Football Transfer Window Clichés

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The domestic footy season ended some weeks ago, and since then, the meeja has gone into its usual feeding frenzy regarding transfer speculation and rumours. Yes, the transfer window has been ‘thrown open’ once more.

It’s that time of the year for clubs to ‘weigh their options’, and consider ‘preparing a bid’ for the latest ‘ace’ from wherever. ‘War chests’ are ‘prised open’. Melchester Untied and Littleplop get into a ‘bidding war’ for South American teenage sensation Juan Orranutha, but he ‘snubs’ them to ‘push through his dream move’ to Spanish ‘giants’ Unreal Pimpleona.

Meanwhile Aston Bungalow is ‘monitoring the situation’ of Tittingham Hotspud’s Korean ‘misfit’ Whun Hung Lo, who’s been ‘frozen out’ at White Dogshite Lane. Lo has issued a ‘come and get me’ plea to the Midlands ‘powerhouse’, in an attempt to ‘end his Spuds nightmare’. Hotspuds fans are sending out ‘I’ll drive him there myself’ messages on soshull meeja.

Elsewhere, ‘minnows’ Cunthorpe United have issued a ‘hands off warning’ to Chuntsea regarding ‘wonderkid’ Mumbo N’jumbo, stating angrily that an offer from the Londoners was ‘derisory and insulting’. Chuntsea insists that it ‘won’t be held to ransom’ by the Cunts, but is aware that Muntchester City is ‘on red alert’ and ‘looking to hijack’ the deal.

And so it goes on. In spite of clubs ‘looking to get their business done early’, with talks being at a ‘preliminary’ or ‘advanced’ stage and bids ‘lodged’ or ‘tabled’, things will reach an ‘impasse’, or ‘break down’, or go ‘into limbo’. As deadline day approaches, there’ll be a scramble to ‘get deals over the line’. Players joining a new club will be ‘unveiled’ holding up a shirt or a scarf in front of the cameras, burbling on about how ‘it’s always been my ambition to join the club I supported as a kid’.

Then suddenly, the window ‘slams shut’, and won’t re-open until January, when clubs will once more attempt to ‘bolster’ their squads. Oh well, it all helps to keep footy fans occupied during the dog days of summer, when besides the cricket, golf, racing, tennis and the Olympics, there’s little else to offer by way of a sporting diversion.

The Sun.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

93 thoughts on “Football Transfer Window Clichés”

  2. I preferred it when they just announced a signing. There seems to be a whole new industry following agents and players around. They can’t leave the front door without the media boosting it in importance to levels above world changing events. Bread and circuses.

  3. Nobody cares anymore about nonentities who can kick a ball around, arriving at a club with a name that doesn’t associate with hundreds of individuals that cost ridiculous fees, that could cure world poverty and allow use all to return to our original birth place, due to mixing with other cunts doesn’t work.

      • I wouldn’t mind living in those countries if they weren’t similarly infested with the same shite we are.

      • Why are some so determined to tell us we’re not English? Want to tell us we’re all descended from black Africans next?

        Yes our blood is intermingled with immigrants and invaders but that doesn’t make us immigrants.

        I only hear this argument made against the English. Bored of it, if you have no pride in being British good for you. Is this influenced by having married an immigrant or having one in your family? No problem with that but I’ll never understand why people who do marry foreigners feeling they need to justify themselves by digging out the indigenous gene pool.

      • Well said, Sixdog. It’s only ever against the English. Why don’t these obsessive DNA-sniffers go and tell a German that they’re an Ooga-Dooga from Shitswana or tell an Ooga they’re originally from Thailand.

      • I am simply pointing out, Sixdog, that if Sammy’s idea was followed to its natural conclusion we would all have to leave as we. It begs the question of how far back one would like to go.

      • Why the fuck would you use a nom about football transfer Windows to hawk your own agenda?

        Keep it topical, or don’t comment.

        What a fucking Muppet.

      • My DNA is Irish on both sides and I’m as English as they come.

        Having said that, I do feel warm inside when England lose at football.

        Perhaps proof indeed that politics and sport don’t mix.

