Chopstick Users

Posted on by


I’m not talking about the third of the world’s population that were born to use chopsticks.
Those sneaky, yellow fuckers deserve their own cunting.

I’m talking about the smug bastards who think that they are impressing people when they use chopsticks.

Go to any Chinese restaurant on any night of the week and there will be at least one cunt, perhaps even a table full of cunts who insist on ‘living the experience’ by eating with these ridiculous things.

Who the fuck do these people think that they are?

They are certainly not impressing the waiters.
The waiters have been using chopsticks since they learned how to feed themselves.
They are just amused by the efforts of westerners.
They probably chat amongst themselves “又一个他妈的贱人” (Another fucking cunt).

They don’t impress any of the other diners in the restaurant.
They just think that they are wankers.

How many hours have these dimwits spent at home practicing, using elastic bands?
How many shirts have they ruined by dropping food on themselves?

These are the people who order a Chinese takeaway and ask for it to be delivered with chopsticks.

After many hours of practice and hundreds of failed attempts they go to the local Chinese restaurant.

Fucking idiots.

You think that you sound sophisticated by insisting on using chopsticks when everyone else uses a knife and fork?

You think that other people will regard you as well travelled?
You’re not.
You might have been to an international hotel in Hong Kong where there was a 15 minute demonstration on how to use chopsticks, but that just makes you a bigger cunt.

Do these same people go to an Indian restaurant and eat with their hands?

If I was Chinese and owned a restaurant and someone asked for chopsticks I would give them a plate of peas as well.

See how you get on with them, you cunt.

Nominated by : The Artful Cunter

119 thoughts on “Chopstick Users”

  2. Excellent nom.

    Probably explains why so many kids go to school unable to use a knife and fork.

  4. In all my years I have never seen anyone using chopsticks in a Chinese restaurant. In fact I doubt the yellow peril who work in them even know how to use chopsticks.

    But then I’m more likely to be in a Ch*nky in Ashington than Islington.

    • Its probably a hygiene thing when eating out. Fresh chopsticks prevents the dirty fork from happening all over again, Monty.

  5. You get a double pronged stick with your chips from the chippy, when eating alfresco.

  6. I eat fish and chips with chopsticks.

    Adds a touch of ‘je ne sais quoi’ sophistication to the occasion, I always find.
    A fine Meursault to accompany the fish rounds the whole experience off superbly.

    Morning all.

  7. Best way to deal with such poseurs is to shove a chopstick into each of its nostrils and then push until they disappear from view.

  8. I always go full native in a Chinese restaurant..

    Order the pangolin or bat dish in my loudest voice, then continue talking loudly the whole meal..
    Chain smoke the entire time, before clearing my throat loudly and spitting on the floor.
    Then leaving without tipping..

    • I like to go full-chınk by having a terrified, squirming puppy delivered to my table which I proceed to start skinning without even bashing its brains in to stop its suffering, because I’m inhumane slitty-eyed custard-coloured cunt.

    • I saw a full-blown old man-chink whilst shopping yesterday.

      He was loudly hawking up his egg-fried phlegm as those vicious slopes tend to do, but the whole time he was wearing a disposable face-mask on his flat, yellow face.

      Because we are the dirty ones, obviously.

      • I saw an Indian woman a few years ago blowing her nose into the gutter. A sudden gust of wind blew it all down her sari. Serves the dirty bastard right, have these cunts not heard of tissues?

  9. The same cunts who think playing Chop Sticks on the piano makes them a musical genius.

  10. I have no issues using chopsticks: Simply Sellotape® 4 of them together sideways – then use them as a fork. For the adventurous among you, attach another 3 to them to craft a handle and viola! – western civilization. Bon appetite.
    🍽️

  11. Chopsticks are ok, the food is prepared for their use, if folks can’t handle them then Tommee Tippee brand do a suitable spoon and pusher set along with a dribble collecting bib for the mongs.
    Their ridiculous spoons are another matter, looking and feeling like an ashtray with a handle attached, why the fuck did these tiddlywink cunts decide to stick with that design ?
    That said, a knife and fork or your bare hands if there’s bones to gnaw, normally fulfill the criteria admirably, perhaps it’s the idea of clinging onto 1200 BC customs and stubborn pride prevents these mustard locusts trying to eat properly.

