Fucking tops on plastic bottles

Posted on by

Are cunts.

This as been annoying me so for some time with spilt pop water and little fucking cuts on my fingers. Why the fuck can’t they make a plastic top open up properly anymore.

Anyway yesterday on opening a fucking bottle of coke I read the top. Grrr

Attached for recycling. Wtf. So we can’t be trusted to put the top back on now before we chuck it in the bin for plastics.

Nanny state more bullshit and I imagine virtually impossible to open without spilling it if you are not very dexterous.

Pile of cunt. Thought up no doubt by an absolute cunt.

Nominated by Everyonesacunt.

54 thoughts on “Fucking tops on plastic bottles”

  1. “I am attached to recycle together” We are now so childish that we need to be addressed by a fucking bottle top?! Fuck off, patronising cunts.

    Good morning, everyone.

  2. Yet another bit of virtue signalling. Once the top is unscrewed and off, I destroy the little plastic thread that links it to the bottle top by twisting the top around several times and breaking it off.

    Job done.

  3. Although they claim its all about “recycling” its more to do with using the cheapest possible plastic and manufacturing process.

    The consumer gets a bottle that doesn’t open properly and cuts his fingers to bits and the company virtue signal and pocket extra cash.

    It’s a win-win scenario..

    The Shithouse Cunts.

    Good morning.

  4. I always rip the bastard off its tether for practical and symbolic reasons

  5. With the new bottle tops our oceans are no longer full of plastic waste.

    Or at least it seems that way.

    A year or 2 ago they didn’t stop going on about all the plastic in the oceans.
    You don’t hear anything about that any more.
    So everything must be OK.

    • Can’t say I’ve noticed this.

      MY pop bottles have corks and are opened by the nanny.
      Much more eco friendly.

      Not that I’d be told what to do by a fuckin bottle.
      It’d get thrown in whichever bin has room in it like everything else is.

  6. Having mastered, with much practice, the art of releasing an out of view bra strap with just one hand, I regard myself as being pretty dexterous.
    However I have never mastered my own personal bete noire, the ring pull. Only yesterday while opening a tin of baked beans the fucking thing pinged off with the lid half open, spraying tomato sauce all over the kitchen.
    One of life’s little mysteries I suppose.

    • I’ve noticed that…..branstons beans are my favourite but a lot of the cans now have that annoying ring pull that mostly ping off as you attempt to open it….. you can almost hear the beans roaring with laughter as you search for the tin opener ….the little 💩s. 😩

      • Organic baked beans from Suma have a safe ring pull and don’t have a sauce that splashes everywhere. The contents are solidified and breakup under heat.

  7. Those little key motherfuckers on tins of corn beef are like mental cruelty.

    I’ve never successfully managed one yet☹️

    Like some sort of challenge .

    Whoever came up with that idea needs serious prison time.

    • The number of times I’ve sliced a finger open on one of those!

      I’ve started buying packs of pre-sliced corned beef. It’s more expensive, but at least it saves me a trip to
      A and E to get stitched up again.

    • It’s worth the pain. Nothing like a fried corned ‘beef’ and egg combo – heaven!

  8. The great recycling scam. Largely a load of bollocks.
    Ketchup bottles and the like have to be cleaned of all residue, by us, if they are to be recycled, or they go to landfill.
    Some councils won’t accept wet cardboard, even though it ends up getting pulped anyway.
    Then you get councils that send everything to landfill anyway to save money.
    And besides, it’s not us asking for plastic instead of glass, fruit and veg in polystyrene trays instead of a paper bag.
    It’s the money grabbing cunts who produce the stuff who create the waste.

  9. I am attached to go to the landfill.

    Cunters I have bad news; the example in this excellent Nom is only the tip of the iceberg. There even more irritating designs on the way. The unpourable milk and the unopenable orange juice.

    Disclaimer: I really don’t know the company that designs this shit.

    🤫
    🤐

    • Its designed by cunts with a short haircut, long thick beard, wears tie die or karkhi and rides a scooter to work before going home for a craft been drunk from a. jar. Know the type?

