The Lord of the Rings; Return of the Suits

Peter Jackson’s adaptation of Tolkien’s ‘The Lord of the Rings’ is my all-time favourite film, and Lord knows, I’ve got a long list of greats that I love. To me, it’s the absolute epitome of the film makers’ art, a sweeping, epic fantasy brought to the screen with magnificent swagger and style by all concerned. In short, it’s a masterpiece.

Now you may love it like me, or be indifferent, or hate it. What you can’t do is deny that the trilogy has had enormous critical and popular acclaim, receiving a cartload of awards (inc. no less than seventeen Oscars) and netting a cool £3 billion to date at the box office.

I wish that this perfect creation had been left to stand alone, but it wasn’t to be. Seeing dollar signs revolving in front of their eyes, the Hollywood suits and bean counters turned Tolkien’s delightful children’s tale ‘The Hobbit’ (surely only a one picture deal) into a sprawling three picture mess. Then Amazon had to get in on the act with ‘LOTR; The Rings of Power’, which is by all accounts a woke abomination, and a betrayal of Tolkien’s legacy.

Just knock it on the head already will you? But no, there’s news of yet another attempt to squeeze a buck until it squeaks with a new two picture project entitled ‘LOTR; the Hunt for Gollum’. Apparently the 85 year old Ian McKellen will return as Gandalf, if he lives that long. Viggo Mortensen might even reprise his role as Aragorn ‘if it fits the story’ or something. Blimey guys, do you need the money that badly?

This looks to me like nothing more than a cynical attempt to cash in on the amazing loyalty of the huge ‘LOTR’ fanbase, and they should be very careful; just look at how badly Disney has pissed off the ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Indiana Jones’ fans.

Of course the new films might be good, but to me the venture’s got box office backfire written all over it. That won’t stop them though, so prepare for ‘LOTR; the Return of the Suits’, and watch them trash another legacy. Again.

Business insider

Nominated by Ron Knee.

75 thoughts on “The Lord of the Rings; Return of the Suits

  1. Well I`ve never seen it, Ron. But I can`t see it bettering “Fire Maidens From Outer Space” … https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046977/
    I mean, just read this review …
    From retrospective reviews, Halliwell’s Film and Video Guide describes the film as “a strong contender for the title of the worst movie ever made, with diaphanously clad English gals striking embarrassed poses against cardboard sets”.
    🚀

      • Afternoon Herman👍

        Couldn’t of hoped for a better result could you? 😀

        Id like to say I saw it coming but I didn’t,
        He got well and truly spanked!

        What do you reckon is wrong with him Herman?

        Sometimes he’s a consummate professional and takes control of the fight,
        Next time he’s in a trance and gets battered.

        He’s bipolar or something

      • I heard he was suffering from windolene poisoning, from all the mirrors he was kissing.

        At least he can spend his big loser cheque in black businesses. Hope he likes afro combs and jerk chicken .

      • Afternoon Mis.

        Yeah I was delighted to be honest and I didn’t really see it coming simply because of some of Danny Dubious’s past performances where he’s struggled.

        But boy did he come of age on Saturday and full credit to him.

        As for AJ – I just don’t think the fella has much in the way of punch resistance.

        Klitschko let him off the hook for some reason when he had him hurt where as Andy Ruiz and Danny Dubious certainly weren’t letting him away as easily.

        Compared to the chins on the likes of Ali, Frazier, Holmes and even Tyson Fury, Joshua is light years behind those fellas.

  2. Hollywood is fucked very little of note is produced any more..

    The coke addled yanks seem addicted to rehashing by way of Blek Lies Matter and The Gay anything of creative value.

    It’s all unwatchable shite.

    But it seems to make the Strong Wimmin happy..and the studios lose money.

    So fuck the lot of them and “borrow” the best films off Internet (allegedly).

  3. I preferred ‘Game of Thrones’, more sex, more violence, more dragons. Sean Beam was in it for a bit, but got killed off early; just like in LOTR. Now they have a shit rip-off prequel starring Dr Fucking Who. Take my advice, give it a swerve. I also liked stuff with Lucy Lawless in. A bit how I imagine Liv Benson would have been in the dark ages. Xena SVU – that would be a brilliant series. As long as it wasn’t done by the Disney cunts. They would fuck up any sure fire winner.

  4. The title music will consist of 30000 old style cash registers a kching musical extravaganza. Fucking greedy bastards, a curse on their wankery.

  5. Never seen it nor harry potter nor star wars, oh the shame. Beneath the valley of the ultra vixens on the other hand is a classic, so ive been told and hasnt been messed around with.

  6. Sequels and prequels attempting to make more dosh off the back off a hit drive me nuts.

    Take ‘Die Hard’ as a good example. A classic thriller reduced to farce by a series of increasingly ludicrous follow-ups. ‘Star Wars’? Turgid Lucas prequels, and a load of woke mess once Disney got its hands on the franchise.

