The Russian Presidential “Election”

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EMERGENCY CUNTING

Voting is underway today to elect the next President of Russia. Unsurprisingly the current tyrant, Vladimir Putin is expected to win a fifth term in office.

Hardly surprising when you allegedly murder the opposition candidate. So what’s on the ballot paper?

“Register your vote as follows :
(1) Vlad the warmonger
(2) Take me to a Siberia gulag and kill me
REMEMBER your vote is not confidential and you MUST vote”

Yeah… tough decision…

BBC News

Nominated by: Dioclese

97 thoughts on “The Russian Presidential “Election””

  1. Programme of events:

    14th March: Result announced.
    15th-17th March: Voting takes place.
    18th-31st March: Large number of people accidentally fall out of 6th storey windows.

  2. It must be great being an all powerful cunt like Putin but will it end well?
    It can’t be much fun continually looking over your shoulder waiting for the stab in the back.

  3. After reading the nom I scoured the internet for any bookmaker offering odds on this “election”.
    No surprise, I couldn’t find any.

    • Russian elections are like American elections – rigged.

      They don’t know any better,
      Foreign see?

      Here in the UK we hold fair elections.
      We’re much more civilised.

      If we don’t like the PM we just replace him with a unelected one.
      As many times as we like till we get the one we want.

      Think it was the Greeks who invented democracy?
      They also invented bumming.

      So set the blueprint for the house of lords.

      *
      There you go!
      I’ve just insulted a few billion people 😁😁

      Great start to the day 👍

      • Not like our postal vote system if you’re crippled with rickets,
        ( hackney/tower Hamlets) and can’t speak inglish

        Just get the local imman to fill in the form for you….💩

        Proper democracy….😂

  4. What sort of country is Russia anyway?

    Certainly not a forward thinking democracy.

    Replace Putin with a Pákí.

    • Exactly, think how many thought crimes are going unpunished.

      That greasy McPacki cunt north of the border would be wetting himself in anticipation of sending dissidents to penal colonies for misgendering freaks and insulting towelheads.

      • Normal native British would be welcome here, we’ll even send you our freaks and woggs in exchange.

  5. What a load of mither.

    He’s a totalitarian dictator,why try to hide it with sham elections?

    Perhaps he likes kissing babies and lying to pensioners.

    At least Russian voters get one choice,we get a pretend choice of two,both of which are just as big a cunt as each other.

    Pass the vodka.

  6. Why didn’t somebody put a bullet in the old cunt when he went to “vote” yesterday?

    • That wasn’t him. It was one of his body doubles. Vlad hasn’t left his Kremlin bunker for years, the frit cunt.

  7. Russians are descendants of the viking people of Scandinavia,
    The Rūss.

    Where obviously you get the name Russia.

    But I think they’re much more like Americans.

    Loudmouth fat cunts with no sense of humour.

    Difference in diet, ones happiest with distilled potatoes and pickled cabbage,
    The other a cheeseburger and Bud lite.

    But basically the same.

  8. Breaking News!

    President Vladimir Putin wins 105% of the vote. Early reports suggest that more dead voters cast their ballots for Putin than did for Joe Biden in 2020.

  9. Still I imagine the voters have to go to the polling station in Russia.
    Unlike here were everyone can postal vote..
    And the pàķi wins.

  11. Vlad is clearly gay.
    You’d think he’d be a icon in Brighton and that the alphabet people would wear t-shirts of him?

    I reckon that Joe Stalin was a bumboy too.
    Seen that tash?!!!

    Pair of hot pants away from joining the Village People.

    Don’t think any of the other russian presidents were ducky?
    Just drunks.

    An that one looked like he had bird shit on his forehead.

    • RasPutin’s modelling himself on the plastic one in his mausoleum in Red Square.

      I’ve seen more believable mannequins.

    • The Gay Hussar as he’s referred to in Mick Herron’s Slough House spy book, presumably a reference to his penchant for bareback horse riding. .

  12. Does it really matter that the election will be rigged?

    It’s proved time after time that most people the world over are too stupid to be allowed to vote.

    And of course, there is no politician anywhere that is worth voting for.

