People Who Do Not Close Gates Behind Them

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A slightly leftfield cunting but one that I’m sure a few cunters can relate to and appreciate. Especially our own Miserable Northern Cunt who I believe, holds the garden gate very close to his heart.

People who don’t, can’t or won’t close a gate behind them are a Cunt.

I have a front garden and a back garden gate which are both wooden and built by yours truly.

Really quite solidly made (even if I say so myself) with with decent enough wood, hinges and the other neccesary accessories.

They both get a couple of coats of weather protection each year as well.

So why can’t cunts close them?

It’s more than a bit horrible and windy up here during the winter months and I’ve just carried out a few repairs to my front and back gates but these repairs aren’t due to the weather.

I have a fairly large extended family of in laws and the likes and about half of them seem incapable of closing a gate. Leaving it open and swinging wildly in the wind while they stroll down the path. Or they just walk out of the garden, fuck off and leave the gate swaying around like an abandoned tart on a street corner.

Not just family either but certain delivery drivers and Postie’s also don’t seem capable of making sure my gate is closed properly after they have fucked off.

I’ve even reluctantly placed a small sign on the gate saying “Please Close Me”
Maybe I should have “Cunt” on the end of the sentence.

I’ve tried those self closing springs before but I’m not a fan, find them quite destructive and they’re dangerous to inquisitive kids fingers. So they’re out.

Do I sound like a miserable cunt who needs to find something else to worry about?

Ok. Well fuck off then and don’t forget to close my gate properly behind you.

Struggled for a suitable link to accompany this but found this recent story from the good old Guardian. Try not to give them any money if they ask mind…

Grauniad Link.

Nominated by : Herman Jelmet

63 thoughts on “People Who Do Not Close Gates Behind Them”

  1. It’s the bathroom door left open that boils my piss.

    I get up at stupid o’clock in the morning and in the winter months all I want is a hot shower in a warm bathroom.

    In order to facilitate this, the bathroom door needs to be closed when the heating comes on.

    I make a point to closing the bathroom door before bed in the hope that it will remain that way overnight.

    Unfortunately the stepson and his dickhead mates like to fall through the door in the small hours, use the toilet and leave the door open.

    hey presto! freezing cold bathroom.

    cunts!

    • Worse are cunts who offload last nights Indian and Guinness then leave the bog door open….

    • I only do it when cunty farmers instruct me to do it with signs. You can usually wedge them open with a heavy rock.

  3. In these days of self-identification maybe these people were born in a barn..

    Though more like stupid and lazy..

    • The number of times I’ve had “were you born in a barn, put wood in t’ole” yelled at me, Barry.

  4. many a time postman and other unwanted cunts have not only left our gate open but have made sure that they’ve jammed it right back so it almost touches the fence😡 once postman has been my other half padlocks it.

    • btw, can anyone tell me how to get the picture of my little dog back plz? It vanished when I put my SIM into new phone. filled in the ‘contact us’ form but not got reply. Thanx

      • Perhaps someone left your gate open and your dog’s done a runner Jill.
        You’ll probably have to offer Admin a reward to get him back.

      • Have a look on your old phone, it’s likely the picture was stored in internal memory, not the SIM card.

      • @Jill
        Check to see if you filled in your email address correctly.
        Just one letter or digit different can cause loss of previous avatar.

      • @Jill did moving the card to the new phone get it formatted? I happened to me once. Nowadays I move all info to my desktop, wipe the card, put it into my new phone then transfer it all back. Takes a little while but I haven’t lost anything since.

      • @moggie63, I’ve no idea. I’m absolutely useless at technology and severe loss of mobility makes it hard to use a lap/desktop.

      • @minge juice,yes the email was correct. the picture was my profile pic on email address. I’ve changed email using same pic on this phone but no luck. you’d think after all these years that this site would allow us to create proper profiles where we can upload a pic of our own choice.

