Chav anthems

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Horrible songs that are adopted by the unwashed and rough arsed and classless britscum.

These cunts adopt a (usually shit) song and they play it to death, or sing it loudly like out of tune football hooligans when pissed. Many examples, but here are some of the worst.

Tina Turner – The Best (although most mongs wrongly call it Simply The Best)

Chumbawumba – Tub Thumping

Los Del Rio – Macarena

Adele – any of her tuneless shit

The Killers – Human

Black Eyed Peas – Shut Up

Ed Sheercunt – see Adele

Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger

Lewis Capaldi – see Sheercunt and Adele

And two newer ones that have become anthems for chav riff raff.

Noah Kahan – Stick Season
Shaboozey – A Bar Song (Tipsy)

These two dirges will be blaring out of numerous shitholes and dives for months.

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Nominated by Norman.

90 thoughts on “Chav anthems”

  1. You left out the ultimate.. sweet Caroline..
    Fucking sick of hearing that song

    • ….and is this the way to amarillo. tony christie.

      used to love that song all the while it was under the radar…..now its sung by cunts, i darent admit i like it now for fear of being labelled as one.

  3. I hate anthems! They don’t qualify as Ear Worms but rather they are Brain Leeches because you are a little stupider every time you hear a herd of sheepeople singing along.

    If we had Chavs in the US (some of) their anthems would include:

    Don’t Stop Believing – Journey

    We Built This City – Starship

    Who Let the Dogs Out – Baha Men

    Any-fucking-thing by that Goddamned, talentless cunt Beyonce

    • Beyonce: I’m a strong, Independent woman who don’t need no man

      Also Beyonce: refuses to leave Jay Z when he cheats on her

    • Shame General, I had you down as an ‘Irreplaceable’ man, looking in the dress mirror, fixing your big hoop earrings.

    • American trash anthems are as bad, General.

      John Cougar Mellencamp with Jack and Diane

      • That one’s a peach,just a tad…ubiquitous bloody good campfire song on acoustic though.

    • Has Beyonce been cunted? She goes without saying it; all of her is an abomination. Can’t stand her.

  4. I have never heard anyone being able to sing Macarena.
    Perhaps just the line…. ‘Hey Macarena… Ay’.
    That’s about the best people can manage.

    They think that ‘The’ Macarena is a dance.

    Macarena is a girl’s name.

    “Don’t send me home.
    Please don’t send me home”.

    I think that you will be hearing that a lot in the next few days.
    Along with the glorious English national anthem, sang badly by English football fans dozens of times during every match.
    They always give themselves a round of applause after.

    English national anthem because the rest of Great Britain seem to have ditched it in favour of their own national songs.

    Understandable.

    • One night I’m go have a Margarita;
      Cruise down ********my favorite cantina.
      On the corner – there’s a nice babe-
      If she likes me, I might even get laid.
      Come with me – got a stiffy –
      And, if you’re good, I’ll give you a fifty
      One summer night, I’m a go for tortilla –
      Mexican village; met a girl named Juanita.
      Stupid old me – I forgot to wrap my wiener…
      Hey, gonorrhea!
      Two more Dos Equis and I paid the jalapenos.
      Out to the parking lot to the back-a seat-a.
      Now every morning it’s a-hurt-a when I pee-a,
      Hey, gonorrhea!

      Cheech Martin.

  6. Who were those cunts who sang “We’re having a gangbańg” ?

    Anyway I found it highly offensive.

    Good morning.

  7. Alright Now – Free
    Freebird – Lynyrd Skynyrd
    Things Can Only Gt Worse – D:Ream

    • A shame, because Free were great.
      All Right Now has been played to death though.

  8. Can’t beat a good anthem .
    Everyone drunkenly singing together 👍

    From sweet Caroline to Cotton eye Joe ,
    Count me in.

  9. Like a virgin.

    Usually sung ironically by a pissed up fat office bike at any works do, right before she slopes off with some unsuspecting trainee. Who is about the have the worst anxiety and guilt ridden hangover of his life.

