A quick ‘it’s a fix’ cunting for those two charmless, gurning wankers Ant ‘Half Man, Half Klingon’ McPartlin and his sidekick ‘Diddy’ Declan Donnelly.
The Gruesome Twosome have been voted ‘Best Presenters’ for something like the hundredth time in a row at this year’s National TV Awards, casting doubt on the veracity of the result. Either that, or the opposition must truly be absolute dogshit.
Apparently the pair teased the audience that they might retire to give somebody else a chance to win. Oh bring it on, as of yesterday. What’s the difference between Ant and Dec and a pencil? The pencil’s got a point to it.
Nominated by : Ron Knee
With supporting evidence provided by Chuff Chugger:
Ron…….these were the nominees if it helps your nom?
Alison Hammond
Ant & Dec [WINNER]
Bradley Walsh
Claudia Winkleman
Stacey Solomon
Cunt and Dick are a ridiculous pair.
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As well as PJ and Duncan, if I’m not mistaken…
or even BJ and Dungman.
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Brain dead Britain’s darlings…I’m a celebrity please make them stay there 😩….
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I can honestly say that I have never seen a show presented by these twats.
Indeed the only time I recall seeing them is when Bill Nighy was taking the piss out of them in Love Actually.
I’d love to shag Martine McCutcheon.
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‘Ant…or Dec’.
Superb from Nighy.
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The only time I’ve seen this pair was in Byker Grove, some 200 years ago. I didn’t watch that either.
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I only watched for Donna Air.She was fit.
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Still it’s another award they can stick up each others chuffs.
Though that nominee list reads like the Manhattan project of tv colossuses..
Still when you beat Stacey Solomon to an award you know your the best..
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Never seen any of their shows Barry, but they are the reason I could never bank with Santander.
Who the fuck is Tracey Solomon?
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Stacey Solomon. Derr.
Still means as much to me.
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May I suggest perf with surf? I am sure google will give you an idea of her star quality.
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Are you ‘aving a giraffe?
I think the tart in the Surf advert was Dani Dyer.
Daughter of thespian Danny Dyer.
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The true heir of Henry the eighth, Danny dyer. Not his son Henry the seventh, who somehow preceded him.
History lesson supplied by pavement ape David lammy.
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I sae that Bradley Walsh was nominated, I like him.
His reaction to the rude names on The Chase are hilarious!
Here’s a question about Andy Capp:
https://youtu.be/b28_wgzR34Y?si=PyEG1eKa6y1n2LJv
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I like Brad 👍
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I think that he is a fucking cunt.
To the extent that a well earned nomination is on its way.
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Not to mention Fanny Chmelar
https://youtu.be/U_Klz5qncZQ?si=fl9rlNoHzK0Z6iZ3
And at the risk of adding ubercunt Michael Mcintyre, Fanny Chmelar surprising him in bed afterwards
https://youtu.be/rb-DYY0upBo?si=jPBqmmrUIxGl6gGQ
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Modern bread and circuses to be lapped up by proles while those in charge fuck them in the ass.
Dogshit, I would rather scarf out my own anus than watch this discharge on TV.
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keep us fat, dumb and numb!
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These 2 “hilarious” chumps require full oven treatment.As funny as genital warts.
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Which one was the drunk driver/blubbering apologist one?
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The midget 😆😆
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ant.
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What a choice!!
A lot of talented people there.
Id of voted for hilarious dungheap Alison Hammond.
Maybe ratfaced Barbie and endearing simpleton Stacey Solomon?
But well done Anthony and Declan.
Thoroughly deserve every accolade you get.👍
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It was great of CC to remind us of the bottomless pit of talent that the Chimp Boys had to beat.
What a win for them.
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Claudia Tinkleman should have pissed it. Anton Dec is just a faintly amusing dwarf. I think the best presenter is Larry Grayson. They should bring him back. And Slack Alice.
Good morning, everyone.
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Isn’t it Slack Ange nowadays?
