Audi drivers

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Are cunts.

It’s been a while, but my drive home after work tonight has prompted me to renew my already low opinion of cunts who drive fucking Audis.
So earlier managed to get cut up on my left side whilst in the leftmost lane with nothing on my left apart from this ginger Audi driving cunt, do what these cunts do, driving like an absolute cunt, anyway I let it go.

Then we get further down the road, I get in my lane thanks to using my indicator and someone letting me in and we inch along, then ginger Audi boy, after sliding up the wrong lane as far as he can go, cunt boy decides he wants to be in my lane and he, s now level with me and wants to be let in, as ginger boy is an Audi driver, there is no trace of an indicator, just tries to push his way in.

So after being mouthed at to get fucked by myself, he boots it and cuts someone up in front of me, after the next roundabout I’m level with this jizz gargling cunt again and he is in the wrong fucking lane again for the 4th time in a mile by my reckoning, anyway this fucker ended up having to choose another exit in the end, rather than a concrete island..
So what the fuck is it with Audi drivers, is there a course Audi send them on when they buy their Skoda in drag, or it’s the inferiority complex of owning a Volkswagen and paying double for it.
So to today’s ginger, Blue Audi driver in Cardiff, you sir are a cunt, maybe you should treat yourself a copy of the fucking highway code and learn how to drive, ya cunt…

A personal opinion

Nominated by Fuglyucker.

65 thoughts on “Audi drivers”

  1. A.U.D.I = Arsehole Usually Driving It. Successor to the BMW as the cunt’s ride of choice.

  2. An all too common occurrence these days.

    However, might this cunt’s problem not be that he drives an Audi, but the fact that he’s a Ginger?

    • Hi GT you .ay well be right, ut I think he was just embracing being a full on 4 wbeeled ginger cunt and loving it,you know the type, lab rat.eyes and a beard, when your gi ger you dont grow extra hair.ffs, I would.imagine without.his kit on he looks like a trampled on scotch egg.
      Surprisingly enough he hadnt blacked out the windows in an attempt to block out any sunlight like a fucming albino drakula…..

  3. I’ve yet to see or meet an Audi driver that isn’t a complete and utter wankstain.
    Is there a wanker test you have to take at the dealership before they’ll let you buy one?

  4. On a motorway if a Audi is in front I immediately assume

    1) he’ll change lanes without indicating

    2) he’ll do his best to cause a accident

    3) he’ll be a cunt

    It’s like Audi are some form of disability vehicle?

  5. The peacefuls love an Audi.
    An A6 for Mohammed senior and an A3 for Mohammed junior, almost always in black.
    Mo senior crawls around holding everything up and has to stop and engage first gear for speed humps.
    Mo junior is foot the floor and up your arse on straight roads, but can’t cope with corners, and likewise cannot cope with speed humps.
    Mrs Mo, who’s driving examiner cousin got her a license, also drives the A6 but struggles with its size. It takes her longer to park the fucking thing at the supermarket than doing the actual shopping.
    Yes indeed, Audi drivers are cunts no matter what their creed. But park keys struggle with the concept of driving in a Micra, let alone something bigger.
    And when they’re better off, they upgrade to fucking enormous Mercs.
    Dog help us.

    • Mo normally installs one of those fake dump valve exhausts. The ones that go CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK ⚡️🧨⚡️🧨⚡️.

      Mo is retarded.

    • My ex wife had no chance reverse parking our Micra but had no problems at all doing the same with our Vauxhall Omega estate which was nearly 4ft longer.

  6. Tesla drivers are also vying for top spot in the wanker driver stakes.
    Over 90% of Tesla’s are company cars, so are subject to the kind of thrashing and misuse you’d expect.
    Add to that the virtue signalling possibilities and the general air of arrogance of someone who thinks they’ve ‘made it’ and you’ve got a worrying combination.
    At least the rest of us know that they’ll never achieve the promised battery range and the fucking thing will probably self combust.

    • Electric cars catching fire can’t just be limited to Spain.

      Out of season our roads are relatively quiet.
      But at least twice a week there is a car on fire on our local roads or evidence of a fire with burnt tarmac.

      It must happen a lot in the busy UK.

    • +1 for Tesla pilots.

      An overweening sense of the pious with these cunts, always knowing their 1972 BL bodywork quality milk float will always outsprint an ICE’d vehicle.

      If you want to deflate a Tesla owner, just point out the massively uneven panel gaps around their jellymould, which looks like it was styled by Lennie Peters.

      • Teslas, like Range Rovers are expensive poor quality vehicles for posers with more money than sense and both makes win the competition for most unrelable cars on sale year in, year out.

      • I’m fucked then, I drove an A8 fantastic bit of kit a Range Rover sold at 2 years old because it was always in the dealership a BMW X6 just got rid after 14 years it never missed a beat brilliant car. Will never have electric shite, currently in the Mrs’s 12 year old IQ it’s also never missed a beat from new. Really don’t know what to have next will probably be my last.

