I was listening to a music channel while driving the other day. Well, I say ‘music channel’ but between the phone-ins, the news, the weather and the competitions, there was actually precious little music on offer, but that’s maybe for another time.
Oh, and let’s not forget the bastard adverts. In this case, I’m going for one in particular, one where a gushing, incredibly enthusiastic female was trying to convince the audience that a mobile phone deal was fantastic value ‘from just £something 99 pee per month!’. Even better, the superdelux deal was ‘from as little as £something 99 pee per month! That’s right; only £something 99pee per month!’ (Limited offer, terms and conditions apply rapid blah babble).
It will come as no surprise to cunters to learn that I was so impressed that I raced home and immediately signed myself and the wife up*.
Why, I ask myself, are advertisers so lacking in imagination that they still believe that anybody anywhere is influenced by this hackneyed, worn out technique? ‘From just… for as little as… only…’ ; and they always sound so amazed, you’d almost think they actually believed it themselves.
Fucking boring twats.
*Actually, I didn’t really…
Nominated by : Ron Knee
I bet they garbled the actual cost, but you can be sure the “99p!” is loud and clear.
Of course, the self absorbed muppets listening to this shit will fall for it, serves ’em right.
Good luck getting out of that 36 month contract, knob head!
8
Hello Jeezum🤗
3
Morning, Jill.
Absolutely glorious day here.
3
Remember when Stella Artois was advertised as ‘reassuringly expensive’?
Today 18 x 440ml cans in Aldi will cost you £12.99 (Yes, it’s that something 99 again).
That works out at 93p a pint. Reassuringly expensive.
9
Whereas 24 bottles of their own brand will cost you just £3.99:
reassuringly cheap.
But it`ll still get you pissed.
Probably.
🍺
10
Reassuringly shite.
9
Probably? You mean eventually.
4
The wife’s special
5
You could add that concept to election time..
So far this week. 10,000 new coppers, a new energy company ( that doesn’t produce energy), everyone lifted out of poverty, 20 million for 30 towns.. no NHS waiting times..
All yours for 9.99 a month..
Plus for no extra cost, a lifetime membership to the Labour or tory party..
13
I read that about money for 30 towns, Barry.
One of them was Dronfield, where housing is eye-wateringly expensive, and the residents are so far up their arses they can see daylight when they smile.
What the fuck do they need £20m for?
More bins to put their designer dogs shit in?
7
I watch GB news like a lot on here do.
They are under a advertising embargo,
Where leftwing groups threaten companies not to advertise on there.
So the businesses that Do tend to be smaller and Welsh for some reason?
One that bugs me is for a ‘electric sofa bed’.
A bloke and his son staying over at Grandma’s house.
The kid goes and grabs some sweets,
And the dad says
” Get your hands out of there!
If you’re bored make up the sofa bed”.
In what world is making a bed a cure for boredom?
It’s bollocks.
Bet that kid wishes he had a better dad,
A fun dad,
A dad with sense of excitement.
Not some sofa surfing bossy cunt.
11
One of my favourite adverts
Featuring Northern icon Joe Gladwin👍
https://youtu.be/LrXGA39XEvY?si=aRCKR-H05pAJ3C1j
2
I’ve never understood the 99p bit. Are people really so stupid that they don’t know that £9.99 is basically a tenner?
Morning all. The sun is shining. Unheard of!
9
Morning Moggie. Yes, people really are that stupid.
They think £9.99 is basically nine quid because they can’t mentally process numbers with more than one digit.
8
I understand that it was originally introduced so that shop staff would have open the till and give a penny charge for a pound note and thereby registering a sale instead of just slipping the note in their pocket.
10
That ruse costs alleged alcoholic CUNT Flabbopotamus a fortune
2
I’m reassuringly cheap @ 98p …. shit but cheap 🖕
6
Yes, but it works psychologically.
