OK when I commenced my misspent youth dodging up old motors (first was a ’55 Bentley S1 since you ask) and trying to control my hormones and my rampant old man the tools of choice were the King Dick range. Classic British Brum made and very expensive and the lead in to many Carry On type jokes. They even make podgers (look it up) hence my choice of title for this post.
The podger in question belongs to sad cunt Matt Barr, a short fat geezer with a short name and an enormous 12 inch poker. Sad because he does not get to do much poking. In short fillies do not like it, they run a mile on sight. Reputed to be the biggest cock in Blighty – unless Cunters know otherwise. Cunters send your dickpicks to Admin for verification but do remember she frightens easily.
Mr Barr tends to get treated as a Freak Show and naughty fillies try to trick him on to TV Reality Shows and exploit him in a non-pleasurable Elephant Man fashion. I had a mate with an enormous plonker and he made a fair few pornos which as any Cunter who has appeared in one (Thomas the Tank Engine?) will confirm are bloody boring to be in, usually with a load of jaded lezzers and frantic studs who can’t get it up on time for the 20th take on camera (Christ call the stand in!). Good money while the stiffy lasts.
Problem with an exaggerated appendage is one tends to wear ones underpants out from the inside. That and the social embarrassment if you take my meaning. “Is that a Magnum in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?” The Dirty Harry variety that is, not the overpriced and shrinkflating ice cream on a stick.
Dring! Dring! – Mr Barr a call for you from Larry Flynt and Bang Bros Productions.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13339927/Man-Britains-largest-penis-reveals-downsides-getting-thrown-yoga-assumed-aroused-used-date-wanted-OnlyFans.html
Nominated by Sir Limpy Stroke.
I feel qualified to speak on behalf of the hugely endowed men on this site.
According to Mrs Cunter I have the perfect cock.
She calls my underpants ‘Burger King’.
The home of the Whopper.
I have noticed in porn videos that men who have a bigger shlong than my impressive one have trouble getting in up.
They never get a proper hard on and they have to more or less stuff it in.
In contrast, my very slightly less enormous wang gets as stiff as a diamond cutter.
It’s a right cunt buster.
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I remember John Holmes the yank porn star who never quit got a full erection and when he came, had a painful expression on his face and the reason being because the toothpaste that dribbled out probably made his willy smart.
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Cum face like Phil Jones
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Sir Limpley, you have finally stumped me. The one about vaginas was much easier to grasp.
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Good to see he’s written a book called ‘The Long Story’. I’m sure the publishers had a few laughs coming up with a name.
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This appears to have “hamshank” crudely written all over it. Similar to the very sweet chocolate previously without its subtlety.
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My bollocks are far more impressive than my winky.
Like a cowboys well stocked saddlebags before heading out on the trail.
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Good lad MNC.
At the moment my cock is like a a German sniper – all helmet and bush
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Hello Mickey👍
Hope you’re well pal?
What’s this I hear about you Irish stealing all our asylum seekers?
Outrageous.
We’re running short of architects now!
Take good care of em!
They’re a valuable asset and not only boost the economy but enrich multiculturalism.
D.Cameron
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Haha, they’re getting quite the welcome back in Oireland too I gather.
“So are ye lost lads? Isn’t it about time ye all fecked off?”
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Also MNC, I think I saw a documentary once upon a time about some freak Yanks who injected their scrotes full of silicon until they resembled space hoppers.
For what purpose, I’ve no idea, other than maybe convenient transport.
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Yeah Mickey,
I wrote a nom about it.
Yanks will go to any lengths to have bollocks like us.
Only one that did was John Wayne.
Why he swaggered.
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You sure that wasn’t a episode of south park mickey?
https://youtu.be/yHOA6p8R_kE?si=RwYgzalp97gd7tn9
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Haha Barry, yes! It was like that
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You’ve reminded me Mis, of missing out on walnuts last Christmas.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47wJOxkHfeY
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Limpy’s most certainly thrown a spanner in the works to adjust those nuts.
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Being wise to the ways of the world, I once mistakenly asked my now Wife how she had described my superb cock to all her female friends.
Much to my horror, she had undersold me by a couple of inches!
I then painstakingly explained to her that the only way to get a true and accurate measurement was to take your ruler out of your pencil case and press it really, really hard into the base of the shaft.
Women!
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As a self titled phat cunt proudly sporting a micropenis, I find it hard to support this cunting.
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I like to proudly state “I have a great big one” in polite company.
“Oh yes, Mr Cunt Engine,” they retort, “of course you do. We don’t believe you.”
