Balloon Releases

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This ‘new’ (to me) practice I’ve been seeing more and more which serves no earthly purpose, aside from somehow ‘bringing comfort’, or something, to the relatives of persons recently deceased.

About a year back it was an online-tabloid photo of this pointless mass-pollution rhat caught my eye.. over a thousand balloons in a – shall we say – lower-class city housing estate, after a criminal scumbag had been killed by a different criminal scumbag. Today it’s the story in the link. Similar area, different city. Terrible death, and all that, .. but how in the name of fuck is wanton widespread littering going to make an ounce of difference?

I know different ‘cultures’ do many different (pointless) gestures around a death such as paper lanterns down the river in some parts of the Orient for example .. (and I have buried tennis-ball loving pets with a tennis ball when they’ve died, thru sentimentality, admittedly) .. but balloon releases? .. is it a poor (financially/mentally)man’s version of a (also pointless/narcissistic)dove release or something? ..

The same news outlets that carry stories such as the one in the link, otherwise pontificate endlessly about pollution and associated, .. but this shit gets a free pass. This moment of … whatever … recorded on myriad phones, .. then off everyone goes on their merry way while waterways, woods, roadsides, .. anywhere and up to many miles distant .. will end up with the unbiodegradable detritus. That foil shit of the helium balloon, or the rubber of the other type. The latter being especially perfect for wildlife to choke on. Or livestock. Or pets.

Is that, then, this (link) ‘animal lovers’ choice legacy?, .. or just that of the organiser, one of say little imagination of it’s own playing monkey-see monkey-do on/for social meeja? christ! .. this one is specifying colours, (the deceased’s favourites, presumably).. but says any colour will do if the requested ones can’t be sourced. Oh! – I suppose these must be the types of people that think the deceased is watching from the beyond.

Encitement to pollute is what I’m seeing.

And never a negative word about it, .. because of the circumstances. If I drove to a spot and unloaded/scattered 1,000 deflated balloons in a big pile by the roadside, say ..but on CCTV … there’d be legal consequences. A fine or court.

Don’t get me wrong, .. I don’t pretend to care about saving this planet, – it’s already too late and it’s overrun with cunts, – but as with most if not all of my noms to date, there’s a filthy double standard at the root of it.

This woman below had a brutal death. And doesn’t seem to have been a bad sort. I’m not knocking her here.

Fucking-well balloons, though?

Irish Mirror Link.

At least there’s no mention of a gofundme.
(Yet).

Nominated by : CuntemAll

95 thoughts on “Balloon Releases”

  2. A fitting tribute to Nicola would be to tie a load of helium balloons to her XL bully and let it float off over the Irish sea….

    Hopefully it’d land aboard a dinghy full of immigrants.

  5. Helium is becoming scarce, what will the fucking cretinous cunts do then?? Still there will not be any rubber allowed into the cuntry when Chairman Kneeler and his gonzo sidekick Millipede get in power

    Talking of power it will cost less since the lights will be out.
    Roll on July 4th and Venezuela 2.0
    Fucking beautiful sitting out here in the sun with a beer…

  6. I hope the relatives got to take back all those unopened birthday presents..

    I wonder if any of them were chew toys?

    • Me thinks his ring piece is past released.

      Elvis could do a wall-of-death motor cycle stunt inside Eltons ring.

      🎪

  8. I’m sure Nicola wrote on social media about ‘ fuck the bully ban’
    In regards to them being registered and muzzled?

    The irony must of hit home as her dog savaged her.

    • Indeed, I bet she was a proper crusader.

      Judging from the pic she’s a bit chunky too so the dogs got a right treat when the ripped into her.

      I see she also lost an arm, wonder if doggie was running down the road with the arm clenched in it’s teeth.

      • Yeah it’s the same one I was thinking of.

        She said ” I don’t care if you think my dog looks aggressive,
        Or should be banned.
        If one of us dies- hope I die first ‘.

        Wish fulfilled.

    • “This is my son and I don’t give a f*** if you think he looks aggressive”

      The last person to say that was flabbottus, before her son went on a bitting rampage.

    • There’s video footage!.

      Family members found out about the whole thing,.. when some cunt thought sending them a video of it was a good idea.

      Scum society.

      Day one every headline included the ‘balloon release’ shit. It’s relegated way down in the link here, though.

      In the meantime I have found out that “Signifying something ascending to heaven” is the supposed ‘memorial’ justification for doing it.

      I’ve also second guessed what happened specifically… the woman got home from her night out. The dog decided he wanted to go outside, maybe even pushed past her at the door. She went to overrule him. He decided to show her who the real boss was between them.

