It never ceases to amaze me what people do to their bodies. They’ll have bits chopped off, bits sewn on or pushed in, they’ll bake themselves orange on sunbeds, they’ll dye their hair green or purple, they’ll stick rings or pins through their most intimate parts.
It’s no skin off my nose of course, and hey, we still live in a *cough* free country, but the one thing that really puts me off is women with tattoos. Nothing howls ‘chav’ quite like it.
Take for instance that IsAC heroine and woman for our time Katie Price. Don’t her tattoos really enhance her appearance? Not.
But even our Kate’s excesses pale into comparison against one Esperance Fuerzina, who claims to be the world’s most tattooed woman, with 99.8 of her body covered. Yes, I’m ahead of you there; where’s the 0.2% that ISN’T tattooed? I’m sure we’d all love to know;
Now bear in mind that this doesn’t include other ‘modifications’ such as getting her tongue split. I mean, imagine actually paying to get this done to yourself. It’s batshit crazy I reckon. Even worse, imagine waking up first thing to the sight of that boat race. It’s like something out of the X-men. You’d likely shit the bed.
I think on balance, I’d rather not wake up at all.
Nominated by Ron Knee.
It is a good job Shakespeare is not around today – seeing numerous wimmin sashaying their way down Fortis Green Road in men’s black singlets – the better to show off the rolls of blue back ink on their arms and necks, often with a bulldog on a metal lead, he would never have come up with “Oh frailty, thy name is woman”. Ditto if he ever ran in to the Labour dykes like Leadbetter, Phillips and (possibly?) Gray.
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Good Morning
If our new government is looking for ways to raise money they could start by taxing people with tattoos. You can imagine the NHS, in ten years time, being inundated with people demanding removal of their tattoos because of mental health issues. God knows what medical problems are being stored up for the future.
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I would be more inclined to tax chavvy cunts who go to places like Turkey for cheap plastic surgery trends they have seen on TikTwat and then expect the NHS to treat them when they get an infection and bits of them start turning black when they fly home.
Morning Wanksock/all.
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Hi LL
You and I should put in for Rachel Reeves’ job, plenty of imaginative taxation opportunities. What about £100 a week for foreign lorries to use our roads? That’s less than half the cost of running a truck down to northern Italy.
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Just let them all know that, owing to lack of finances, tattoo removal in the future will be by means of scalpel or angle grinder.
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It’s now all about empowerment, & everything else, but back in the ‘good old days,’ a tatooed women was considered a whore, & an easy lay. It was something only men did & was very common for those in the navy.
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She’s a right little darling in the header pic!!! ❤️
Tattoos don’t put me off
For that you need a court order.
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On the vinegar strokes I see nothing !
6
I never got one. Most did when they had had a skinful – back in the day anyone with a tattoo was regarded as a bit of a wrong ‘un – you certainly couldn’t have become a policeman on demob for example, because the police didn’t allow them anywhere, and many large companies looked down on them too.
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I got one to celebrate my wife. 2 years later I divorced her for cheating. Poor choice on my part.
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Lots of my shipmates had a very discreet tattoo on their arms, often an anchor with “mum” and “dad” on them, because a lot of seafaring men are quite nostalgic (sounds better than sentimental), but one lad I remember had his wfe’s name done (again very discreetly), and they divorced very quickly. I often wonder what wife 2 thought every time she looked at his arm and saw “Peggy”.
Those sorts of tattoos though were very mild compared to the horrible wallpaper in a cheap lodging house effect these “sleeves” I think they call them have now, but like I said earlier, one of my mates got turned down for the Met in the sixties because of a very small anchor. In those days, as far as I can recall all coppers wore long sleeve shirts all the time, and not look like nightclub bouncers.
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Where I grew up only servicemen, sailors and prostitutes had tatoos. I find them repulsive on women. Add in facial ironmongery and I could throw up.
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I find that even a fucking nose ring on an otherwise beautiful girl is a massive turn iff., never mind the sort of hardware more suited to a shed.
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Exactly my view Cuntstable. Women with tattoos and piercings are chavs with low self-esteem.
Morning all.
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Just wait until after menopause and they become all floppy…. mmmmm lovely 🤢 🤮
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During the war soldiers used the phrases if she smokes she pokes”..
Well I suspect ladies with tattoos are the modern equivalent..saucy creatures who bang like a shithouse door in a gale.
Top notch.
Good morning.
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but not that fat poor ones with blue hair.
they can fuck.off.
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Don’t they normally fuck each other?
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🤢 Horrible morning image, a fat harridan with blue hair.
