Scion of the celebrity chef and complete waste of DNA, Marco Pierre White Jnr is not only a cunt but a fucking plank to boot.
The drugged-up criminal nugget posted pictures of his tattooed arse on Instagram then broke into a deli to steal money from the till. Squeezing out of the broken window his trousers got snagged, revealing the anal artwork on CCTV, thus making his identification a doddle. So that’s another spell in chokey for Brain of Britain.
But this case got me wondering. What tattoos might others have which would reveal their identity in similar circumstances? I’ll give you some of our soon-to-be Lords & Masters for starters:
MAGIC GRANDPA
On his Iron Curtain road trip with Diane Abbott, Grandpa had Karl Marx and Diane tattooed by the State Tattooist in East Berlin (no Imperialist, Capitalist tattoo running dogs for our Jezza). Sadly the ravages of time have rendered Diane’s image into a thick, black blob. So just like the real thing really.
EMILY THORNBELLIES
Due to its immense size, Lady Nuge has had all 361 chapters of War and Peace imprinted round the back door.
GRETA TURDBERG
Grotta wishes to maintain her virginity, so her bum reads simply ‘How dare you!’
OWEN JONES
‘Marxists only’ on one buttock, ‘Never been bummed by a Tory’ on the other. Owen’s party piece is to fart ‘the Red Flag’ through his rectal prolapse.
DAWN BUTLER
Dawn is art-free around the rear. However she can still be identified by the fact that her arse is indistinguishable from her face.
ANGELA TWO HOMES
Crayons has ‘Front or back’ on one, and ‘You choose’ on the other. Classy.
DAME KEIRA
Finally our glorious PM-in-Waiting. Keira started having tattoos done but changed her mind half way through. So nobody knows what they represent.
Dark key cunt added this regarding body desecration:
People with tats are not cunts per se. I have six but I treat my body like my living room walls. I would like a picture here and there. What I don’t want is a fucking mural. The tats are Arsenal or Leicester Tigers related and also related to my Hindu heritage (an Om and an Asoka’s Wheel, the wheel on the Indian flag). They are individual pictures on my limbs, not some ridiculous bollocks all over a limb.
I love Courtney Lawes as a rugby player but what the fuck is the point of this? He’s of mixed race but he wants to be green.
There was some bint who worked at the reception at my gym who had loads of tats and I thought nothing of it until I had to speak to her at the reception about my membership. I then saw that she had cobwebs tattooed into both ears. That’s nothing other than a mental illness.
Cunt!
Fucking hell, looks like Sheridan Smith took her play getting cancelled a bit to hard..
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Are you sure the cobwebs are tattooed, and not the real thing that have leaked from her brain?
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Remember pen fights at school?
That’s what this penis looks like.
Ho ho, pen fights…what a pleasant adolescent memory.
You’d come home covered in biro and your mum wouldn’t mind unless you got some on the collar of your school shirt and then you’d get a clip round the ear.
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If his dad wasn’t a cunt he’d have this waste of a prison cell made into very overpriced sausages.
Good morning.
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Don’t mind his old man but looks like he shouldve treated the son with the same discipline he uses with his staff.
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Who wrote the initial header please? Tears were running down my leg.
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Yours truly CM, the Man With No Name.
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Bravo Geordie a fine cunting indeed.
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I agree CuntyMort, absolutely brilliant.
As for this clown, well I just can’t find sympathy. Our elder handles smack-heads from time to time when they turn up in A&E. She says that most of them have a personal history of abuse and neglect in all forms you can imagine and would rather not, from birth which would reduce most people to tears. I was once told by a quite senior copper that he actually had occasionally been in tears when he turned up the backgrounds of prostitutes they picked up in a sweep of Kings Cross. But this idiot, what can you say?
As for tattoos, tolerable on ex-military men within reason but on women completely beyond the pale in my book and piercings even more so. Did you know that the forensics people can detect from the most remote body part whether the person had tattoos and even what colours they were? Not for me.
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Great nom.
I deplore all body disfigurements.
Tattoos, piercings, metal implants, face fucking painting – body “art” of any description, cosmetic surgery (including silicone beef-ups), jewellery, and all but the most minimal makeup, though fake eyelashes can look good on some birds.