  13. Good nom.

    I’ll add Roy Chubby Browns version of ‘Living Next Door to Alice’ By Smokie.

    Summer nights on the Costa Del Sol, Magaluf etc back in the mid 90s just weren’t complete without a few verses of ‘who the fuck is Alice’…

    Classy.

    A bit like cunts hollering ‘so good so good’ knowadays over ‘Sweet Caroline’.

  14. I’m off to a wedding later, and it won’t exactly a high brow affair, if you know what I mean.
    Guaranteed, all the chavtastic tunes listed above, and more, will be given an airing.
    I can already hear ‘Sweet Caroline, der, der, derrrrrrrr’ in my head, and I’ve not even left the house yet.
    And I just know they’ll play Angels by Blobbie Williams.
    I fear that even getting pissed won’t help me.
    How the fuck can I get out if this cunters?

  15. Excellent nom.

    ‘Macarana’ is the fucking pits.

    I’ll add ‘It’s Raining Men’, ‘Let It Go’ and so called ‘feminist anthems’ to the list.

    Morning all.

    • Morning, Ron,

      You well, pal?

      My best mate calls It’s Raining Men “the dyke’s song.” He’s equally as choice about Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves.

  16. Imagine – John Lennon

    Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

    Born in the USA – Bruce Springsteen

    Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin

    Beatles – Hey Jude

    Frank Sinatra – My Way

    Fleetwood Mac – Don’t Stop

    Skinhead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2U

  17. It seems to be rap and HipHopShit more than these anfems.. When will we cease hearing Blinded By Der Light by De Weeknd Cunt.

    • Yeah i though Sheeran, Capaldi and Adele were too broad an appeal to be just for chavs. Basic shite, but chav anthems?

      • They appeal because they are dumbed down to the lowest common denominator.

        Everybody say BAAAAAAH!

      • You want to hear a horde of pissed up chav birds bawling ‘Rolling in the Deep’ and ‘Galway Girl”. near chucking out time.

        Oh, and the ultimate pissed tart anthem. Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive.

  18. ‘Angels’ by Robbie Williams is the British chav anthem.

    According to Charlie Brooker – when he used to be an acerbic journalist – it’s the song played at the funerals of thick people.

    Most music by Swedish or Dutch DJs qualifies as as chav music.

    Drum ‘n’ Bass music was always associated with chavs when I was growing up, as was garage and grime music.

    Brrrappp brraapp!

    There’s also all of that dupstep crap like Skrillex, and the yank stuff like hip hop, trap and whatever Far East Movement and Benny Benassi are.

    • Guilty pleasure of mine is Drum n Bass. Reminds of my 20s when I used to go out, drop a tonne of pills, and stay up for days.

      Now I’m no longer in my 20s and I’m fat and married and go to bed at 22:00. The only pills I take these days are the ones the quack prescribed me.

      Time’s a bitch! 😁

      • I use to go to Drum and Bass nights, which unlike Hardcore raves that are filled with council estate chavs, are filled with lovely, hemp-clad hippy chicks.

      • I was never into that.
        I used to go to a sweaty rock club and there were some girls there into some freaky shit.
        A lass that a friend went home with took out a baseball bat while they were getting intimate and wanted him to insert it somewhere.
        I didn’t think that was physically possible.

        Wonder if that counts as a home run?

        Might have been Thomas the Cunt Engine’s ideal woman.

  19. Tubthumping is a fucking banger!

    You can’t beat a good sing along when you’re pissed up with your pals. I’m gonna throw “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac in there for a top tune when carousing.

    Ed Sheeran can fuck off though. As can Adele, or as my dad calls her, “the moaning fat bint who’s been chucked… again.”

    That said, I’d rather listen to both than the gurning cunt that is Robbie Williams.

