OJ Simpson: An alternative obituary

Thank fuck this cunt is dead.

Not only did he (allegedly) get away with a murder he (allegedly) obviously committed, but he brazenly flaunted and laughed about it as well. THEN went on to commit armed robbery and kidnapping afterwards. Talk about pushing your fucking luck.

He was a nasty, thuggish, lying, conniving, feral piece of pondlife scum, and the world will be a better place now he’s gone.

BBC News

Nominated by: OpinionatedCunt

51 thoughts on “OJ Simpson: An alternative obituary

  1. To me, he was good ol’ Nordberg. I couldn’t believe how that image was shattered, I was in the States during his trial, I couldn’t grasp why everyone was so fascinated by the trial (I was only 13). He was just a bit part in The Naked Gun films, had no idea he was such a big name in NFL.

    • Oh and as Cuba Gooding Jr in the tv series about the trial..
      I really believed it was the bloke from Jerry maguire..

    • ” treat em mean
      To keep em keen”
      OJ Simpson.

      When you think of Simpsons you think of lovable scamp Bart and his affable father Homer.

      And you’d be right too.
      OJ is related to sideshow Bob but adopted by the Simpsons.

      He thrilled us all with his slapstick police chases and line of spousal correction .

      He got off through celebrity lawyer Johnny Cockroache convincing the judge OJ couldn’t wear a toddlers glove.

      Mr Cockroache previously helped Michael Jackson escape being prosecuted for diddling little boys.

      He wasn’t just a celebrity criminal either!
      He got famous as a sports star.

      Either rounders or puffs rugby,
      Not sure which and don’t care enough to Google it.

      • You may be miserable.
        You may be from the north.
        You definitely have a way with words and a suitably cynical view of the world.
        I’m from the north of England but escaped to Canada, so I’m less miserable than I used to be.
        Keep the kestrel flying

    • OJ was black royalty in the US during the 80s.
      Often seen advertising shite ,
      He was up there with other clean living , wholesome black men like Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor, Sugar Ray Leonard and Michael Jackson. And later Will Smith.

      He was something to aspire to,
      A rolemodel for black youth.
      Showing they didn’t have to be like their fathers,
      Bums, and deadbeats in prison.
      No,
      They could be rapists, murderers, bumboys and junkies too.

      He’ LL leave a large pair of shoes to fill in the field of reckless driving.

      • Its how I want to check out Miserable.

        A standoff with armed police outside the Costa Coffee of Grantham North Services waving the wand of my pressure washer about following a modest police chase.

  2. OJ was in court almost as often as The Donald. Only difference was that OJ was guilty of heinous shit and not jack shit. .

    Capricorn One was an excellent film.

  3. 1994, eh, that long ago. I see that bending the the law came before bending the knee. These days it’s OK to bend both. Gives new meaning to the term ‘bender’.

    • I was pleased to see at the last game I went too, Swansea v Rotherham, when the Rotherham players took the knee they were booed. It was only a couple of years ago that our boys were doing the same.

  4. He also released a book titled “If I did it”…… which then detailed all the ways in which he (allegedly) did it.

    What a sick, evil, psycho piece of shit.

  5. He was good as a spaceman in that Capricorn One,I think some CIA or NASA cunt shot him with a rifle out of a helicopter..

    Which is precisely what they should have done when he was bombing up the freeway in the Fallguys pickup truck just after definitely not stabbing his Mrs to death.

    Anyway it was all rascisms that caused it,for sure Niğğa!

  6. Let’s be honest we have all had bad service at a restaurant..

    I normally leave a bad tip, or a bad review on Google, OJ left the tip of a knife in the waiter..

  7. You don’t need the allegedly now. He’s dead and even under Biden that’s gonna make it hard for the murdering pond scum to sue.

  8. Good riddance to the murdering treeswinging cunt.
    I fully expect a shitload of leftie twats to eulogise him. That cunt Lineker for a start.

    • He was like the brother I never met.
      May he be carried to paradise by hordes of cherubim and baby angels to sit at the feet of God🙏

      * Yo, where’s da white wimmen,sucker?”

