 👍
2
Cheers, MNC. Slowly but surely with the recovery, it seems!
Aye, can’t knock beef stew at all. It’d been slow cooked for hours, too. Gorgeous. If that were ethnic, it’d have had chickens’ heads in it and all sorts. Dirty sods.
Carrot soup tonight. I reckon I’m gonna feel and look the best I have in years after this health kick!
4
We are In Cyprus for two weeks; fussy Russians? I don’t think so; they seem to eat everything and anything, including any table decorations…
8
It’s because they grew up with beyond fuck all in the USSR, Hugh. My mother-in-law didn’t see a banana until 1984.
3
Back in the day I went on a trip to the USSR, don’t ask but the food in Kazakhstan was something to behold.
One of the cunts on the trip was a veggie….. he was treated like an alien. Usual fare for him was rice and fried eggs.
Meanwhile I was on sheep/camel/Goat floating in nitric acid, washed down with vodka and fermented camels milk.
Fucking great daze.
5
I was in Ukraine back in the early 90’s. Spent 3 weeks pissed.
5
I remember when Ruff Tuff Creampuff used to get bullied regularly on here (not by me, you know who you are) for putting mushrooms in his curries.
5
As he should, LL. That’s the behaviour of a fucking savage.
5
I’ve no problem with anyone being vegan or vegetarian.
That’s nowt to do with me.
Long as they aren’t giving me a lecture.
But the strangest thing I’ve ever eaten was vegan fish n chips.
Dead odd.
I saw it at a show and curiosity got the best of me.
Chips were ok,
But the ‘fish’ was anemic looking batter,
When I opened it up the ‘fish’ was dark purple/black!!!
Maybe it was aubergine or red onion or something?
Anyway it was fuckin rank.
Those cunts would be better off ordering a takeaway from a pet shop.
8
Mr Beau once quite rightly complained to a waiter in an Indian restaurant about the tough chewiness of a naan bread, until it was pointed out that it was a hot hand towel. He enjoyed the fragrant taste and did manage to consume it all the same.
🍛
4
Mr Beau once quite rightly complained to a waiter in an Indian restaurant about the tough chewiness of a naan bread, until it was pointed out that it was a hot hand towel. He enjoyed the fragrant taste and did manage to consume it all the same.
🍛
3
Gammon for tea 👍👍
Apple pie for pudding.👍
Lovely.
I often think about those in the 3rd world who are starving when I’m having such a veritable feast.
And sometimes ill post photos of me eating it to cheer them up.
And some of the dog licking the custard bowl clean.
I always tell them I’m absolutely stuffed.
Couldn’t have another spoonful.
And to cheer up.
Least they’ve got a nice figure.
Cheer up , Ribs.
5
Fussy eaters, pft!
Don’t these thankless bastards know that The Gods gave us all these delicious animals to eat.
Be fucking thankful you have a full belly!
5