Yes dear cunters, it is that time of the year again, when the majority white neighbourhood of Notting hill gets it’s nose rubbed in divershitty good and proper.
Walking the hound this morning I can see that preparations are already underway, with any shop containing anything worth stealing emptied of stock and boarded up before a flood of mostly peaceful looters, steaming crews and stab technicians grace our area to enjoy the riot with a soundtrack.
The crime stats will again be fudged this year to show only crimes reported inside the carnival zone and not the surrounding areas. Otherwise people might get the idea that holding a glorified riot in an enclosed space for London’s street crime aficionados is actually as stupid and dangerous as it sounds.
The police will of course be present in their thousands and will be filmed half heartedly interacting with festival goers while wearing fixed grins, as some 30 stone sheboon wipes her fat, sweaty arse up and down their trouser legs.
Probably not the WPC who was raped last year though, because she clearly doesn’t appreciate diversity any more and for some reason has turned a bit racist of late.
Little Sadique Khan will show his face for all of five minutes on children’s day to tell us all how diversity is our strength. While surrounded by a dozen armed coppers with four police marksmen on overwatch, a police helicopter with snipers on board circling overhead and a couple of RAF typhoons with full payloads on standby just in case the (ahem) ‘far right’ turn up…in the middle of half a million black people.
A quick mention of Grenfell, a couple of photos with some multicoloured kids and a morbidly obese mudshark with tits down to her belly button and it’s time for his security team to bundle him hurriedly into the booster seat of his armoured Range Rover and get him as far away as possible across London as fast as the supercharged 5 litre V8 petrol engine can carry them through his ULEZ scheme.
Young men who like to wear duffle coats and hoodies in the middle of summer are at this moment sharpening their machetes, pouring sulphuric acid into Evian bottles and dividing an ounce of weed cut with parsley into 120 one gram bags to sell to stupid middle class white people for £20 a go in readiness for the festivities ahead.
All in all, it should be the absolute shit show that it is every year. Only the statistics change.
Please don’t make yourself one of them by coming anywhere near this part of town.
I’ll let you know how it all went down on Monday night. After the dust has settled, the blood spatter has been hosed off and the body bags have been quietly carted out the back door, away from the prying eyes of the national press
I would like to second this nomination.
If you have the misfortune to be a local resident, like I was briefly several years back, the carnival is nothing short of hell on earth.
It starts with you having to move your car out of the area for 3 days – after having paid a fucking fortune for an annual parking permit!
Then you have to dig for the ensuing weekend as the streets are practically impassable.
Even if they weren’t nobody in their right mind would go out anyway.
If you plan to go away you need to leave before the mayhem commences cos the local bus and underground services are all cancelled.
Basically you’re fucked during the “celebrations” that include cunts pissing, shitting, puking, fucking and sleeping in your front garden.
Local businesses board up their ground floor doors and windows.
The noise from sound systems on every corner is indescribable and your windows vibrate constantly.
Forget fucking sleep.
If you have a dog (we did) then you’re unable to walk it.
Even if you were able to fight your way to the nearest park it would be locked/boarded up.
Also there’s chiggun bones and broken glass strewn everywhere which, despite the cursory cleanup afterwards, remains for weeks on end, so even when it’s over walking your dog is still risky.
Numerous dog choking incidents and paw cuts are reported by the local vets.
Last year’s event was one of the worst ever.
8 reported stabbings, 2 cunts in hospital, one in critical condition, 308 arrests, more than 75 cops kicked, punched, spat upon, bitten, head-butted, pissed on, etc.
2 million cunts visiting in a such a small area…
If it has to take place why not move it to a contained venue like the 42 acres that comprise Buckingham Palace gardens?
After all, the Royals love all this multicultural shit, sitting in front of savages prancing about in grass skirts with bones through their noses and stuff.
They could hold it there as a tribute to our late Queen and her precious fucking Commonwealth, Gawd bless her…
Thank the lord we’re now well away from it.
A dual nomination by Odin and Mingejuice Bottler.
NigFest
Never been, never wanted to, never will.
Bloodstock.
29
I always get notified the week before each “Carnival” by the local blood bank, to remind me of my donation.. ( i do however have an agreement with them that my blood is only used for white victims )
12
It’s what napalm was invented for.
Good morning.
21
Nuclear weapons would be more appropriate.
0
A beautifully worded and accurate nom.
I look forward to seeing the non-two-tier police arresting rioters, and throwing them into prison for ten years without trial the following day.
31
A fantastic and well written nom.
24
Yes it is very well written. I could picture the scene vividly and even feel like I was there. That’s how you know something is written well. Sounds like the future of all middle class citizens in the western world.
13
Notting Hill carnival.
A PG Tips advert on crack cocaine.
Carpet bomb.
Then carpet bomb again.
Then disinfect
Get To Fuck.
29
A perfect exemplar of two tier, Apartheid Britain.
If it was white people going on an annual criminal rampage it would have been banned decades ago.
36
The Notting Hill riot.
16
The coppers are pathetic.
The ritual humiliation of looking like some fucking dancing bellend before a baying mob of architects and space engineers.