    Disney fucked over Indiana Jones as well, and even appears hell bent on trashing its own legacy with ghastly live action remakes of classics such as ‘Snow White’.

    Hollywood has fucked itself.

    Looking forward to seeing ‘Deadpool and Wolverine’? Me neither.

  7. I quite liked the films. The spin offs are shite. Typical Disney woke crap.

    Anyhow I much preferred

    Lord of her ring
    Lawrence of her labia
    Flesh Gordon
    And of course shaving Ryan’s private’s

    • Feel sorry for old school longstanding Tolkien fans. Because they are now getting tarred with the same brush as modern LOTR fan bellends. Who are just as sad as Harry Potter fantwats and Game of Thrones weirdos.

      A bit like fans of the classic Doctor Who of the Hartnell to Davison years, being lumped in with the pathetic ‘Whovians’ who deify Trans Tennant, Jokey Whiitaker and Ncunti Gayblack.

  8. Wonder what the black quota for this new version of Middle Earth will be?

    Sky fucking high Token Tolkien. eh?.

    And, if they are anything lke the shouty ‘feisty’ super uppity treeswinger cunt in Disney’s Obi Wan Kenobi fiasco.LOTR fans will turn off in droves

    • Lenny Henry was in The Rings of Power. The uppity cunt was getting so much stick I thought he was going to start a black hobbits workers union.

      • Call him what he is.

        A fuckin Orc.

        That’s the middle earth term for em.

        Keep the shire white
        Send em back to Mordor👍

  9. I think Peter Jackson’s best works were Meet the Feebles, Bad taste and Braindead. in that order.

    Probably because I was tripping off my tits when I first saw them.

  10. Ron, if you put ‘The Hunt for Gollum’ into YouTube there is a fab made film I’ve watched for a few years that is really good, my guess is they’re stealing it. I’ve made it a little tradition to watch it the first time I light a fire, no idea why…

    And I watched two episodes of the Amazon Rings of Power. Awful!

    • Evening FC, you’re not a fan of Orcs who have wives and babies and don’t want to go to war?!
      Crazy, isn’t it?
      Ffs, Amazon twats…the whole reason Tolkien wrote in s̶ò̶o̶t̶ı̶e̶s̶ orcs is for them to go to war.
      I’m glad it’s failing pathetically.

      • Odds who have babies and don’t want to go to war? Sounds like tattooed and pierced soy boys from South East London.

  11. While I’m a big fan of the literary genre I found the Lord of the Rings films to be plodding and overdone.

    With that said they were definitely better than Dork Wars or any of the Stupidhero movies.

    Off topic…I’m waiting for Helene. Restocked the supply of ice this morning and I have the Weather Channel on the idiot box.

    The good news is the zone of impact has narrowed and I’m no longer in it or under an official Hurricane Warning. But the situation is still serious as we are on the edge of the impact zone and are now considered to be in a Tropical Storm Warning.

    It’s been raining all day and the winds are expected to kick up at 2PM CDT. (GMT minus 5). Landfall on the coast about 8PM CDT tonight with the worst of it expected to impact us starting about an hour after that.

    Winds in the impact zone are expected to be about 130 mph plus. While here in the Tropical Warning Zone they estimate anywhere from about 50 to 60 mph with gusts up to 75mph.

    Helene is expected to move through quickly. So kind of a wham bam no thank you mam.

      • Hey UT,

        Usually it would be bourbon but we are indeed serving Rum here at the Villa in honor of a Caribbean Hurricane.

        (Alas I must live vicariously as my Doctor has me on the wagon.*)

        Cigar(s) already lit.

        Weather Channel and non-stop Jimmy Buffet music.

        *If something happens and I get croaked during this storm I’m coming back to haunt that fucking Quack for denying me a good drunk in my final hours.

  12. Read Tolkein’s LotR 8+ times as a young un. The orig film was good in its attention to detail, in relation to the novels. But fuck me was it long (3 hrs +) and the homo erotic glimpses between Frodo and Sam and americanised over emotion was a great turn off.

    Prequels and sequels are never a good idea (except for cynical money grabbers who’ve prob never read the books)

    Highly recommend director Peter Jackson’s early ‘Bad Taste’ film (prob now deleted) look it up it’s so bad it really is very very good….

  13. I’d love to post a witty comment on this thread but I haven’t a fucking clue what it’s on about.
    Meanwhile, respect for Mr Knee for nominating a significant number of cunts recently!

    • Thanks cuntador.

      I sometimes wonder whether I might wear out my welcome but I can’t stop myself.

      Fucking hell, there are an awful lot of cunts about, and as I’ve said before, IsAC’s my safety valve.

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