Celebrity Conspiracy Theories

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I’ve always enjoyed a good conspiracy theory, even if they’re mostly, shall we say, surreal or bizarre.

Occasionally a theory will seem to have some real substance to it e.g. there’s a really strong case to be made that the CIA, the Mob, the Cuban exiles, big oil, or a combination of all of them did for JFK.

Mostly however they just seem outlandish. You know what I mean; NASA faked the moon landings, Aliens crashed at Roswell, aircraft contrails contain poison or mind-warping drugs, a ‘New World Order’ of shadowy elites seeks global hegemony, etc and so forth.

Some of my favourite ‘conspiracies’ focus on the world of ‘celebrity’, and frankly belong in the strange and weird world of tinfoil hat wearing fantasists. One positive thing in their favour however is their huge capacity to entertain us all. It’s real ‘man down the pub’ stuff.

For your edification, Elvis faked his death to escape the limelight and seek seclusion in the remote Appalachians… or is on the run after the Mob put a contract on him for informing on them to the Feds, you chose. Lizzie and Phil were space lizards. Michelle Obama is really Michael. Macca died in a car crash and was replaced by a body double, who’s been performing as him ever since. The security services did for Diana. Taylor Swift is a Satanist, and Stevie Wonder isn’t blind. John Lennon’s killer was part of a black ops mind control programme.

Right now there’s a whole new show on the road. We’re in the middle of a real mother of a conspiracy theory, which has brought about a state of utter meltdown in the world press, social media and the internet. It is, of course, the ‘something’s happened to Kate’ furore. Naturally it couldn’t be anything as mundane as the fact that the lass has had serious surgery and is taking time out of the public eye to recover. Oh no.

So far we’ve had a proper good pick and mix on offer. She’s far iller than has been made out; she’s got cancer or something. She’s had plastic surgery. She’s pregnant. She and William are estranged after he had an affair and she’s fled the scene (an additional titbit is that he belted her in the process). She’s had a complete nervous breakdown blah de blah. Mercifully, no one has yet claimed that she’s been abducted by aliens; at least, as far as I know.

And there’s my own theory of choice. There’s a medium on the net claiming that spirits have told her that Kate has sunk into an irreversible coma, and body doubles are being used while a clone replacement is being made ready. A fucking clone, would you believe? And there are idiots out there swallowing this stuff.

Oh in one respect all this stuff is hugely entertaining, and it’s free. But on the other hand it’s plain batshit crazy. There are some very strange individuals out there coming up with it, and most of them, I suspect, are spending far too much time in a bedroom in their mom’s house, goggle eyed in front of a computer screen. They could really do with getting out more, if only for their own good.

Fandomwire

Nominated by: Ron Knee

101 thoughts on “Celebrity Conspiracy Theories”

  1. I heard one cunt say the Conservatives are in government, these people are fucking delusional.

    • We only have Kate’s word for that. Or rather an AI generated image of her seated on a bench. General Cunster’s theory that she is in fact dead is probably closer to the truth.

      • Yep,eerily still background,unperturbed by an occasional zephyr or occasional ,passing airborne invertibraic ingresses’ ? All rather suggestive of a ‘Green-Screen’ ?

        They’re going down for sure.Getting obvious now.

      • Here is a reprint of the ‘theory’ attributed to me:

        From “Photokate” March 18, 2024

        March 18, 2024 5:28 PM:

        “She’s Dead.

        They’ve come a long way since McCartney died back in the 60s, but they still need more time for her body double to complete the plastic surgery and finish the speech pathology lessons. That’s why nobody has seen her doppelganger in public.

        On a more positive note The Sun has received my job application and is reportedly very interested in hiring me as a Royal reporter.”

      • Hey Admin Team,

        My second post expounding on my so-called theory disappeared AGAIN.

        Could you please find and restore so as to alleviate any confusion on the past if the IsaC Faithful.

        Thank you.

      • Fucking EDIT:

        That should read;”…on the PART OF the IsaC Faithful…”

  3. Rumour has it that the King has an intellectually defective mongrel ginger son.

    These people take us for fucking fools.

