XMAS ( IN AUGUST )

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I was in the local supermarket earlier on doing my weekly shoplift for the family when all of a sudden I was confronted by a mighty barricade of tins of sweeties – yep, the likes of Quality Streets®, Roses, etc, etc. A veritable Himalaya of choccies stacked in festoons down a dedicated aisle.

It`s fucking August.

Outside, dog`s tongues are hanging out.
🐶
Fat girls are waddling about – welded inside their straining, sweat-soaked knickers.
🩲
We haven`t even had Halloween yet.
🎃

Still, better early and prepared – only 18 weeks and a few days to go. So, hoist up the decorations and get that shopping done now !

And may I be the first to wish you all a very merry xmas !

Manchester evening news

Nominated by Sam Beau.

76 thoughts on “XMAS ( IN AUGUST )”

  1. Same in Tesco’s in Aylesbury Sam. Was your sighting in Tesco? Don’t think it’s down to the chocolate makers ‘cos it includes different brands.

  2. It’s fucking sad.

    Nothing to look forward to except Christmas.

    And Christmas is horrible.
    What you will get from around mid October is cunts saying, “If I don’t see you before, have a good Christmas”.

    Shops decorated with tat.
    Christmas adverts on the telly.
    Channels showing the usual Christmas films that we have seen dozens of times.
    People talking about ‘a white Christmas’.
    The awful Christmas songs being played everywhere.
    Houses with cheap decorations and a plastic tree.
    One cunt in every road will try to outdo his neighbours by having his entire house lit up.

    It’s just a meal.
    Christmas dinner.
    It’s usually a disappointment.

    Fuck Christmas.
    Jump on a plane and go east, long haul.
    It will probably work out cheaper.

    Ho! Ho!….. Fuck off.

  3. I don’t blame the supermarkets at all. They’re just trying to make some money before Obersturmfuhrer Schtarmer bans Christmas in the interests of inclusivity.

    • Morning cunters.

      Anyone else got their tree up yet?

      Love Christmas me 🌲

      Especially the out of date melted chocolates

      • Mrs Twatt likes to buy early for Christmas. One year she bought mince pies at the beginning of December for Christmas Day.

        The best before date was 24th December.

    • Hey Geordie,

      I agree completely.

      Herr Kweer will send his Starm Troopers around to make sure heathen, pagan and infidel celebrations are included and indeed promoted in his new Peoples Republic of Multicultural New Brittanistan.

      • About time too.
        We pagans were celebrating Yule long before the Romans undermined our indigenous religion and replaced it via their culturally appropriated Middle Eastern cult of Christianity.
        An early instance of the Great Replacement in action.

      • I used to wear a pointy hat with a ‘D’ on it Sam.
        I didn’t get to dance around wearing it though.
        Teacher made me put it on and sit in the corner of the classroom.
        Never did understand why.

  4. This happens every year in the States. But I was surprised to see it in the UK.

    Now that there is a new Labour Government (with a mandate) I don’t think you’ll see much Christmas candy in the future.

    But that doesn’t mean Seasonal Holiday treats will go away.

    Especially with the ascendancy of the Caliphaters:

    https://everylittlecrumb.com/ramadan-desserts/

    I wanted to link to Arla Foods UK.com but I refuse to allow their cookies to take over my device.

  6. I was flicking through the TV guide and spotted that the ‘romance’ channel had started showing Christmas films. This was back in bloody May!

    • Great and Movies24 do Christmas in July, have done for a couple of years. It beat watching Wimbledon and the fucking Olympics.

  7. I of course always have a real tree.
    Nordic fir,
    With artisan decorations.

    Hand blown glass baubles
    Victorian velvet decorations

    The wrapping paper is usually custom made with images of baby jesus by a fairly well known ecclesiastical artist.
    Tied beautifully with ribbon.
    And sealed with gold wax.

    I wouldn’t allow tinsel in the house it’s for fuckin dossers

    You may as well use tinfoil like some Blue Peter inspired special needs cunt.

    And don’t get me started on the mince pies!!

    The pastry chef charges in the hundreds.
    He’s very exclusive.

    Does anyone else have trouble getting a harpist over the Christmas period?

