Inaccurate or misleading food menus

Posted on by

Mrs. Yank and I like to eat out occasionally. It’s often a mine field because many establishments cannot be fucking bothered to actually disclose what is in, on or to the side of their menu items.

Certain allergies aside, there are some things we just don’t like and will not eat. Let’s consider some examples.

Pizza (*).
The takeout variety is usually safe, but dine in Italian eateries are very fond of sprinkling parmesan cheese on everything. Parmesan cheese smells like vomit (be honest) and probably tastes similar. As such it will not pass my lips. Do they mention this crap on their menu or give you the choice of not having vomit sprinkled on your food? Nope.

Tex Mex.
We like queso which is sometimes described as a “3 cheese dip”. That’s great, but which 3 cheeses, FFS? In a Tex Mex place, it’s unlikely to include parmesan, but gouda is equally as revolting and needs to be banned. If ordered, it can sometimes show up as queso blanco which is not the same thing. Plus it might have other nasties in it (e.g. onion) which Mrs. Yank can’t touch. Were any of these surprises mentioned on the menu? Nope.

Burgers.
Yanks are in the habit of adding all manner of diabolical shite to burgers. It’s a known fact (recognised by international law) that mayonnaise comes from the devil’s arse crack having been fermented in herpes rich untreated sewage. If you add depleted uranium to it, you get salad cream (true story). Anyway, not everyone in the world likes mayonnaise and yet there is it on your burger, completely unmentioned on the menu. Another common practice is to serve a burger and fries with a fucking pickle (gerkin) on the plate. Pickles are of unknown origin, but are believed to be the decaying genitals of ancient civilisations from across the galaxy which somehow enter the Earth’s atmosphere and land on people’s plates at dinner time. Complete with some vinegar infused juice, probably some ancient lube used for ancient bumming. Does the menu mention the dangers of pickle and lube juice co-habiting your plate? Nope.

After the surprise and the resultant complaint, some dishes can be re-made. But then you’ve got awkwardness, the delay factor and possible ‘tude from your server. Other dishes can have the offending item(s) taken off and the plate of food returned to you. The problem here is, if your food were on the same plate as a dog turd, would taking the dog turd off the plate still make the food edible? I think not.

Sometimes it’s just not worth the hassle if you have to clarify or have removed 3 or more things. You know they’ll forget and get it wrong, so you might as well eat somewhere else. Home for example.

(*) I’ve spent a lot of time in Italy and what passes for pizza in the UK/US contravenes the trades description act. If you know, you know.

Nominated by Imitation Yank.

104 thoughts on “Inaccurate or misleading food menus”

  1. The only worthwhile sandwich is an unadorned smoked bacon (real smoke not fake liquid smoke) on white bread with butter. Any sauce, especially that brown slime is a cardinal sin, anything else is unnecessary.
    A home made burger, slice of Cheddar/Red Leicester/Emmental (again, real deal not that square, processed shite you septics call ‘cheese’ with lettuce, onion and fresh tomato on a big roll.
    I totally agree re Mayonnaise, it’s Satan’s Semen and only endured by dodgy continental types on their ‘fries’.
    That said, I’m having a Jumbo Breakfast sausage from the local farm shop with home made ketchup on a white roll. Their bacon is also the very best I’ve had in my time on earth.

    • I miss proper smoked bacon. Yanks can’t do bacon. What they call bacon is really just strips of fat with maybe one or two tiny streaks of meat – if you’re lucky. It is really quite nasty, especially if you’re used to proper back bacon. I’ve never seen smoked bacon in a Yank grocery store.

      Best we not get started on their attempts at crisps. Dear-oh-dear.

      • Given the Yanks mainly only do those skinny strips of fatty bacon (not bacon to you or me), I wonder what they do with the rest of the pig over there. Mind boggles.

  2. All those menu items sound rather fancy Mr Yank.

    May I recommend meat pie and chips washed down with 4 pints of ale?

    Never seen it presented with parmesans,gherkins nor owt fucking mexcan.

    Anyway stay safe out there,some cunt might fetch you hidden tofu.

    Good morning.