      Lots of headlines the following days .. ‘Garda ask people to stop sharing footage of fatal dog attack’.

      Stupid is as stupid does.

      • Why do I get the feeling that the dogs all had names like Rocky, Rambo, Taser and Tyson?

      • I’ve tried to reply to Odins post 3 times, so don’t be surprised if you get 3 almost identical posts all at once.

  9. How many helium balloons would be needed to tie to Sadiq Khan and send him spaceward?
    A fund should be started.

  10. The tragedy is that all four of her dogs have been euthanised, all because some chavette thought she was the Mama!

    I’m not going to take any sides in the XL bully bad/ owners bad, dog good debate that’s ongoing.

    Should you have a licence to own a dog, possibly, but maybe an IQ test would be more relevant?

    As for balloon releases, it’s just one of a number of ways certain groups of people use to “mark their respect”, fireworks being another one, or driving in convoy holding coloured flares and honking their horns on the way to the wake.

    Chavtastic!

    • Yes. From the moment some cunt allowed them to be bred, these dogs were victims of humans. Nonexistence would have been preferable to the lives they were subjected to(have).

      Living in a box house. Used for ‘popularity’ on FB, X etc..

      Better off, now, poor things.

    • There’s a park near where Younger lives.
      In 2022, around this time of year, a young man was stabbed to death. A terrible shame, as he was a loveable rogue who adored his Gran, yada, yada.

      In 2023, on the anniversary of his death, the extended family and close friends decided to let off fireworks in the park as a memorial. They didn’t let off a few colourful rockets, oh no. They let off those multi repeating airbombs that shatter windows and dislodge roof tiles!

      This is a nice park, with kiddy play areas, lots of dog walkers, people having a jog, stroll, sitting in the sun in the early evening. You can image how pleased the locals were.

      This group of charmers then repaired to a local hostelry, where the police riot vans, etc, subsequently attended, following the usual booze fueled “family argument”

      What a special way to remember your loved one!

  11. I also looked up balloon releases and the law in the meantime. Illegal in several countries, and various U.S. states, (and a weird little ditty from Australia or NZ where a release of three per ‘event’ is legal).. …. as for the country the nom is based in … I give you The Irish Aviation Authority literature.

    “A person shall not cause or permit a group of small balloons exceeding 1,000 in number to be simultaneously released at a single site wholly or partly within the aerodrome traffic zone of an aerodrome or exceeding 2,000 in number at any place within the State without the permission in writing of the Authority…”

    So 1,999 is legal but for some reason 2,001 wouldn’t be…. unless you’ve applied for permission if you for some fucking reason … need to release a number of balloons in excess of 2 thousand of the things.

    ffs(their)caveat.. Only ONE thousand if you’re near an airport.

    How it’s been decided that 1,001 or 1,500, or 2,000 is unsafe near airplanes, but 1,000 would be fine ; I cannot imagine.

  12. Take a leaf out the dog eaters book and fill the balloons with shit.

    Hail Supreme Leader Kim!

  13. More infantile shit. Everything is now geared to appeal to thumb-suckers and window-lickers. Catering for pathetic self-pity is now our No 1 industry. Revolting.

    • The grievance industry is a growing sector Twenty, and you can bet some enterprising cunt is making a quid out of it. Half dead flowers and soft toys with a ‘missing you babes xxx’ sympathy card are becoming our speciality.

      • Good luck to them, the wolliŵòg fathers day market never got off the ground..

    • I blame Mick Jagger.

      He started this off,
      Releasing flutterbys in Hyde Park when man from Atlantis Brian Jones drowned in a swimming pool.

      It’s snowballed.

      Lanterns , balloons, drones,
      Skies are that full of shite no wonder the aliens haven’t landed!!

      Bet he’s making money off it,
      Richard Branson.
      Loves a balloon that cunt.
      Real balloonaphile.

    • Some very important fucker in North Korea has died recently, because they felt the need to let the South Koreans know by sending them balloons laden with gifts. Nothing they could actually use, but it’s the thought that counts.

    • Unless it was a politician’s death, in which case, streamers, party poppers and fireworks ought to be launched in celebration.

    • Indeed. Instructions re: my personal being newly dead are in my laptop (must print ’em up, actually). File is called ‘Death shit’ and it’s pretty straightforward.

      Morgue. (compulsory)
      Crematorium.
      Skip.

      No attendees reqd.

      Show my disdain one final time.

      *special addendum* NO transplant donations.