  11. I’ve been using Buxton sparkling water for years and they also had a top that used to cut into the hand. I say did because I rang the number on the bottle they asked customers to contact them if not satisfied and true to their word corrected the flaw. That was over a year ago. When recycling, I throw bottle and top away separately, that way I can jump and flatten them in the box to get the lid on.

    • I also use the S. PELLEGRINO. A little more expensive Italian swig. That one I take with me when out cycling and have it tucked in the side pocket of my rucksack. The owners make sure there’s no flaw with this bottle, otherwise I’d be onto them like a ton of bricks. Eyeties as you know are shit-scared of causing trouble. The Italian Book of Heroes is the thinnest on the bookshelf.

  12. At my last school, one of the science teachers had been an industrial chemist before changing careers later in life. I asked him once why plastic, made from oil (an organic material), did not biodegrade. Basically, it is more expensive to make bottles, bags, etc that biodegrade rather than lasting ten billion years.

    As with everything else, this is about money.

  13. I was opening a bottle of water the other day, the cap was a ‘flip’ type, the body of the bottle was so flimsy that when I gripped it to open the cap it spurted everywhere. Sainsburys cheapskate cunts.
    And those little covers under a milk bottle cap are cunts as well!
    Morning all.

  14. I feel sorry for people who drink bottled water.

    I don’t like to brag, but I’m very fortunate to have a tap in my house.
    Luxury 👍

    • Bottled water is for those living in Mogadishu, Lahore or London.
      My tap also works.

    • I had to laugh Mis. Corporation Pop contains chlorine that isn’t good for us. Its ok once boiled for tea, but I do tend to like sparkling water with a bit of a kick to it. I wait in anticipation of one of your pisstakes which make me laugh.

      • He’ll be boasting that he has his own spring in his garden.
        I think he might also have a Wishing Well in his front garden cadging money “charity” which he allegedly spends on chips ‘n’ gravy. 😃

      • You’ve got the wrong water GT. Perrier water is the poor mans version of S. PELLEGRINO.

      • Morning Sammy!

        I’m not far from Buxton so have drank it’s water from source quite a few times.

        Got to say the best water I’ve ever had is from the streams up Kinder Scout.

        Filtered through sandstone, shale, millstone grit, and untouched by chemicals it’s perfect.
        And free.

        There’s a solution called “Vimto” that if added to water makes a fine refreshing drink .
        I like that also.

      • Wishing wells are great, aren’t they? Nob-head tourists and Lib Dem beardies throwing money in a kitsch pool. I wonder what they wish for? A local by-election success for the huge breasted Jacinda Arden? Ed Davy to come round for crumpets? A greener planet? A two for one offer on a favourite yogurt at Lidl? Gullible Wankers.

      • Morning Mis,
        Interesting you’re close to Buxton and also what you had to say about the ingredients. Will think twice about the solution Vimto due to its anagram being Vomit. But nothing’s going to stop me from drinking it after all these years.

      • @MNC, I’d have thought you’d use Bisto to add to your water, well there you have it.

  15. Recycling would only ‘work’ – to some degree, I suppose, .. if everyone partook. Same as all these ‘fixes’. But with – as ever – only a small percentage of folk (individually AND nationally) following the rules, .. it’s ALL a fucking complete waste of effort, net.

    Ireland crowbarred in a new recycling dictat 3 months ago. 15 cent per can/small bottle. (90 extra for a six pack at 5he till). 50 each per larger bottle (concentrates, water etc). The second I heard this ‘new fucking tax’ came to mind. As opposed to this scheme being ABOUT recycling (which is fucking pointless for a small fuckin’ country anyways.. <1 thousandth the world's population, .. while the likes of India, Africa, South America, China blah blah don't give a shit, individually or nationally. [See the Top Gear Sand Job episode? .. a town on the edge of the Sahara… plastic fucking waste strewn absolutely everywhere.]