    • Aahhh, traditional “meat” pie, made with traditional lamb or beef bollocks, entrails, basically anything one level above dog food. It’s what made us “Brits” so great. Chow down😳

  3. I despise being obliged to go to a restaurant for one of my kids’ birthdays. The insult of having to spend dozens of pounds to get preheated overpriced slop delivered to your table after a mere 55 minutes where you can cook far better and fresher yourself.
    Fuck restaurants. I hope they all go out of business.
    Which they will by Christmas after the Chancellor gets her witchy fingers into every pound we own, the cunt.

      • How come?
        Got out of the wrong side of waterbed this morning?

        Take it out on someone else,
        That’s why the rich have domestics and cleaners Tommy.
        You can use them like a stress ball.

        Found a grey hair?
        Shove Juanita down the stairs when she’s hoovering.

        Your holiday is cancelled?
        Go lamp the gardener with a shovel.
        He’s from Guatemala
        No fucker will care.

        The rich have it sussed.

      • Some of the people who work for me need too much hand-holding.
        Too many needy spastıcs obstructing my path and strangling my would-be expeditiousness.

  4. Well, I’m not too sure about this one ‘Yank’…..I must have a more refined palate as I don’t dislike any of which you mention

      • #metoo, Moggie.

        I used to bob off to Greece, Spain etc. several times a year.

        Never too far, in terms of flight times.
        Used to make a point of eating local cuisine. I’ve had a fish stew in Portugal that was unbelievable, lamb kleftika in Greece that’s so tender you can practically drink it, but for me the very best food is found in Malta.

        They have everything, Italian, French, Greek, Spanish and yes, even English.
        It’s all outstanding.

    • You must have a stronger constitution, Chuff. Kudos.

      It’s not just the things I don’t like though. It’s the lack of disclosure on menus which grinds my gears. Way back when I worked in London, I could never pick up a simple sandwich for lunch because invariably they would have all kinds of crap included which had nothing to do with the name of the sandwich. Tuna salad for example. That sounds like some tuna with maybe some lettuce, cucumber and tomato slices on some buttered bread. That kind of thing. But no. It’s tuna mixed with fucking mayonnaise on bread. Same goes for egg salad. Hideous.

      Everywhere you look it’s mustard this, vinaigrette that, some bollocks dressing the other.

  5. For true gourmets in London may I suggest they head over for a truly unique dining experience – at Maison Mandy, which as you know is in Great Queen Street. In a really duckie ambience you will be served delicious mince, to-die-for fairy cakes, washed down with Chateau Kweer, the house iced pansy water. The dining experience is enhanced by the live entertainment – real cabaret – Diane Abbott ripping up telephone directories, Angie Rayner and her gypsy dancing will really give your appetite an edge, and at the cottage upright, Chris Bryant will accompany the show’s star David Lammy in Negro spirituals (his rendition of Shortnin’ Bread will make you yearn for more fairy cakes), and at weekends only (NOT Fridays) – “Mr Entertainment” himself, Keir Rodney will present a smile, a song and a tap dance.

    Admission is free to non-diners, but it will cost 75.00 to get out.

  6. I wouldn’t eat any of that shite in the nom.

    Not because of allergies but because it’s filthy foreign pigmuck.

    I don’t eat any shite like that.

    Mexicans don’t wash their balls never mind their hands.
    Italians just tomato 🍅
    And pasta, fuck that.

    I don’t eat chili, curry, mexican, Thai, Frenchy, or yank.

    I’m a Englishman and I eat English food.

    Bangers and mash with onion gravy

    Fish and chips

    Holland’s meat& potato pies

    Bacon butties
    Bubble n squeak
    Liver and onions
    Black pudding
    Tater hash.

    I don’t need to try anything new.
    I already know what I like.

    • I’m not sure you’d appreciate a full list of stuff that goes into bangers…ears, nose and testicles. Why do they taste so good though?

      • It’s the pigs knackers.
        Full of flavour.
        The only part of a pig you can’t eat is the oink

    • If you’re ever tempted to become more cultured MNC (fat chance I know), I recommend you try Oirish cuisine.

      Bacon and Cabbage (boiled)
      Potato (boiled)
      Potato (fried)
      Potato (mashed)
      Ham sandwich (buttered)

      And a digestive or Mikado biscuit (pronounced ‘Mickey Do’) for pudding with a nice sup o’tea.

      Your refined taste will be the talk of the town.

      • Funnily enough Mickey if getting a takeaway and the missus said

        Chinese? Indian? Irish?

        Irish it is!
        I love those potato farls 👍

        Bacon+spuds+ cabbage+ butter
        You can’t fuck up with those ingredients.