Also oddly partial to fit birds wearing glasses with black plastic rims while smoking tabs.
That blasphemous abomination in the header pic should be gunned down on sight.
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What a stupid looking cunt.
Like a cross between Robbie Savage the mincing blonde footballist dancer and a Māori.
Very odd.
Oven please.
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Bet his old man is ripping his curly hair from his bonce giving this fuckwit of a sprog the same name as his own.
He ought to beat the cunt to within an inch of his life with big ladles.
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Clearly this child was over indulged in its young years…
Hence the result is a complete twat…!
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“Squeezing out of the broken window his trousers got snagged, revealing the anal artwork on CCTV, thus making his identification a doddle”
Or a doodle even. Sorry chaps, I’ll get me coat.
But, as a parting shot, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”
Tattoed above Katie’s festering gash.
“Mistakes were made” Tattoed on Dwight Yorke’s Bell end.
“CUNT!” Tattoed on handsome Harvey’s head.
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Lessons will be learned tattooed on all MP’s and civil servants.
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I disagree Mort.
None of these ignorant cunts will ever learn.
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My tat started innocently enough with a solitary beauty spot but after imbibing a few tinctures of Jungle Juice® I got carried away and went for the full Negroid® facial.
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I know I am going to be cunted for saying this as it’s off topic but it’s cunt week (i.e. General Election).
Am I the only one thinking that Ed Davey is a total bell end. All he has been doing during campaigning is silly stunts. Today appears no different in that I saw a picture of him doing a bungee jump?
Apart from demonstrating we are fucked so take a leap of faith with the Lib Democunts what other message does this cunt portray with these silly PR stunts – could someone enlighten me please.
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Indeed, Cuntus.
He didn`t even have the decency to papper his grundies during the leap.
Also, someone mistakenly connected the rubber lines to his ankles.
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‘Am I the only one thinking that Ed Davey is a total bell end?’
I presume that’s a rhetorical question Mr Maximus.
I suggest for his next stunt he puts his neck on a guillotine, plays ‘dare’ in the lion enclosure at Woburn Safari Park, or does a 10,000 foot parachute jump without a parachute.
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A jolly wheeze would be to have Ed turn up in the middle east wearing a tee shirt saying Allah lifts shirt in Arabic script.
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The only good thing is he’d legalise cannabis so we can all get stoned and drift away with the fairies into the 2029 election.
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I would imagine that a lot of sub postmasters think “Sir”Ed is a twat..!
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/jan/03/post-office-workers-wrongly-accused-of-stealing-still-awaiting-payouts
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This specimen thinks people who use trains are peasants and tweeted ‘the rich don’t die’ after the Parsons Green terror attack.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/marco-pierre-white-jr-deletes-11176432.amp
Sorry mate, but your dad is rich, not you.
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All that so called artwork says to me is look lm an unemployable cunt
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Yes, face tattoos are also known as job-stoppers.
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At least his artwork will probably get a good airing on ‘A’ wing with the inmates queuing up to present junior with their sausage variants…’eer tell me what this tastes like’.
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I think he has been in prison fairly recently because I recall a story about how he was converting to Islam in there, and ” the lads” in prison were giving him advice and showing him the way. That went well then.
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I’d love this tattooed twat to die of ink poisoning. I wonder if there’s a limit to how much the body can take before that happeneds. Please let me know.
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I knew someone who had masses of tattoos and even more piercings, he was a pleasant enough individual despite all this. He was always ill though, with one thing or another. I wondered if his immune system spent all it’s time defending his various wounds rather than doing it’s general business.
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A picture tells a thousand words.
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TONY BLAIR
Teflon Tony had this tattooed across his butt cheeks so that George Dubya wouldn’t blow it to pieces….. “The Hospital and School of The Actual Location of Saddam’s WMD’s”.
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I’m heavily tattooed.
Like a old school desk when my shirts off.
And yes I think it’s big and it’s clever.
No I don’t regret them.
It looks common? I am common.
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Never had the skin touched. There wasn’t any room because of the acne. You could play Dotto on me. That’s about it.
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Blimey, another cunt on here I’ve never heard of. I must be out of touch.
Afternoon all.
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Kill it with fire.
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Typical Tigers fan. Also Arsenal. Block the lot with ink
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