Pissheads
The wife and I parked up at our local supermarket yesterday and on heading for the entrance, were confronted by an all too common sight these days; the pisshead.
There he was, sprawled against the wall, manky from head to foot; and having spent his hard-earned benefits on large bottles of cider and cans of lager, going off on one at customers going in and out of the store.
‘Wassa lookin’ a’ yer fuckers’ he ranted at us, ‘ bassas fuck off the lorra ya’ etc. I swear that it was just like seeing the legendary ‘Brown Bottle’ brought to life in front of our eyes;
We came out about half an hour later and he was still sprawled out, only now he’d pissed himself and was sitting in an expanding pool while two scuffers and a store security guard tried to get some sense out of him.
Now don’t get me wrong; I like a drink, but bloody Nora. This cunt was making a public spectacle of himself where he could be seen by youngsters as well as everybody else. Part of me had a little bit of sympathy for someone reduced to that state, but then you could argue that he’d brought it on himself.
I know it’s commonplace for people to think that being drunk is funny, but all too often drunks are antisocial (see any town centre on Saturday night), sometimes plain nasty, and worst of all, dangerous. As I said, I like a drink, but pissheads can get to fuck.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
Cheers Ron… yer me fuckin’ best mate… happy Chrizmuss eh??
Yer fuckah… hic…
BLOOOAAARGH!
16
Mithering bastards.
Can’t be doing with them.
Although the one in the header pic uses the same stylist as me.
Pissheads are annoying as fuck.
Staggering about,
Talking bollocks
Feeling sorry for themselves
Then getting feisty.
In the old days they’d be chucked in the drunk tank.
Should bring that back.
10
Petrol as gone down in price, just a couple of litres will do.
6
I reckon that Cider Woman was a bit of a goer Minge.
10
Once Rodney has closed down the pubs, and moved onto the alcohol aisle in the supermarket’s.
“Sorry sir you only have enough credits for four cans of fosters shandy ”
Pissheads will be a thing of the past, like good manners and shooting foreigners to steal their land..
“Time for a large gin and tonic barman”
12
Truly astonishing that alcohol and cigarettes are legal and organic cannabis and magic mushrooms are not.
But then the pharaceutical industry knows the myriad of their drugs that would be replaced by simply growing your own cure to life-threatening ilnnesses both physical and mental and that would slightly reduce their profitability hence why they petition the puppet goverment for legislation to keep healing compounds illegal.
19
Psilocybe cyanescens rocks!
As does this book that I was fortunate enough to pick up in the 1980s.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Guide-British-Psilocybin-Mushrooms/dp/0861660048/ref=sr_1_1?
5
How’s your harvest looking this year Thomas?
3
Is that Dirty Ange’s twin brother in the header?
6
Yes
7
Pissheads always want a captive audience who feels sorry for them.
Bore you to fuckin death with their litany of woes.
Although they’re always the victim,never at fault.
” I started drinking and lost my job,
Then my wife took the kids an left me.”
Don’t blame her.
” Nobody cares, I may as well be dead”
I don’t care either.
” I want to stop drinking but I’ve got depression ”
Me too listening to your bollocks.
16
Aye up Mis.
We had a guy in our office who always came back reeking like the bar room floor after lunch.
He would sometimes say that he drank because his wife left him. Much more a case of she left because he drank, but I don’t think that he could ever accept the notion.
11
Hello Ron,
Yeah they’re never at fault.
Always the victim.
Despite drinking away the kids school uniform money.
Reckon that Kamala Harris is a pisspot.
Seems half cut sometimes.
8
They are shite. They are scum. They are pests.
A lot of them aren’t even homeless. They just appear outside of supermarkets just to scrounge off customers. One cunt, who claimed to be ‘homeless’ had a three bedroom house in Rochdale (and, of course, an iPhone). This cunt begs outside shops in Bury, Prestwich and Manchester. Oh, and the ‘havent I got a cute little dog’ trick is another despicable stunt these vermin use.
Also, never ever give these cunts anything. Give them food and they won’t eat it. And they just blow any cash on spice or booze. Shitehawks.
19
There’s this Paggi woman who sells the Big Issue.
And every day at 5pn, she ges into a swanky new Mercedes.
Another one – a Paggi bloke this time – I was told went into his local job centre. Did the ‘no talky English’ routine and meekly claimed his ‘travel exenses’ from loads of bus and tram tickets.
Later seen in the car park laughing on his phone, talking perfect English and driving a BMW.
13
I remember when all ‘Ishoo’ sellers were decent, upstanding British pissheads.
Ah, those were the days.
14
It wasn’t Alistair Campbell, was it Ron?
12
Don’t think so Geordie, he wasn’t that offensive.