  4. Kennedy was shot by a jealous husband.
    He was banging oswalds wife.

    The only way aliens would crash,would be if they were Asian drivers.

    No-one who wasn’t blind would dress like that.

    Taylor swift? Just a cunt.

    Macca replaced, there is no way you could find another boring, self-absorbed cunt like that.

  5. The most ridiculous conspiracy theory I’ve heard is the one that says because of a small increase in a trace gas essential for all life the climate is going haywire and the Earth is going to spontaneously ignite.

    • Actually that’s the real point isn’t it.

      The endless tittle tattle about slebs is to be expected amongst a species that still hasn’t established its claim to seniority over masturbating chimpanzees.

      But governments and wealthy elites pushing climate change, white privelege, Islamophobia, 17 year old middle aged Albanian dinghy dwellers; that’s when conspiracies become a real fucking problem.

  8. The thing with most conspiracy theories is that people miss the point.
    Take JFK.

    It doesn’t matter who splattered his brains all over the dashboard.
    Just as long as someone did.

    Some people get carried away with them,
    5G, Roswell, satanic elites, lizard people from Alpha centauri,
    This can all be cured by having a chip injected into your head.

    Live long and prosper sucker’s.

  9. I think that conspiracy theorists are more entertaining than the shite they pedal.

    I remember as a little kid,
    Certain people were more gullible than others.

    Don’t swallow chewing gum!
    It wraps around your insides and eventually kills you.

    Bruce Lees body was so pure that when he took a aspirin?
    His heart exploded.

    All the tellers of these tales of scientific wonder went on to rich fulfilling lives ,
    Didn’t marry ( NASAs fault)
    Live with parents till they’re 50 (CIA)
    Never worked (Aliens)
    And retained virginity till death (Elvis and the Jews)

  10. JFK was pumping Marilyn Monroe when his back gave in. His security detail had to pull him out of Ms Monroe.

    The Feds called him ‘bad-back’ from then on.

    As the Daily Mail would say – FACT!

      • Didn’t stop him shagging any woman with a pulse according to the legends.

        Apparently it was a real case of ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ for JFK though, as he didn’t have any staying power. Angie Dickinson said that sex with him was ‘the best seven minutes of my life’. Meoooow!

      • He used the art of the ‘quickie’ apparently more as a headache reliever than anything more ‘meaningful’ and who could blame him.He must have been utterly swamped with the tides of quim back then ?.Pelosi (bleurgh) was rumoured to have received the presidential seal herself.

  11. The old ‘Marriage of convenience’ is always good. Neil & Christine Hamilton, The Sturgeons, and Tom Cruise and whichever wife. The film companies were fed up of the rumours of Cruise’s fudge-packing, especially since his first wife was now openly a fishpie gnosher, so they married him off to Nicole Kidman. The deal was a million dollars for the talentless convict and four films, but she had to stay with Cruise for a decade. She filed for divorce after ten years and four days.

    • After ten years Tommo had most likely ruined Kidmans poop-chute – it was time to swap her out.

      Tom no-likey the tuna tunnel.

    • Nicole was very much part of the MK-Ultra/monarch project when it moved to Oz.She’s a classic ‘influencer-kitten’ model in the vein of Swift,Spears,Beyonce,Perry,Grande et al to be duly deployed in pursuance of certain agendas.

      With Grande it would be that noxious Vaudevillian skit done with equally talentless fuck Corden around the hight of the scamdemic time.”I got my vacseen,tra la la”.See how it works ?

      • Nicole Kidman ,the worst actor to ever ever appear on the movies or tv. But at least the whore lasted 5 years with the gay little fucker.

  12. Top nom. Now that cloning has been perfected, you never know who is the real one. This is particularly true of rich celebs.

    Imagine if you were Sir Jimmy Savile and you knew the police and meeja were hot on your trail, what do you do? It’s obvious, innit. You go to a secret clinic in Switzerland and get yourself cloned. Then you send the clone out to live in Yorkshire and die just before the net finally closes. Hey presto, you can go around doing your weird devious stuff with impunity. If challenged you simply respond ‘Ah, yes. People often say that. A bit embarrassing but there it is, guys and gals.’