Just LOOK at these prices ! …
£2.80 £3.97 £1.76 £4.49 £7.23
£5.51 £4.37 £9.10 £8.47 £0.25
£1.87 £5.33 £9.48 £7.10 £0.23
£9.84 £8.83 £7.89 £9.71 £1.51
£4.14 £8.85 £3.60 £3.13 £0.11
£3.70 £9.36 £6.19 £7.01 £2.64
£0.78 £6.07 £5.77 £2.58 £1.13
£2.92 £9.37 £0.17 £7.86 £6.44
£0.56 £1.33 £8.47 £0.58 £0.28
£2.95 £0.02 £4.77 £1.78 £1.45
£1.53 £8.36 £8.46 £8.80 £9.61
£1.94 £7.24 £2.11 £0.45 £3.62
£3.47 £2.91 £5.90 £2.16 £5.22
£1.96 £7.24 £5.60 £6.19 £5.06
£8.12 £8.97 £6.59 £2.99 £3.36
£7.47 £1.22 £9.92 £5.64 £2.93
£6.53 £5.36 £5.79 £7.25 £5.66
£5.22 £3.10 £0.56 £0.88 £3.27
£5.01 £2.47 £8.45 £4.88 £7.95
£3.11 £9.52 £5.51 £6.71 £9.25
5
Is that what dame keir got paid for his last speaking tour.
Seems a bit pricey..
3
At least the 99p stores had the decency to get bought out by poundland..
Every day down the bank for a wheelbarrow of pennies for the change.
7
£9.99 for Katie Price seems a bit steep
10
It seems fucking extortionate. Vile looking woman, 75% plastic.
5
Indeed sir.
The number of illegal Nigerian cunts that have smuggled themselves into the country by hiding up her battered hoop is ridiculous.
Good morning.
9
At least you can recycle her after her `use by` date.
3
On day one of sales school you get taught the technique of ‘features and benefits’.
You tell a punter the feature of something and then explain the benefits of that feature.
“Our washing up liquid has additive X.
What that means for you is that you will not need to soak pans before you wash them and you will use less washing up liquid when you do.
Saving you money”.
University cunts with a useless Media Studies degree don’t have a clue.
“Our shampoo has Almond oil”
….. Yes, so fucking what?
What does that even mean?
7
Obviously I’m wrong, but I thought Advertising Standards, or some such NGO, banned the 99p shit years ago, and stopped shops from doing the “only £4.99” stuff.
Certainly, food shopping doesn’t tend to price stuff like that these days. Oh no, it’s now £1.25, where it used to be £1.
6
I turn the adverts off, they are so fucking annoying.
The Monzo bank is so fucking bad, who would ever think of using them.
Adverts are for cretinous cunts.
Good morning the sun is blazing.
10
Lord help you if you ever encounter the Grammarly adverts.
0
It’s all Bolox, to confuse thick cnuts
The worst one is up to written in tiny letters before 50% off sale
You see it everywhere DFS or dear fucking shit or didn’t fucking sell, places like that even clothes shops or any retail showroom ,no wonder three aren’t many left
I fucking hate up to should be made illegal ,
4
How on earth do you put up with this and not end up in a looney bin ? Even subliminal doesn’t get away with it in my presence.
5
Morning all.
The one that gets me is the vacuum-occupying statistic “95% agree that this product is better than all the rest”; that ethereal claim that openly, and cynically, relies on the mathematical illiteracy of its audience.
95% of what? Of the entire contents of the universe? Of lobotomised dung beetles? Of Katie Price’s UPVC labia?
We live in a world where consumerism is consuming itself, at any cost; and in particular the price being the surrendering of any and all critical faculties.
The only thing we can assert with any assuredness is that 95% of the consumer market should be turned to fertiliser (poll conducted by ISAC Surveys International, based on a sample of everyone in the whole world).
3
It’s a bit like the ‘99.9%’ thing; you know, cleaners and antiseptics that always kill 99.9% of germs.
6
They should be given 99 years in the state penitentiary. Besides having to suffer the sentence in hamshankland.
4
Especially if it’s been ‘clinically tested’.
4
Imagine applying to The Medical Research Council for funding for a randomised clinical trial.
“What’s that” they ask,”is it for a new cancer treatment, or something that could make heart attacks and strokes a thing of the past?”
“Um it’s actually for a new face serum”
Fuck off!”
“
3
Terms and conditions may apply*
All 50pages of them.
Circumnavigating your consumer rights.
From only- never is. Be much more.
Bijou/compact- tiny
.
Extra large- small/medium at best.
Limited time only- next 25 seconds
Limited time only- next 4 decades
Our deluxe–bog standard
4
Ps
Our friendly staff -minimum wage sour twat
Service with a smile – grim deadpan mortuary worker
Offer ends soon – next hundred years
4
Be fair Mis; don’t you know it’s a case of ‘we care’ from them? They really do, you know…
2
I hate it when you’re hanging on the phone line, waiting to speak to a human about holiday insurance, you know, ‘your call is important to us…’ guff. Then while you’re waiting, a recorded voice comes on to offer you car insurance, or house insurance.