        Good Afternoon

      • @CM

        It boils my piss mate, my grandfather traced his ancestry 800 years, on my mother’s side.

        My father’s family name originated on the borders and was first recorded in 1232.

        In the centuries since many from both sides of the family have served the country some of them having died doing so.

        Tell me again I’m not English again, tell me I’m the same as some cunt who arrived here in 1950.

        I think my family paid its dues to call itself British.

      • Sixdog@

        Amen to that. The fucking woke mind virus is omnipresent in the little ones today, they know no better.

      • Some here really do seem to get worked up by hearing a contradictory view MJB, I have to say. Just look at how SDV’ responded to my comment – he’s taken the simple pointing out of a flaw in Sammy’s idea as an attack on his very Englishness, when that wasn’t even intended to be the case.

      • I was responding directly to a point raised by another cunter Jeezum. Other cunters didn’t like MY point, and said as much. Ergo, I responded back. Does that answer your question?

      • Even when he was scoring regularly for City I said he was overrated. He had rapid pace and good enough end product to make himself useful but not much else.

    • Honestly, some of you really need to calm down a bit. Not everyone is going to agree with you 100% of the time and that’s OK. There’s something to be said for not staring into the abyss too long.

      • Don’t care if we agree or disagree, I have good friends I disagree with on various issues.

        I’ve been hearing the ‘of course we are all immigrants and no one is actually English BS for a few decades now’ usually from EU loving remainer types.

        You pretend to be the rational and reasonable one and cry like a child when someone disagrees with you but you had no problem calling people on here racist retards or the like when they disagreed with you.

        I’m happy to disagree like gentleman but only when there is honesty on both sides.

        As a wise man once said, don’t try and piss on my shoes and tell me it’s raining.

      • Your all wrong.

        And all Johnny come latelys.
        My ancestors named in the Domesday book.
        The village we sprang from still bears my surname.

        Your all a bunch of fuckin piccaninnies to me.

        You mongrel dogs should kiss my ring in the hope it cures you of croup, scofula and st Vitus dance.

        I’m English till I die
        I’m English till I die

        Whos country?
        MY country!🇬🇧

      • Your all wrong.

        And all Johnny come latelys.
        My ancestors named in the Domesday book.
        The village we sprang from still bears my surname.

        Your all a bunch of fuckin half chats to me.

        You mongrel dogs should kiss my ring in the hope it cures you of croup, scofula and st Vitus dance.

        I’m English till I die
        I’m English till I die

        Whos country?
        MY country!🇬🇧

      • You’re right, I do need to be less abrasive. However, some (and I must stress it is a minority) of cunters do use the immigration issue as an excuse for blind hatred and I’m not going to be shy in calling that out.

      • I hate the blind and immigrants Opey.

        But yes.
        Try and be less abrasive.

      • Put it this way: the ‘refugees welcome’ crap is unhelpful, and I’m fed up with it myself. But equally ‘kick the immos out’ isn’t really a solution – after all, most of them DO contribute. We need a certain level of skills based immigration in order to plug roles we’re struggling to fill, and we need to improve pay and conditions in said roles so we’re less reliant on it going forward.

      • Do we though?

        That’s another tired old cliche, especially used with regards to the NHS.

        As if centuries of cousin-fucking, prevalent in certain cultures, doesn’t result in a net drain on healthcare resources, no matter how many gropey doctors we employ from Bangalangalore.

      • Unfortunately MBE said roles aren’t really made desirable for native Brits. I agree that has to change, but it’s not going to happen overnight.

  4. Kiss the badge when scoring,then kiss my arse when they fuck off for pastures new👣…the days of loyalty are long gone…. a bit like the UK in general, kiss the flag 🇬🇧 now they’d rather burn it 🔥…the past has gone, bring it back 🙏

      • To be honest Sick, these days I often find that the off-field pantomine involving transfer stories and rumours (not to mention financial shenanigans, take over battles, training field punch-ups and player scandals) is often more entertaining than what happens on the park.