      • Your brother, fuck my old boots, a ginger wigger, who knew 😎

      • I almost didn’t recognise Mis at the IsAC Christmas do with his tasteful gold teeth and cornrows.

  9. Every one dead is one closer to the ultimate goal but by the thousands would be preferable.

    • When he was found not guilty of murder, many of the black community cheered as though they’d achieved something. What were they thinking? As prosecutor Vincent Bugliosi said, “If he’s innocent, those two people are still alive, ok?”
      When determining innocence or guilt, things like colour of skin, political affiliation and financial assets shouldn’t be a consideration.

  10. A total of nine years served in prison for an armed robbery and a not guilty on a double murder charge.

    Black privilege innit.

  11. It was all the fault of waycist whites I tell thee.

    Anyhow he’s dead now. Lucifers Imps are taking turns on his arse.

    Let’s celebrate some success, one down and all that….

  12. A 17yr old in Sheffield has just been arrested for attempted murder.
    He stabbed 3 people with a shard of glass.

    What is the world coming to?

    Sheffield used to be known for it’s quality knives.

      • The youth are using glass now LL.

        You watch , next it’ll be zombie glass.

        I blame Ted Moult.

      • He probably caused as much harm to himself using a shard of glass than to the people he was trying to stab.

        Must try harder as OJ would probably say.

      • I wonder who this single migrant that got deported to Wankanda was? Its just like Itchy Ballsack to ask for them back because we weren’t ready yet.

        Anyone seen Diane Abbott?

    • In some parts of Sheffield, in the early 70s certain groups tested the quality of the steel.
      Was a witness to the immediate aftermath to a a dark key stabbing one of his brethren up the arse with a very large knife.
      Enrichment is nothing new.

  13. Did the police ever to look for the ‘real’ murderer after OJ was cleared of definately not murdering his wife?

  14. US crime novelist James Ellroy did a pretty good obituary of OJ’s public image at the time of the murder trial – reprinted in his book Crimewave.

    ‘O.J never screamed, “Let’s nail the shitbird who killed my wife!”‘

    Odd that, what with him being innocent and all.

    • Ellroy is sharp as a tack. He uses his type-writer like a Gatling gun.

  15. The bit of the trial I found most cuntish was the attempt by oj to put on the gloves supposedly warn by the killer (oj). Thing is he was wearing what looked like latex gloves some old bollocks about preserving forensic evidence. Now the gloves that he attempted to put on appeared to be thin tight fitting driving gloves made of leather.. I have a pair of similar gloves so I did an experiment put on a pair of nitril gloves not latex and tried to put my gloves on no fucking chance couldn’t get them half on. The man was a cunt and should have been fried or gassed but no he got away with a double murder fuck him cunt

    • Plus he had arthritis in his hands. His joints had swollen the day he tried the gloves on making it even more difficult to put them on.

    • The PTB wanted him to get off so no more riots, that’s why they appointed that useless bitch as prosecutor who had never prosecuted a murder in her life plus the thick twat baboon assistant who brought the gloves into evidence. Total stitch up just the other way round than usual.

  16. The most terrible thing he’s responsible for is making the Kardasians famous. Thst can never been forgiven.

    The real reason Bruce has his dick chopped off is the Kardasians have a no white meat rule!

    • Caitlyn is a natural, beautiful woman and is as convincing as Barack Obama’s 100% heterosexuality.

      • Barack has probably been the meat in a manwich twixt Bruce and M̶i̶c̶h̶a̶e̶l̶ Michelle.
        Evening SV.

  17. Speaking of getting away with murder, a client of mine wanted all the out of date beer and cider chucking from his cellar, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. So I thought in the noble pursuit of scientific enquiry, I’d see what vintage cider tasted like tonight and whether it still performed its essential job without leaving me on a stretcher in A&E.

    I have supped a Bulmers over ice (expired 17/7/18) and found no issues resulting, while the BBE April 2017 Thatcher’s 7.4% Somerset Reserve was positively exquisite, with more tang than a Korean Martial Arts Instructor’s jockstrap.

    Tomorrow’s challenge – Old Speckled Hen; does it reveal its hidden depths after it hits its tenth birthday?

  18. I firmly believe that he was guilty of murder.

    That farce with the gloves, pure pantomime.

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