30
In 1939 operation Pied Piper saw 1.5 million people temporarily evacuated from wartime London for their own safety. Many of them returned before the end of hostilities. Fast forward to today and a lot more than 1.5 million have permanently left the capital to avoid a more permanent peril to their way of lift than ever the thousand year Third Reich could threaten. Compared to diversity and complete wankers of contemporary politicians Hitler and his henchmen were pussycats.
34
And if you’re going to the carnival today. Don’t forget to take yer gun’s and zombie knives.
Do it for Sasha 😁
Good morning 🌄👍
21
Rumour is, Sasha is going to turn up at the carnival today.
She will be in a Guinness pint pot.
Afternoon Jack.
9
Alright Norman ? 👍
2
I’m OK Jack.
Two days off from the treatment as of now,
Do fuck all, watch a bit of football. That’ll do me.
4
Take it easy. Weather’s shit anyway.
Not good for all those poor little lambs at Creamfields 😂
Drove past on Friday.
Dear oh dear, the youth of today.
Not a good look.
Knob heads and spray tanned slags full of cellulite and Chlamydia.
And all their tents have blown away LOL.
9
https://www.theguardian.com/culture/article/2024/aug/24/everybody-is-celebrated-notting-hill-carnivals-push-for-plus-size-positivity?CMP=share_btn_url.
11
A future drain on the NHS unless they do the decent thing and die young.
14
I know a Jamaican fella who went to the carnival once.
‘Fucking never again’ was his opinion.
He said that even as a black man he felt like an outsider.
Apparently the streets just outside the designated carnival area turn into a no go area no matter what colour you are.
If you’re a stranger, you’ve every chance of getting robbed or worse.
As ever, I expect the Met will declare their policing as a resounding success, which is usually measured by how few ethnics they upset.
Cunts!
27
I can agree with him, I went once back in the late 80’s, it’s just a fucking nightmare.
Once is once too often, why the fuck the abomination is allowed to continue is beyond me, it serves no useful purpose, costs a fortune to police and nothing good happens at the end.
The thing should be moved to a large park, completely fenced in and let the diverse community stab each other for three whole days.
29
I’ve heard they’ve been given the option to use a park many time, but the organisers won’t have it.
Apparently it’s something to do with their culcha, innit bruv.
I would imagine financial and criminal skullduggery might have something to do with it as well.
14
I thought you were going to say that you knew a fella who once went to the Notting Hill Carnival and he’s dead now.
7
I can hear the police statement already;
“Waaahgwaaan my bredrins, I am speaking to you today because I want to reinforce my commitment to protect every member of our London community. Thank you to the dealers and Rastas that have afforded me this opportunity to speak to you…”
Etc. etc.
12
The noms say it almost all, but I see the council is applying lipstick to the carnival pig –
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c9wj19yvqgro (Don’t click through from that page or you’ll get Fluorescent Bald Black Dyke on your screen…)
“Councillor Kim Taylor-Smith, overseeing culture at Kensington and Chelsea council, said: “Carnival is a vibrant (tick) celebration of our borough’s rich culture (tick) and diversity ( tick), and we are proud to play our part in bringing it to the streets of North Kensington for huge numbers of people to enjoy each year.
“There are some older vulnerable residents who require respite from carnival weekend, and we work with Age UK to provide a seaside break for those most in need who meet certain eligibility criteria.”
As a point of interest, long-haired Grenfell failure and handwringer Councillor Kim Taylor-Smith is a Non-Executive Director at Palace Capital. This is a big real-estate investment trust, and that would be a good fit with Kensington and Chelsea’s outstanding record in property speculation. Worth a bit of googling, that is…
15
I tell a lie, unwittingly. Taylor-Smith and two others in fact resigned as NEDs in July. There was a hint of dissatisfaction with the company’s current strategy. Palace Capital looks rather shaky, and has been selling assets to mitigate its debt.
6
Send Rodney and rayner in..
Seeing as they love all these savages so much..
Chopped into dog food in 10 minutes flat.
17
I bet Angie’s there with her skirt up to her knickers and a big hole at the back to invite a nice big black dick up her back passage.
12
You’ve been thinking about that all day, haven’t you ?
Whilst touching yourself 💪
Well done Boggs 👍
Carry on.
9
No Jack, but it has given me the idea for the next Sexorama picture from Boggs Pornographic Film Productions (Taiwan) Ltd “Carnival Cuntz” starring David Lammy with Angie as the love interest. As there will be full frontal nudity and very large dildos and butt plugs it will need to be made in widescreen. I am thinking of an ending for the Angie scenes similar to the woman in the potato truck in Frenzy……
7
Will it be available on Betamax ?
Asking for a friend 🙂
4
I’d rather spend my time at a Sunday market in Mogadishu. I am sure it would be a safer, & a lot more interesting & educational.
12
& after I have had a good day out, I’d book a trip across the ocean, east to North Sentinal Island, where I am sure a warm welcome will await me.
3
Made me laugh this morning, the BB fucking c said it was a celebration of Caribbean culture.
I nearly choked on my Weetabix.
Celebration of what exactly.
Stabbings
muggings
drug abuse
shop lifting
Absent father’s
Bastardisation of the English language.