      Monikered myself CuntemAll for a reason!

  16. If someone wants to keep a wild animal (who`s IQ is more than the owner) then prepare yourself to become dog food.
    🐩

  17. I remember the good old days when a lowest common denominator funeral wouldn’t be complete without My Way being belted out of the crematorium PA system.
    Things have moved on though.
    People like to broadcast their grief on soshul meeja innit. Forgetting that no one, aside from close family and friends gives a flying fuck in reality.
    Makes you wonder what tasteful demonstrations of grief they’ll come up with next.

    • Oh please, FMC!

      The convoy of cars, coloured flares held out of every window, incomprehensible music and horns blaring was a new one on me.

      They went through traffic lights at red, because, you know, fuck you!
      Also because they are idiotically, terminally stupid, they filmed it and posted it on sooshal meedja!

      They were on the way to the wake, what a fucking delight that must have been!

      I’m having one of them cremation things, pick the body up, cremate, deliver the ashes, jobs.

      No cunts having a day of work, with food and drink, at my expense.

      • My family can chuck my ridiculous corpse on a skip, for convenience, economy and comedy value.

        I won’t care. i’ll be dead.

  18. I sometimes see these foil party balloons in the hedgerows around the local area, not for dead criminals or the criminally stupid but birthdays and weddings. There is a manor in the village and they hold events for these arsewipes so I suspect it comes from them although these fucking things can travel for miles. I don’t usually pick up other peoples rubbish but do pull them out when I see them.

    • List of men who should have worn a balloon held on with an elastic band round their sausage pistol to prevent fertilisation:

      Lineker senior
      Blair’s old man
      Starmer the “toolmaker”
      Bus-driver Khan
      Stanley Johnson
      Theresa May’s father
      Krankie the elder
      Mr.Thunberg

      • Pierre Trudeau (or Fidel Castro according to rumour)
        James Hewitt
        Owen Jones Snr
        King Kong (Lammy)

      • Comparing Lammy to King Kong is insulting, wrong, and litigious.. One is a large, savage, tiny-brained missing link that will angrily throw its turds at you and the other is contacting its lawyers on Skull Island.

    • They have a wire frame to support the paper, and also the tea-light that gives the balloon lift.

      The wire is very thin, like a rabbit snare, and has the same effect if farm animals or wildlife gets entangled in it.

      Careless, thoughtless idiots. Pollute China, not the UK.

  20. Never mind fucking balloons, when I die I should like 1,000 indestructible killer robots to be released in our high street.

    • We will endeavour to honour your wishes, Twenty.

      Whereabouts is your High Street, we’ll need to program them to specifically target that particular area.

      Can’t be having killer robots randomly targeting any old High Street.

  21. OT.
    I put some grass seed on bald patches, bit puzzled why the birds weren’t at it.

    Just been out for a cig, and a fucking rat just popped out from under the shed and helped itself to a gobful.

    Obviously, like rodents all over, it’s pissed on the seeded area, hence no bird activity.

    Suggestions?

    • Humane trap. Catch it. Bring it somewhere remote. Release.

      It’s not doing what it’s doing out of malice. But you have to move it away in case it multiplies.

      • Okies, thanks.

        I know folks who have suitable traps.

        To be honest, I wouldn’t feel good about killing it. I’m a bit of a softy.

      • I remember going to purchase a humane trap, when I moved out t’ country … every single fucking place had multifarious poisons and kill traps.. must’ve taken ten attempts to find a place stocking the springed-door catch-’em one.

        The poison is the cheap method. That the poisoned corpse may be found & eaten by other wildlife, people’s cats perhaps, … clearly doesn’t come in to it for a lot of people.

        If I said the graveyard a few miles from my place was my release spot, would people take offence?

      • Also, I can’t be sure of keeping it steady enough, once I’d got it in the sights.

      • That’s what the laser dot it for JP.

        You get the cross hairs zeroed and then align the laser dot.

        Every shot then goes exactly where you put the dot.

        in the case of rats, anywhere in the head is good.

      • Trembly hands, Odin.
        Also Arthur, lacking physical strength to hold it steady enough to pull the trigger.

        I used to be a bit good at target shooting, too.

        I accept my limitations, I’ll try the candle thing.

        Hope I don’t end up setting the shed on fire.

      • Twenty, I’m 70, I have the Arthur.
        I can’t hold a fucking butter knife, much less a shovel.

        Sensible suggestions, for a old cripple.

      • You’ll have JP commando rolling around the garden in a bandana next.

        John Ratbo.

