Desert Island Discs

Posted on by

Hopefully, a very emotive and subjective nomination – which will fuck YOU up.

The radio programme: Desert Island Discs
… is a cunt.

Why ? ! ?

Because, just when you think [insert your *favourite tune of all time here] is your most very greatest and best ever tune/song of all time, ever, in the universe, of all time … yep: You`re guaranteed to think of yet another one which might be better.

Basically, you`ll never agree with yourself.

Go on – try it now.

Write down all your favourite tunes – or say 5 of them.
(pause for thought)

OK, maybe another 5.

(pause for thought)

Now think of another one to add to the list?

(pause for thought)

Now put them in order.

(pause for thought)

Have you missed one out?

(pause for thought)

Revise your list.

Revise again.

Still fucked? – Of course you are.

You just can`t do it, can you ?

But there IS a reason for this.

It`s YOU, and how you`re feeling right now …
Annoyed / frustrated / brain-dead / full of drugs ?

Well, I couldn`t give a shit, because all of the above is just a diversion.

If you`ve read this far, that`s not really what this nomination is really about. It`s actually …

Who would you want to be shipwrecked with on a desert island with (and, need I ask, why) ?

Mine would be Katie Price because, although I`m not a lesbian, her body would probably make an ideal flotation device (with additional compartments) should I need to vacate the island in an emergency

OK — blow your load now …

* That`s `favourite` for our colonial subsidiaries.

Nominated by: Sam Beau

88 thoughts on “Desert Island Discs”

  1. I think Desert Island Discs is a fantastic programme, at least until some twat at the BBC decided that Lauren Laverne would be a good host for it. You can hear her reading from her notes as she interviews her guest. She is unable to hold a proper conversation.

    • Lauren Laverne, another sneering snarky media cunt who openly mocks working-class professions.

  2. fuck me Sam….probably the most profound and thought provoking nom ive seen on here.

    (thats an observation…..not a cunting btw Sam)

  3. Sadiq Khan.

    Because I could punch his lights out on a daily basis without repercussions.

    • I’d have Matt Lucas made up, bewigged, attired and ready to go to a fancy dress party as Laura Kuenssberg. That way I could punch fuck out of the pair of obnoxious cunts.

  4. If you got shipwrecked with Sharon Davies she could give you a blowjob and then swim off for help.

    My favourite record is classic and would stand the test of time.

    Brindisi from La Traviata.

    I am a bit of a cultured cunt.

  5. Not much point in taking music if you don’t have anything to play it on.

    Now let’s see, we’ll definitely pussy, a supply of birth control pills, don’t want the pussy getting pregnant.

    Who to chose, fuck that’s going to need a bit of thought, criteria nice tight little ass, nice pussy, pert little tits, likes to fuck.

  6. My first record is Claude Debussy’s Golliwogg’s Cakewalk from his Children’s Corner.

  7. No books
    No records
    Nobody else.

    Just a full length mirror.

    To admire myself,
    And argue with,
    Like a budgie.

    • If I were you Mis, I’d also wear a kilt, standing on your head in front of the full length mirror imitating a shuttlecock.

  9. The top five favourite tunes is near on impossible to decide..

    But my man friday would be bob mortimer, he would keep a smile on my face 24/7, rain or shine..

  12. I’d get shipwrecked with Christina Hendricks.

    I could either float on those monumental whammers or shag myself to death.

    That Lauren ‘shit stage name’ Laverne is a total cunt.
    And I notice no fucker ever chooses her band, Kenickie, on Desert Island Discs.
    And that’s because Kenickie were absolute shit.

  13. Concert pianist Dame Moura Lympany solved the conundrum, Sam. When she took part in 1979 she chose her own recordings for all 8.
    Then there was an American film director (possibly Frank Capra, though I’m not certain) whose 8 were all soundtracks to his own films, and his chosen book was his own autobiography.

    Desert Island Egotists.

    And who would I like to be shipwrecked with?
    No knickers Ange of course. Christ, think of all the tricks she could teach you.

  14. Remember that film castaway?
    Where Forrest Gump was stranded on a desert island.

    Rubbish wasn’t it?

    Wilson should of got a oscar for that film.

      • Top vote, CP. Amanda Donohoe was shagtastic. Surprised Ollie managed to keep the old whanger tamed with her walking around with no kit on.

  15. Whilst I’m waiting for my first record to finish, from Claude Debussy’s Children’s Corner, I’d like to take the real life size Mayor of London Sad-diq Khant in his turtle shell and teach the cunt to swim.

  17. Robinson Crusoe.
    No fuckin way was he a English man.

    How many Robinsons have you ever met?