        The russians know it
        The polish know it
        We know it.

        The rest of the world hasn’t caught up yet.😁

      • Potato farl, MIS? Mouth watering ingredients alone. Now I’ll have to go and get a cabbage.
        Bastard.

  7. The temptation to test those claims of a lnut allergy must be overwhelming for chefs and kitchen staff?

    When someone is bragging that a fuckin Almond will kill them?
    Id struggle to resist crushing a marathon (snickers ) bar into the food, just to see if they’re lying.

    Maybe restaurants should have those Epi pens on hand?

    If this went tits up and they started turning purple and their head swelled up like a pumpkin,
    You can be sure they’d find the wrapper in the chefs pocket😁

  8. Good nom, IY.

    Top of The Donald’s menu tonight will be Kamala on Toast. He will need a good supply of toothpicks to get the gristly bits out from between his teeth, but otherwise there should be nothing to hinder his digestion.

      • I saw that too, Wanksock.

        What amazes me is why anyone still supports anything Demoncrat. They are destroying America. I understand if there are some who are simply ‘never Trump’ for whatever reason. But he’s already proved is worth to the country. His first term saw a much more prosperous America. Booming economy, low interest rates, no wars, energy independence, secure southern border to name a few. The fact all this happened while the left did everything they could to undermine and derail a sitting president is remarkable.

        I didn’t watch the Trump/Biden ‘debate’ because I knew what would happen and it did. The whole debate thing though is a bit of a farce. It’s not a debate at all. It’s a Q&A at best where the object of the exercise is to score political points by highlighting your opponent’s ineptitude. KH has got nothing to offer in terms of positive achievement. It’ll probably be another blood bath like the Biden ‘debate’ was. Like watching a car crash over and over. Nah. Xbox for me this evening.

    • I hope Big Don likes fish.
      Because Kamala probably pongs like the grease traps at Grimsby.fish market.

      • Given the number of blokes who have had a go on her you’re probably right Norman. I am told she has been cocked more times than Davy Crockett’s rifle.

  9. That parmesan shite smells like a tramps socks.
    Dunno why the eyeties go crazy for it?

    In Holland they put mayonnaise on chips the filthy fuckers!
    But they’re all drug addicts so can’t really blame them.

    As for gherkins… I like them!

    In the early 80s when McDonald’s first came to Stockport
    The path outside was full of green blobs,
    No cunt in Stockport had ever seen a gherkin!
    So they’d gozz it on the floor in suspicion.

    Not me.
    I like them

    • Exactly Mis. Parmesan really does smell awful. Some cheeses have a strong odour, if you like that sort of thing. But parmesan really does smell like vomit. Why are people sprinkling vomit smelling cheese on their food? It’s crazy!!!

  10. I think that Mr Yank is far too fussy with his food.

    Eat it, you may like it.

    Thai and Chinese foods are lovely but don’t use chopsticks unless you want to be a cunt.

    Mediterranean style dishes are healthy and good for you.
    Lots of olive oil, even if it is overpriced.
    Italian food if authentically cooked is the best.
    An Italian pizza is nothing like the shite you buy in the UK.

    Jewish food is good too and it really fills you up.

    Don’t bother with mayonnaise brought from a supermarket.
    Make your own.

    Even Indian curries, if cooked by an Indian and not brought in a restaurant staffed by smelly, filthy Bangladeshis are tasty.

    Parmesan cheese should never be cooked.
    It should be liberally sprinkled on pasta.

    English food is OK.
    It warms you up in the many cold months.

    I can see that cultural enrichment is not really working with many people on this site.

    • I share your opinion Artful. Some cunters are like little kids who declare they won’t eat stuff which sometimes they’ve never seen, let alone tasted. There be some friction if they lived with my wife.

    • Jewish food? No idea what that is but I’ve been told that they drink the blood of Christian children.

      Part of the reason I’ve been a heathen all my life.

      • I know that Jews like chicken soup.
        That an knishes.

        But that’s all I know about Jewish cuisine.

      • I thought Christian children were rented off of Jewish child catchers by the clergy then sold on to witches after being wrecked and tenderised for their dinner.

    • No Artful – not too fussy I’d counter.

      We all like what we like. I just object to having extra stuff included as a matter of course of which you’re unware when you order it because some cunt couldn’t be bothered to disclose what they put in, on or next to your food. It’s annoying.