    ‘But even Sir Jimmy was not that rich’ I hear you cry! To which i would respond that he probably got the BBC and Stoke Mandeville to chip in.

    It stands to reason that this is going on all over the place. I saw a bloke in the high street who looked just like Enoch Powell. Well, what if…

    Good morning, everyone.

    • Even the mention of Enoch gets me all sentimental. He was once my MP.

      Weird name Enoch. A visionary, unlike the glass-eyed Ewoks who are political light weights by comparison.

  13. There is a myth that when you vote for a political party and that party wins an election they run the country.

    And don’t dare try to tell me that Trump lost in 2020.

  14. I think there should be some investigative analysis with regards:-
    Father Christmas – Coming down chimneys, getting pissed on sherry and feeding his fat face on pies. Breaking and entering and yet plod still haven’t arrested him.
    Snow White and the 7 Dwarves – what was she really doing with these freaks. Was she an ancestor of Katie Price or Sparkletits?
    Guy Fawkes – Was he stitched up like a kipper by a whistleblower?
    Freddie Starr – Did he really eat a hamster or was it shoved up Richard Gere’s arse?
    Diana Princess of Wales – is still alive and working in a whelk store on Blackpool beach.
    The Magic Roundabout – were all the characters on drugs and wanted us to join in?

  15. My current favourite is we are all doomed on the 8th. Why you ask, would this be the case? Well it’s due to the solar eclipse in the USA. Yes something that happens fairly regularly, we are all doomed. It’s like we have gone back in time to the dark ages with some of the shit.

    • Probably climate change.
      Eco-doom merchants are already gluing their heads to highways and byways in anticipation.
      Looks like Greta’s future is well and truly fucked come the 9th.

  16. Quantum physics prove we do not exist, we are just a foam at the Plank length.

  17. Best size foil for the ubiquitous tin foil hat is the really wide one they make for wrapping Turkeys. Then using a football as a mould one can construct a spiffing helmet. I have three antennas on mine to further scramble the brain scans, both dogs have their own little hats, the hamster chewed his up so could be suspect

  18. UFO’s.

    They travel for decades of light year’s only to find ‘intelligent’ life and then immediately fuck off without making contact.

    Sometimes they tease us by making elaborate designs in crop fields before flying off.

    If they are unlucky enough to crash land then they do so only in America.

    Also, the only people that they ever want to abduct are mentally challenged Americans.

    Bigger countries like Russia and China never get in on the action.

    We have evidence of dinosaurs from millions of year’s ago, but besides a dubious theory that an alien space craft is hidden away in Roswell (America, where else?), we have never found anything from their visits that could also have been going on for millions of years.

    • And don’t eat apple pips.

      You don’t want a tree to grow in your stomach.

    • But what about all the research by Mr Erich Von Daniken back in the 1960s. His erudite tomes prove once and for all that gods from outer space flew here by chariot and settled in ancient Egypt. Fact is often stranger than fiction.

    • Problem is there is a lot of money to be made from this bollocks ,tv franchises, books, conferences and so on. My view is that if aliens aided early civilisations in magic stone cutting and levitating things around plus imparting the wisdom of the universe they did a shite job considering human kinds repeated fuck ups. The theory I propose is that aliens used Earth like a motorway service station and maybe still do. Have noticed a reduction in reports of anal probing which is a good thing even it’s it only mentalists like me that we’re prone to a probe. Never been abducted either at least only by the police and ambulance services

      • That ‘anal probing’ thing is surely a sign of some deeply repressed sexual urge, revealed when the ‘abductee’ is placed under hypnosis by a therapist.

    • yes and rendlesham forest Alien space craft lands, flashing light seen, YES you cunts it’s orford ness lighthouse!

  19. Here are some of the conspiracy theories from my country.
    All invented and spread by thick English people……

    Chinese companies in Spain do not have to pay any tax in their first 5 year’s of trading.

    Cigarette shops (estancos) are only allowed to be owned by disabled people to make sure that they have work.