“It’s true,” I reply, “it’s enormous. Really impressive.”
“Come on then, get it out, show us.”
“I’m not showing you my bumhole, you perv.”
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I once met a Welshman who told me he had the name of that Welsh town tattooed along the length of his gentleman`s spunk lance.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t afford the the ink for `Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch`, so had `Ryhl` done instead.
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Dear me I wish I hadn’t clicked on that Only Whőres link..
I now feel soiled..
But it’s given me a right throbber so I’m to see if Mrs Terry is “working from home”…I know she’ll be delighted.
Definitely.
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The wife’s formula for joy and pleasure; six inches and a good girth.
Full wife, happy life.
Afternoon all.
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PS enjoy your afternoon Unk!
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I watched the video that accompanies the article and I reckon Cat Deeley had a little nosh on it during make-up, little tart that she is. Holly would have definitely gobbled on it, attention seeking whore that she is and shame Schofield wasn’t there, he would have put his marigolds on and be standing at the ready, armed with two tubes of KY Jelly.
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The late thug and bit part heavy John Bindon allegedly was well endowed and had a party trick of balancing beer glasses on his erect todger.
Would have easier and more hygenic to use a tray!
https://twitter.com/HistoryExtra/status/1187102643744735233
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praise the good lord I only have a “jabba” winkie ( just above bad below average), will never frighten the mares and I’ve never had any complaints, don’t hang around long enough to hear them. The one bit of advice I gave to my boy is ” never go out with a girl with big hands ” makes the old chap look like a peeled prawn laid on their feckin great mitts. What I have noticed in porn videos is that the birds on the receiving end of a caber cock never seem to be very wet naturally, if it’s as wonderful as they say you would have thought it would be like a creamy niagra down there.
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I have a mate who worked in this industry. He was a graphic designer for UK BRitish Housewives and other sticky paged magazines.
Lucky cunt, when he went to go on shoot used to get some of the girls offering it up to him but he was always worried about performance issues to take them up (stupid cunt, I would have had a go and if not purchased some marching powder to help).
Anyway, I digress.
He would tell me that the men are not always as big as they appear some would have strap on style rubber cocks and usually most porn girls are quite small to make the man look bigger.
I’d be shit at the job – when it gets cold I go inverted.
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Well having read this whole page from top to bottom twice I’m baffled. The only part in which I can see a purpose is the imperial double open ended spanner at the top.
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It’s Limply, makes no real sense…. Just go with the flow…
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My dear old Dad shot a Chinese communist bandit, called King Dick while on counter insurgency ops in Malaya back in the 1950″s. 32 round mag dump from a Sten. Nice shootin’, Tex.
He hated all things Chinese, as he preferred to be be in England watching the footy, shagging and getting pissed, rather than spend his time in a soggy jungle.
Pro Rege et Patria.
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Apart from having a large dick it does help if you can lick your eye brows and have a passion for tuna
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I knew the old fella that owned King dick tools. Absolute diamond of a bloke.
He would chuck us a set of house keys when we were working there and say “ we are off to the flat in Dorset for a couple of days. Help yourselves to tea, coffee and biccies. “
His Mrs would interject and remind him that the flat in Dorset was a penthouse apartment in sandbanks. Bless her.
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His cock was like a dead german hanging out of a window.
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If you know your tools….
Snap-On, far better than King Dick.
As for Draper, don’t bother.
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I used to use these , very good.
https://stahlwille.com/en_gb/industries/aviation/4828bb7f
As for King Dick, I’ve worked with a few of them..!
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I’m a Makita Tools man, all bought in the 70’s when the Japs were paranoid about quality. Good gear.
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I always look forward to a Sir Limply puzzle nom. The brain gets a proper bashing trying to work some of them out. Keep them coming.
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Has anyone ever noticed that blokes with hugely oversized Hamptons are less than blessed in the looks department.
This must be god trying to balance out the universe.
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I thought this nom was about the decline in quality of tools. When my dad died I got a toolbox with some of my grandpa’s tools in it including many fine King Dick spanners. When our old toilet seat needed adjustment these modern tools wouldn’t budge it, but King Dick did the job. Good old tools still useful 80 years later!
As for Mr Barr: How did he find out he had Britain’s biggest and how does it affect his job prospects? I guess it would be OK in the porno industry but if he was a welder it could be a hinderance and if he works in an office some woman will have him at employment tribunal as quick as a wink.
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I had two Aunts who worked at King Dick in Tyseley Birmingham back in the day. My grandfathers shed looked like a Mechanics Dream Grotto ! I often used to wonder where they all finished up.
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