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Good news Ron, in twenty years you will never see a woman on the street with a tattoo..
Now a burka that’s a different matter.
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Ps did any of you terrible people wish Rodney a happy birthday yesterday.
He had ordered a large two-tiered birthday cake for the occasion.
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A wooden one?
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@baz…what’s under that burkha? …probably dried jiz 🤢
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These women think that they will never grow old.
It may look good when they are young but sooner or later they will become saggy and their tattoos will look fucking ridiculous.
There used to be a programme on the telly called Tatoo Fixers.
A daft punter would have a tiny, crap tattoo and their way of fixing it would be to cover it up with an enormous crap tattoo.
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A very interesting point Artful.
Must have a look on tinternet to see if there are any tattood granny pictures.
I’ll leave it until after breakfast though.
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I approve of Rosie Jones’s tattoo.
She’d got “property of TtCE” tattooed just above her minge line (above her belly button).
12
What’s the betting Granny Rayner has one?
Maybe ‘Jeremy’ on a heart with an arrow through it or a ‘Made in Stockport’ tramp stamp.
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I bet MNC is really proud to share his hometown with her.
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LL It’s probably on her arse saying “this way in” with an arrow pointing at the rancid arsehole
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Her boss needs ‘CUNT’ tattooing in big letters onto his forehead.
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Perhaps also `TOOL` … on his tool.
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Genuine question Sam.
Can you get a tattoo on your tool?
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I believe if you have ludo tattooed on your knob, it will spell Llandudno when hard.
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If you’re not careful, that very long named place in Wales.
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I’d bet that some cunt somewhere has his knob tattooed as a snake.
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Rayner’s tattoo probably says, “Fuck the systsem” above her ginger minge chuckie hole.
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Well, for someone that left school with more kids, than ‘O’ Levels, I guess you won’t find a “My academic achievements” tattoo anywhere.
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I was in Italy during the Summer and thete isn’t a single woman under 40 who isn’t peppered in tattoos, either thrir whole arm or their whole leg. A lot of the older women had them too. It’s ghastly. Forget all about the sexy, alluring Italian stereotype. These look more like doodlepads. Horrible.
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Like an Etch-a-sketch that the dog chewed.
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While I appreciate an original and interesting piece of body art, none of the women I see with tattoos have any kind of original thought or artistic ability.
Arse antlers, a butterfly, a Chinese script that is actually a Chinese menu item, a string of blokes names crossed out, with the latest victim’s name still visible at the bottom of the list etc.
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Nothing more sexy than a slim pretty woman with no tattoos or extraneous piercings, with long, clean shiny hair and a pretty dress. Facial muck also absent (lip plumpers, botox, orange tan, cumbrellas etc).
Why the fuck women think this shit looks great, fuck only knows.
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Nail on the head Paul. Also don’t shave it ladies. Adult women have pubic hair.
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The wife once asked me if I’d like her to shave it for a change.
I told her that I would regard that as grounds for divorce.
She’s really perfected the art of the beautiful clean bikini line as well. Lovely. Nothing to match a lush, silky, perfumed bush. It’s part of a woman’s essential mystery.
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A slim pretty woman?
I came across this on ytube last night (sadly not literally).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pDIMm5B-50&t=9s
Very nice,don’t you think?
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I do know that tattoos slow down thick footballers and the full arm looks like they’ve been helping a cow to give birth, besides looking like the toilet as just been unblocked.
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Lot of my mates are tattooed.
Ones a tattooist.
One has a little red triangle with his blood group on it.
From the army .
Good idea that!
Theyve become acceptable now.
Football twats and celebs etc
I preferred it when there was a air of taboo about them,
Fuckin footballer cunts ruin everything!
They did the same thing with the mullet haircut.
Once footballers do something you know it’s over.
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I have my blood type on a bit of duct tape on the front of my body armour and again on my boot.
This is ‘just in case’ something happens on the lovely walk from the tube station to my place of work.
It’s an absolute shitholistan of an area with a very impressive 66% survival rate when passing through the Harry Brown underpass to site
12
Seems now that neck tattoos are the way forward.
Fashions come and go and i guess when some of these girls are 55 year old grandmothers they’ll not only be out of fashion but look like cunts too.
12
Blacks should be charged half price for not being able to see the shit. Bald men should have rabbits tattooed on their head, to look like hares from a distance.
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Top notch slap-head gag, Sammy; took a few seconds then 💥.
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Oh yeah I get that… took a few secs for me too. Nice one Sammy
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There’s a slaphead in Edinburgh who’s covered in tattoos.He’s got a fried egg done on his forehead. Honest, I kid you not.