    • At least the Tesla retards are now having to eat a shit sandwich of disappointment, depreciation and sky high costs, zero fucks given for those deluded fuck monkeys…..

  9. I don’t drive, but find it interesting if someone drives a certain car, they are cunts. Doesn’t that mean the type of car could have a disign fault ?

    • Apparently the indicators on BMWs and Audis are purely cosmetic. That seems like a design flaw to me.

      • I drive like a maniac in my german car and MUST indicate as I don’t want to get railed by some gen-pop ‘tard with inferior reactions.

        I can’t afford to fix my own car.

      • @medieval ceiling cat

        You’re lucky I’m not allowed to cunt fellow cunters, you fellow CUNNN……TER.

        Seriously Chief, you need to nail your colours to a slightly-less cunty mast. BMW? Seriously?

      • @Medieval Ceiling Cat

        You used the term “gen-pop”….. are you ex-military by any chance?

  10. I have an entry in sir roger mellie”s profanisaurus in a viz (still funny) issue a little while back, thus, ACIAFA pronounced aseearfa, or a cunt in a fucking audi, describing the shit witted road manners of the fuckers, ie speeding, tailgating, pushing in at the last minute et fucking cetera.

  11. ….. but I’m known as a cyclist and according to motorists we are all cunts, regardless of what type of bicycle we ride. I think its because we don’t pay a penny for the privilege of keeping fit and getting wet.

  12. A few years ago, it seemed as though BMW drivers were trying to reclaim their title but then Audi drivers got their second wind and sped on into first place, with Volkswagon drivers in third place, the upstart Rangerover Evoque drivers in forth and the Mercedes medallion men in a feeble fifth.

  14. Audi
    BMW
    TESLA’S.
    Range rover.
    Dick head trucks.
    Shagged out / lowered golf-Fiesta’s.

    Every spectrum of the social society and all total twats….💩

    • My first car, swapped a BSA C15 for it and passed my test in it.

      6390 DK.

      Then as usual, engine overheating.

      Buggered… Splashed out and got a moggy 1000 for fifty quid

      ADB 690B.

      Happy days…🚙

  16. Having had several very expensive Audi’s as hire cars, I can confirm they are mediocre at best.

    they don’t do anything really badly and they don’t do anything really well.

    This leads me to believe that Audi drivers are perpetually angry, because the dealer saw them coming and robbed them blind when they could have just bought a SEAT, VW, Skoda or Cupra for a lot less money for fundamentally the same car.

    That and the fact that to be an Audi driver, you have to own a micropenis

  17. I seem to be public enemy number one. I think bmw drivers just pip us Audi drivers. And my indicators do work. I test them just before the Mot.

    • So you operate them once a year So Long?

      Ignore me, I’m just taking the piss.

      Seriously though, one of the most useful things the government does is to publish the MOT history of every car. Enter the reg of the car you’re thinking of buying and it’s an eye opener. Any serious corrosion, walk away. Fairly easy to tell whether the car has been neglected or thrashed, neglected may be recoverable, thrashed best avoided. Some of the failures are hilarious, entering the test with blown bulbs, wipers in ribbons, bald tyres and best of all failed because the washers were empty!

      • I just don’t get the moaning about people not using their indicators.

        Would you pull out in front of a car just because he has his indicator flashing?
        Do you actually take any notice of anyone’s indicator….. Ever?

        It’s safer to treat everyone on the road as a cunt and a potential risk.
        Watch what they are doing, not what they are indicating that they might or might not do.

      • Couldn’t agree more Artful. Follow the police advice; take notice of indicators but don’t act on them until the vehicle starts to perform the action indicated.

  18. There’s a chart of skilled drivers

    1) emergency responders
    2) binmen
    3) me
    4) everyone else
    5) Audi twats
    6) chinkys and umbongos..

  19. Driving in general which seems to have gone to shit. Given younger people have a 15 second attention span. They are usually to busy filming for insta cunt or twat tock. In particular women with suvs or 4x4s. There must be a test you have to do before leaving the garage. They drive completely oblivious to others. Darker hued individuals in the middle lane driving at 40mph. Our roads are full of potholes; I’d wager the roads in Ukraine are in better condition! obviously on our tax payers money. Fucking never ending road works, or lack there off. Iv lost count of the signs saying they are working on xyz. Only to see no cunt doing owt, or worse stood there on the fucking phone. All combined it makes driving in the UK a load of cunt. I suppose it’s just indicative of the degradation of our society, and the war on normal motorists. Don’t even get me started on cunts throwing rubbish out the window! massive cunts. Our road sides resemble a land fill these days.