  13. One thing in favour of Putin’s dictatorial regime, is that he won’t stand any nonsense from Woke/Regressive Liberal cunts.
    He doesn’t give much of a shit about the Rainbow Warriors, the BLM crew, eco-loons or any other wishy-washy bunch of protestor.
    When was the last time St Greta of Large Bank Accounts, venture into Rooskie-land?

  14. That Yulia Navalny is a freaky looking bitch isn’t she?
    Sour faced cunt too.

    Sort of a cross between Olive Oyls and Bridgette Nelson.

    Cheer up you cunt.
    Alright she’s a recent widow.
    But he fella was always in prison,
    Right jailbird!

    She’s the russian Winnie Mandela

    • I was a carpet kisser id never get bored of beating up my wife.

      You’d feel like Luke Skywalker battering Darth Vader.

      And if she took her bin bag off,
      You could pretend you were battering Ian Rush.

  16. But then again, who voted for Sunak to become PM? Certainly not the electorate of this country!
    All done by unelected committee behind closed doors and probably large brown envelopes involved.
    Same can be said for a lot of global organisations – none of whom were democratically elected by us plebs, and yet they seem to be dictating policy to our elected national governments, which are seen as nothing more than local councils these days.
    For example, who voted for members of WEF? I didn’t see any of them knocking on my door looking for my vote? Not even an election manifesto. Instead, they just appeared with small carrots in one hand, and massive nail-embedded clubs in the other.

    • We don’t vote for PMs in this country. People may think they do but they don’t. We vote for individual candidates standing for election in the constituency in which we are registered to vote. It is the prerogative of the party in power to choose their leader and by extension the PM.

      • Indeed, and this is where the Weakest Link arises – the “prerogative of the party”. And we saw this amply personified during Truss’ 40 odd days in power before being dumped by the same party who put her there in the first place.

        Another glaring issue about UK politics and democracy in action, is when an MP decides to Cross the Floor, because he’s fed up/can’t stand the policies of his former party or party leader. Therefore he crosses the floor and yet no by-election is required, but the constituency that voted for him also changes party allegiance because apparently when you put an X on the ballot box, you’re voting for the candidate and not the party (according to the House of Commons Wiki Page)

    • technically in a general election you vote for a party then their leader at the time becomes PM. Though the cuntservatives have took the piss of this loop hole royally. 5 leaders in 12 years, yet cause the state of labour and our low intelligence voter base the conservatives were still the ‘best’ option

  17. I see someone was pouring ink into the ballot box in Russia. I don’t fancy their chances when they’re caught.

  18. Can’t really agree with this nom given the complete ignoring of the democratic brexit vote- democracy is just as much of a sham here as in russia or the usa.

  20. This Cunt is no different to hitler starling or mao. Two world wars millions killed and there are still despots running billion of pounds rackets vast countries and arsenals.

    Churchill warned after Ww 2 about Russia.

    • I think General Patton wanted to re-arm German troops and along with the allies fight the Russians.

      • That is correct sir,and why the conspiracy theories surrounding his death sprang up..

        He saw them for what they were for sure.

      • To fight the Bolsheviks to be accurate who had long seized their control over Russian forces.”We fought the wrong enemy” said GP. Died weeks later in a fatal jeep/truck coincidence.

        I believe he was correct.Wall St won WW2.

    • We failed to nip Hitler in the bud after he invaded Czechoslovakia in 1938, and we all know what that led to. Same rules apply to Putin, after he first invaded Ukraine in 2014.

      We’re living through a re-run of the 1930s.

      “Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it.” (Winston Churchill, House of Commons, 1948)

  21. least Putin wears the corruption like a badge of honour, doesn’t skulk in the shadows like the democrats or any of our UK politicians. If our monarchy wasn’t as weak as our parliament I wouldn’t be against shoving democracy out the window with the next anti-Putin reporter, we live in a neo-aristrocracy nowadays anyway but the WEF are the royal family then its the political class after. Democracy could work but there’s too much corruption now, system needs a reset.

  22. 1 candidate, 30 candidates, always ends up with a cunt in charge. On the plus side for the Russians they still end up with a local in charge.