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Looks like the yolks on him, Ron.
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Perhaps he`s saving up for a couple of sausages.
Do you think he might be going for the `Full English` in the future?
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Cracks me up whenever I think about it Sammy
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Must be a clever bloke if he’s an egghead.
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Amateurs.
At least go all the way, like me.
✒️
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I’ve no doubt that you do Sam.
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Does anybody know the long term effect ?
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I do know that the ink travels all over the body Sammy. Forensics can tell from the smallest fragment of a corpse that the person had tattooes and even what colour they were.
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I’m partial to a tattooed club mama gang bang biker bitch as a good friend once described them. I miss those days sometimes.
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Anybody willing to have gone the full Prince Albert.
3
Yup. Had to take it out because when the current missus saw it, her first reaction was ‘You’re not putting that inside me’.
Still have both nipples pierced though.
They remind me of who and what I really am, in a bizarre and fucked up corporate world where everyone has to pretend they are something they are not, just to get ahead.
No tattoos though.
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I’ve got all 5 of my nipples pierced.
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Grease nipples don’t count.
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Jess Phillips probably has.
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Just above her cunt a little green and white sign saying “Sump Oil” like old half cab Leyland buses you to have on them.
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Chinese characters tattooed on the ladies belt line at the rear which supposedly translates to good luck and happy life, actually reads gentlemen one at a time.
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Or ‘Special chow mein with satay sauce’.
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Or ‘prace ashtray here’.
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Customer – “I’d like the Special Fried Lice please”
Chinese Waiter – “It’s special fried rice, you plick”.
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Now this I must admit really gives me the horn;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxMB5NBRJEc
Jesus Scully you sexy bitch
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Tattoos are for fat ugly women, a good looking bird doesn’t need anything other than sexy undies.
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I believe they are known as Tramps Stamps in the States.
May as well go the whole hog and stick a bone through the nose.
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Some people really do need help So Long;
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2001064/Worlds-pierced-woman-Elaine-Davidson-ties-knot-Edinburgh.html
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I was brought up to regard tattoos as the ultimate in underclass options, with the possible exception of RN Other Ranks, who got them in romantic Far Eastern dives when drunk. Also, those were the days when passports had a field for “distinguishing marks”. The old man was just a little sensitive to this, as, allegedly, the Soviets had a grudge against him. The elaborate modern ones look like shit on either (any?) gender, garish and hopefully toxic inks forming ugly designs which by a process of magical thinking turn the cunt occupant of that mutilated skin into something awesome, amazin’, even incredibuw. I suspect that the darker colours are intended to allow the wearer to blend in with his/her vibrant communidy.
The cure, as for so much else, is public ridicule. Thank you, Ron. Hope this is the start of the reaction!
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My father served in the RN during the war, tattoos were listed so as to aid recognition of body parts ( if found) when ships were destroyed.
Luckily his stayed attached to his body after this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Warwick_(D25)
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So was my dad.
He told me once that he used to get ribbed occasionally for not having a tattoo.
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I live and learn. Apologies if offence was caused.
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Utterly horrible and un-feminine. Freaks like this used to belong in the circus – now they are mainstream. Why do some women want to make themselves look like a crack addled ex-whore from Portsmouth?
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But, you can larn a lot from Lydia!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4zRe_wvJw8
Good afternoon, everyone.
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‘Learn’ even!
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Tattooed women? Don’t like ’em.
I also don’t like false nails, stick on eyelashes, orange tans and thongs sticking out.
There’s nothing more skanky than a tart with dyed blonde hair, a crappy spray tan and black stick on Minnie Mouse eyelashes.
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Usually augmented by a short leather look jacket with buckles, black leggings which get wedged up her arse crack, and white trainers. Face piercings, fag or vaper optional. Mobile phone compulsory.
Effortlessly nasty.
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I reckon that having a tramp stamp is the woman’s signal that she does anal. Why else would one have one there of all places?
Another thing that I don’t get is why certain men think that having an earring makes them look attractive.
Typical examples include obese sweaty bald buggers or gangly scrawny ugly bastards who look like Plug from the Beano.
Whenever I encounter such arseholes I say to them, “I bet that without that earring, you’d look fucking ugly”
Their response is nearly the same in every case … “ Yes . you’re right.Thanks for telling me. I must look fucking embarrassing!”
You probably thought that because they don’t like criticism they said ,”You What Pal? Just give me won fookkin’ reason I don’t punch your lights out.
I rest my case.
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