  21. I wouldn’t entirely blame Audi here, I recon it would make no difference what car this cunt drove.

  22. I was filtering, on my m/c, through a traffic jam the other day, and an Audi actually moved over to let me through. This has never happened before. Usually it’s only white vans – a much underrated species. THough he was probably only moving to block a biker on the other side, I suppose.

    BMW (out in front, but there’s a lot of the cunts round here)}
    Merc (pathological cunts, often dooshkas from dooshkaburgh down the road)
    Audi (tailgaters par excellence)

    Cunts all. Well cunted.

  23. Range Rover Evoques.

    Overly-styled breakdown-prone shit-box hairdresser mobiles. Whenever we see one being driven badly (which is every time we see one) we speculate that someone, somewhere must have called for an emergency haircut.

    See also Land Rover Disco Very ies. Less hairdressery, equally badly driven by people who aren’t aware that the number plate is just slightly off centre. Not stylishly so like an Alfa, just enough to demonstrate your complete lack of taste.

    • If you live within a mile of an open field, having something huge, flatulent and preferably white with “Land Rover” written on it is compulsory. This indicates to the knowledgeable that you moved there from Luton last year. Also that you don’t care that the once-proud and practical marque is now built in Germany using Chinese offcuts. How are the mighty fallen!

    • The Range Rover Evoque is just a rebodied Freelander.

      The Freelander was dog shit to start with, so it’s not like it was going to improve.

      Apparently Posh spice had a hand in designing the Evoque.

      I would love to talk to her about final drive and compression ratios just to watch the stupid skeletal bint’s face go blank.

  24. We refer to Audi drivers as CIA,
    Cunt in a Audi.

    However, what really chills my blood is the amount of old ladies driving about in Range Rovers (or similar vehicles).

    The ladies are tiny, they need a step ladder to climb into the driving seat, and a luggage strap attached to the interior handle in order to shut the door.

    They can’t be seen, once in the driving seat, which surely means they can’t see where the fuck they’re going, surely?

    On arrival at their destination, they have to kick the door open, usually inflicting damage to any poor fuckers motor, parked in the next door spot.

    I personally would encourage them to park across two spots, because their manoeuvring ability leaves much to be desired.

    Why the fuck they need a tank when they live in an urban environment puzzles me.

    • I’m guilty of this. I bought one for Mrs Odin and it was the biggest automotive mistake of my life.

      She drove it once round the car park, said she felt safe because she could see over all the other cars and then promptly never drove it again. Which meant I was stuck with it.

      Without elevating my blood pressure to the level that would require my arteries to be replaced with hydraulic hoses, I can safely say, I will never, ever as long as I live own a Range Rover ever again.

      It was shit. it was slow, Oliver Reed level thirsty and handled like 20 Newton concrete block.

      • Oh dear, Odin.

        Get her a Smart car.

        It’s a motorized pram for people who really should not, and cannot, drive.

      • Range Rovers.

        The linked video below is excellent, .. The Darien Gap expedition of 1972 .. a PR stunt if ever there was one, where a 17,000 mile drive included crossing said Darien gap, … a stretch of hardship-personified that has been crossed only a few times in motorized history, being a swampy jungle that connects Panama to Colombia. The hardships endured, the bespoke repairs on-the-fly…all incredibly endured by both man AND machine.

        It’s well worth a watch. And if anyone DOES, have a thought gor how far into the Darien Gap a current model all-electric snowflakes model would get.

        Pussification of society on stark display. But hey! .. now you can get a model where Victoria Beckham was asked for input on the design 🙄

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4hQKFxpu518&t=637s

      • Actually Jeezum. I bought her a little automatic Fiat 500 once I got shot of the Range Rover.

        She drove that around the car park. liked it because it was easy to drive…and then never drove it again.

        However, it was a much better car than the Range Rover and I ended up driving it for three years, before chopping it in for something a lot faster.

        It really was a great little car.

      • I had a Volvo, it was a small tank, but it rode on solid ice like it was the driest tarmac.

        All those folks who couldn’t drive in the mini ice age, in the 70’s, when even main roads were just pure ice, my Baby Blue kept rolling.

  25. TT driver here.

    Massive bunch of cunts.

    Most enthusiasts respect another for the same model of car. But not the german mid luxury PCP crew.

    They detest anyonelse who can afford a car similar or more expensive than they can (despite the fact any cunt and own an AUDI now on finance)

    It’s a brilliant car. Absolutely love it. In fact the worst part about it, is that it is an AUDI. Tempted to rip the badges off it just to not promote the cunts but then I might be seen as a ‘bro’.

  26. I was an Audi driver (company car) and I’m a proper cunt, but I did drive properly. I went front my own car which was a right fucking jalopy to a brand new Audi, and noticed straight away that I no longer got let out from junctions or allowed to filter politely into traffic. Everybody treated me like they knew me personally, knew that I was a right cunt and obstructed my passage at every opportunity.

    Fair play to them.

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