And then of course, some cunt wants to sell you a ‘luxury’ flat, or a ‘luxury’ bathroom or kitchen. As opposed to what?
Morning all.
8
Before being able to control what was being watched or listened to, we had to suffer live commercial television. Not only that, we were duped by shorter programmes. Adding all this up, amounts to a lifetime of theft committed by commercials. Isn’t it unusual in today’s climate, that nobody’s attempted to sue the likes of itv ? The cheeky little bastards.
3
You don’t realise just how many fucking adverts there are until you download a programme which is 30 minutes on TV but only 20 without the ads.
2
American programmes are the worst for that. Timed at about 43 mins per episode to allow for the rest of the hour to be chocked with shit.
It’s really galling watching them in the States because they have the intro/credit sequence then cut away immediately to the ads; no ‘end of part one’ break indicator either . At least when you got something like ‘ST; The Next Generation’ on the Beeb you didn’t have to put up with that annoying crap.
2
I said the same to my wife the other day about the breaks. When I was there I could never follow a story because my brain automatically tried to add the fucking ads into it. Nothing made any sense. I’ve noticed YouTube now do the same thing, off to an advert, usually in the middle of a sentence. Fuck ’em.
1
Slight tangent, same topic.
“Only”
A supermarket 12 page ‘special offers this week’ booklet I’m recalling from a year or so back, one of the cunts that comes unsolicited in/with the fucking post from time to time. Tesco in this case.
I flicked through the thing. 12 pages. The word ‘only’ over one hundred times.
It’s superfluous, and fucking arrogant. The price is the fact. ‘Only’ is a coercive ‘trick’ the cunts employ. Most of the time in the pamphlet in question on items/prices that in no way deserved it as meant.
Cunts are cunts are cunts are cunts, I guess.
5
It’s just so clapped out as a technique Cuntem. I honestly can’t believe that anybody is influenced by this anymore.
5
That’s why I stuck so many cunts there in the last line there, Mr. Knee.
Advertising cunts that throw it in all the time, .. companies that go along with them, ..the fact it can still be that simple to divert a large percentage of minimum-guile consumers, … annnd one for luck.
2
Tesco’s deceptive clubcard labelling needs a cunting in of itself
0
Another fucking one today (well, yesterday) .. Euronics (electronics) this time. Same bollocks, except it looks even sillier when toasters and kettles (‘Smeg’) are ‘only’ 130 quid apiece.
And a Samsung 77′ TV is ‘only’ 2 and a half grand ….
What’s next? …. Bugatti Eroticar ‘only’ £5 Million ?
Do the likes of Airbus adopt this tactic with their fleet customers? .. “Airbus A350 from $281.6 Million” ….
“A350 fully specced only $367 Million”
***
Icon of the Seas class Ocean Liners .. *only* $2,000,000,000 (2 Billion) a pop.
0
on the subject of misleading advertising, and this may well be a nom for another cunting, but how is it legal to show supposed in play footage of various video games which look fucking amazing and then add in small writing under the shown footage ‘ not actual gameplay’
surely if I were to advertise something that is nothing like the product on offer i would expect to be prosecuted. can you imagine a film being advertised showing action scenes and then when you go and see it, it turns out to be a love story in ukranian?
next time you see an ea sports, call of duty or f1 racing video game advert….look out for the small print.
its bonkers
5
I’ve never understood why people complain about about things and do nothing about it. I would sooner be denied than suffer the consequences on my nervous system. I nicknamed anything that gets on my nerves, “prickly heat”.
3
Don’ forget those like
“87% of 13 women agree”.
Always starting the advert with the word “NEW!!”
3
‘IMPROVED!’
‘Eight out of ten car owners say that their car prefers our NEW, IMPROVED formula it to ORDINARY screen wash!’
6
8 out of 10 cats who chose to eat this shit didn’t really have much choice. The other 2 chose the gravel in diesel oil in preference.
2
My daughter’s cat’s a barmy cunt; will only eat grated cheddar cheese.
1
I once had a cat go into a bowl of chilli Doritos, empty but for the scratchings you get at the bottom of the bag. He’d gobble a mouthful of spices, miaow, shake his head a few times, run around for a few minutes then stick his head in the fucking bowl again. He did it about 5 times, the mental cunt.
0
Sister’s cat goes nuts for strawberry boot laces. Fucking furry twat.
0
Have you seen the ‘inspired by’ ads?
“Our new and improved tooth brush was inspired by dentists”.
What the fuck does that mean?
0