I had to go into town yesterday and there was another of them, a tramp with a bottle of what looked like turps, absolutely raving at anybody and nobody.
A couple of scuffers appeared and marched him off somewhere, to a wagon presumably. God knows what they do with these characters, other than take them somewhere to dry out.
11
We had one in Horley, Surrey; he used to drop his trousers and shite on the pavement outside shops. He had money, allegedly.
He’s now moved to shite in Ashford, Kent; sorry Kenters…
8
When I was student in Edinburgh back in the day, the Sally Ann and other places must have slung the cunts out during the day, and the area around Surgeons’ Hall/Clerk St was notorious for hordes of congregating drunks.
There was a small garden area that no sane person went into because the drunks used it as a khazi. I have a particularly fond memory of passing by the gate one day and there was this raddled old skank just squatting there with her draws round her ankles, pissing for Scotland.
It was a perpetual nightmare for shops around there, as a certain clientele would go in there regularly, nick something, then just wait for the cops to turn up and cart them off, in the hope of a night in the cells and a meal presumably.
The worst I ever saw was a couple of utterly ruined characters sitting on a bench outside Surgeons’ Hall, passing a tin of Brasso between them. Christ.
16
A terrible end but a lovely finish?
11
We see what you did there mog
6
Me and my squaddie mates back in the 80’s loved a pisshead, an endless source of amusement and piss taking, the more the feckin gormless gits retaliated the more fun it was. Woe betide any of the boys who got ratfaced to the extreme you’d never know what the other fuckers would do to them.
4
Fond memories of 8 Ace are coming back to me.
7
‘£1.49’.
5
OT. Another gem who works for the ‘Beeb’.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx282wzxx0xo
9
Always suspected he was a bit of a cunt.
10
I bet it’s his partner – whoever/whatever that is – that will need going into the repair shop.
7
In a few years there’ll be noone left there.
‘Now on bbc1 the six o clock news’..
Cut to an empty studio.
Bring back Roland rat
8
What a fucking zero. Check his wiki –
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay_Blades
Question arising: how the fuck did Buckingham (even Buckingham, of the two-year degree, ffs) admit the cunt when he had a reading age of 11?
3
Pissheads 🍺 are getting out done by crack heads 💉these days imo ….as can be seen by the price of a couple of pints compared to a bag ‘o weed or a small wrap 😩…. don’t see as many young uns in the boozer but they all smell like bob Marley when they go past or look spaced out and blank….last orders pleeeease 🛎️
10
Same where I live. If you dodge the boy racers and pigeon shit and get to the entrance you’re confronted by the piss cloud sat by a cash machine with it’s dog.
5
You are mean Ron, ultra pissheads (not the 10 pints and fight on Saturday night brigade) are part of our culture, been around for decades. We used to have one in the village where I grew up, T’Pot, always pissed but completely harmless.
I saw one earlier this year outside Derby station, comatose surrounded by empty cans.
Let’s have some charity, buy a pisshead a can of special brew 😂
9
Let’s get a protest march organised Sick.
We can all dress up in weird outfits and get some of those SWP placards made up;
‘Pisshead rights are human rights!’
‘Pissheads welcome here!’
‘Queers for Pissheads!’
8
Absolute genius Ron.
This can be applied to so many other oxygen thieves’ causes too.
4
My mum hates pissheads and regularly tells me about how police in the 50’s and 60’s didn’t tolerate their nonsense. Rounding them up and putting them into Black Mariah paddy wagons and then dump them somewhere out in the countryside to walk home and sober up. Starmer has probably already thought of this but for smokers.
12
In the 70s. the cozzers arrested these vermin on the spot for loitering or sus.
Now, the bogies are more interested in nicking someone for telling a joke on Twitter or whatever it’s called now.
11
Let’s face it Norman, it’s an easier pinch, and keeps the scuffers in with the powers-that-be.
8
About 20 years ago in a nearby market town a group of pissheads used to gather on a bench by the river. I called then the philosophical society, two were brothers one had been in Malaya and had ptsd that I found extreme poor bastard his brother cared for him and still managed to cycle 8 or 9 miles to do gardening jobs no matter the weather and consume vast amounts of lager. The other three all had metal and medical problems. I often shared a can or two with them as they had some amazing tales to tell. They never left any litter all empties even fag ends picked up at the end of a session. Talk about alcohol tolerance. The thing is they never abused anyone never pissed themselves or had a crap.in the bushes.. Basically decent people whom life had fucked over. The council had a few complaints as the first thing parking tourist saw was a load of blokes getting pissed. In their ultimate wisdom the council managed to get a no alcohol order for the places frequented by the philosophers. That was the end of outdoor drinking for everybody. These gentlemen were from my experience the exception. Most professional pissheads are a fucking pain stinking of piss and shit then you get the spewing. We had a duty of care which consisted of gloves on into recovery position call ambulance. Dog shit in the hair was definitely a winner, fallen over whilst ranting and rolled down a grass bank which was well covered in dog shit. My family and friends have written orders to shoot me if I end up a pro pisshead
M
8
I don’t mind pissheads. I drink nowhere near as much as I used to for a variety of reasons, but I’ve definitely made a cunt of myself in a pub more than once – stumbling, slurring, and I’ve fallen asleep on occasion. Standing up.