    Likewise, only disabled people are allowed to sell lottery tickets.

    ‘Menú del día’ in restaurants was introduced by Franco to ensure that every working man can afford one meal a day.

    The Guardia Civil are allowed to keep half of any traffic fines that they issue in the month of July, to spend on their holidays in August.

    If you are caught driving a car which doesn’t have a current IVT (MOT) certificate the police will crush your car.

    If you can’t speak Spanish the road police (Tráfico) will fine you double.

    Beware of strange chalk markings on the pavement outside of houses.
    These are put there by burglars (Moroccans) to indicate to other burglars that you live alone, have a dog, have an alarm…. Etc.

    There are dozens more……

    • A few more……

      Any pregnant woman is allowed to enter an orchard to pick oranges for the vitamin C value.

      It is a constitutional right that anyone can be naked in public or anywhere else that they want, at any time.

      Taxes raised in predominantly foreign areas are only spend on services in Spanish areas.

      The list goes on……..

    • I’m sliding a bit OT here Dave but bear with me. Your link reminds me of an event quite recently where a boy in primary school, five or six years old, turned up at school one day in a dress. Now it appears that when the little lad went home one afternoon and told his parents how he liked the dress a girl in his class wore that day and that he wanted a similar himself, his loony parents instead of laughing it off and explaining that boys don’t wear dresses did no more than buy him a sweet little dress to wear to school. Understandably other parents who saw or heard of this were horrified. Now the only parents who were accorded any credibility by the MSM or the authorities for their view on the matter and who withdrew their child from the school were the ones who professed a profound religious belief. The rest were told to suck it up. As Richard Dawkins pointed out religions always appropriate goodness and are hypocritical. Famously when Cherie Blair was working as a beak she told a mudslime who appeared before her that he was “A good man, a religious man”, this from a catholic woman who admitted to becoming pregnant when she forgot to take her contraception with her when she was away from home. Sorry, OT as I said , but I felt compelled to get that one out.

      • Arfur, there’s a video on YouTube of Ricky Gervais receiving the Richard Dawkins award for services to atheism. I was in the audience and got a signed copy of Dawkin’s latest book after the event. It’s here in fact – worse ways to spend an hour and a bit:

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b0BC3F0kqtw

        I’m more of a Hitchens fan as he was ruthless with these hypocritical religious fuckwits, Dawkins is a towering intellect but lacks the killer instinct when it comes to bodyslamming the cunts.

        100% on board with your comments though. These parents that use their children as status symbols for promoting their delusional narcissistic leftist vanity, no matter the catastrophic consequences for their kids, should be made to submit themselves as ingredients at one of Hannibal Lecter’s soirées.

      • And in fact to your point about the MSM only pandering to the religious nutters – the only time I can recall the BBC being sympathetic to parents being outraged at the teaching of trannyism and sexual perversity to children, was when a platoon of peacefuls picketed that school over some book being taught to kids called something like “Dave becomes Tracy then Takes it in the fake Vag From Tracy Who’s Become Dave”.

        The collision of being pro-Islam and pro-deviants represents the point of leftist immolation, and is the only thing that gives me some hope the left will eventually annihilate itself.

  21. A couple of others I really like are that we are all living in somebody else’s computer simulation, and that the security services did for Di at Prince Philip’s instigation. Oh, and the moon is a gigantic hollow space craft used as a base by aliens.

    There are some real corkers about.

    Some of the Princess Kate conspiracies were utterly outlandish, and peddled by twats who’ve since had to make grovelling public apologies. Unfortunately for her, those punting the ‘cancer’ line turned out to be right. Doesn’t mean that they weren’t acting like cunts all the same.

    Morning all.

    • If the first example in your post is true, then it’s time that somebody held down ctrl, alt & esc .. something’s gone awry in the code ..

  22. Atlantis😂
    Atlantis was a ancient civilization that had advanced technology due to contact with alien visitors.

    Unfortunately Atlantis sunk beneath the waves lost forever.☹️

    Even though the people of Atlantis had the cure for cancer, the secret of astral projection and alien technology,
    They overlooked the need to ask their alien mates to impart the secret of shipbuilding and writing down knowledge.
    Or even how to swim .
    Which for a island community would be useful you’d think?