  12. I’ll do this old joke before someone else does:
    I had a sesame chicken at a chinese restaurant the other day.
    Not bad, but a bit chewy.
    “Excuse me,” I say to the waiter, “this chicken’s rubbery!”
    “Aah, rank you very much!”

    • You are jimmy tarbuck, and I claim my free bright yellow Lyle and Scott jumper.

      • Ah, the old “Confucious he say” jokes eh Geordie. I like the one;

        “Confucious he say man with prick up chimney is fucking great.”

        Worked on assonance of course which is perhaps why people in some parts of the country didn’t get it.

      • Confucius he say man whose cats go missing live next door to Chinese restaurant.

  13. The Chinks are proper cunts and their table manners are a disgrace.

    Deep fried wonton Wuhan Oven.

    Good morning.

  14. OT but Carol Kirkwood was just presenting the weather on the telly. I could definitely see the outline of her nipples in that plain white dress.

  15. Although soup is a challenge.
    For this you will need a 3mm drill bit – just bore carefully down the entire length of one stick, and voila! A straw.
    😏

  16. I use chopsticks as toothpicks to really get that annoying piece of bamboo shoot …..Mr woo’s top tips no 25 👍….free fortune 🥠 with every successful mission

  17. I was in full Chinese restaurant the other week in China Town. We were the only punters eating a knife and fork.

    • I was in a full Chinese restaurant the other week in China Town. We were the only punters eating with a knife and fork.

  18. Fu Manchu’s takeaway on the high street gives chop sticks away with the Kung Fu noodles. Gays go there for a rubber duck with oyster sauce.

  19. Chop sticks? Fuck that, if it can’t be cut and stabbed with a fork I’m. It eating it.

    Fuck birds nest soup.

    It’s like eating with sticks is a culinary revolution.

    Amazingly the BBC has negative stories on conservatives today, also another reform candidate has discovered that some other reform candidates are a bit bigoted or racist and woe is me misogynistic.

    Call cynical but it’s almost like placing an IED and detonating it when you can do the most damage. I’m suspicious some of the reform candidates are planted to do maximum damage to the campaign before running back to daddy.

    Oh well good job they have the highly moral conservatives to run too.

    I’m racist in the same way the French (mostly) were racist to the Germans during the war.

    By the way I do like the odd Chinese meal but chopsticks are vely fucking difcult, food go cold, me still hungry.

  20. Fuck chopsticks, a fork is a much better. Backward yellow cunts!

    • Yep, fork and spoon beats a pair of jumped-up twigs.

      I used to be one of these cunts because I am worldly-wise but when all is said and done, a spoon does the job just right.

      But ultimately you should avoid eating their fucking muck in the first place, the filthy bat-gobbling goooks.

    • A fork and spoon may well be a lot easier, but I bet they still defeat Diane Abbott.

  21. Being highly cultured I of course can not only eat with chopsticks but if you throw me a ball of wool can use them to knit you a fair isle pullover.

    Shame really because I don’t eat Chinese food.
    What with not being a filthy bastard.

  22. Let’s invent something to make it incredibly difficult to eat rice. I know, chopsticks. Like trying to pick up 5 pence pieces whilst wearing boxing gloves.

  23. Always use em. It’s a piece of piss unless your a cack handed uncultured twat with a chip on yer shoulder.

    • The funny thing is I am a cack’handed uncultured twat and even I can still use them.

      I might write a cunting for those who can play the violin, because I never learned how.

      Fucking fools!

    • Do you shout ” Hey everyone look at me!” When using them in a Chinese restaurant Fat Jon?

      And do you take your designer sunglasses off?

    • Damn!

      fatjohn speaking brutal truth!

      With a heavy dose of reality from Cuntamus.

      • I expect you use chopsticks General?

        Let me guess, … Chinatown San Francisco right?

        I knew it wasn’t Vietnam.
        What with you dodging the draft..

      • I can’t even support another Cunter without Thorgar emerging and displaying his CDS.

      • I’m not getting the reference to this Thorgar thing General.
        It’s honestly lost on me.

        Insults work best when both parties understand them.

