Weirdo Wank Banks

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The wife and I have got a little game which some might find odd but we love; it involves delving into your wank bank, or rub hub as she calls it. It’s great fun.

You and your partner or friend each name five people from your wank bank, and then select one, without specifying your choice. You take it in turns to let your imagination run riot where your selection is concerned, while the other does the necessary for a ‘happy ending’. It’s stimulating and relaxing. I recommend anyone to give it a go.

There is an odd proviso however. The game can lead to the revealing of some seriously odd wank bank suggestions, particularly where the fair sex is concerned. Take the night before last. I named the following as my five; the Anderson twins (Gillian and Pamela), Julia H-B, Polly Walker, and Alex Kingston. A seriously mouth-watering collection to fantasise over I’d say. But what about the wife? Well get this; Sean Connery, Adam ‘Kylo Ren’ Driver, android Cmdr Data from ‘Star Trek’, Bill Murray (‘Groundhog Day’ version), and that inexplicable fanny magnet Monty Don.

Talking afterwards, I wondered about her selections (okay, I’ll give her Connery, even though he’s brown bread), and got these responses; ‘sooo intense, and that dreamy voice’ (Driver), ‘every girl’s ultimate toy’ (Data), ‘so charismatic’ (Murray), ‘oooooh, being pawed by those big, rough hands!’ (Don).

Now it’s not just the missus with some weirdo choices in the bank. I’ve got some dear female friends who’ve also owned up over the years. Take my friend Maggie. All the choices she once named were slapheads, such as Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel and Jason Statham (‘he’s a brute’ she says, shivering in anticipation). She wants to massage their heads with warm oil. Then you’ve got Elaine. On one occasion, after she’d sunk over a bottle of red, she named Jimmy Nail (‘a bit of rough in Armani’), John Malkovich (who knows?), and heaven forbid, Peter bloody Dinklage (‘I’m just curious that’s all, what’s wrong with that?’). Last but not least there’s Vicky, who fantasises about being Gordon Brown’s underpants. Straight up.

Maybe by coincidence I just know some strangely imaginative women with an unorthodox mindset, but there’s a small selection of weirdo female wank bank contenders and no mistake. Men are from Mars etc. Any of you cunters know somebody with some odd fantasy fixation?

Anyhow, here you go Elaine my dear, have this one on me;

ebay

Nominated by Ron Knee.

194 thoughts on “Weirdo Wank Banks”

  2. Well, you think that’s weird?
    A friend of my late mother was totally mental where that was concerned.

    She claimed her ‘fantasy men’ were Meat Loaf, Errol Brown of Hot Chocolate, Ringo Starr and Barry White. Straight up, she was well up the wall,
    .
    Moi?

    Christina Hendricks, Caroline Munro, Suzanne Danielle, Vicki Michelle and Jacqueline Bisset. That’ll do Norman for now.

  3. Theres going to be some odd choices on here!!!😀 Hehehe

    This sites got more perverts than the BBC.

    You all need locking up.

  4. Is this like Dead Pool?
    Wank pool:
    1. Kathy Bates
    2. Whoopi Goldberg
    3. Björk
    4. Maria José Cristerna
    5. Grotbags
    6. Daniella Westbrook
    7….
    Got to stop now, I’m getting a diamond-cutter at work!

  7. Having been married for an extended period of time and therefore pretty much living the life of a monk, I can confirm that it would be nice if someone would just hold it for a bit.

    • I’m very happy with the current Mrs Morman. After a horrendous first wife and a diabolical first mother in law.

      14 years with the old lady so far….

      But, the old boy and the old imagination still stir every now and again.

      • Its been that long, I have completely forgotten the mechanics of it.

        All the equipment still works, I’m just sure that when I blow my load after all this time, it’s going to come out as rust

  8. Always thought about the ‘American Soap’ bubble fantasy scenario in the 80s.

    Linda Evans, Joan Collins, Victoria Principal, Stephanie Beacham, Heather Locklear, Emma Samms, Tracy Scoggins, Deborah Shelton.

    I know why I watched those shows….

  9. You’re a pair of degenerates.

    Fantasising about someone else pollutes the sacred institution of sex that should only be enjoyed by man and wife, boy and priest.

  11. Your wife lets you do that? Mine would kill me dead in a second if I suggested that I thought about anyone except her.

    But whilst were on the subject –

    Enid Sharples
    Flabbot
    Tilda Swinton
    Susan Boyle
    Nicola Sturgeon

    Only kidding – my real list is private.

  12. My best mate used to have this thing about Brigitte Nielsen.
    Always used to talk about being ‘subdued’ and ‘taken’ by the big bird.

    I bet she was a handfull, and no mistake. I reckon she wore old Sly out.

