The UK Government Emergency Website


I saw an article about this today on a news website. We should all ensure we have at least three days worth of tins of food that can be consumed cold, and don’t forget you will need a tin opener as well (sigh). Stock up on necessary items such as wet wipes ( I thought these were bad for the environment though? ) and torches, because candles and matches could be dangerous.

It went on to say that some sort of pandemic drill is going to take place next summer involving many thousands of people. The mobile phone alarm to warn you of imminent disaster is going to be reintroduced. We need to be ready for an emergency at all times, it said.

This is of course absolutely nothing to do with mind control and keeping people in a constant state of fear, so we can be all grateful when they tell us it is safe to come out again and “have our freedom back”. I’m just waiting for the queues of dullards at the supermarkets again , buying 5 years worth of tinned beans and bogrolls.

There seem to be plenty of real present dangers about that they could turn their attention to, if they were so minded..

What a complete bag of unmitigated cunting shite.

Sly News.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

51 thoughts on “The UK Government Emergency Website

    • Could it also be a cunning ploy to get people to lose weight, then more people can fit onto this tiny island ?

  1. Well if its advice from this shower of shit government,I think I’ll pass..

    Anything I need I will loot..
    Black people seem to enjoy it..

  2. I am sure a large percentage of the ‘younger’ generation will embrace this. After all, they cannot seem to think or do anything for themselves anymore, and seem more than happy for the government to do everything for them……even at the cost of reducing civil liberties.

    If theres going to be a third world war, then we are going to go pretty quick, and if I get vapourised straight away, then i would top myself anyway. Who would want to live in a moslem uk after the war?

    • Remember the nom about a pod of young female land whales who went to Japan, and couldn’t understand why the Japanese regarded them as freaks?

      I remember one of them bleating

      “No one tells you how you’re supposed to feel!”

      Fuck my old boots, just about sums the younger generations up.

  3. With all the basement conversions required on their second homes by the MP’s to keep the tinned food and bog roll in then the expenses claims for this year are going to be fucking enormous.

  4. No mention of emergency 🍺 supplies….fuck off, get the message across property or don’t bother… anyway I’m covered for a long siege 😩

  5. We import half our food requirements.

    If they were interrupted for more than a few days the country would descend into a completely feral death match of looting and extreme violence.

    The days of ration cards and patient queuing for food are long gone,after all we’ve imported millions of savages who only understand the Law of the Jungle.

    Emergency?

    Aye there’s been one these last 25 years,it’s called selling your country down the fucking river.

    Oh and Dowden is a despicable cunt.

    Oven.

  6. I do wonder why the Suntan Kid has called the election for 4th July when the consensus view was that the Tories’ only chance of avoiding a drubbing was to hang on as long as possible and hope the economy improves, people feel a bit better off and a few planeloads of illegals fuck off to Rwanda.

    I think he knows something’s in the offing and he doesn’t want to be around when the shit hits the fan. NATO declaring war on Russia maybe? Civil war in the USA? Or a hundred thousand sandw0gs take the opportunity to flood across the Channel in July and August when all the French police have been redeployed at the Olympic Games?

    I can’t help feeling something’s up, whatever it might be.

    • I think you’re right, Roland Rat abandoning a sinking ship.
      The boss eyed shitweasel, over to you, Chef Terence.

    • Ive seen a few videos about that. Rishi doesnt fancy being a war-time PM so called an early election, especially as it’s now known British personnel and weapons are directly involved in fighting Russia.

      Could be that, or it could be that an incoming Labour government will be so fucking incompetent, the nation will cease to function as a first-world economy.
      We’re half-way there already.

    • My thoughts also Mr Twatt.

      Something stinks about it all,and that’s saying something given the cesspit those cunts inhabit.

  7. HM Gov making an app. Their track record on this front is worse than shite.

    Their Track + Trace ‘app’ cost more than the annual software development budgets of Microsoft and Apple combined + a few 100 million.

    A better idea would be to buy tins of beans for everyone instead. (or Vodka)

    Beans/Vodka/Gas Mask/Gun – rock n roll.

  8. 3 days supply, what’s the fucking point, the only thing anyone needs for 3 days is a couple of bottles of water.

    Rishi does a 48 hour fast and he only weighs 3 stone!

    This isn’t anything to do with preparing for an emergency it’s all about fucking power cuts in winter when there is no wind and the lunatics in government have decommissioned all the gas turbines.

  9. We are currently at war with Eurasia. We’ve always been at war with Eurasia.
    I hope Sainsbury’s sell that pinkish-grey stew, milkless Victory coffee, and saccharine tablets.

    • I thought for a second ‘hang on, what’s Erasure ever done? made a few catchy tunes and seemed ok to me.’ Then I re read😂😂😂

      • Always/ I want to be with you/
        and make believe with you/
        and live in harmony-harmony/
        al-ways.

      • @CP Thanx for singing that to me❤️ It’s my favourite Erasure song of all time🫶🏻

      • I have a soft spot for Erasure. Me and my class of fellow 11-year-olds had aerobics/gym in our white vests and shorts for the approval of our Scottish PE teacher, as the likes of ‘Blue Savannah’ and ‘Chorus’ filled the hall.

        Entirely wholesome activity.

