The Hole in the Ozone Layer

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I write this piece at the end of a bollock-numbingly cold April, so I was curious to see how the BBC would spin this into their monthly Climate Catastrophe tripe. You know the type of thing – ‘Hottest April ever recorded in Timbuktu because of climate change’.

Sadly, El Nino isn’t playing ball and they can’t find anywhere that’s slightly warmer than usual to hyperbolise. That means there’ll be no week-long jolly for Justin Rowland Rat to file a 2-minute report from somewhere exotic that’s spontaneously combusting. Poor Rowland, no free holiday for you this month.

However the BBC’s Ministry of Truth is nothing if not resourceful, so congratulations to Winston Smith for disinterring this old chestnut. Yes, it’s our old friend the ozone hole which is so serious that seals are wearing Raybans and penguins are slapping on the Factor 30.

Let’s let have a look at just one sentence from this garbage with my comments in brackets:
A major cause of ozone loss (a natural process which occurs every autumn in the southern hemisphere) is believed to be (believed by whom, the Swedish mong?) the amount of smoke from unprecedented Australian wildfires (another natural phenomenon which has been occurring for millions of years) which were fuelled by climate change (mostly started by Aussie dickheads).

Hole in the ozone layer? There’s probably a bigger hole in Rowland Rat’s arse as that’s what he talks out of.

BBC News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

112 thoughts on “The Hole in the Ozone Layer”

  1. Still it is nice out today…

    I blame the penguin’s for not knowing how to tan properly..
    Jet black one side, dazzling white the other..

    No wonder those sea lions are always laughing and clapping..

  2. Pricks like Greta Mọngberg believe that there is a giant hole in the ozone layer.
    But they were saying that 35 years ago.
    CFC’s, wasn’t it?
    So by now, the ozone layer hole must look like it’s received a continent-sized Lubbocking by the colossal fist of a celestial Michael Barrymore.
    So why don’t we all have skin cancer?

    • Because as of about ten years back, the ozone layer had repaired itself.

      In all honesty it probably had depleted to dangerous levels in the 1980’s.

      I put this down to a bird from Bolton I was seeing who used half a tin of silvakrin every time we went out.

  3. The phrase to watch out for in all such articles is “Some experts say…” or similar. This is a sure sign that what you are about to be told is conjecture with little or no supporting evidence or straightforward lies.

    • Today the BBC call them ‘experts’, back in the day they were called village idiots.

      I wonder where the BBC trawl for these spastics, sorry experts?

      • Marianna Spring is an expert in knowing what is fact, even in fields she is unqualified in, such as medicine.

        She went to Oxford, speaks some Russian and was recommended by Emily Maitliss, so i guess it’s official.

  4. The only O Zone I was interested in as a lad was the one presented by the lovely Jayne Middlemiss.

    • Somehow that programme escaped the memory banks. I remember Jayne Middlemiss though.

      Delightful Cree-shure.

      • Oh, it was in Sheffield too, Chris.

        Must have been one of those “blink and you’ll miss it sunspots”, or summat.

      • You lads have missed the explanation for this apparent contradiction. I can vouch for the fact that the report is accurate for the home counties. To the folks who compiled this report outside of that region is where the primitives live who speak with hard vowels and paint themselves with woad.

      • Evening Arfur 👍

        Nowt wrong with woad!

        It wasn’t just decorative.

        Saw some Rupert on TV from the special forces saying that the stuff that the S.A.S. use on missions to darken their faces is pretty much identical to woad.

        In twilight woad blended our ancestors into the foliage the whiteness of their faces camouflaged from the filthy Roman invaders.
        Making them almost invisible to the eye.

        Then in a guerilla attack they’d sneak forward and slit the greasy throat of centurion Flavius with a iron dagger.

        Carpe jugulum

        Woad is as British as it gets.

    • Oh well, that’s me corrected JP. I must have just imagined the frost damage to my early potatoes in April despite them being earthed-up and covered overnight.
      Or maybe the warmer than average temperature was recorded at the same place as the UK record (40.3C), namely half way down the runway at RAF Coningsby thirty seconds after two Typhoon jet fighters had just landed.

      BTW, anyone seen the Northern Lights these last two nights? Its due to climate change, obviously.