While it’s funny for some onlookers, it’s generally not decent behaviour, especially when you are sharing a communal space with others and you’re acting the arsehole in what’s essentially someone’s livelihood. What’s done is done, though, and as long as you don’t make it a repeat scene, then all’s fair. The same goes for home boozing, but there’s a bit more leeway there ‘coz you can take yourself to bed and you tend to get a bollocking from the spouse before you go completely bong-eyed.
On a lighter note, this nom reminds me of ‘Turbo Shandy’ from back in the day. Half a pint of Special Brew/Tennents Super/Kestrel, and half a pint of K Cider/White Lightning. The ORIGINAL Electric Soup, if you ask me!
8
Turbo Shandy, there’s a blast from the past. A big favourite of crusties back in the 80s-90s.
6
tennents super, the old purple can. never advertised it, they didnt need to. we knew what we were getting
2
Slightly off topic, but related….it’s interesting how booze affects people differently.
Some people become depressed.
Some people become silly leading to (dangerous) pranks and such.
For some people, everything becomes hilarious.
Some people become aggressive and belligerent.
Others still become quiet and sleepy.
I wonder if alcohol reveals deeper personality traits. Whatever is going on, one thing I do know is people + booze = problems of varying degrees.
What kind of pisshead are you?
6
All four of the above! It largely depends on 1) what I am drinking; 2) my mood.
Rum is a big no-no for me. It just turns me into The Devil Himself. If there’s something that’s irked me during the day or I’m facing some kind of difficulty, I just deal with it. Turning to The Piss solves nothing and just kicks the can further down the road.
Most other drinks just make me talk shit, though. That accompanied by Big Music on Spotify/YouTube and being no more racist and far-right than normal! 😄👍🏼
8
Chilled out, happy and with a need to turn the music up
6
Way to go Sir Mali
1
Zzzzz
4
Hardly drink at all now, but gin used to make me cry and whisky made me unconscious. Preferred whisky.
4
Some great and entertaining replies. Thanks guys.
Me? Well, I go quiet and sleepy.
Your body chemistry is bonkers though. I remember many years ago when I broke up with a girl I absolutely loved and adored. I knew I’d be up all night (or several) living through the heartache with all the physical and emotional torment that entails. Bollocks to that I though. I’ll have a large stiff drink that’ll make me sleep. I raided my parents’ drinks cabinet (such as it was), found some gin and downed a large glass, neat. ZERO effect. Crazy!
5
Being upset does that, IY. I went through a break up 10 years ago with my first Big Love. I was a man broken.
While I got pissed – fuck me, I did – I developed a tolerance for the stuff I never knew I had. And could shake it off, too.
March 2015 – November 2015 are pretty much a big memory hole.
Maybe it’s grief taking over?
4
Cuntis –
Sorry you had to endure that mate. It really is very sucky.
Our bodies must release some chemical to neutralise the effect of the alcohol. Someone who’s medically smart on here might know what that is. Adrenaline perhaps?
Glad you made it through those dark times and ended up here on this little oasis of sweary rants.
1
A pal of mine had this curious reaction. He was a dedicated drinker when out, but he didn’t seem to be getting pissed. He’d absorb drink like a sponge for hours with no apparent effect, then suddenly he’d be gone, out like a light.
We’d usually end up pouring him into a taxi, having phoned his missus to warn her that she’d need to meet him and pay the driver. One time he said he was going for a piss and disappeared. Later one of the guys spotted him spark out in a shop doorway.
He ended up hospitalised with pancreatitis, and his missus has been on his neck ever since.
0
Fucking pisshead cunts reeling around the high street crashing into bins, swearing, vomiting, and fighting with pigeons for discarded pasties. Filthy dirty, shouty, sweary sweatys and scousers, frightening old ladies. Always on the scrounge for a ‘cup of tea’, or nicking cider and sweets from the ‘offie’,
Still, we must not be judgemental as they have unresolved “issues”. The local authority will be bunging them extra free cash to ensure they can afford their favourite tipple and carry on making the town look like shit. Fuck off.