      I do like Chinese and Thai food. And I’m a cunt because I invariably use chop sticks. Many people go the chop sticks route thinking they’re being sophisticated and ‘in touch’ with the ethnic dining experience. But then attempt to use them with their food on a plate. Cunts. Chop sticks are supposed to be used with food in a bowl which you pick up and hold close to your mouth.

      I can’t deal with Indian food. I’m not sure it’s actually food at all. It pongs so bad. Was taken to an Indian alleged restaurant many moons ago. Girlfriend at the time ordered since she knew about this stuff. One dish showed up and it was the colour of those florescent yellow highlighter pens. I kid you not. It looked radioactive. I refused to go anywhere near it.

      Another time a works do met up at an Indian alleged restaurant. I was young and foolish and wanted to fit in so agreed to go along. Big mistake. I remember this so clearly. On the menu was “Meat curry” with no other qualifying text. My point at the time was, if you’re not prepared to identify the meat in your curry, then that’s highly suspect. I can’t remember what I ended up ordering. Probably just a plate of chips. Fuck knows how or why curry is considered the national dish in the UK. The devil’s work and no mistake.

      • Anything Indian or Chinese restaurants advertise as ‘meat’, is usually roadkill, urban fox or some poor fucker’s beloved cat.

        Some little slitty eyed kid I went to school with had one of their restaurants shut down because a dead Alsatian was found hanging in the kitchen with bits carved off it.

      • I went on a works outing to a buffet style restaurant that seemed to specialise in all cuisines (I didn’t think that was a good idea) and there was a big metal tray labelled Buddha’s Balls. I was having none of that.

  11. Steak and chips (not fries), no fucking pepper sauce or any other concoction.

    Surely you can get a decent steak in Yankee land

    • You can indeed, Sick.

      But…..if you actually want it cooked properly or “well done” as they call it, you get a look like you’re a heathen. There’s a lot of snobbery when it comes steak. The rarer you want your steak cooked, the more discerning and sophisticated you are. Apparently.

      People who eat steak which oozes blood when they cut into it are cunts.

  12. Can’t recall my last decent eat in, or scrape away, for that matter, & the prices have really shot up ‘post alledged pandemic.’ Of course many buisnesses decided that this was (and still is) a necessary measure to recoupe what they could from their lockdown losses. So from my own recent experiences, together with what you have written above, I think you are right I.Y. it’s safer & cheaper to stay at home.

    • The English version.

      Pasta Bolognes is never cooked with spaghetti.
      It is served only with tagliatelle.

      And the sauce is a ragu.
      Just meat. No onions or tomatoes or any other shit that you would normally stir in.

      Spaghetti bolognese is for small children.

      • Ignore them LL. I like spag bol as well. The wife makes it with low fat minced steak, beef stock, onions, tomato purée and plenty of white wine. Way to go.

      • OMG, a spaghetti snob! Tuscany for your hols, was it, with that nice Tony Blair?

        The scene is 1967 Praed Street, London. A young Komodo is ordering spaghetti bolognese, described as such, in an Italian restaurant visibly patronised by authentic Italians. Proper spaghetti: check. Oniony garlicky tomatoey herby beef mince sauce: check. Parmesan on request, check. Glass of Valpolicella ( I knew no better, I was young), check. Gaggia espresso, check. Delicious. Cheap, too, and a waitress to die for.
        Who cares what the Eyeties eat? – the cunts will even eat polenta, that testament to unimaginative rural destitution ( very popular with wannabe poverty-stricken Islingtonites these days)

        Having my own version of SB tonight, a rasher of bacon chopped fine, lightly fried and added to the mince gives it a boost. Cheers.

      • Artie’s a pasta partisan Komodo.

        He’d be outraged if he knew LL had turkey dinosaurs and alphabites for Sunday dinner.😆

      • I’m going to take some flak for this, but try a dollop of mayonnaise mixed in with meat sauce of your spagbol.

        It really makes it come alive.

        I’ll get me coat now.

  14. Not directly related, but I despise restaurants who mislead me over gluten free varients to their dishes.

    The wife is severely gluten intolerant, so if we want to try somewhere different, I’m always careful to go in beforehand and ask about this, as in ‘I’m talking about being able to adjust menu options to exlude gluten ingredients’.