Innit…..!
26
That’s “culture” as in “bacterial culture” – in a Petri dish, ZM
But the Windrush generation were hardworking Christians for the most part. What we have now isn’t Caribbeam at all.
16
Not been to downtown Kingston recently then
6
I wonder how many chickens have to die to feed these animals during the cuntival.
#notmychiggun
3
seeing as how it was ‘Hijacked’ in the early 60s by de bredren! and turned into a carnival when in fact it should be the Notting hill winter festival, before cultural appropriation got it.
0
And they wonder why we don’t like ’em. They don’t help ’emselves, do they?
Up the Klan!
12
Has the stabbing and shit flinging started yet?
10
Not if you enquire of Google(as of Sunday AM), it hasn’t .. not a dickie-bird, .. a mention of above average police presence, but for all the world that could be to protect the assemblage from outsiders, (‘in the wake of riots’ sez the first return, sly news) .. the rest go on about the costumes and other keys-jangling such as ‘notting hill carnivals push for plus-size inclusivity’ ).. ; so passive and obfuscating are the search returns, .. it’s as if this thing is an annual harmless little shindig …
7
A bunch of nosy dirty black Pikeys, aided and abetted by right-on Jacastta’s and Tarquin’s.
I bet Dame Kweer isn’t in the beer tent, supping a pint with Lord Mandy and Lord Alli, the kweer peers, though I am sure they are all hoping a rogue policeman will refuse to dance with Dawn Butler and cause another “race incident” so Rodders can look all outraged and tough again.
As he is so keen on green energy, I nominate Ed Miliband to clear up all the excrement they drop in the streets – with his bare hands.
14
Funny how the annual stabarama still gets a free pass. Population control in action, I suppose. Do the mad machete men get still get free rum rations with their goat curry? A multicultural event, provided you are not white. No doubt the fatsos will be joining Two-Tier Kweer, and Suck Dique Khan, in a display of synchronised knee taking – just before the impromptu fireworks.
13
Monkey pox …..on all of the attendees 🥥🐒….does sad khan go to celebrate his diversity and inclusion mantra for stabistan 🔪… answer, nada,no,zilch,niet, no way hose… should be renamed nuttin hill carve-inal 👍
7
If things do go tit up today or tomorrow Kweer has his answer already – it’s the Conservatives fault, the little worm:
https://www.express.co.uk/news/politics/1940119/keir-starmer-blames-tories-riots
8
I wouldn’t be surprsised if the BBC covered the Nogging Hill Carnival just like they do Glastonbury. Lauren Laverne gushing about a bunch of treeswingers with petrol bombs backed by steel drums.
14
Ah, but will any of the dark personages who commit violent offences, are caught posessing weapons or causing trouble get instantly sentenced and jailed like the ‘far right’ rioters?
I think we all know the answer to that one.
16
There is no 2 tier policing in this country.
These are just happy go lucky folk enjoying themselves. And anti semitic hate and incitement by the pro terrorists is harmless fun.
Those far right fuckers who disagree with immigration though. They must be stamped out so that the religion of peace and the culture of knife crime can thrive.
15
Dirty Ange would have a field day at the Nogging Hill Carnival.
She could have the dark rogues one by one or all together, to the strains of the ‘It’s A Knockout’ theme.
The tune being the aptly named ‘Bean Bag’ by Herb Alpert and theTijuana Brass.
11
A beautiful nomination (and one of the reasons why this site was created) reinforced by superb observations from all cunters.
Because words speak louder than sense.
13
David Attenborough should film the bonobos, banging wildly on bits of tin and grunting loudly, all the while looking for another victim to shank.
Build a big wall round London, it’s finished as a civilised city. But first bring out the statues and monuments, that celebrate our great and good from the past.
Especially Lord Nelson and Arthur “bomber” Harris, they knew how to deal with uppity foreign types.
13
£11million to police. Fuck-knows how much in clean-up costs, criminal damage, expense to the NHS, disruption to business, compensation to stabbing victims, Council organisation costs, etc….all at the taxpayers expense.
I bet 99% of the Carnival attendees are takers from the benefit system. They expect everything on tap for them and their endless stream of pic-ar-nin-ees.
But hardly any of them bother to work and actually pay into the system they treat as a never-ending stream of free revenue.
If they want a fucking carnival, take the cost of it out of their benefits.
They wouldn’t be so keen then.
Quite frankly, I’m impressed they managed to find a weekend that wasn’t booked for a Pride march.
15
Have the bus shelters been reinforced since last year?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QfuFbKkkj3c&pp=ygUhbm90dGluZyBoaWxsIGJ1cyBzaGVsdGVyIGNvbGxhcHNl
5
They’re probably spending my Winter Fuel Allowance on this stabfest.
It’s a fucking disgrace
I’m outraged.
13
Too true.
However I am looking forward to the traditional Metropolitan Police flat-footed rendition of the Macarina and Knees Down Mother Brown (or Black).
7
G1ng€r carnivals will be the next new Olympic event. The winners will considerately source their own gold from jewellers’ windows and unsuspecting passers by’s teeth.
8