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Claudia Tinkleman should have pissed it. Anton Dec is just a faintly amusing midgetty person. I think the best presenter is Larry Grayson. They should bring him back. And Slack Alice.
WARNING: A similar comment to this might appear later as I mistakenly used a totally unacceptable work for a small person. I wish to apologise wholeheartedly to any cunters who may feel offended when/if it appears.I will be handing myself in to the nearest cop shop and can expect no mercy from Sir Kweer’s magnificent two-tier justice system.
Good morning, everyone.
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Lot of jealousy and HATE directed at these two working class lads made good.
They did things the hard route,
Firstly being incomprehensible child actors
Then serious hip-hop rappers.
Now they’ve dethroned Michael Barrymore as king of Saturday night telly people start resenting them?
I think they’re up there with the greats.
Your Bob carolgees
The Krankies
Cuddles the monkey
Gary Wilmot etc
Both talented.
Especially the one who looks like a baby Frankenstein.
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Shame on you Miserable.
You’ve inexplicably left the legendary Joe Beasley and Cheeky Monkey off your list of greats;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT_W6FwN_hY
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One of my Favourites Ron👍
Genius .
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UK TV these days is so bad it’s incredible. In the sixties and seventies we only had two and then three channels but mostly I could find something of interest being shown. Now we have scores of channels available and many a day it’s not switched on because it’s not worth the few pennies an evening it costs to run a flat screen telly.
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Hard to believe that anyone actually gives a fuck.
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How do you know that anybody does?
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Noel Gordon stepped down from this award after being the winner for 3 consecutive years as she wanted someone else to have a chance of winning. Why can’t these two cunts do the same? Absolute fix😡
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Oh Christ Jill, you remind me that there was always rubbish on television! When the imminent arrival of “Crossroads” was announced in 1964 my contemporaries and I, at the age of thirteen, concluded it would be shit. It’s first airing proved us right. How Noele Gordon earned a living acting baffles me to this day. She couldn’t have acted her way out of a paper bag. The rest of it was just as embarrassing, sets that moved in the breeze, “actors” who forgot their fucking lines (some episodes went out live) and sometimes episodes being broadcast out of sequence which really just added to the comedy. The sort of programme which caused Lew Grade generally to be referred to as “Low Grade”.
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I remember those early years of ‘Crossroads’ with great fondness. There was something rather endearing about its artless amateurism.
I worked in supermarket briefly during the school holidays, and Carlos the Chief used to come in for his groceries. I wasn’t star struck.
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Not as good as ‘Eldorado’ 😂
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Or ‘Triangle’ 🤣
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I always thought that Framboise bird was tidy Minge
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I remember ‘Triangle’ solely for the fact that Kate O’Mara gave everyone a sneaky little peek while supposedly sunbathing in what looked like a cold, gloomy day.
Which prompted the very funny line ‘blimey, did you see kate’s triangle last night?’.
Oh how we laughed.
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Well I care deeply.
These two are holding up the entertainment business by themselves!
We’ve had a shortage of light entertainment talent since Brexit.
We need another Hughie Green.
He could find talent that lad,
In the 70s anybody had a chance of being a household name.
You suffered epilepsy?
Hughie would have you jerking and twitching and frothing for the whole nation to see.
And if not up against a talking dog or cute kid you could make some serious money £££
He was a lovely bloke too
And I mean that most sincerely folks!
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Morning. MNC. As I recall, Hughie didn’t get on very well with organist and presenter, Jess Yates. I am not sure why that was…
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Morning 20👍
Dunno? Hughie would offer to babysit for him and would often pop round to check if jess’s missus was ok.
Sometimes you just can’t win😁
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https://youtu.be/aRt-58mwfQo?si=UnOOR2rOunrsLkzU
As Paul Weller sang ‘ that’s entertainment ‘.
The Sylvester Stallone impression made me genuinely laugh.
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These two gurning imbeciles are over 50 now and still acting like teenagers.
