Religion (5)


Hajj – or whatever religious equivalent is applicable.

With amusing regularity, this seems to happen every time a few million cretinous zealots simultaneously try to reach some shit-hole to do whatever the fuck it is they think they need to do when a tract of their religious fairy story instructs them that`s what they should do, on a regular basis.

Here`s a recent example …

BBC News

It seems to me your `God` is trying to tell you something.

You mental cunts.

And long may it continue!

Nominated by: Sam Beau

85 thoughts on “Religion (5)

  1. Lovely 👍

    Nothing cheers me up like a vindictive act of God.

    I like religion.
    Any of them!
    From snake handler cults in the US to Kali worshippers in India.

    It gives the daft cunts something to occupy them.

    When some godbotherer knocks at my door says would you like to talk about God?

    “Oh yes please come in!
    Does anyone know where you are?”

  2. Religion is a manmade nonsense, a confection, a crutch for the weak of mind and a tool for necessary control of simple-minded nincompoops.
    That said, I adore the architecture of a tradional English church and with the absence of religion, socialism will take its place, so maybe it’s nominally a sensible idea, as long as its used for pure motives and not sinister evil like child abuse.
    Imagine the sort of global nastiness perpetrated in the name of religion in the last couole of thousand years?
    Almost unimaginable how many humans have lost their lives.
    You can still be a good person without religion.
    I’m not even remotely religious but I do absolutely believe in God.

    • Crisis of faith Thomas?

      You need to go on a pilgrimage.

      It used to be that people would visit the Holy land and slay a few Muslims, slit them open and rifle through their intestines looking for jewellery they’d swallowed.

      Sort of a medieval lucky dip or tombola.

      They knew how to be religious properly back then.
      Not asking if you want a copy of the Watchtower

    • God is a sadistic, sick old degenerate, who gets His rocks off watching humanity and the rest of His creation suffer.

      No amount of religious mumbo jumbo can alter that fact.

    • As an out and out atheist (6.999 on the Dawkins scale), I agree with you Thomas about the glorious architecture. But what I often ponder is, with no scaffolding as we know it today and no ‘elf ‘n’ safety, how many thousands of lives must have been lost building these massive structures to their fucking stupid “god”.

  3. You can’t beat a bit of religious frenzy.

    You wanted to get closer to God?
    Well let’s hope he is taking visitors..

    As indiana Jones once said..“You want to talk to God? Let’s go see him together. I’ve got nothing better to do.”

  4. The new religion is Starmerism. He has so many happy disciples – the patron saint of illegal immigrants. He has washed the sins of Angel Rayner away – the woman taken in adultery -many times, many, many times. He has turned Alistair Campbell’s wine into water. Cured AnalEase Dodds of her incontinence, taken away the sin of buggery from Mandy, given succour to the weak in the head. Cured Pat McFadden’s baldness and Yvette Cooper of her flat-chestedness (by giving her Izzard’s plastic ones).

    Today we come together to worship Him, with the Queen’s speech (yes I know the King will deliver it, but two old queens wrote it Charles Lynton and Peter Mandelson – the Galton and Simpson of Westminster). Remember – Labour has a plan, and if you need spiritual guidance and replenishment, you can always write to Ask Auntie Mandy, Faggot House, Old Queen Street London, to receive some edifying and uplifting tracts. A donation of at least £50 is required. Oh Come Let Us Adore Him – just like Wessy Streeting does. The mission starts here – Christ help us!

  5. The masses of Western Europe have been encouraged to abandon their God over the last century and a half.

    Is the modern day Western Europe any better for it?

    • We have definitely lost our moral compass. Which is why both fascism and Marxism don’t want to allow organised religion – don’t want any competition. King’s Speech – day zero, like Pol Pot’s year zero?

  6. I do like a good stampede at that shithole Mecca.

    Brightens the day and it’s the sort of cultural enrichment Englishmen have thoroughly enjoyed for centuries.

    Splendid and Good morning.

  7. The big 3 are all desert religions for flipflop wearers

    Then there’s Hinduism
    They worship gods with weird animal attributes.
    There’s Doctor Octopus
    And John Merrick.
    Utter Rubbish.