    Anyways figures in after 2 months on the other. 200 million-worth of refunds generated between cans/bottles sold in the timeframe. 7 million claimed back. 193 extra million in the govt. coffers. Well played, you dirty insincere greedy cunts!.

    The population(s) just.dont.care. Or we're just fucking SICK of it. The whole pointless lot of it.

    I know *I* am.

  16. Never have this problem on beer or gin bottles.
    Answer is don’t drink fucking coke!!!!

  17. I look like a right scope when I drink out of one of those bottles, with people looking at me oddly, like I am waiting for the sunshine bus to pick me up to be amongst my window licking friends.

  18. I like Kraken rum, metal screw cap is dead easy to remove and not tethered to the bottle.

  19. At my office, my employer insists on 4 waste bins in each room for plastics/metals, card/paper, food and ‘other’. This is policed rigorously by the local obergruppenfuhrer..
    Our landlord provides office cleaning and rubbish removal.
    So, twice a day, the cleaner comes in with one large bag and empties the contents of all 4 of the bins into the one singular bag and disposes of our rubbish in the large skip in the car park.
    You couldn’t make it up.

    • Is it possible CT, that the large skip in the car park separates the contents ? Otherwise there’s going to be one for bodies.

      • I once caused a tip to shut down.
        Or my labourer did.
        On a school clearance in Stalybridge.

        We were unloading the van and this klaxon and lights went off.
        Tip foreman going fuckin doolally at my labourer.

        I thought diplomacy was needed and intervened.

        MNC ” hey luv, what’s the fuckin issue?”

        SF * what’s the issue?
        I’ll tell you what’s the fuckin issue.
        You throwing hazardous waste in here!”

        MNC ” hazardous waste? ”

        It was a strip light.
        Akin to a fuckin hand grenade or claymore landmine.

        MNC ” No probs , he didn’t know ,he’s new.”

        Now a foreman on a tip is a highly stressful job, with far-reaching legal powers.
        Similar to chancellor of the exchequer.
        And this bloke had reached boiling point.

        SF ‘ what’s in your van.
        I demand to see inside your van”

        MNC “robots”.

        SF ” robots? Fuckin robots?!!”
        His face a funny colour.

        MNC ” yeah , they hazardous?”

        Pulling a cardboard and tinfoil robot made by a 7yr old out the van.

        No sense of humour tip foreman.

        Hope he got the help he needed.
        He clearly struggled with stress.
        Hope her took up transcendental meditation.

      • I think that applies to all tip workers Mis and council ones for sure.
        I was asked to separate waste in the tipper I was driving at the time and pointed out how ridiculous that was.
        I said I would take out the large metal just to be able to get on with my day and this was eventually agreed to so as I pull up at the metal bay i am approached by a tip worker who I assumed was going to assist me.
        Was he fuck he just stood in the middle right in my way.
        Seeing red now told him to fuck off or everything was getting tipped right there!
        Where do they find these pricks who are obviously looking for conflict, after all I was paying to tip being trade waste.
        Bunch of jumped up cunts the fucking lot of ’em!

      • Hi Mis, In case you haven’t heard of them, “Half Man Half Biscuit” are a great band that make you laugh. Stand out above the rest with the comedy due to the brilliant sound.

      • One of their best song titles, “All I Want For Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit.”

      • Transcendental meditation is cool
        David Lynch, Clint Eastwood and Bill Hick have all done it.

        Unfortunately so has Lyndsey Lohan and Russell Brand.

        I bet Cunt Engine does it after downing a cup of ayahuasca.
        Or licking one of those hallucinogenic frogs.

        And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

        Far out maaaan!

  20. My pet hate is those cartons of orange juice with the plastic tops that are the devil to open without the contents spraying everywhere. Not to mention milk cartons with the inner seal, which has the little tag which always comes off when you try to pull it.

    Fucking first world problems.

    Morning all.

  21. Load of clumsy sods posting on here today. Hope none of you are employed as surgeons.

Comments are closed.