  10. Surely some guns n ammo should be required to keep your scummy neighbours at bay..

  11. Rumour has it that Rishi Sunak wants out because he doesn’t want to be, or isn’t, a “wartime” leader.

    Thank the lord that Sir Kier Starmer is waiting in the wings to come in and lead us.

  12. The Government are lying cunts. This shit is designed to frighten old ladies and gullible tossers – the sort who took part in covids trick and tack. Fuck off Sunak with your scare mongering shite. Nobody believes anything you say anymore.

    • Without smartphones, multiple 24 hour news channels and gullible tossers, the Covid “pandemic” couldn’t have had a quarter of the impact that it did.

      Reject the evidence of your eyes and ears at all times.

  13. As for this emergency alarm or whatever the fuck it is – what a crock of fucking shit.

    Fear Porn at its most hardcore.

    Get fucked.

  14. These human muck are now in every city and every town.

    My kidney unit is full of the bastards. One particular Paggi is a terrible cunt.
    He lifts his arse off the bed and farts loudly. Never says ‘excuse me’ to the ladies, staff or patients. Plays his fucking phone at full volume, all that Bollywood shite. Has been told to turn it doen several times, but simply doesn’t give a fuck.

    Coughs constantly and loudly, without a hand over his ugly mug or a mask. He is also an old fucker. Obviously been here for over 30 years, yet claims to not know any English. Yet the fucker is quick off the mark when the tea tray comes round.

    What I really hate is when the twat says a word in English, some staff (mainly women) treat him like a dog that has done a new trick. They praise the fuckmuck to the heavens. He takes the piss and they love him for it. It’s sickening.

    A truly dirty, disgusting, thoughtless, and devious cunt. Normal decent patients should not have to share a ward with such revolting filth.

    • Oh, and these human excrement also refuse to use headphones.like everone else does.

      They get asked to do so, and it’s ‘No no no no no’. Like the SS are poinitng a luger at them. Absolutely ridiculous.

      Is it yet another thing against their religion?
      Fucking dirty scum.

    • Same at Guys hospital back in the nineties. kids’ renal unit. A little paklet on his bed surrounded by jabbering extras from Star Wars with facial hair, playing their shrieking bollywood shite. Just as now, the nurses were too scared to tell them to turn it down.

  15. The lying cunts. The disaster is now, happening in slow motion so we don’t take too much notice.

    If something keeps us in our homes for three days it’s fucking serious and won’t be fixed in three days. So they ain’t giving us three days they have calculated it will take three days to get all their minions in position to lock us down indefinitely.

    It’s us and them.

  16. Well if its a nuclear nuclear attack, I’m straight outside to play in the radioactive dust..

    Could turn me into the Hulk or Doctor Manhattan.. though more likely turn me into a dribbling spàz like Owen jones..

    • ‘i’m straight outside to play in the radioactive dust.’

      Just like John Wayne on location for The Conqueror, an area 50 miles downwind of the Nevada test range.

  17. I take my cue from the illustrious Alfred E. Neuman.

    “What, me worry?” 😀

    Afternoon all.

  18. It’s a comfort blanket for the eternally stupid. Just like face masks ect. If and when it goes tits up, there will be no warning at all. The first thing the Russians or rinkydinks will do, is take down all communications ect. They can do this by taking out satellites, cyber attack or using emp. It’s a falicyy to think you would get a waring from a sea launched missile. The subs are just of our coast; we would at best have 60 seconds before a cruse missile would take out centers of government, and military targets. The idea of people having 3 days of food, frankly laughable at best. You would need to have months of food, water, medicine ect. In reality if you have no skills to look after yourself, your going to be toast. It’s a bleak picture at best. What government would tell it’s people, just how shit it will be? I’d do a bunk if I where wishy-washy. They have been drip feeding people the ideas, such as conscription ect. Most folks are to self absorb in celebs, shit on TV and banal shit. It’s going to come as a huge shock to most people. I think it’s very true, a society is only 3 days food from anarchy. Still chin up, most of the immos are in target areas. Problem solved.

  19. Fuckin government treating people like babies!

    And some thumbsuckers want to be treated that way.

    Fuck right off🖕

    ” Don’t run holding scissors”

    “Sleep on your side so you don’t choke in your sleep”

    ” Careful ovens are often hot”

    I’m savvy enough to be able to get by without advice from some Westminster rat.

    If it comes to lying , thieving, bumming rentboys,
    I’ll give you a shout,

    Until then mind your own fuckin business.

    • Stocked up on the Fray Bentos pies and catering tins of baked beans.

      Made sure I’ve plenty of pet food, got to keep the buggers healthy, you never know!

      Now bottled water or Lidl premium lager?

      Would any of it be edible/safe if its been irradiated?

      What a crock of shite.

      • Food would not be irradiated unless fallout rains down on it and it’s uncovered. If your food in tins is irradiated by the initial blast, you are likely to die from being cooked by the gamma rays long before you ran out of food.

        I would rather be instantly destroyed by the initial heat and pressure wave than die slowly from radiation sickness or starvation.

  20. That makes two of us C.P. if I do get wind of a nuke heading my direction I’m running towards the fucker

  21. Well , the Japs got nuked and they loved it!
    Was the making of them.

    Only side effects were dressing up as dogs and tiny winkys.

    • Oh Lord!

      I think I’m going to die!
      I am laughing, sneezing and coughing at the same time, and it’s all your fault, Mis.

      Dressing as dogs, I could have coped with.
      The tiny winkies did for me.

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