      • Northern lights? I thought that was the name for the Blackpool illuminations

      • I did, vaguely. I live in Sussex so they were a bit faint. I’m sure the magenta hue will be seen as celestial LGBTQ approval by the Eurovision addicts.

      • Just saw a video of two blokes running down the street to see the Northern Lights. Turned out to be the local Premier Inn.

      • See arfurs comment above, Geordie?

        That’s fighting talk is that, arfur!

        I’m going to let my dog piss on your marigolds, so I am!
        I might let him hump one of your garden gnomes, also.

      • I live daahn saarf. It was mostly cold and wet in April. Muddy. Big fleecy garment worn, socks and slippers.

  7. When it’s a bit hot..Climate Emergency!!

    When it’s normal,cold,pissing down then it’s just the weather.

    The fucking ozone layer sorted itself out years back..but maybe all that hairspray for 80s hairdos was bad for the penguins?

    Fuck knows,our Betters in Westminster will tell us what’s in our best interests.

    Perfect.

    • Not that a “thick cunt” like me would understand.

      Must be true as well because some cockwomble online told me I am.

      • Don’t take it too personally Harold, Harry has form in calling fellow cunters ‘cunts’.

      • You are the reincarnation of Mother Teresa, and I claim my five Hail Marys

      • hoho

        It’s a job that just suits me, a window licker you would be if you could see what I can see when I’m licking windows.

        He was banned by the BBC you know George Formby.
        But the morality police fully supported Savile and Huw.

        Less like Auntie BBC and more like that creepy, pervy Uncle

  9. There was a cunt on Sky the other day claiming that the really low temperatures in April were down to (wait for it) climate change.

    Yes Britain’s weather is now tending more to extremes for our location apparently.

    This twat has a hole in his arse, and I reckon he was talking out of it.

    Afternoon all.

    • So how is he explaining the current high temperature, Ron?

      Gone silent on the subject?
      I rather thought he might have.

      No nothing gobshite!

      • Know nothing Gobshite.

        I fucking despair!

        Stop changing what I type, you Korean spy!

  10. Ah, mUh cLimAtE cHAngE is one of my absolute favourite topics.

    I recall being a kid at school in the 1990s and being scared shitless by the “hole in the ozone layer”. We had that rammed down our throats. I was pretty convinced we’d all be cooked by 2000. “Acid Rain” was another one the teachers were similarly aggressive about. That put the fear of Christ up me, too. I had it in my mind that everyone would be sauntering about like The Melty Face Nazi in Raiders Of The Lost Ark.

    This was about 27 years ago. I’m currently sitting in my garden drinking beer. It’s a load of bollocks. Anyone who believes in the whole climate grift – see, “the kiddywinkles” – needs to give their head a severe wobble.

    Anyway, where I live up in the Peak District, it’s fucking Baltic for most part. If global warming means I can sit and do Ale Fresco for a few more days during the year, then bring it on.

    Climate emergency? Greta? Fuck ’em. Load of grifting cunts. Get out and enjoy the sun!

    • I remember that CC, I live down south and we all would be growing grapes in our vineyards by now..

      Apart from the occasional arse grape, I’m vino poor..

      • Haha! That was it, Barry! The whole East / South East coast would be Atlantis by 2010, wasn’t it?

        Like Greta’s (now deleted…) Tweet saying we’d all be fucked by 2018. Silly bint.

        As for ‘Roids, you have my sympathy, mate. I’m a long-term sufferer, not helped by living off a diet predominantly of meat and Spanish lager this weekend…

      • Afternoon Cuntis, only just over yesterday’s lashing, no beer in the garden for me today…

        I echo everything you said about the terror they filled our heads with at school in the late 80s/90s; had me convinced for a while there was no point expecting to live a full life or that I should bring kids into the world. Fucking wicked it was, scaring children like religious nutters love to do.

        My rebuttal to these climate change doom mongers is always the same line; you know that they were growing wine grapes in Northumberland next to Hadrian’s wall during the Roman occupation? Yep two thousand years ago this country was a lot fucking hotter than it is now, and there were hardly any diesel fuelled chariots pumping out greenhouse gases in those days.

