A tribute to Alex Salmond who sadly died yesterday.
Alex was a slimy odious little sex pest who got away with it. He began the decline of Scotland and then fell out with wee Krankie who continued his work, adding a dash of (alleged) corruption.
RIP you repulsive cunt.
He has been praised as a champion of Scottish independence when all evidence is that the SNP couldnt run a whelk stall never mind a drug addled country.
And of course Scotland is badly treated by Westminster. Well, just like everyfuckingwhere else outside of London and the Home Counties. And don’t the fuckers get more per head in benefits etc than England?
Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble.
69!! That’s a unbelievable age for a Scotsman.. most jocks get a letter from the queen/king at 50.
Still he died doing what he loved best, opening ketchup bottles.
Alex put in on everything.
Chips,sausages,burgers even fruit. I’m joking about the last one jocks don’t eat fruit.
30
They say you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. I’m happy to make an exception for this anti English racist cunt.
May his sporran burn in hell, the ugly fat Mr Toad look alike.
I hold cunts like Salmon, his ilk and their warped views, personally responsible for the demise of our once great country over the last 30years,
19
I heard he had his massive heart attack after spotting salad on his dinner plate. After drug overdoses and being asked if they want to pay a tip in restaurants, its the biggest killer in Scotland.
19
I’m surprised somebody didn’t Deadpool this cunt…if for no other reason than wishful thinking.
I don’t know much about this cunt but I have to say it’s always gratifying when some vile cunt…especially a vile political cunt…departs this earthly realm and is banished to the depths of Satan’s fiery Abyss.
The article said he got sick and croaked in Macedonia. Didn’t some other Brit get lost hiking and die in Greece or some other part of the Balkans?
Rough part of the world. As we say in the States; Ain’t no country for old men.
15
Indeed General,a television doctor went for a hike in the midday sun despite feeling off colour and promptly died in a heap.
15
And the BBC still have the nerve to think we want to listen to his health tips. “Just One Thing” – DON’T
4
You are indeed a scholar, General, and correct in your belief. Leading poet of the Romantic movement, Lord Byron, died in Greece exactly 200 years ago so I can see a certain poetic justice in the fat Jock toad croaking in the same place. Lord Byron, meet Lard Salmon.
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The only real shame is that it didn’t happen while he was driving tony blair and Jeremy corbyn on some Macedonian alpine road.
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Didn’t have travel insurance had to get a mate to pay for his body to get flown home
11
It’s cheaper to insure a dozen Fabergé eggs and a Rembrandt than one fat Scotsman for a weekend in Macedonia.
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Never seen the point of moving dead bodies around the world. I’ve told my missus when I cark it to ring round on the day for the best price to dispose of me. As for funerals, John Lennon and David Bowie showed the way.
7
That will be two Pàkis in a luton van fly-tipping you down a back alleyway.
Tell your missus to give mis a bell, mention your name you might get a discount, or the phone slammed down.
12
Ps arfur. Who wants a fat Scotsman on their lawn, even the worms will turn their noses up.
9
From everything that I see and read, England is a shit hole.
I don’t blame him for wanting independence from it.
I wouldn’t blame the Northern Irish or the Welsh either.
Of course Scotland can’t pay its own way, is full of drug addled porridge wógs and has a life expectancy which is the lowest in the developed world, but leaving a union with a country where people are scared of flying their national flag and is quickly going even deeper down the toilet seems like an attractive proposition.
He’s a cunt for all the reasons in replies above, but if I was Scottish and was assured that I wouldn’t lose any of my handouts I would vote leave too.
12
Bye!No use to no one.Fat bigot.Burn in hell for all eternity you fat lump.
9
Apparently he was somewhat dismayed when the gates of hell were opened to reveal…Scotland.
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At least now the ridiculous windbag cunt is dead it will be a weight off Rachel’s shoulders come Budget Day..
the 40 billion blackhole she goes on about was Salmonds annual expenses claim.
Hopefully it starts a trend,is that fucking cunt Blackford still above ground?
Dear me,dreadnought sized Oven.
Good morning.
12
When’s Krankie getting on the hell bus then? One down lots more to go.
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What an unfortunate age of 69 to depart, sucking oneself off !
5
Krankie’s ferries, now 6 years late and four times over budget, are already falling apart and will need to be scrapped before they’re ever used.
So surely a fitting end for this William Wallace tribute act would be to winch him onto one, set it on fire and let it sail into the distance in the style of Up Helly Aa.
That’s assuming the vessel will take the weight.
13
Apparently, some of the parts will need to be replaced due to age, before the fucking thing has even been launched! What you see as a socialist shithole in scotland, will be ten times worse once starmer’s finished with England.
14
Noah built his ark quicker, and it was only him and the missus.
5
In my younger days I can’t remember Scotland was much in the news or the thoughts of us English. Had you asked the average Englishman what first came to mind if Scotland was mentioned it would have been the oil. In ’76 I worked in Livingston for several weeks. The Scots I worked with didn’t appear to have anything against me personally but my god any problem they had was the fault of the English, from today’s weather to the fact they stubbed their toe getting out of bed. Other foibles that I noticed were the fact that the men mostly were dyed-in-the-wool raving misogynists and the lads not long out of school could drink me under the table any day.