    Some restaurants are excellent; what tends to happen elsewhere is that when you’re seated and ask what they can adjust for gluten free, the waiter will just point to the menu and say ‘you can have that’ (one thing). In other words, the initial assurances I got were bollocks.

    The first time this happened we just put up with it. Afterwards I was ready, and a couple of times since I’ve asked to see the manager and said that we’re leaving, and why we won’t be back.

    Can I emphasise that this isn’t just the wife being picky; she is severely gluten intolerant.

    • I fully understand and sympathise Ron. Problem is that most people who claim to be gluten intolerant really are simply unhinged. My wife is asthmatic and while she’s never had a problem with cats which we have always kept, dogs affect her very badly and horses knock her over at 100 yards. We have met people over the years who say it’s psychosomatic. I don’t bother to argue. Back in the seventies we went to a house party where we had never been before. We made our excuses and left within half an hour because for some unexplained reason she had an asthma attack. We found out later that the couple whose house it was kept a big boisterous dog which had been sent away to his parents for the evening.

    • I sympathise, Ron. It’s a mine field.

      Mrs. Yank is actually allergic to onion. Which is a pain because onion is in a LOT of dishes. The trick here is to tell your server about the allergy. If they subsequently serve a dish with onion and you get sick as a result….it’s lawsuit time. The restaurant doesn’t want that, so using the word “allergy” is key. Restaurants take that seriously here, which is good.

      I have a major problem with vinegar. I’ve never knowingly ingested it as a raw ingredient, but the smell makes me nauseous. I feel physically sick and get the dry heaves. Not good. Years ago I got the train to/from work. There was a fish and chips shop right next to the station. In the evenings it was always open and the stench of vinegar in the street was like a punch in the face. I’d come out of the station, take a deep breath and leg it a couple of hundred yards so as to avoid inhaling that putrid pong.

      Still, at least I got some exercise.

  15. Steak, cabbage and mash for tea tonight ❤️

    Any left overs? Bubble an squeak tomorrow.

    Amazeballs.

    Bet kier Stormfront doesn’t eat as well as that?
    He’ll be having quinoa again.
    Like a Peruvian peasant

  16. When something is described as “tasty’ on a menu.

    As opposed to what exactly? Tasteless?

    A good example ‘tasty’ halloumi fries. They’re not tasty, they have the consistency and flavour of deep fried phlegm.

    They’re fucking vile.

    • They fuckin sound it Odin.

      The daughter has sweet potato fries!!!😩

      Rank .
      Absolutely minging.

      Bright orange.
      Like something that’s been removed off Donald Trumps arse.

      • The wife likes those sweet potato fries toO.

        When your mouth is all ready for a decent steak and chips and then those sweet potato abominations appear on your plate, disappointed would be a massive understatement.

        In fact grounds for divorce in some countries.

      • Rubbish Odin.
        She likes them but them we dropped her on her nut as baby.

        I would throw a tantrum if they put them on my artisanal ceramic plate.

        I like real chips.

    • Odin – yeah, good one.

      Over here there’s another common expression used for the location of a business. Their ad might say something like, “5 convenient locations” or “conveniently located on 5th street”.

      If you lived near their location(s), then yes it might be convenient. If you don’t, which would be the vast majority of potential customers, then their location(s) is not convenient at all. So why use the word “convenient”? Cunts.

  17. The best food is always the freshest.

    Fish and seafood brought on the dock from the fishermen that caught it a few hours ago.
    Meat and vegetables brought directly from the farm shop.
    Sausages containing only meat and made by a butcher who knows what he is doing.

    If you can’t by food that is absolutely fresh then anything from a supermarket will need livening up with various sauces or by adventurous cooking techniques.

    You can’t buy anything from a supermarket which can be taken home to be simply boiled, fried or roasted and expect it to taste good.

    English produce is no different from produce brought anywhere else.
    It’s just the English cooking methods that make the food boring.

    • I’m afraid I have to disagree TAC.

      For some reason everything we buy allegedly fresh from the supermarket is usually force grown and becomes flavourless, but really looks the part.

      Real fresh vegetables out of the garden really taste like they should and garden grown cabbage actually has a flavour that isn’t metallic water.

    • A lot of supermarket veg is hydroponically grown, then chilled for transit and storage. This approach works spectacularly badly for tomatoes in particular. They should NEVER be chilled as they lose any flavour they may have had.