  14. Jenna coleman as Queen Victoria.
    Natalie Portman as padmé/amadala.
    Holly valance/Isla Fisher catfight.
    Jane Seymour in the solitaire outfit.
    Taylor (the pretty reckless) and Hailey (paramore) with the Marshall amps and 20ft of mic cable.

    • Julie ‘Catwoman’ Newmar.
      Sarah ‘Ursa’ Douglas.
      Lindsay ‘Bionic Woman’ Wagner.
      Lynda ‘Wonder Woman’ Carter.
      Glynis ‘Makepeace’ Barber.
      Roz ‘Pinky Tuscadero’ Kelly.
      Sheena ‘9 to 5’ Easton.

      • I met Sarah Douglas in 2010 or 2011 at a Stargate convention and she was still looking pretty goods even then.

        When she was on stage with some of the other actors (and I don’t recall how this came up) she admitted although she never smoked, her party trick when she was younger was putting a lit fag in her minge and making the tip glow.

      • Sheena Easton?

        I heard after making it big in the US Sheena returned to play back in Scotland in1990.

        The girl from Lanarkshire walked on the stage in Glasgow,
        An greeted her audience in a yank accent

        “Hey how y’all doing?”

        Prompting the audience to pelt her with bottles of piss.😂

      • @Two In The Stink

        Intrigued by that TITS. I’ve known women who could fart from their front hole but what you describe suggests a remarkably fine control of the plume emitted.

  15. Confessions of an Odd couple 😂

    Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation, arse crack in the pink panties.

    • How about you General?

      Dolly parton?
      Emmylou Harris
      Shania Twain?

      Do you like your nipples sucked?

      Or a finger up your trumpet?

    • 70s era Emmylou, definitely.
      And 90s Miss Twain? Would have done that and all.

      Some great American babes from the old days.

      Kate Jackson.
      Jacqueline Smith.
      Linda Rondstadt.
      Rita Coolidge.
      Farrah Fawcett.
      Catherine Bach.
      Suzi Quatro.
      Debbie Harry.
      Lynda Carter.
      Sally Field
      Cheryl Ladd.
      Adrienne Barbeau.
      Suzanne Somers.
      Lynda Day George.
      Stefanie Powers.

  19. O/T…..old toolmaker is refusing to rule out that free bus passes are the next pensioner hit 🚍 so if that happens then that rules out being able to ride around for a couple of hours to keep warm 🥵…. they’re coming for ya ⚰️

  20. Jane Seymour – Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman era.

    It must have been the tight 19th century bodices and long skirts.

    • Jane Seymour. Live and Let Die or Battlestar Galactica era.

      Oh, and Barbara Bach, The Spy Who Loved Me era.

      Ringo really is a spawny jammy cunt.

      • Speaking of the “Battlestar Galactica era”, as a kid I always had a thing for Erin Gray in Buck Rogers. She always looked really good in those tight, shiny catsuits.

      • And that Princess from Buck Rogers, who never wore anything much. She was a cracker.

        Pamela Hensley.

  21. Ava Gardner was fit as fuck and filthy.

    That Saaf Afrikaaan lass from Atomic Blonde Charlize Theron..dear me aye.

    To my eternal shame (and likely banishment) when that fat bitch Lizzo is on telly I do think about smashing it’s back door in.

    then getting it make my bacon and eggs..likely blek pudding n’all.

    For shame!

    Fuck Off.

  23. Here’s one for you, gentlemen….

    For all her faults (and there were many). Has anyone ever thought about Diana, Princess of Wales from 1981-1997?

    Would any of you have taken the royal command and done the deed?
    I probably would have. Especially the 81-82 years…

  25. My list is all porn stars. And who needs an imagination when you have 24 hour free porn on the smutnet.

  26. One million years BC , Raquel Welch, I only saw the poster advertising in the cinema, that said coming soon. It was enough.

    Later I moved onto that Borg one in Star Trek

  27. Johnathan Ross’s missus.

    I fuck her till I was crippled.
    In a spiritual way.

    She looks pure filth
    An gets my motor running.

    He could watch.
    Crying in the corner

  28. I have never been attracted to blondes but when I was young Debbie Harry would have got a good poking from me.

    She would have loved it.

    • Debbie had more than a passing resemblance to the 70s/80s porn star Seka.

      I wanked myself stupid to Seka on VHS as a youngster.

  29. Private Helga Geerhart from ‘Allo ‘Allo!’

    Angela Merkel in full SS uniform as backup.

      • He did Mecuntry only because she refused to eat a fastenbeugel off his knob at one of his bunga bunga parties.

    • Vicki Michelle and Francesca Gonshaw.

      An ‘Allo ‘Allo sandwich.

      Helga as well. Those swastika stockings…

  30. Jeannie from Randall and Hopkirk……….and Jennie Bond (even now) I would like to do her in the shitter, then get her to piss on me.

    And Paul Daniels missus

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