    • Invite some Jehovah’s Witnesses round for a barbie. The rat will soon fuck off.

    • Evening JP,

      I had similar.
      Apple tree in the garden with bird feeders ( fat balls & seed).

      Fuckin rat came from under the shed.

      I laid poison bait, traps, didn’t really work.

      Then I found one of its holes under the shed beneath a big piece of slate.

      I got one of those Citronella candles those get rid of mosquito at parties and BBQs
      Know the ones?

      I lit it, and wrapped a rag round it and put it into the rat hole.

      Thick smoke came out of another hole I hadn’t seen.

      Not seen any since.
      I hope the filthy bastards choked to death but more likely just fucked off elsewhere.

      • I’d expect so LL.

        Squirt Lynx deodorant through the letterbox and they’ll flood out the back door.

      • I thought Mis had written …Citronella candles that get rid of mosques…

        The inventor of such a thing would be richer than Fark Fuckerberg.

  22. I don’t endorse this cunting.

    Not for any reason related to the daft bog-brained dog chew, but I was the beneficiary of a balloon release.

    I won a £5 book token.

    in 1989.

      • Half a library, at least.

        A whole £5 pounds!

        According to Abbott maths, you’d have been able to get eleventynine books!

      • 4 for £1 at my local charity shop thing.

        £5 to spend!

        What joy!

        Strange though. I often take good stuff there, but never see it on the racks, and it’s not a chain, like St. Lukes.

        It’s just an independent one. Odd, that.

      • Rule of thumb : staff get first dibs, JP. Anything they don’t fancy themselves goes on the shelf. Not everywhere, .. but in a lot of cases.

      • Disgraceful.

        I’d sell it on vinted or similar, then donate the cash, but I cant be arsed with all that p&p, etc.

        Some folk stand on the high ground, but have no moral integrity whatsoever.

      • I may be doing your particular shop a vast disservice with that broad brushstroke above, JP, .. but I do know 3 stories in 2 shops. 1 & 2 a couple of books each at least, in return for their time I suppose.. but no. 3, though, a real ‘right-on’ type, .. threw 2 quid in the till for something worth 70 that she took a liking to. A good friend of hers told me the tale.

  23. The only thing I never get tired of to do with balloons, is the lovely nostalgic French short film from my younger days “Le Ballon Rouge.”

    Just a few years earlier, the British film “The Yellow Balloon” comes a close second.

    • I’ve seen that Sammy.
      The Red Balloon.

      Years ago.

      Do you like ‘ A kid for two farthings?”

      Featuring Diana Dors , Sid James and Primo Carnera.

      Carnera was world Heavyweight champion back in the early 30s.

  24. The Kid for a ha’penny is another of my favourite films, Mis. I only watched it a few days ago for the umpteenth time.

  25. O/T, admin can you change the header piccy, I’m feeling nauseous every time I see suckdick knan.

    Anything but that odious little brown skinned rat..

    • I’ve been thinking the same for ages, Arch. The tortoise should’ve frozen to death by now and for that other cunt Heer Leikner, its a wonder I haven’t murdered someone.

  26. I’m going to try and steer this ship back towards balloons .. 😄

    Kidding. .. I don’t care .. but seeing as the topic has run its course .. one more musing on the shit ..

    .. imagine if every person on Earth thought as highly/lowly of their selves’ worth, that all 8-thousand-million+ of ’em currently alive wanted a thousand balloons each as a shitty ‘tribute’ after their individual deaths?

    8.2 TRILLION balloons. Even that .2 there is 200,000,000,000 of the things. So : that many, right, .. times 41 in total. If the pointlessness of the mere thousand mentioned in the nom didn’t make an impression, .. maybe that will…

    ***

    Also a bit of a kick in the nads, where one country or one state has a ban on, while it’s neighbouring country/state doesn’t. A thousand of the things released a quarter mile from the respective borders, .. and a prevailing wind could carry the entire lot from one into the other.

    People is dumb!

    • Ho hum. But. Seeing as we’re loose ending it….

      Always the splitting the dead addition in the news.

      ’66 dead, 26 of them children’.

      Could also be written 66 dead, 40 of them adults.

      It always seems to insinuate the younger cunts being dead is for some reason more tragic than the older cunts in whatever scenario. Automatically.

      Always bugged me. And at what point along the scale does the silliness of differentiating show through.

      e.g.

      Head-on plane collision … 800 dead, including 2 children?

  30. What I haven’t seen of late are those crude birthday balloons in Supermarkets. Must’ve been banned, now we’re becoming more litter conscious.

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