      • Talking about scaring small children half witless with fear, does anyone remember that one that warned you off pools in old quarries, etc.

        I think someone put the link in comment last year. Still gives me the fucking shivers.

      • Christ!

        That’s even worse. Cartoons? Really?

        If I wanted to scare my Girls shitless, I used to make them watch Sound of Music, and tell them ” that’s your new family, they’re making your curtain dress ready!”

      • I remember it well from childhood.

        But thing is JP it worked.

        A scare is good for kids.

        But yeah , suitably menacing!

      • Still makes me shiver.

        You can be quite sure I never went wild swimming, or even tamed swimming.

        Paddling seemed quite enough.

    • I was at school in the 90s as well and fed similar shite. Oil would run out in 30 years and we’d be inundated every high tide, even 40-50 meters above sea level.

      The broader pushback against the hysteria began with the Energy Saving Trust having their scaremongering ad for children taken off air for exaggerating the threat posed and general inaccuracies. Since then a few BBC productions have also been criticised by scientists for conjecture and one was ordered to be pulled from iplayer by Ofcom for bias. It was presented by a hysterical Liz Bonnin.

      We don’t see much of her now.

      • Would still like to plate her out but I don’t want to hear about coral or fucking polar bears!

    • Recent summers have been nearly as long and hot as they were when I was a kid in the 1960s…

    • Afternoon, Dave. You alright pal?

      Sorry to hear you’ve got Beer Flu Nice weekend for it, though! I only had two today as we got a bit silly yesterday night and I’ve got a To Do list longer than a fucking Stevie Nicks song to tackle tomorrow.

      You’re absolutely right that it was cruel. I sometimes wonder what most of our generation thinks of it. I remember being in tears about “Acid Rain” to my parents. They quickly dismissed it as “a load of bollocks” – which is what they also said about armageddon and World War 3. They were right.

      As for the terror, it’s no different to what was done to the public during COVID – keep pumping numbers and big scary charts out there, job done. Given the Kung’s 99 percent survival rate, the damage done by the lockdowns and fearmongering was much, much worse than the disease itself.

      • Spot on with all the above Cuntis; the answer to all of this bollocks is to do what we did yesterday – enjoy the sun being out and sink a few (well about five dozen in my case), and tell the doom merchants to get fucked.

        Don’t regret it for one minute, despite waking up to a frightening number of empty bottles and puzzled by the empty cigar tube on the garden table, completely unable to recall even smoking the damn thing. Oh well, at least I didn’t have a used condom hanging out me arsehole, I’ve learned my lessons on that one.

  11. The hole in the oxone layer was the first thing that scientists used to scare the weak minded.

    It was discovered in 1985 but within weeks there were experts on the subject.

    It’s getting bigger they said.
    Bigger than when?

    It’s your fault, using too much fossil fuel.
    So why is the hole directly above the Antarctic where almost nothing happens?
    Why is it not above China or the USA?

    A new breed of climate change nutters were born and lapped up all of the doom and disaster.

    Scientists should observe before they make claims.
    40 year’s of study is fuck all when your planet is billions of year’s old.

    • Funny innit, Art.

      The General Public start getting a bit arsed, and suddenly there’s summat our brave leaders are defending us against.

      Nuclear bomb, get under your desk!
      Ozone layer, we’ll ban CFC.
      Acid rain, get under your desk!
      Climate change, we’ll phase out fossil fuels.
      New ice age, we’ll bring nuclear/fossil fuel power back.

      I could write screeds, it could be the new New Testement.

      Feel free to embellish.

  12. I can say with the upmost certainty that this April the temperatures were the same as last year and the year before, this based on empirical data, I used the same amount of gas this year as last and the year before for the month of April

    SOI
    Climate and Energy Scientist

  13. There have only been 2 instances to my knowledge of problems with the weather in my lifetime, with the first being in the sixties when freezing my 19 year old bollocks off and the other in the mid seventies when the reverse happened with my bollocks getting right good roasting.

    • It would appear that your bollocks are a more accurate predictor of the weather than all the Met Office and BBC ‘experts’ put together Sammy. Have you ever considered a career in meteorology?