    Then there’s Buddhism.
    Lounging about staring into space.
    Lazy.
    Sasha Johnson is a Buddhist.

  8. I love the Hajj. Every year, hundreds of smelly sheep like muzzers get trampled to death there by the rest of the herd. Long may in continue.

    But, as far as religion in general goes, it can all fuck off.

  9. Funnily, it only happens at large gatherings, such as where a pig’s bladder is also kicked around. Its all due to humans panicking over nothing.

  10. I’ve noticed lately a distinct lack of miracles being performed.

    They used to be fairly commonplace.

    Walking on water

    Bringing people back from the dead

    Healing lepers

    Not heard of any lepers healed recently?
    Although those bastards are notoriously tight lipped.

    This lack of miracles effects people’s faith in the Gods.

    Come on Cult leaders!
    I wanna see you doing a sprint on the duckpond
    Or in the churchyard raising zombies!

    • There are plenty of miracles being performed mis..

      What about the miracle of a doctors appointment or the miracle of spotting a policeman on the beat..

      I saw a pothole being filled yesterday..
      Praise the Lord hallelujah..

    • Its all due to people’s imaginations running away with them, Mis. “No miracles here” signs should be put up.

  11. We on ISAC are a broad church and a example of how faiths can get along together without friction.

    We have Jews, Hindus, pagans,
    And Ufologists.

    I myself adhere to the worship of CTHULU .
    Old squid face.

    You know where you stand with him.

    • I presume that was a mis-spelling MNC. My faith is in my urologist to sort the old prostate out.

      I had a conversation with one of my favourite customers a few years ago, a Muslim chap, who had screwed his way around Europe and ended up making belts in Shoreditch. Died from heart failure a week after retiring.

      Anyway we had a similar outlook to religion. The thing is if you have money then life is not too bad, if you don’t it is likely to be pretty shit. Therefore those who have money want to prevent those without any from taking it from them so they invented religion to maintain the world order. It is a lot like an insurance company which collects the insurance premiums during your lifetime, in the form of going to church on Sundays and behaving yourself but absolutely no guarantee of a payout in the form of an afterlife. Personally I am extremely doubtful about it.

      I was recently being shaved around the bollock area by a born again Christian prior to an operation. It was a bit difficult to argue with him when he has razor near you valuables but when he said I should put my trust in God and if the worst came to the worst then I was a decent chap and would end up in heaven I said that would be OK but my trust was in my surgeons and if I did end up in heaven at least I would see my dogs again. He then informed me that dogs weren’t allowed into heaven as they had no souls, which was obviously patent nonsense.

      It is amazing the amount of time and allowances we have to give over to these simple people with imaginary friends.

  12. North Korea has the right idea.
    No religion allowed.

    People that follow religions are hypocrites, sexual perverts or nut cases.

    There are no exceptions.

    The Catholic Church is the richest institution in the world.
    All that to worship some guy who wore rags and flip flops and occasionally rode a donkey.

    • I read somewhere that there is a McDonalds directly across from the vatican.

      That’s not right.

      You don’t want to be looking across at the tacky façade of a multibillion dollar worldwide franchise when you’re in Rome, trying to enjoy a Big Mac.

  13. I’m not bothered by people believing in religion.

    Believe whatever they want long as they behave, and don’t fuckin mither me.

    For some it brings comfort and solace.
    Helps them deal with grief

    I can’t slag that.

    • I would believe in a supreme being if it was in the form of a dog.

      Humans are clearly not made in God’s image.

      • If only I could give you 100 likes for that. Probably the truest thing I have read on the internet.

      • Which breed of hound would God be? It’s evidently obvious that Satan is a Chihuahua.

      • Being God, the breed of dog from each individual’s childhood.

        Makes sense for God to name his finest creation an anagram of his own moniker.

    • A Border Collie probably, intelligent, generally good natured but not afraid to hand out a bit of smiting to keep everyone in line.

  14. It’ll do for now but if there truly is a god to worship it would have been their even filthier Pàki neighbours even though for my tuppence worth, injuns is still Pàkis same as knee grows is nigguz

    • I much prefer Indians. They work harder than most Brits and want the best for their kids. Had a three quarter Indian mate at primary school. His family introduced me to Tandoori chicken and nasn bread, and then a spot of widow burning.