  6. I don’t have much (if any) interest in cuntball, just the girlies game playing spot the one with a decent arse 👍

    Has Mumbo N’jumbo signed yet 😂😂😂

  7. You don’t hear so much about transfers in wimminz football. Not a word about young Belle Clapper, for example. Her family are all great athletes all – nobody can run like the Clappers, however I am sure they are equally “over the moon” and declares to be a member of the Tampex Terriers as “a dream come true”

  9. Is the window closed now? And in this hot weather.

    Ah well, it’s a game of two halves.

  12. What I’ve been doing for a couple of seasons now, is abandoning my local team from birth since the 1940s (they’d won everything you can think of anyway) and want teams in individual matches to win, if they contain players from the local area with the least foreigners. I think the Arse were the first club to field a complete team from other lands, who could have entertained us at half time, with a few tunes on the banjo.

    Why haven’t the FA stuck to the rules of cricket and allow only three overseas players at each individual club. It still mystifies me.

  13. It’s a way of conning the big clubs and prising money out of them. Quickly, M’Seeyoo M’Repyoo is the Nigerian Zidane or M’Layzee F’kkuhh is the Ghanian Gerrard. Look, here’s 16-year-old wonderkid Carlos Miguel Fernandez Eezboolshit from the slums of Buenos Aires worth 500 million quid.

    • Yes CM,
      Some of those players have literally murdered their way out of the favelas for success in football.

      • I think we should introduce the Colombian team strategy of having crappy players who miss open goals offed.

  14. Has any club come in for Gareth wokegate yet?

    Must be plenty of roles he can fill, turnstile operator, server at the concession stands, or one of those jobsworth stewards telling you to sit down.

    Or is he waiting for pantomime season, to do a double act with klopp as both ends of a pantomime donkey.

    • I don’t know anything about football but, judging by comments about them in here when the subject comes up, they could both play the arse end.

  15. Not to mention random chimings from transfer wop Fabrizio Romano and weapons grade cock smoker agent Jorge Mendes…

    Oven. The lot of them.

    • Romano’s reliable but the fact he constantly retweets his own posts does my head in. He’s already a millionaire ffs – he doesn’t need MORE money.

  16. Paul Whitehouse had it spot on as Ron Manager on the fast show.
    Spouting cliches and talking utter bollocks.
    It seems that the football writers nowadays have used those sketches as a training manual.

  17. I do enjoy watching a game of football (with the commentary on mute preferably)

    Going to watch my local side tomorrow as it happens.

    The transfer window and everything that accompanies it, is a pile of insufferable bollocks.

    I think I’d prefer to listen to James O’Brien talking down to people on his radio show.

  18. How this tedious shit is seen as ‘news’, I will never know.

    ‘Transfer Window latest’ on Sky (and people pay for this shit?).
    Some fancy dan overrated cunt in a 4×4 with blacked out windows ‘arriving’ at some training ground. And this crap is on for hours.

    And, naturally, my lot are now a bit of a joke in the transfer market. We don’t get superstars or out of the blue coups any more. We get the scraps. I remember in the old days, it was different. Jordan and McQueen, Ray Wilkins, Bryan Robson, Jesper Olsen, Eric Cantona, Andy Cole. Now, it’s ‘Man United sign a couple of clowns that City wouldn’t have cleaning their club toilets’.

    • It’s sad times for you guys Norman. Not only have you fallen on hard times (relatively speaking), but you’ve got the horrendous sight of the upstarts from across town running the show.

      Talk about adding insult to injury.

    • I did enjoy watching the United of old. Tricky wingers, ace marksman up front, flair and creativity in the midfield, a thou-shall-not-pass centre back and a don’t-even-think-about-it goalie.

      Makes you realise just how good the structure of the playing side of the club was under Fergie. The blue print was there for his successors. How they repeatedly fucked it up so badly is curious.

      I thought keeping Ten Pints was the right thing to do IF they started the clear out of sub standard players and started making their way back to the United traditions. But then I saw they’ve signed Bruno Fernandes on a new extended contract. FFS!

      That sub-standard yapping chihuahua is not the answer. Ten Pints gone by Christmas and Ruud Van Nistelrooy to take over. You heard it here first.

      • ‘Erik is absolutely vital to our plans for the club, unless we sack him’

        Joel Glazer

  19. It’s shit now.
    All foreign cunts, who have brought cheating and bad habits to the game.
    Even the Scottish league is full of foreign players.