8
When younger if someone ‘ crashed out’ at a party,
Either pissed/stoned/ both it was considered fair game to fuck about with them.
Don’t remember it ever done to girls , blokes only.
But remember a lad zonked out at a party and a small crowd gathered round.
The women put lippy on him
Someone (me) drew a swastika on his forehead.
They shaved off his eyebrows.
Wouldn’t think eyebrows would change your appearance much would you?
But it does!
Like a fuckin alien.
Everyone was giggling
The girls said stop now but someone brought out scissors and started cutting his fringe super short like that cunt in Slade.
Not sure why we did this?
Nobody hated him or anything.
Far from it! We liked him.
Just high jinks I suppose?
Follies of youth.
Made sure I wasn’t there when he woke up like😂
8
Thanks for the heads up Mis, I’ll make sure not to fall asleep in the corner at the IsAC Christmas party.
Anyone else is fair game. Who drew a Hitler moustache on JP!!
5
I didn’t mind that so much, LL, because I altered it to look like a group captains handlebar ‘tache.
It was the Swastika on the left arm, and ” I’m in love with Eva B” on the right!
Took me days to scrub it off.
7
Its when you wake up with a random tattoo that you have to worry JP. Luckily all IsACer’s are perfect gentlemen and would help anyone inebriated to their bed unscathed….
3
Pissheads mantra, you’re welcome.
https://youtu.be/UemyWTSDZ70?si=KtclkczqNxv5Hl73
7
OT, but well done to all previous cunting nominations (ibid) for this talentless twat …
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx282wzxx0xo
(We always knew, didn`t we).
Cheers — 🍺🍻
5
I see his estranged wife who has made the allegations is 43.
Which makes her about 30 years too old for a BBC ‘talent’.
No wonder the marriage failed.
7
In my town, they’re mainly Polish cunts, huddled around their cans of Polska lager speaking loudly and creating pools of spit. Filthy fucking animals.
8
That is an insult to animals, Captain.
The word you are looking for is `sub-human`.
7
On the odd occasion when I’m stupefyingly pissed, my first and only thought is getting home to bed. The night is done, I’ve probably had a good time, so game over.
No matter how fucked, I’ve never had the urge to hang about outside a shop or anywhere else public and behave like a cunt.
And don’t fall for the line that these people are only there because they’re homeless.
One of our local pissheads was constantly outside the shops being a fucking nuisance, day and night, and the cunt had a house 50 yards up the road.
Maybe he’s lonely, someone once suggested.
I’m not fucking surprised, was my response.
11
Twats
5
See above, about 3 responses.
🚬
3
Marwood (to Withnail, who picks up a bottle of lighter fluid): “I wouldn’t drink that if I was you. Withnail: “Why not?” Marwood: “Because I don’t advise it. Even the wankers on the site wouldn’t drink that, that’s worse than meths.” Withnail: “Nonsense. This is a far superior drink to meths. The wankers don’t drink it because they can’t afford it. (He pours the lighter fluid down his throat. He gags and gasps) Have we got any more? (Marwood shakes his head) Liar. What’s in your toolbox?” Marwood: “No, we have nothing. Sit down.” Withnail: “Liar. You’ve got antifreeze.” Marwood: “You bloody fool, you should never mix your drinks!”
4
Don’t begrudge anyone a drink.
If a working man fancies a pint ?
Go for it.
Long as your not pissing up money meant for the missus and kids,
Ticketyboo 👍
But some people can’t handle drink.
Falling all over the pub, mithering others (me) being a nuisance.
Rambling and mumbling shite.
I can drink all night and behave impeccably.
I stick to bitter.
If I’ve had whisky I’m less so.
I enjoy a lads night out although only couple of times a year.
And we will drink to make the landlord smile!
A band or a jukebox is all I need for a good night on the lash.
And happy to sing along when in my cups.
I have a beautiful singing voice.
But you probably could of guessed that…..😁
7
you’ll need a fucking drink after reading this..
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyly0rdyz0o
burn them at the stake
5
After force feeding them their own bollocks.
FFS. How many more of these cunts are out there?
You’re right Unk. The state of this country could drive anybody to drink.
Careful tho; wouldn’t want Islamophobia in England’s green and pleasant land, would we?
5
How many more are out there Ron? Not sure. How many muslims are there in the UK?
2
Too fucking many arfur.
4
Strangely Al-Beeb radio didn’t mention their ethnicity on the 6 o’clock news tonight. Odd that. Mind you once they mentioned Rotherham it wasn’t too hard to fill in the blanks.
2
A brief musical interlude
https://youtu.be/AynpbmYhABA?si=4KDGpjX3E44ZsrHb
2