    Nil.

    It sounds Carribbean?
    Some sort of windrush name.

    So he’s on a desert island like back home and he meets a sooty called Man Friday?

    So clearly not deserved then was it.

    Load of rubbish.

    • I’ve met Cardew Robinson, whilst he was doing something for the beeb radio. That’s all I can give you.

      • What, first names Robinson?
        Or surnames?
        Surname Robinson is common as shite,
        But never met someone whos Christian name is Robinson.

        It’s fruity as fuck.

        Probably why he got dumped on the island in the first place.

      • Surnames. Anyone who was called Robinson for a first name would’ve renamed ‘Squash’.

  18. I’d have Enoch Powell as my companion and we could listen to ‘anarchy for the uk’ on a loop whilst telling him what a visionary he was 😩…….enoch-odamus 🇬🇧

  19. Always makes me laugh when they get some pseud on there, and he/she/it chooses some truley awful shite to take with them, something by Richard Glass or Stockhausen, something to slash your wrists to I suppose.

    • Richard or Philip Glass?

      Nowt wrong with a bit of Pip-G, especially when you’re looking down on humanity from orbit.

      • I had a friend who thought he was into arthouse cinema.

        When I bought up Koyaanisqatsi he got upset and petulantly said, ‘what the fuck is that? Sounds like shit’.

        He revealed his inner philistine.

  20. In the spirit of this I would say Dianne Abbott so I can use her big knickers as a sail to escape.

    • And there’d be enough residue left in there to sustain you on your arduous voyage.

      • The smell would surely kill the last few non-harpooned Blue Whales, CM.

      • Fishy?
        I reckon Dianne’s minge goes beyond the merely piscine and becomes the stench of putrifying roadkill.

  21. What about Desert Island Porn?
    There’s a couple of lesbian midget anal fisting videos I’d be gutted to not be able to view again.

    • Anything with a decent looking bird with hge naturals oiling herself giving a POV titwank.

  22. This bloody post has got me thinking about music now, hot off the back foot of Eurovision (I wonder how many bottoms got fisted on Saturday night).

    Let me make it clear, I don’t watch it but you can’t help notice the news articles in the lead up.

    Is it me or has this yearly debacle become a fudge packing contest, more notably of late.

    Mincing sexual / non-sexual, dick, no-dick, chick with a dick, no this, non-that, they / them, batty boy or girl but actually non-binary.

    It’s like Pride has taken over this event, I bet a lot of the hotels had cum stains on them on Sunday morning.

    No ta, I’d rather watch paint dry.

    • I find it easy to not notice news articles. I neither watch nor read about the news. Even on the radio I mentally switch off when the news is on.

  23. I’d hate it.
    A desert island.
    I hate the fuckin beach👎

    Hot and sunny most days☹️

    Jesus, I’d take a fuckin noose they can have my vinyl records

    • I’m not a fan of the beach either. zladt time I went (properly) was 1997 and got sand in my pasty and chips.

  24. Crikey !

    This is a timely nom, as me and Debbie are currently enjoying a relaxing and frisky time on our own little bit of paradise.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oonHquCgFl4

    We’re wearing wispy, stringy things that leave very little to the imagination.

    And we have an ample supply of Bounty bars.

    Even the plain chocolate ones ! ( Debbie has a dealer….naughty girl )

    I’m in heaven.

    I’ll leave it to you lot to drive the Great British economy forward, whilst I’m away.

    Toodle pip.

  26. Max Bygraves would be great for songs round the campfire.

  27. I remember Roy Plomley asking Authur Askey what he was going to do when he “puts his feet up” a saying in retirement, not realising he would have them amputated later in life and I said, on either side of the mantlepiece.

  28. Are these people really allowed to choose what they like on the modern BBC?
    No doubt there’s some kind of remit whereby song choices must contain some subliminal message about slavery, pride, the misguided notion of Brexit, the evil of Donald Trump and at least one track by Taylor Swift so they can keep the record company backhanders rolling in.
    Fucking BBC wankfest!

    • Can’t forget the current Ed Sheeran/Fatty Capaldi type cunt for the ‘mood mummies’

  30. I wonder if any academic has tried to claim Robinson Crusoe and Man Friday were lovers?

    After twenty eight years of desert island bumming old Rob must have wished that Friday had stuck him in a pot and eaten him.

    • I think he was already a bit ducky.

      I found a massive bare footprint on the beach?

      I’d think ” savage natives!!”

      And set about making a spear.

      Not Robbo.
      Goes looking for him!!

      Ooooh I’ll call you Friday.

      Pair of puffs.

Comments are closed.