      • It just goes to show Geordie Twatt, that my point was proven with today’s predictions, being a load of old bollocks.

    • I seem to remember a winter in the 1970s that was bad.

      I had a Volvo, built like a Sherman tank. The sheer weight of the fucking thing stopped it sliding all over the glacier that was the main road.

  14. So let me get this right, years ago we were told the polar bears would stave to death because of melting ice caps.

    Now they need ray-bans because of uv radiation.
    Best get flogging those glacier mints peppy..

      • Is that when he’s not cosplaying as Charlie Mullins?
        Or is it the other way around? I can’t tell.

    • It doesn’t exist. it’s only notable because so many disappearances have been reported by the US media, it being so close to the US. Given how much air and ocean traffic in that region it turns out it is not any more dangerous than any other area of ocean.
      Arthur C. Clarke called it a non-mystery and Lloyds do not charge higher rates for shipping that passes through the area.

      • In a related note, there is a damning world map of all the UFO sightings recorded since the 1800s.
        It is largely dark but the USA and West Europe are blazing bright, with some pockets in South America.

      • That’s because the indigenous population of all three areas, especially over Arkansas, think the running lights of a plane are spacecraft.

        South America, its the coke plane.

  16. It’s all the fault of the Mormon’s, the Secret Nazí fortress in Antarctica.
    That and….and….skinwalkers.

    ah hyuck

    • The ranch were Joe Rogan’s mate’s George Knapp and Jeremy Corbell (not Corbyn) set up cameras and sensors but none caught any evidence and the ‘entities’ cut the power to their cameras.

      Damn! i guess they’ll have to rely on eye-witness testimony.

  17. Friends of ours who live in Suffolk filled their garden with drought-loving plants last year in readiness for the forthcoming Mediterranean climate.
    It was so wet this winter and spring that they’ve all rotted, the garden now looking like an Irish potato field in the 1840s.

    They should have made it a bog garden.

    • Always thought Acid Rain would be a good name for a 90s band.

      Like Sneaker Pimps or Skunk Anansie.

    • Acid rain still occurs, but its impact on Europe and North America is far less than it was in the 1970s and ’80s, because of stringent air pollution regulations subsequently implemented in those regions.

      • Oh dear, what a pity.
        The Greenies head’s would explode if you added that to the list.
        Oh did I mention Justin Rowlat is a prize Cunt.

    • Captain Planet sorted it.

      He only put on the fey yank voice for the cartoon. He was actually an Australian Bogan.

      • Now the kids have a Swedish Gremlin as their ecological superhero.

        Gen Z tossers.

  19. I think the problem with the weather would be solved by having a second winter.
    Or no summer.

    This country is far too warm.

    I haven’t worn a coat in 8years.

    And I paid good money for it too.

    We could have winter ,spring autumn, super winter.

    Much nicer.

    Be a lot less n19n09s and more mammoths that way.

    • There are too many mammoth ñìĝñòĝs here already, the Labour front bench for a start.

    • Sorry, but my old bones want a hot, dry Summer.

      We could have an Autumn, very severe winter followed by a milder Winter, if you want?

  20. I never believed in a ozone layer.

    Bullshit.
    Like germs and diversity

    • Oh Mis.

      I saw summat in the news feed today, that the Service Serpent was getting rid of Diversity Officers.

      That just means they’ll rename them, and probably give them a pay increase, unless I’ve lost my ability to interpret Serpent speak.

  21. The BBC have a whole page devoted to climate death because it’s our fault (meaning us the citizens.)

    All they offer us is problems and solutions that don’t work eco power and locust gruel for you matey boy.

    Don’t remember them reporting the biggest single man made injection of CO2 into the atmosphere when the Nordstream pipeline blue itself up.

    Never enters the conversation that when CO2 was much higher the earth supported far more fauna and flora than at any other time.

    Oxygen depletion in the atmosphere, never mentioned but some scientists are concerned about it.

    I though we’d fixed out ozone hole with more expensive fridges?

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/topics/cmj34zmwm1zt

    • Well I stopped using hairspray when I went bald,

      So they can’t blame me for the ozone layers hole.

  22. No one has to be concerned about climate change.
    The Muslims will fuck the world long before sea levels drown us given half a chance.