      • Sorry Thorgar,

        I’d like to explain it to you in a way you could understand it but I can’t use puppets and crayons on the internet.

      • Hey Grondul,

        Given my utter lack of respect for you, I honestly don’t care what you call me.

        Whatever you decide I’m sure it will be a manifestation of your raging CDS.

      • I’ll call you “BabyKiller!!!!”

        Like you called the brave lads returning from south east Asia…

      • Hey Thorgar,

        All you ever do is talk shit.

        I don’t know whether to offer you a breath mint or some toilet paper.

      • Mints now is it?
        I’ve been waiting 2yrs for that mars bar!

        I may as well use your call up papers, seeing as you never went to defend your country.

        And the white feather to tickle my balloon knot.

      • Thorgar,

        I’ve never understood your particular brand of stupid but I must grudgingly respect your utter devotion to it.

      • And I never understood your devout adherence to bullshitting.

        But there you are.

      • I refer the Dishonourable Troll to the reply I gave some nominations ago.

        And now I’m done.

        We’re spilling into other Cunters righteous nominations and that ain’t right.

      • Hey Odin,

        I wasn’t going to comment further but as you asked (in what I presume to be) good faith I will answer you.

        There is a big dust up in the BBC and Killer Heat Waves nomination between myself and the usual suspects.

        What’s got their goat is that after years of decrying me for remarks I made on the Ukraine page and demanding I post one link to prove my point that uses my exact words I did so.

        A Newsweek article written 6 or 8 months ago that confirmed everything I said about Volo.

        The article says very clearly that he banned all political parties including the opposition. It further goes on to list his all the other things he has done to subvert democracy.

        As usual the insults got out of hand and spilled into this thread.

        Given that their narrative has been destroyed and I have been completely vindicated, they are just throwing out anything that they think will get my goat…regardless of fact or merit.

        Don’t take my word for it. Go read the nomination, the thread and the links posted and then decide for yourself.

        If you disagree with my assessment then so be it. But that’s how I see it.

        There are those with what I now call Cuntster Derangement Syndrome (CDS) and they will NEVER STOP attacking me.

        Unfortunately, instead of ignoring them I respond and it degenerates into this kind of dysfunction.

      • Ah. Thanks for clarifying, General.

        I thought someone had dropped LSD into my beer, because none of it made sense.

        Can we all play nice please.

        There are so many cunts out there that need a good, hard cunting without turning cunt on other cunters.

        Macron is about to get trounced by LePen, Sleepy Joe will likely shit himself mid debate, the sun came out for ten minutes this afternoon and I didn’t run into the tiresome twat who likes to spout new age bollocks at me as I walk the dog in the park.

        Reasons to be cheerful and almost tolerate my fellow man.

  24. I theorise that chopsticks are the reason why Chongs and their ilk are so thin. You can’t shovel loads in with ’em.

  25. I don’t see what the problem is.

    I just had my tomato soup for lunch using chopsticks.

  26. I wonder if you can eat sour grapes with chopsticks?

    It’s really not that taxing for anyone over 12 and isn’t disabled.

    Some people on here are letting life pass them by.

    • Yeah, they’d be content and enriched if they are sweet and sour with two branches 😀

    • Why would people who have cutlery use sticks?

      If all you’ve got to eat with is sticks then fine. We’ve got plenty of dogs roaming the street but we don’t fucking eat them. If we did we’d use a knife and fork….🍴

  27. May as well go the whole hog.
    Wear black pyjamas, Fu Manchu moustache, and a coolie hat on.

    I don’t get why anyone would bother?

    If I went Australia I wouldn’t paint myself in ochre, learn didgeridoo and go walkabout.

    • You could make a documentary, get on TV, win a BAFTA and make your living on early evening quiz shows.

  28. I find dogs to be a tasty afternoon snack and if you impale one up the jaksie on half a broom handle you don’t have to wash up cutlery.

  30. An Englishman does not go fucking native and use primitive instruments for consumption of his scran, knife,fork,spoon are superior in every way, they chinks stopped at the first thing that nearly worked and thought fuck it let’s not bother inventing something better we will just have to practice. Thank fuck I’m an Englishman to my marrow 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧

Comments are closed.