    Also, no atmosphere at the grounds. Kids can’t afford to get in. Full of day trip families and tourist knobheads. And anyone who wears a half/half scarf of any lind should be hung with it.

    No British managers either. It used to be Cloughie, Shanks, Big Mal, The Doc, Big Ron, Bob Paisley, Jock Stein. Now, a top flight British manager is a rarer sight than Big Foot.

    And don’t start me on the chinki advertising and the encouragement to gamble during every single game.

      • Totally agree, Ron.

        I have lost so much interest in the game. It’s just not fun anymore. If it were up to me, I’d make some pretty sweeping changes:

        – scrap VAR
        – static advertising boards, NO moving graphics
        – no shirt or any kit sponsors, just the club crest and a manufacturer logo (that cannot exceed a small size)
        – all matches to be played on Saturdays, kick off 3PM
        – limited televised games
        – Lineker to be sacked and jailed for treason
        – additional points awarded for scoring more than 5 goals
        – additional points awarded for scoring 4 or more goals than the opposition
        – offside rule changed to offside AND interfering with play equals offside, otherwise it isn’t
        – handball rule changed to hand to ball equals handball, ball to hand is not handball
        – Howard Webb to be sacked and jailed for being a cunt
        – points deduction for repeatedly diving
        – points deduction for repeatedly feigning injury
        – dissent towards ref equals automatic penalty
        – refusal to retreat 10 yards at free kicks, corners equals automatic penalty
        – blatant time wasting equals automatic freekick 20 yards from goal
        – mandatory referee interviews post game
        – independent time keeper
        – Arsenal FC forced to fuck off back to Woolwich
        – players brandishing imaginary cards are sent off
        – football authorities, clubs and players to make no political statements or take any position other than sport related
        – outlaw foreign ownership of British clubs
        – shut down Liverpool FC, demolish Anfield, sell the land and give the proceeds to the families of the Heysel murders
        – Alan Shearer to be handcuffed and muzzled for life
        – no women pundits or commentators for the men’s game
        – half-n-half scarf sales to be banned

        That’ll do for starters.

      • @ IY

        With that blueprint I’d make you the head of FIFA and UEFA by Monday morning.

      • Great suggestions IY!

        May I add;

        *proper meat pies and Bovril on sale
        *wooden rattles to be allowed in stadiums
        *kids get in for 6d, programmes cost 3d
        *wearing gloves and those long pants under shorts banned
        *ridiculous hair cuts and colours on players outlawed; centre partings and Brylcreem mandatory
        *a brown, laced up ball to be used
        *ludicrous away shirts to be made illegal
        *a wage cap of £20 a week to be introduced
        *domestic league cup to be scrapped, old European Cup format to be reinstated
        *Kenneth Wolstenholme to resume match commentary
        *’Abide With Me’ to be sung before every game start

        Them were’t days!

  21. @ Norman

    The modern advertising hoardings in the premier league and at Wembley in particular are fucking horrendous.

    Subliminal messaging reminding you that you’re a hate filled racist every 5 seconds.

    There’s very little left in the modern game to love.

  22. Manchester City player Manuel Akanji told the BBC ‘No-one really starts as a defender’

    Errr… Bobby Moore, Franz Beckenbauer, Martin Buchan, Franco Baresi.
    That is like saying nobody starts off as a goalkeeper.

    Another thick foreign cunt.

    • Shows what a clueless twat he is.

      It’s well known that the Italians love defending and Italian youngsters back in the day would aspire to be sweepers or stoppers
      I think the Spanish were similar in regards to the goalkeeping position.

      He may well be paid copious amounts to play the game yet knows little or fuck all about the culture of game.

    • I think what he means is that no one grows up wanting to be a defender – or at least, not many people do. It’s one of those roles you settle into when you realise that you have the shooting accuracy of Stevie Wonder with a machine gun.

  23. I have been watching some of the opening game, Utd vs. Fulham. Good grief it’s dull. More than 70 mins played and no goals. Going back to playing my game on the Xbox. Far more interesting.

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