15
I had to go to Aberdeen regularly in the 90s. Boom times because of oil. Money awash everywhere. It was a horrible place and English mates used to get a kicking in Union St. i can’t imagine what a fucking dump it is now.
11
Died opening a bottle of ketchup at lunch.
It’s how he’d have wanted to go;
https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/alex-salmond-died-trying-open-33896134
Morning all.
11
You take the high road and I’ll take the low road and I’ll be in ketchup heaven afore ye….😩…one dollop is never enough ye doozie 🍅
7
An honest man here lies at rest,
As e’er God with His image blest:
The friend of man, the friend of truth;
The friend of age, and guide of youth:
Few hearts like his, with virtue warm’d,
Few heads with knowledge so inform’d:”
-Robert Burns
Alex fought for his country.
The right to die a early death
To shake off the English shackles of oppression whilst suckling the teat of Westminster.
Fair well bonny lad,
You oily, greedy, fat fuck.
12
I remember in my early teens going to Largs on the Scottish coast.
My cousin and my gran who’d happy memories of holidays there as a little girl.
It was like soviet Uzbekistan.
Crumbling grey concrete.
Largs was the place of the last defeat of the vikings in the UK.
They must of given up hope on seeing Largs.
12
It goes to show how much of an interest he was to me, l always thought he was called Alex Almond. Similar to Edmond O’Brian the yankie actor, I thought was Edmondo Brian.
5
There was only one Edmindo, Sammy: a three, four…….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAO4F6cjktQ
3
Ps
I love Scotland.
An weep at the lament of bagpipes.
I like the hills and lochs
Even the people.
But they’re disgusting racism against the English sours my tripe.
I abhor racism in all its forms.
The fuckin porridge wøgs
12
Are you referring to Western Oriental Gentlemen, Mis ?
4
The jocks only have a go at us when they’re drunk. Unfortunately that appears to be nearly every minute of the day.
10
Is that what it stands for Sammy?
In our family the term was used freely and encompassed many types.
You don’t hear it much anymore do you?
5
You hear it a lot in Australia to describe people from the Mediterranean and Middle East and is considered non offensive.
6
My derogatory term, Mis, is darkie, which will probably be looked into before releasing it later in the day.
6
As Desdemona said to Othello (in the contretemps about the handkerchief – you see I am after the Radio 3 repeats again) “I cannot speak of this”.
To be honest if Mr. Salmond was bad, he was no worse than The Sturgeon woman or old Pakinackers who followed him, and when you look at the nancy Nazi’s in the British government, I think all you can say is he lived well, but not too wisely. At least he had some sense of ambition and purpose, not just wanting “power” for it’s own sake. Also, he never caused a war or employed Mandy or piss-artist Alistair Campbell.
But it has completely put me off of tomato ketchup.
10
Had Alex Salmond just been told the trip couldn’t be claimed on expenses?
7
The best tomato ketchup I’ve ever tasted is Stokes
https://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwiPvbD73KuJAxVlm1AGHcq3JF4YABAnGgJkZw&co=1&ase=2&gclid=Cj0KCQjwpvK4BhDUARIsADHt9sTyGJmohGDNreMMWpScB_Z3oX3-_4uz2srAJ0tXK8MxpOzj1t3ay_waAq2mEALw_wcB&sph=&ohost=www.google.com&cid=CAESVuD256L4v6YSbDv7W1GcrngbEibm11TZEllYeHz832l94cmZZ7qEytPwN5M6tKQkQ8fm4vxH2dbURbXsnkmw3orCbJqFugFmmJfx1CpzoBoTZQIQuc0N&sig=AOD64_0dWQ3qk6czYI3a6yTxUNZuW2x0vg&ctype=5&q=&nis=7&ved=2ahUKEwi2yqr73KuJAxWoTkEAHSzKMQEQwg8oAHoFCAYQowE&adurl=
Bloody lovely.
But at £4 a bottle expensive.
Maybe Alex’s demise was linked to finding out the price?
7
No chance Mis, Stokes is Unglush, so he wouldn’t buy it on principle.
Personally I doubt the heart attack story. My guess is he was having a supersized munchiebox for breakfast and drowned in the 20 gallons of Heinz he was pouring over it all.
5
Try the bloody Mary one mis. It’s by the same firm.
3
Fun Fact:
75% of Scotch people dislike the bagpipes sound.
Naa, only joking.
Bye Salmond, you gropey, drunken, bug-eyed cunt.
8
Mis, it was first used on dead bodies in early gore films.
4
It might have been so different if he’d just watched this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slHj8LdyyqE
3
A fat, racist cunt from a third world country dies. Who gives a fuck?
Nothing wrong with Scotland that carpet bombing wouldn’t fix.
5
You do know do you, Emperor, that John Wark is a Jock?
0
Freedom for East Anglia.
4
More than likely sucked the Donalds cock, when he was in Aberdeen, building golf courses on areas of natural beauty, with the promise of lots of jobs, that did not turn out.
2
Saw this a bit late, and as someone above said you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but the responses on here have made me laugh so much that people in the pub are looking at me
3