They might be getting away with dying their hair, or even having had a hair transplant (Dec), but how much longer can they defy the ageing process?
They’ll look even more ridiculous in 10 years time when they’re still doing precisely the same act.
Unless one of them carks it early and the one left standing will end up like a modern day Ernie Wise.
Having said that, Eric Morecambe was actually funny, so that’s not a very good comparison.
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I’ve said it before Field Marshal. I’ll never understand how these two idiots have managed to go so far on so little talent.
It’s one of life’s great mysteries.
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Their hero is probably Cliff “Batchelor Boy” Richard.
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Still say what you want about the shortarse wallopers, I don’t suppose they have their clothes bought by a gay pàķi.
Now I know why Rodney has that nasel speech tone. Too many loads of pàķi batter.
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I recently learned that Ant was in that fucking awful children’s program Why Don’t You.
For those that don’t remember, this was an early 80’s pile of shit that was always on in the school holidays, featuring condescending stage school kids telling the plebs to do something constructive instead of reading comics or playing with themselves.
It kind of destroys the myth of the working class lad from the deprived north east made good, when you consider mummy and daddy probably paid upwards of a grand a term to teach him how to be an insufferable cunt.
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DecAnt the cunts into the River Thames for all our sakes.
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The pair need fucking up the arse with a rag mans trumpet.
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I’d vote for a Huw and Phil double act over these two.
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Now that at least offers the prospect of a bit of entertainment Isabel, especially in front of a live audience.
Bring your own rotten tomatoes…
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Either of them don’t amount to much, other than being A One Class cunts.
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They used to be the dogs bollocks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_sJmIQrH54
I mean dog turds
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Why were they trying to sound like n*ggers in that song?. That’s cultural appropriation innit?
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I kept praying for the TV studio roof to collapse on top of these cunts but it never happened.
That’s the archbishop of cunterbury for you.
Thanks Jebus,thanks a lot.
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What an ‘A’ list of choice ….. A for Arseholes (although I don’t mind Bradley).
Ant or Dec – totally devoid of any talent or charisma.
Fair play to them though for eeking out spoty childhood 5 mins of fame into decades of £££££££££ wonga.
If A&D step down, next year they’ll award it the equally talentless and vommit inducing Alison Hammond.
ITV sucks shit
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In showbiz you need a catchphrase.
Not got one? Fetch the coffee loser.
They all had one!
Ooh you are awful- Dick Emery
Nice to see you to see you,nice! -bruce Forsyth
Chase me! -Duncan Norvelle
Stop struggling! – Stuart Hall
Awight?! -Barrymore.
Without one your nothing.
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No rules were broken – Kweer Sponger
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Norman Vaughn –
Swinging 👍 Dodgy 👎
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‘Oooooooooo…shut that door!’.
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OT
Breaking News
The IDF have scored a top ‘Bollah’ 😂
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I’m gutted Sick, I had him in the previous DP and then dropped him yesterday. Still, they will put another nutter in charge soon.
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“Thanks to everyone who voted for us” said Dec in his acceptance speech.
Which is a bit like Rodney Starmer assuming that everyone loves him because he won a ‘democratic’ election.
I think you’ll find that the votes that counted were collected in a production meeting between ITV execs and your agents.
Self aggrandising prick.
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Remind me again, which one of these nonentities always looks half asleep.
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I can never remember which one is Ent and which one is Dac.
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It’s easy, Geordie.
Ones Ant and the other one isn’t!
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I always thought that one was Dec and the other isn’t.
I wonder how they decided that it would be Ant and Dec rather than Dec and Ant?
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They say that politics is “showbiz for ugly people”
The inclusion of Stacey Solomon and Bradley Walsh confirms that ugly showbiz people exist as well. Pair of fucking grifters for ever crawling to some exec for yet another witless programme.
As for Ant & Dec – I think they are a couple of closet poofters. The Wes Streeting and Joe Dancey of ITV.
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Cunters , I have fucked up on my earlier comment. Please accept my grovelling apology. Let the abuse commence.
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