    • Let’s relocate them all to the area of the UK most likely to be subject to sinking into the sea.

      I hear there are vacant properties, with a lovely sea view, somewhere in Devon, I think?

  23. I believe in climate change.

    We’ve had ice Ages.
    That carved the valleys and hills of our beautiful isle.

    I think it fluctuates.

    I don’t think man made climate change is killing the planet.

    But I think overpopulation is.

    Cutting down virgin forests and
    Over fishing.

    I can understand someone wanting to limit environmental damage.

    But don’t tell me I’m the problem whilst your in a private jet and having constant holidays abroad.

    • Evening MNC.
      If the Green Tallibannies were really serious about tackling global warming they’d have adopted the Monster Raving Loony Party’s policy of fitting air-conditioning units to the outside of buildings by now.
      Very slow off the mark.
      Also would have shot Emma Thompson and the Markles out of the sky with cruise missiles.
      That’s the way to do it! 😀

      • Evening Minge.👍

        Last night I watched the Northern Lights playing and flickering in the sky.
        Now I’m watching a thunderstorm rolling in.

        Marvelous.

        These chicken licken types worried about the sky falling on they’re head should relax.

        No polar bears have died round here.

      • We saw a polar bear on the telly last week and it looked pretty fucking healthy to me.
        did the government learn nothing from Brexit referendum?
        Project Fear doesn’t work!
        Apart from the “I am the spirit of dark and lonely water…” advert, obviously.

      • PS:
        Polar bears don’t take kindly to foreigners invading their space.
        Our government could learn a lot from polar bears.

  25. I put my hand up it was me who done the ruddy great hole in the ozone layer with my choice of vehicles over the years, fucking 50 year old monster petrol engined trucks and unfiltered 350hp diesels and my present daily transport a small 6 litre diesel with a straight through exhaust , noisy and smoky fucking brilliant for gassing cyclists. And here’s my apologies to Greta 🤪🤪🤪😂😂😂👋👋👋

    • Christ Civvy.

      All those emojies, and you couldn’t manage one of an Exocet vanishing up her arsehole, and blowing her and several hundreds of sympathisers, to Kingdom Come?

      Signed: Disappointed of Sheffield.

      • Civvydog @

        I’d of liked to have driven that Scammell truck of yours.

        And if I saw Greta in her Nissan leaf doing 20mph give her a bit of what Dennis weaver got in the film Duel.
        .

      • We did drive over a mini in it MNC feckin childish but great fun, I would put pics up but got zero clue how to do so

      • Get someone’s 8 year old to do it, Civvy!

        That’s what I’d do, if my Younger and the Lass weren’t so clued in, they make hackers look shabby.

      • Actually, I’m not that clueless, but my great skill is a program that adds everything up for you, converts it to percentages, calculates expenses, profit and loss, depreciation, debt/credit outstanding.

        I call it The Accountant.

        This is not a joke.

      • Jeezum my boy is like me good with a hammer not so hot with the tappity tap machinery, so alas am stuffed mate.

      • That’s my limit I’m afraid, I still write stuff on me arms and cant really navigate the technology, absolute luddite me and proud to be so

  26. Maybe not that good at new tech, but every fucker on here has a 1st class honours in,

    COMMON SENSE….!

    • Thanks, Arch.

      You should start a new party.

      Vote for us, we stand for Common Sense!

  27. Climate change has been going on for 4 billion years. Records go back a tiny amount of that time. It will continue whatever morons like Grunta Thunderthighs say. Adaptation is key to evolution. We are not exempt.
    The threat is an influx of uncivilised scum from Africa and Islam destroying civilisation.

  28. The climate change con is for new industries to make money and the government to make money.

  29. Off topic slightly, a couple of years ago i took a trundle through our local recreation ground with my dog meathead! over by the hedgerow some primary school kids were planting trees ( around a dozen) twenty yards away were a group of adult ecomentalists also planting wild cherry trees about 2 dozen, marvellous sez i, however two years down the line i ventured around the rec again and to my astonishment all the econuts trees had snuffed it!! however the childrens trees all survived. so in my book these cunts should learn from the kids on how to plant and maintain trees….. kids 24…. adults nil point.

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