    Massive own goal.

    • Ancient astronauts built the pyramids is a good ‘un. Mind you, the idea that they were built with incredible mathematical precision by thousands of slaves hauling millions of fifty ton blocks using ropes and trees as rollers takes a bit of swallowing come to that.

      Another one far more recent, and gaining a bit of traction, is that Macron’s missus was born a man. Another odd one, as she has given birth.

  23. Nobody’s mentioned the twin towers and which of the two were responsible for aids or covid ?

    • Good one Sammy. There are some belting 9/11 theories going about.
      I particularly like the one that it was carried out by a bunch of Saudis who hijacked planes using only ‘box-cutters’ as weapons, and that one of them just happened to leave his passport to be found on top of thousands of tons of smoking rubble to confirm the fact!

      • Truthfully it was 11/9 and when the ones who put one over on us, did it on 7/7, it was just to annoy us.

    • Never thought that a nobody like myself could call anybody a cunt on the other side of the world and get away with it. That’s definitely true.

      • Speaking of cunts, is it just me, or in the pic up top, does Wacko Jacko look like one of those grey aliens in a wig?

        There’s an outlandlish theory going about that Jacko was actually black; don’t know what idiot came up with that one.

      • Jackson ended up handless. Lost a hand when chewing the famous mars bar joke and slit the other one off when blowing his new razor blade nose.

  24. Indigenous British people didn’t invent anything other than slavery and bigotry.
    The Industrial Revolution was created a a black bloke in a pub one day.
    The telephone was created two black blokes in a pub one day
    Magna Carta was written on the back of a doobie
    The World Wide Web was created by a trans black bloke in a pub one evening.
    The Television was created by a a bean flicker called Madge
    Both World Wars were won by a few black blokes in a pub

    So now you know.

  25. Worse conspiracies are he ones claiming immigrants are being deliberately brought into the UK to replace us whites, i mean tinfoil hatters or what, when was the last time you saw a foreigner on the streets of England, so easily disproved, oh and the conspiracy that lefties want us to believe men in frocks are women and women with bumfluff are fellers, like anyone’s going to believe an opininiated cunt is a man LOL. My favourite conspiracy is nasa saying they taped over the moon landing with an episode of I love Lucy because tapes are expensive don’t cha know…they must think we are all as retarded as Biden…they have the tape in a secret safe space 100% wink wink.

    • Indeed Spud.

      Go down Alum Rock Road in Brum, labelled ‘Little Pakistan’. In reality there isn’t a foreigner to be seen.

      • I blame Churchill and Attlee.

        Bizarre as it sounds, following WWII there were no restrictions on immigration from Commonwealth countries. Because then, as British subjects, Pakis had full rights of citizenship.

        This principle was reaffirmed in the British Nationality Act of 1948

        It was not until the Commonwealth Immigrants Act of 1962 that restrictions on the entry of Commonwealth citizens into the United Kingdom was enacted. Only those with work permits (typically for high-skilled workers) were permitted entry.

        Appears that we’re now going back to the situation that prevailed in 1948… unofficially, at least.

  27. I say Kate was missing because she cracked under the crushing life of a royal and was living with gypsy bikers, hooked on heroine, being passed around & getting fucked every way possible. Now she’s back home being rehabilitated.

    • You say right.
      Rumour has it that William is leader of that biker gang.
      Not only that, he’s got previous for domestic violence.
      Not long ago he broke Prince Halfwit’s pearl necklace,
      And shoved a metal dog’s bowl up his arse.
      Halfwit confirmed that in his book, so it must be true.
      Good afternoon.

      • There’s a good ‘un going about that Hank and Skank have got a couple of kids.

        Wild stories abound that they’ve been in the deserts of New Mexico or near Area 51, but I say this; everybody’s got a camera these days, so why are there no pics beyond blurry images that could be anything?

      • JFK suffered from car sickness and migraines.