  8. A olde English Christmas 🎄
    Divine.

    Dunno how our American cunters celebrate the birth of Our lord Jesus Christ?

    Do they have turkey or goose?

    Assume they have a McDonald’s?

    • olde English Christmas don’t get the toys you wanted from Santa cry like a big baby then go off in the huff cos the noms aren’t racist enough then slate the sceptics when they don’t bite hahaha I love this place…. whatever happened to black and white cunt?

      • With his predilections it’s difficult to guess. I’m guessing it involves some sort of cage.

      • BWC?
        He said he was sick of your autism and that the site wasn’t racist enough.

        Cheers up Flexi!
        I’m going to be double racist from now on.

        The idea of your slack round little face crying makes my nipples hard.

        Ciao💋

  9. Last Tuesday in the “Metro” newspaper (the Daily Mirror for cheapskates who refuse to pay) there was a full page advert for an Xmas ornament – a silver tree). They must be fucking mad. Time goes too quickly to wish it away.

  10. On the subject of chocolate, I’m still slowly working my way through a Father’s Day box of Milk Tray. They are fucking shite.
    Since Kraft took over Cadburys their chocolates have been made out of Dairylea. And they taste like it too.

    • Those liqueur choccies are the biggest con, Twattsy.
      Ate six boxes of the fuckers last xmas and wasn`t even tipsy.
      🍫🍸

      • Most Chrirstmas chocolates are now crap, Geordie and Sam.

        Roses were ruined years ago, and Quality Street now have shitty dull paper wrappers to appease climate change psychos. And even Celebrations have axed the Topics, and now they want to get rid of the Bountys as well. Scandalous.

        That Lindt stuff is both overrated and overpriced, and the Mars selection stockings are a distant memory. Only Chocolate Orange remains close to what it was years ago.

  11. It doesn’t matter when they put out the packets of dates! there’s always no worry you’ll miss out on the sticky bland 💩…mother bought them every year just to have on the sideboard as a display 😂…as for the toffees I’ve no doubt the lard arses will be filling up with more than they need just so no fucker else can get a tin…. anyway happy winter season as it’s now being lauded as …..fuck off 🎅your out of time 😩

  12. What is the traditional happy Christmas greeting these days?

    No…traditional sounds to far right, happy? Might upset manic depressive’s.
    Christmas is a no no these days.

    And the only exceptable greeting these days is As-Salaam-Alaikum.

    Oh and Allahu Akbar, but only in the non violent way. Don’t stab someone or blow up after uttering those words.

    So morning all.

  13. Why does everyone go nuts for it? Buy 79 loaves of bread and more crap than you can eat in one month? The shops are closed for one day, and even then most of us are going to live near a shop owned by Indians that’ll be open for a few hours.
    Christmas has become another thing everyone loses their minds for, yet the meaning of it is totally lost. It’s become a thing to tell everyone your out of office is on for a couple of weeks, and the kids get all worked up unless they get the latest iPhone or console.
    To the point raised though, it does get earlier every year, with the shops keen to make sure to impress you’re missing out if you don’t buy every bit of tat. Christmas used to be top notch. Now it’s ran by cunts for cunts. My family will be closing our doors on 24th of December and the whole world can feck off till January.

    • Christmas Eve until January 2 in my place.
      Then, after that date, they can fuck off again, and keep fucking off until they come to a cliff, then fuck off even further.
      Jingle bollocks.

  14. Those who Offend Islam with the celebration of the False prophet Jesus will be thrown and impaled, stomped and decapitated. Pork feeders beware, for I am the only one, I spend every yulteide at home with my heavily pregnant 9 year old wife ( and there are many )

    Now fuck off and wait for Easter…..I love Chocolate Eggs !

    • The Jesus of the Koran is one fucked up cunt. His face is swapped with Simon of Cyrene who gets crucified in his place. And Jesus watches and laughs.

      A strange religion – they also believe that Muhammad shags the Virgin Mary up in Heaven.

      • Most of them couldn’t quote 5 verses, it’s just an excuse for their outrageous behaviour.

      • Wonder why they called him a Hispanic name?
        Jèsus.
        Think his middle name was Joe after his dad.

        J.J. the joiner.