      But allow me to recommend one supermarket product which is worth buying: Polish sausage. This is required by law to state how much real meat goes into making 100g of the product, and that’s printed on the packet. 130g is pretty standard. The dushkas won’t touch less than 120. Kielbasa is well worth a try – there are many variants.

    • Don’t see why they couldn’t. Restaurants seem to use fish sauce a lot which in my view is essentially the same sh!te i.e. manky, unpeakable, bits of fermented (rotting/rotted?) fish with salt. I think it’s meant to impart a “umami” (savory) flavour but if I see it, or anchovies, listed on a restaurant menu as an ingredient in any dish I avoid it like the plague to ensure the “bomb bay door” doesn’t fail on the way home.

  20. If you`re ever unfortunate enough to be in a Rick Stein restaurant, be sure and order the lobster, then ask for a bottle of ketchup after it arrives. It`s an absolute joy watching chef`s face as you`re forcibly escorted from the premises.
    🦞🍅

  21. The only reason I very very occasionally visit a McDonalds (incognito and only if I am sure I am not being followed) is to buy their very cheapest hamburger, which doesn’t have a brand name like, eg, “MSG McBuggery”. The counter monkeys are instructed not to laugh openly at my cheapskatery, but it does make their day. That economical dietary disaster contains the objects of my desire, namely half a dill pickle and a smear of slightly spicy tomato gloop. The rest of course tastes of air and can be discarded. I am seeking treatment for this.

    Other than that, I don’t eat out much. I have neither exotic tastes nor a bottomless wallet, and having worked occasionally in hotels, I know what the backstage area looks like. “Indian” restaurant food is probably the worst offender. Whatever you order was produced from a catering bucket of Indian(sic) Restaurant Bulk Curry Base and a prefried spice pack to which the precooked meat was added before packing it in individual portions, freezing it and putting it into the UK-wide curry distribution courier network. (how the hell did you think that got to your table in five minutes, then?)

  22. Can’t piss around with the great staple of two slices of thick cut bread with a full can of branston baked beans and garnished with black pepper and obviously brown sauce 😋…..fit for a king even one with jug ears 👂

  24. OT, but a good ‘un…

    Well had some cunt in the kidney unit today.

    There’s this gobshite, who I have already mentioned here.

    Now, she isn’t even a nurse. She’s support staff. But she can put patients on the machines.

    But, she acts like she runs the place. And she picks and chooses who she does and doesn’t put on. She even changes the patients/staff board over the main nurses’ heads.

    On Saturday, she refused to put some lady on. Nothing wrong with the woman patient. Old Big Gob just wanted to put one of her ‘favourites’ on instead. I actually heard her say (loudly, as usual) ‘I’m putting suchabody on. He’s my favourite.’

    Most unprofessional and quite cuntish. The fact tht she gets away with it is also a joke.

    Anyroad, in a mischievous mood, I said to her today, ‘I want that really nice and good looking one (her name here) to always put me on. She’s my favourite.’

    Big Gob came over all Fuhrer-like, and said ‘You can’t pick and choose people. That’s not how it works. You can’t have favourites.’

    I simply grinned and said ‘Why not? You do, and everyone knows it.’

    Her face was a picture.

    One-Nil. Most satisfying.

    • A brave move, Norm. But funny nonetheless.

      If she’s that much of a witch though, instead of taking nasties out of your blood, she might hook you up to a machine that adds plutonium to your blood stream. Still, you might end up with a super power with which to brain the gobby cow.

      • I wouldn’t say she was a witch, IY. Or a particularly nasty person. She just can come across as a bit of a cunt. A massive attention seeker and way too loud for a kidney unit at 7am. And she does pick and choose who she puts on, which nobody else there does. A good few patients have been annoyed by her at one time or another.

        She got a bit of a bollocking from an auditor/inspector the other week. She actually taped paper to the small glass window in the dialysis unit entrance. This was because she didn’t want us patients looking at the board, before she decided to change it round and ‘choose’. She also ‘ordered’ one of the ambulance drivers (a top lad) not to let any of us see the patients/staff board in the morning. He told her to get lost.

        The inspector lady rightfully said ‘Who the hell has put that up there? What if there was a fire, or somebody was in serious trouble? Take it down.’

        As I said, silly unprofessional stuff. But not suitable for a serious hospital environment full of grown adults.