        In his later years😁

      • That one always cracks me up! The fucking useless, ginger cunts was at that time dressing up in the uniform of HM Royal Marines, which I never cared for in the first place, and he gets sat on his arse by the RAF! What an absolute fucking throbber! Every time I saw that ginger bastard playing being a commando, I spat my dummy out! There’s no such thing as ‘honorary green beret’! You either earn the fucking thing, or you don’t get to wear it! Fucking Walt!!

  28. One of the most ridiculous ones was from that fat fuck Chris Spivey.

    According to the fat cunt, Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones did not die on July 2 1969. Instead, Jones reappeared as David Bowie and became superstar in the 1970s.He then ‘reunited’ with his bandmate, Mick Jagger for 1985’s ‘Dancing in the Street,’

    Complete and utter bollocks, of course.

  29. I wish I could have gotten in this thread earlier because there are A LOT of conspiracy theories making the rounds in the US of A that I’m sure many cunters would enjoy.

    And I’m not talking about the idiotic assertion that I actually think Kate is dead.

    Here’s just a short condensed snippet:

    The Demonrats realize that Ji Jing Joe cannot win the next election (no matter how much they cheat). Nobody…and I mean NOBODY wants Flatback Harris.

    The twofold dilemma is (1) how to get rid of the old Hair Sniffer and (2) how to bypass Old Flatback if they do.

    We’ll take the second part first:

    The Demonrats are still hurting from the death of the Satanly, Darth Vader Ginsberg. As she had known health problems they tried to get her to resign from the Supreme Court when the Community Con Artist was President, so he could appoint her replacement, but the evil old bitch refused to go. As a result…Trump got to choose her replacement and 2 more on top of that.

    Motel 6 cleaning lady Sonya Suckomeyer, who thanks to Affirmative Action became a Supreme Court Justice also has well known health problems. They are said to be so severe that she must travel with (depending on who you believe) a nurse or a paramedic.

    The Demonrats are trying to convince her to resign before she croaks and Trump gets elected and can appoint her successor.

    If they can convince her to resign while the Old Hair Sniffer is in office, he can appoint…you guessed it…Ole Flatback Harris.

    That would free up the VP spot for who? Gaslight Gavin Newsome? Moochie Obama? Hillary Rodham Pantsuit? Whoever it is, they can be proclaimed successor to the Old Coffin Dodger’s legacy and anointed at the convention without the messy democratic primary process which of course involves voters expressing their preference.

    But there is still no consensus on how to get rid of Don Bidlioni and some say this is part of the plan. The Head of the Biden Crime Family…as well as Dr. Jill think he is the only one who can beat Trump.

    So he thinks he can run and get elected. Then he can claim he has fufllied his destiny by stopping the evil Orange Man.

    He and his party proclaim him(self) a God. He then pardons the entire Biden Crime Family and retires with a multi million dollar book deal statues and shrines and the everlasting gratitude of those who loudly proclaim Trump is/was a threat to democracy.

      • If you mean the part about proclaiming himself a God, that was over the top hyperbole and I assumed everyone would get that.

        As for Presidential pardons for the entire Biden family, Simon and Schuster (payoff) book deals, statues in the halls of congress, street and public square names, Biden family birthplace memorials and plaques commemorating Jan 6. and the preservation of democracy that shit will all happen.

        The Demonrats and their allies will establish a false legacy and proclaim him the “savior” of democracy and hail him as one of our greatest Presidents.

    • That’s not a conspiracy theory.
      It’s just one of several possible scenarios that might be expected to pan out over the next 8 months or so, based on informed political analysis and opinion.

  30. I like the the ones that say loads of slebs are actually trans.

    Tom Cruise – born a girl
    Brad Pitt – born a girl
    Michelle Obama – born a boy
    Sandra Bullock – born a boy
    Serena and Venus Williams – born boys
    Meghan Fox – born a boy
    George Clooney – born a girl

    And there’s loads more of them.

    Here’s a cracker explaining that women have a shorter ring finger than men and show a load of sleb hands as evidence.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkMfI2Ah3fc

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