  15. Perhaps Christians will soon have three Testaments, the Old, the New, and the New Normal… Just so that a man can lay down with a man and women can be priests
    Anyway, these old documents actually recorded that some bloke had the ability to foresee things rather well, which I may have previously seen on this hallowed site. And this is what the guy actually said…
    For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths…
    Wow, whoever said that was quite the soothsayer. It seems to capture wokism in all its glory.
    Well, it was actually St Paul, and it was recorded in the Bible under, 2-Timothy 4:3-4.
    Whatever that is…
    Amen

  16. Religion, like Money is the root of all evil. Funny how the Vatican bank is one of the richest in the world but they never seem to dip their hands into their pockets, only expect you to give when they shake a can at you as you leave church – not that I’d know, I’d catch fire instantly if I walked into one.

    Religion is there purely for control, nothing more, nothing less. Like Lemmings, most people need something to believe in, a greater power, greater good. This allows people to be utter cunts to each other but go and pray on a Sunday (or any day) and all is OK – particularly in the US (let’s give a country foreign aid to allow them to buy our weapons and let said country use those weapons to annihilate another country who hates us becuase of…. religion).

    I’d be interested to know how many less wars or hatred towards others if not for religion.

    My only religion is pornhub.

    • “Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
      By the wise as false,
      And by the government as useful.”
      (Seneca)

    • Organised religion is a corruption.

      Throughout the ages men have used it to justify their own twisted agendas.

      True wickedness is a product of man.

    • Certainly religion is evil Cuntus, a cancer on society, but money? The full saying is “For the love of money is the root of all evil” and the short form commonly quoted changes its sense subtly. A clearer expression I think of the implied sentiment is the second deadly sin, in one word; avarice. The first deadly sin is of course, pride. Poofters please note.

    • I met a retired Austrian banker a couple of years ago. He told a great story about the Vatican bank, the London boss supposedly hanged himself under Black friars bridge. Every Friday morning just short of £100 million would arrive in London from Columbia and every Tuesday morning it would be returned less 3% commission, as though someone had washed it Aerial at 40 degrees.

    • Actually CM, the Bible states that the ‘love’ of money is the root of all evil.

      Money is regarded as a good thing, when obtained and used correctly.

  17. The way I see it…
    All physical existence centres round The Spirit.
    The Spirit cannot be pinned down.
    It knows no bounds – neither physical nor moral
    And is the direct creator of all existence,
    Beauty and ugliness, with infinite in-betweens and potentialities.
    Where all the wonders of the macrocosm and beyond are firmly embodied in the simple intricacy of Steadman’s tiny teeth which are equal only to Melania’s trumped up gash and everything else through which the Spirit elects to manifest itself physical.
    It’s every housewife’s pride and joy.
    Get the picture?
    I could go on, but the nurse is beckoning me back to bed…

  18. I must admit I have a new found interest in religion. I saw those recent films ‘Immaculate’ and ‘The First Omen’. It seems there is a lot more to it than you might at first think. Lots of nuns fighting all sorts of creepy shit. It seems the drivel is real too. With all this hard evidence to hand, it would be foolish to dismiss it without further investigation.

    Good afternoon, everyone

  19. I went to a C of E school and discovered I was agnostic. I used to be an atheist but Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris made it too fashionable, and a bunch of edgelords joined the internet atheist movement, wanting to show how clever they were by arguing with Young Earth Creationists called Dwight, but ironically hanging on Dawkins and Harris’ every word.

    The God Delusion and Letter to a Christian Nation are exercises in hubris and arrogance .

    god is not Great by Hitchens is much more interesting. Carl Sagan’s stuff is a lot more reasonable as well, and not just about God.