      • OK, got it Norm. I do enjoy your tales from your hospital visits.

        Wishing you all the best with your treatments.

        Look after yourself, mate. Cheers – IY.

  25. One of my earliest memories is of being starving hungry when I was about five after travelling to Cornwall all day. Got into the Hotel Restaurant and was given Meatballs. Scoffing them too quick, one rolls off the plate lands on my seat and rolls up my shorts. Proceeded to pick it out and eat it, whilst an old woman looks on and dry heaves.

  26. Complaining about burgers is anti-American. It’s seditious, subversive, and downright anarchical. It stinks of Treason!

    People have been deported for less.*

    *Not under the Biden Regime. They don’t deport anyone. But in the past…

    • Vegan cunt and Hollyweird looney, Natalie ‘no tits’ Portman.
      Claimed that eating a cheeseburger was as bad as rape.
      Demented fucking bint.

      • She should be so lucky.

        Id rape a cheeseburger before I’d touch her
        The skellington cunt

      • I agree, Miserable. She’s horrendous.
        Only gets film roles because her famlly is in with the Speilberg/ Lucas mob.

        Fucking neposkelly cunt.

    • What ingredients would make a good Hamburger for you general?

      For me, has to have fried onions.

      The best burgers I’ve ever had have always been at fairgrounds for some reason.

    • General –
      As a member of the advance party to reestablish British rule in America, we need to set some standards. Anything pickled is outlawed. It has to be that way in a civilised society.
      Thank me later – IY.

      • Hey I Yank,

        In keeping with your native land’s values, you should revise your opinion.

        With mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, onions, tomato, pickles, cheese, etc it is clear…diversity for burgers is our strength.

        On a side note, if there is to be an advance party, I’m glad it’s you!

        MAGA
        MEGA

      • LOL General.

        Burger diversity is our strength – classic! Did make me chuckle heartily.

        To be honest, I fully expected you to dismantle my ‘reestablish British rule’ line. Like the Brits have any basis upon which to establish fit and proper government, given the shambles which is playing out over the pond right now.

        We may be in a bit of a mess over here, but I’d take this mess over Keir Stasi and his is dictatorship right now.

        Will you be tuning in for the ‘debate’ this evening?

    • Hey I Yank,

      I will indeed be watching. Although to be truthful…and this will come as a shock to some…my mind is already made up.

      Trump / Vance
      MAGA

      • But General…..Kamala’s black, sorry I meant African American and she’s….no wait….Indian American…..hold on….she’s a woman of colour…..so not supporting her is a misogynist racist hate crime……and Trump is orange……and a felon with bad hair….and is a threat to democracy….and everything he says he achieved when he stole the election in 2016 was all the hard work of Obama…..and he caused all the Covid deaths….and…..and….and….he took money from the Russians…..and undermined Ukraine with his corruption….and loaded the Supreme Court with KKK members….and separated families at the southern border because he hates the poor and destitute and he infects babies with AIDS and….and….and…..all his family are corrupt and hate America…..and his wife’s ugly…and he smells.

        LOL. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  27. Fuck me, dining with you must be like trying to feed a 5 year old. Just stay at home and eat chicken nuggets. I’m not keen on ketchup or beans but I manage to eat around beans and scrape the ketchup off a burger if I must. Mayo tastes of absolutely fuck all so I can imagine how folks can eat it with indifference but it’s hardly going to make anyone spew their fucking ring is it. Parmesan, fucking lovely stuff. We call it sweaty bollock cheese at chez fatjon and it gets chucked on many things, although rarely any bollocks.

      • Ps
        Baked beans FatJon?
        You fussy cunt!

        Proper cowboy food baked beans.
        The wild west was tamed because of baked beans.

        Don’t you even light your own farts afterwards?

  28. Looking at the lazy-bastards and can’t-be-arsed chillers in any supermarket prompts the question: Why does every fucking thing have to be coated in chili, garlic and something sticky before can’t-be-arsed unwraps it and chucks it in the microwave in the mistaken belief that he/she/it’s performing haute cuisine? Or stuffed with mozarella and/or an ersatz Thai sauce-alike? Hey, Marketeer! Leave the food alone!

  30. All this talk of food has set my appetite off.
    Going to the shops to buy ingredients.

    Fancy a Smoked Bacon & Brie on Crusty thick white bread with a little cranberry sauce….

Comments are closed.