    Our cherished democracy isn’t looking so shiny right now.

  23. Is democracy any better in this country?

    Or in the states?

    Yeah Putin is one hell of a murderous nasty power hungry cunt but at least what you see is what you get with him. A complete unashamed cunt of galactic proportions.

    In this country we now have unelected or dubiously elected people of colour in all leadership positions, who have been installed with the WEF logo all but rubber stamped all over their disingenuous faux woke mugs.

    Apparently the UK is still a racist country as well.

    Good Morning.

    • It certainly is a racist country! Did you see that black kid being bullied at school? You must have, it’s all over the media.

      Never see gangs of black kids attacking a white kid on TV or in the media do you?

      • Morning SD

        Fortunately I haven’t yet but I’ve a feeling we’ll never hear the fucking last of it.

        Cue Jeremy Vine tomorrow on his shite radio show and a Go Fund Me page incoming no doubt.

        What a predictable joke this country is.

  24. My advice is to vote early and often. Dead voters may need cars to get them to the polling booth’ so call the Lib Dems. Postal ballots can ease the strain. Why not pick up a shovel full from 160 Whitechapel Road. Fill them in for your friends. I expect the system is much the same in Russia.

    Good morning, everyone.

    • PS I saw somewhere that the Tory grandees (ie rich cunts) are thinking of dumping old Sackoshite and replacing him with Ms Mordaunt, At least we will have a decent pair of tits to vote for. Magic!

    • St Paddy’s day today.

      Joe Biden will be in his element if he remembers.

      Drinking Bud Shamrock and a traditional Blarney burger whilst wearing a leprechaun hat.

      ” Top o de morning to ye dude!”
      “So tis Brandon so tis”

      Gee Randy those potato cakes sure are neat😊

      • The police in New York hold a big march on St Pat’s Day. Night sticks held erect. Collections for the orphans. Finnian’s Rainbow on the telly.

  25. Thinks he is tough, remember the bare chested escapades? Stalin didn’t need to call fake elections, everyone knew is a hard cunt.

      • I remember her early porn shoot for an upmarket jazz mag MNC – legs spread with her hairy flange on full display & a banana halfway down her throat.

        Years later, after her Page 3 success, she claimed she was naive & had been taken advantage of… didn’t let that stop me from blowing a load over her at the time though.

      • Hahaha 😂

        Taken advantage of!!

        Like at 18 you don’t know to get your fanny an tits out in public?😂

        Who’s she kidding?

        She loved it!!

        Bullshitter would have us believe she did it against her will.

      • I don’t UT, it was in Mayfair (I think) in the mid 80’s. Google might be your friend though.

      • She’s very petite and very pretty in her prime, I met her once in Nottingham, I would have loved to take her, well, anywhere.

  26. Vlad is just an old-fashioned dictator, changes the rules so he can do it for life then has ‘free’ elections to legitimise his role. He’s basically a narcissistic cunt.

    I think ole Donny boy, who is just like him, will try to change the rules to be Pres for life. I’ll laugh my cock off if that’s how it pans out in the US.

  27. Putin is receiving plaudits from fellow despots around the world with Kim Jong Un congratulating him on his massive erection win.

  28. “Tyrant” “Boogyman” ooh, scary shit.
    I couldn’t give a fuck what our shithouse ‘leaders’ nudge us towards, it’s Russia, if anyone is so concerned then get moving and join the resistance, in a foreign nation. Pfft.
    I’ll make it very clear before somebody accuses me of appeasing, I couldn’t give a shit about Putin, Ras-Putin the dreadlocked Cossack or Uncle Tom Cobbly. Russia, Ukraine, Israel and Gaza can all get to fuck.
    Elections are a farce, the system is as rigged in the West as it is in the East.

  29. Plesident-for-rife Xi has contacted Vlad to congratulate him on his success in the Residential Erection.

  30. Throughout history the world’s been run by bastards and gangsters, so I suppose that Mad Bad Vlad is just the latest in a very long line.

    He might get the shiv in the kidney at some point, but it’ll only mean some other cunt taking over, promising that this time, things will be different.

    Morning all.

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