    • Don’t Stop seems like the sort of Boomer anthem that just gets too much play on Greatest Hits eather than a ‘chav’ anthem.

      • Oh aye, it’s Peak Middle Of The Road rock. Don’t Stop is a good song, but it’s nowhere near The Mac’s finest. In fact, Rumours is pretty boring in the grand scheme.

        I had their 2003 ‘Say You Will’ album on last night. Loud. It’s a bit esoteric and extremely diverse in styles from almost metal to folk, but fucking hell, it’s superb. Buckingham and Mick carry that album fully. 11/10.

  20. Not sure about the newer ones attracting chavs. They’re too soft and folky. More middle-class glasto wanker territory.

  21. it’s unfortunate that Sweet Caroline has been added as it really has nothing to do with England or their supporters. I call it cultural sppropriation as its used by American sports teams and sung and written by a yank.

    • The ultra-cringe worthy Neil Diamond wrote that song.

      Sweet Caroline…became an anthem of the Boston Red Sox baseball team because a cunt named Amy Tobey was in charge of music at the ball park. One of her friends had a baby named Caroline so she started playing it over the PA system. At least that’s the “official” story.

      As a boy I always liked the Red Sox. But after they adopted that song sometime in the 1990s I began to loathe and despise them.

      Why the English would appropriate that piece of Americana garbage is beyond me.

      • Because anything like ‘Three Lions’ is now deemed nationalistic and xenophobic by our spineless traitor class.

    • Always baffled me, how as ong written about Caroline Kennedy in 1970 has anything to do with England tossers, or mongs who watch darts.

      • What’s really creepy is that Caroline Kennedy was born in November of 1957 and that song was released in May of 1969.

        Hands
        Touchin’ hands
        Reachin’ out
        Touchin’ me
        Touchin’ you

        Sweet Caroline
        Good times never good times never seemed so good

      • Coldplay are the ideal band for Glastonbore; Safe for audiences and corporate ‘partners’, listened to by people who still wear face masks and wavers of Pride flags.

        Pronouns on the ticket stub.

        They’ll watch any dull white cunt with an acoustic guitar who sings nursery rhymes.

    • I’m an insomniac. It’s shit. I do like a bit of Coldplay to at least help me drift when I can…

  23. If lowest common denominator chav shit is your thing, then into Heart FM.
    No need to attend a housing association estate bbq or hen night, they play that kind of shite on loop day after day.
    Plus, you can listen to the dulcet tones of that wizened old hag and thick persons favourite, Amanda Holden.
    What’s not to like?

    • ‘No need to attend a housing association estate bbq or hen night, they play that kind of shite on loop day after day.’

      And Radio 2 are now catering to the same demographic.

  24. Chav shite came to late for me and doubt whether I’d have bothered anyway, due to being an individualist. Remember going errands as a youngster for my mother to the corner pub and hearing the tunes of the era that sounded similar. On Mother Kelly’s Doorstep, Knees Up Mother Brown, If You Were the Only Girl … and so on.

  25. The fucking Amy Whinearse crap anthems ‘Rehab’ and ‘Valerie’ will be doing the rounds following the new release of the dire looking biopic. All the chattering classes will be going to see it. Fucking sad cunts.

    Good morning, everyone.

  26. The worst chat song of all has to be the one sung by those fucking brain, mentally deficient and sadly delusional so-called football fans. You know the one! “It’s coming home, it’s coming home etc ad museum!” Brain dead buckets of monkey spunk!

  28. I will survive by Gloria Gaynor, q a stampede of jilted heifers, rampaging on to the dancefloor.

  29. This is why I’m torn about being British, I want to defend English culture but then I see what it actually is and…….

    • I’ve only heard it before by accident. Just sounds like every other plinky-plonk weak-voiced new folk act from the past 15 years.

      I try to avoid such twee, meek and soft-arsed shit. Music by blokes with patchy beards who sing as if they’ve just been given permission by the girlfriend in their garden shed while she shags a metal guitarist.

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