      • Tsk, tsk Mis,

        God the Father is the father of Christ, not Joseph, although he (Christ) had at least 5 half brothers and 2 half sisters sired by Joseph.

        One de-merit for theology.

      • Sorry Termy.
        Your right, Joe was of course his stepdad.

        Taught him a trade though.

        ” Big job that luv, it’s gonna cost ya.
        Can’t get the timber see?
        Has to come in from Syria.
        Your looking at at 200 shekels,
        As god’s my witness.

        Sorry dad”.

  15. Here in the benighted colonies, there is such a thing as Christmas in July. Just an excuse to eat a traditional Christmas dinner as it’s bastard hot in December and most people have ham and salad.

    I will be back in the Empire of East Anglia this Christmas but I bet I won’t get any tickets for a Premier League match.

  16. Merry Muthafuckin’ Christmas and have a fucked up New Year.

    Best Regards

    Spanky

  18. Those early Christmas chocolates are probably the left overs from last year. Been moldering out the back for eight or none months. Although, the manufacturers and superstores may have been alerted to the strong possibility of a nuclear holocaust in November – if Kamala Allsorts wins. No one will be interested in planet friendly Quality Street if they are coughing up radioactive fallout. The early Christmas sweets will be of no interest to proper survivalists as they will have already stockpiled their Kendal Mint Cake.

    Good morning, everyone.

  19. Tell you who had a lovely Christmas tree….

    Huw Edwards.
    Really got into the spirit of it all.

    Fairy lights everywhere!

    ” What’s in Santas sack?”
    He’d say.

    Don’t suppose in light of recent events we’ll be invited this year?

    He used to love getting the carol singers to bob for apples down his pants , and kissing them under the misteltoe

    Sorry, belly button not misteltoe.

  20. Santa on the witness stand.

    Prosecutor : I put it to you Sir, that not once, not twice, but thrice times you called my client a “Ho”.

    • It’s not spending that’s the problem, it’s the fucking earning.

      I remember feeling rich with a hundred quid in my pocket, fucking pocket change now.

      No wonder I’ve turned to international gun-running and drug smuggling.

  22. What does my head in is when Easter Eggs are on the shelves on New Year’s Eve. Last year in Tescos, bloody chocolate eggs on December 30 and 31.

    Also, when I was a lad, Halloween was a minor thing. Gut Fawkes was the bigger deal, as we went everywhere to collect wood and other stuff for the bonfire.

    Now, most cunts – especially modern parents – ‘celebrate’ Halloween like it’s Christmas. Fucking lights and decorations all over the house, inside and outside. My bellend of a neighbour (the Paddy cunt who blew up his camper van) does this every year. A fortune is spent on this bollocks, and just for one evening of the year. And let’s not forget these cunts encourage their kids to scrounge and pester folk by knocking on their doors with that ”Trick or Treat’ shite.

    • I’ll tell you what Norm, first little fucker to knock on my door is gonna get a right trick, straight in the kite.

      Piss off, little self entitled cunt, and Jasmin and Theo, or whatever the little cunts are calling themselves nowadays.

      cunts.

      • Couldn’t agree more, Termujin.

        Worse thing is, their parents are at the end of the path. Encouraging their kids to scrounge.

        Those joke sweets that burn the mouth or are shit flavoured. It’d be a hoot to hand those out to the little fuckers. Or, just give them any stuff left over from last Christmas. Chocolates that are near going off.

    • Guy Fawkes! Oh yes. No all-night Chinese nuclear detonations then. Brocks or Wells boxes and thrupenny cannons for the affluent among us. No elfnsafety either. I went to hospital to get my adenoids out just after the 5th one year, and the place was full of burnt kids…

  23. Never to early to relieve the great unwashed of their money..!

    Might as well spend it before Starmers Stasi get their hands on lt……⚒️

  24. Passed a shop in the middle of nowhere in the mid USA on a coast to coast road trip 20 years ago .. kept on driving by, but twigged their sign … “Christmas store, open 364 days a year” .. I looked it up in general terms just now but no joy. I did however find it’s poor-cousin Christmas store, open only a paltry 361 days of the year ..

    https://www.bronners.com/store-hours

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