    • It’s interesting that whenever some kind of catastrophe happens, no-one ever asks the people involved ‘Why do you think God has done this to you?’ Religious people insist that their God is omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent; he is everywhere, he is all-knowing and his power has no limitations. And yet when disasters occur, somehow it’s never God’s fault.
      There may be an earthquake where hundreds have been killed. Days later they dig out some kid who’s still alive and they all jump up and down praising the Lord. So even if he didn’t cause it, he knew it was going to happen and did nothing about it. He didn’t even warn them.
      If they had any sense, they wouldn’t be thanking him, they would be saying ‘What a cunt! He’s slaughtered dozens of our relatives, injured dozens more, left damage that’ll take years to clear up, and we’re supposed to be grateful that he’s allowed one fucking kid to survive? Well he can fuck right off. That’s the last time I’m praying to the twat. Fuck that.’
      But that would be if they had any sense.

      • Let’s just imagine that there was no sickness, no aging past adulthood, never any accidents or catastrophes, no death, everyone immortal.

        The Earth would be populated by hundreds of billions and the problem of man’s inherent tendency to want to dominate his fellow man, and if he can’t then kill him would lead to He’ll on Earth.

        There are worse things than death and it is a mistake to teach our children that it is to be avoided at ALL costs.

      • A good example, (Allan) was a cunt that caught ebola while treating same in Africa a few years ago, .. flown back to the US .. lots of expensive treatment .. survived … comes out to the podium in front of the press. Thanks god for the personal saving-of.

        Ebola being a thing in the first place?, letalone the several thousand victims of the relevant outbreak bleeding to death through their every orifice? … naaaah … ; and if the cunt bin question HAD died. .. no one to the podium to shake a fist at why their deity-of-choice DIDNT intervene and save.

        Same as you said, just a variation.

        Aldo. The only meaning of the word ‘miracle’ is a chance occurrence that is a notably fluky serendipitous statistical anomaly.

        Nothing else to it.

      • Fuck that’s my most typos in one go ever. Pissy divine intervention, perhaps? 😳

        ^ IN question, DIDN’T, and ‘also’.

  20. I much prefer Yasur. A lovely roast pork dinner and piss up then chuck a missionary into the volcano. A good night out for the whole family.

    Presem Yasur.

  21. We are in desperate need of the Christians of old who wore the white tunic with the red cross adorning it covering their chainmail, if they were to come back they wouldn’t have to pay Thomas Cook to go to the middle east looking for muslims, obviously it wouldn’t be much of a crusade but they’d have more energy for the job in hand only needing to walk up the streets of Blighty.

  22. There is only one true God.
    HE! is white.
    HE is old.
    HE has a long white beard.
    HE wears a sheet for clothes.
    HE has a booming voice.
    HE lives on a cloud.
    ……I don’t believe in his existence and the same goes for any others

  23. I’ve never had any part of organised religion.

    Wasn’t christened.

    My dad and grandad loathe priests and Christianity.

    But I can’t stand atheists either.

    Pompous and arrogant ,
    Trampling over others believes and opinions.
    Total conviction they’re right.
    Like Labour politicians.

    Insufferable cunts.

    I want God to exist just to shut those cunts up.

    ” I… don’t believe in God.
    Actually I’m a atheist…”

    SO FUCKIN WHAT?

    • I know what you mean, Mis.

      Boring fuckers. Like vegans.

      There’s nothing more cringeworthy than a Facebook atheist who’s just picked up The God Delusion ten years after it was cool and now ‘battles’ creationists and posts shit memes about Noah’s ark being ridiculous.

      ‘We know, mate’.

      Sometimes i pretend to be a convert to evangelical christianity (a couple of mates of mine were in there) and creationist just to wind them up.

      Sends them fucking mad.

      • I personally deplore every single fucking thing about the nonsense. I live between two towns, roughly ten miles to each … and the god botherers from both directions have my manor blacklisted. It took a few encounters at the gate over the years but we got there!

        The bone-idle, time-wasting low-brow feeble-minded stupid cunts.

        [Actually canvassing electoral cunts got the message a few years back as well .. the last one (a wimminz) ever left in tears, I shit you not! ; ..Cunt’emAll is not simply an online persona].

        Anyways.

        I also have no truck with the term ‘atheist’. In the minds of the masses(no pun intended) .. well, .. they see the situation as the omnicunt (‘god’) actually exists, but the ‘atheist’ doesn’t believe in the cunt.

        That’s an arrogant supposition too far for my liking, and part of the reason the people-carriers of Watchtower-peddling shitheads reach the nearest 2 houses to mine, try their luck there, then get back in their vehicles and fuck off.

        MISOtheist. That’s a bit more like it. Includes hating the NOTION of the non-existent fucker, even.

      • I just don’t know what reaction they’re after CP.

        I don’t believe in God.

        Intake of breathe?
        Shock?

        I don’t give a fuck what they believe in.

        ” I’m a ….atheist!!!”
        So what?
        They remind me of gay kids coming out and expecting a dramatic reaction.

  24. Ps

    I’m a atheist/vegan/ nut allergist/ vegetarian/ cunt

    One of those self imposed titles that makes you pick up your coat and head for the door.

  25. I’m not an atheist, I’m a realist based on the way religion moves with the thinking of it’s time. From Greeks and Olympus through Romans and planets Norse, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim
    Christians all with ethereal beings to keep the masses toeing the line.
    I Don’t eat plants and I’m not allergic to owt.

    • I’m a pagan/wiccan/crypto-Buddhist zen druid when there’s big boobed hippy chicks around. Perhaps around younger versions of J.K. Rowling and Kate Bush, and they shake their tits in my magical beard harbouring fronds of bladderwrack

    • It wasn’t aimed at you Scunny.

      It just irritates me this

      ” I’m a Atheist, I don’t believe in God” posturing.

      I don’t believe in many things,
      God, father Christmas, shaving,
      Easter bunny ,
      Loads of stuff.

      But I don’t bore everyone in earshot about it.

      And I don’t sneer at people who do believe in God.

      I couldn’t give a fuck basically what anyone believes.

      I find atheists just as fuckin annoying as any Jehovah’s witness.

      • Misunderstanding there Mis.
        Unfortunately being as I’m a bit of a cunt I took as aimed my way cos it was the next comment in.
        No hard feelings mate eh?

      • Course not pal👍

        I don’t believe in God myself.

        But when my dad was in Christies ( cancer hospital in Manchester)
        Saw a few very poorly fellas suddenly get a bit religious.

        They knew theyre time was nearly up, was scared.

        If it helped them I see no harm in it.

        Know what I mean?

        At the end any comfort is welcome.

  26. An omnicunt that [WERE it to exist, as posited by it’s earthly fanclub/groupies] – despite all the assertions to the opposite, must perversely *delight* in the suffering of others, – and moreso, – on a planetwide scale. Self-contradictingly, even. That’d be IF you could find a devotee TO debate to any half decent degree .. but those cunts just hide behind overarching and grandiose, yet meritless statements. ‘Mysterious Ways’ seems to be one that they’re happy enough to (not) win their argument with… to ratify an omnipowerful being – in many cases supposedly a being of pure love – who ironically is – again, whether you believe in it or not – by simplistic deduction – responsible for all the suffering – the so very much of same, worldwide, daily – by non intervention on a criminal scale. And not just to human beings who pick and choose which godly brand to hitch their wagon to. (Or be forcibly coerced into from the earliest opportunity agewise). But the poor ol’ thoroughly innocent nonhuman critters too. There’s a lot of completely outrageous and unnecessary suffering under the ever watchful eye of such an omniscient being, such as (gang)rapes, grooming gangs, sex trafficking, torture, murder, birth defects, spontaneous illnesses, bullying, accidents – uninsurable devastation to whole areas(‘acts of god’) that see ‘good’ and ‘bad’ alike get the same. Actually – subjectivity not even necessary – there are plenty of ‘good’ (or neutral, even) and innocent (Baby P just sprung to mind)that get fucked-over royally while other outright (earthly) CUNTS sail through life. Lottery-winning convicted rapists, anyone? – And yes, that’s plural there.

    All this as some form of narcissistic ‘test’ of devotion to some omnieverything cunt, supposedly. And it’s all to be endured with gratitude, in return for eternal bliss.

    ETERNAL fucking BLISS, for cunts sake!

    Fuck me ; you couldn’t make it up. Oh, wait! …

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