      • @mingejuice, thanks for tip, I had a look at that site, uploaded the pic and that’s as far as I can go. absolutely clueless on how to link it over to here. thanks tho💋

      • You’re most welcome, Jill.

        Btw, you don’t need to link it to here. Once it’s uploaded on gravatar it automatically links to here (and any other site where you use the linked email address).

      • Me too I miss all my dogs.

        Our next door neighbours have pedestrian access over our driveway I have asked them to make sure our gates are closed so the dogs can’t get out. They have been very good so far but you do the occasional postman or delivery person who can’t be arsed. Bastards as far as I am concerned.

    • @mingejuice, It didn’t work with my original email address once I’d changed to new phone. Oh well looks like I’m stuck with this crappy avatar ☹️

  5. Got to close every gate, keep the gypos out. Bastards would squeeze through the smallest gap and before you know it you’ve got a pile of shit on your front lawn and offers to sharpen your lawnmower blade.

  6. Very good nom working with horses you learn to NEVER leave gates open if you had a 200 mile long fence and one open gate in it an escaped nag will run straight to it and bugger off.
    Gates are put up for a reason people who dont close em are dickheads if my dogs got out cos some twat left gate open there would be hell to pay. Dover could do with a fucking huge gate with a sign on it in every language saying piss off we are full and it needs welding shut.

  7. My regular postie is very good at closing the gate, it’s now the army of ooga-doogas,swarthy olive pox scarred dooshkas,and various global ex scientists who seem to frequent the plethora of ‘delivery’ companies 😖💩…..wish i had an electrified one ⚡ ⚡⚡⚡
    How did our driver do?….’medium rare’ 👍

  8. I think you should be entitled to treat irresponsible people like Farmer Giles, if they don’t respect your property, by using a gun and very shouty obscene words to that effect.

    • Trouble is, it’s not their property if there’s a right of way. That’s where I take all my litter to scatter. Farmer Cunty can fuck off.

      • Morning Maggie 👍

        I ALWAYS follow the country code.
        Apart from the trespassing bit anyway.

        The closing of gates is so lifestock doesn’t go wandering off and get hit by a car.

        A bull rolling over the hood of Doris’s fiat Punto.

        Shut that gate!!

        🏃 🦬

      • Good day, Mr.Miserable.
        It’s not trespassing if it’s a public right of way. I only empty my car ashtrays if Farmer Cunty has attempted to block my right of way. Sometimes I bring old mattresses down in the night. These cow-killing bumpkins must go even more red-faced.

      • I know that,
        I’m saying I enjoy trespassing.

        The mass trespass of Kinder Scout inspired me as a nipper.

        I believe in the right to roam.
        Unless it’s in my garden.
        Then they can fuck off😁

    • If only irresponsible people got their comeuppance without any interference from yours truly, the world would be a better place.

  9. An expensive but strikingly appropriate alternative to a gate is a portcullis..

    The fun to be had trying to crush some swarthy delivery driver under 500lbs of iron surely would tickle the fancy of even the most hardened Gate Fancier.

    Good morning.

  10. A justified cunting. I always close any gate or door; they’re there for a purpose!

  11. https//slwa.gov.au/sites/default/files/styles/slq_companion/public2021-5/BA533-296_Shut%20this%20bloody%20gate%20c1945.upg”h400…

  13. Liberal democrat canvassers are guilty of this.

    Post litter through your door and leave your fine, bespoke gate open.

    But my gripe is these African cunts that deliver from Amazon and DHL.

    Our back gate is 7ft tall.
    It has a latch on the inside
    And a chain on it.
    Now what does that say to you?

    Does it say
    Reach around and unlock the latch and let yourself in?
    No.
    No it fuckin doesn’t.

    And for good reason.
    These cunts are slowly learning to sprint on a slate path faster than a akita.

    Cheeky black cunts.

    • Reach around?!!!
      Ooh err.

      You’ve been looking at Cunt Engine’s browsing history again haven’t you?

  15. Why do farmers always put a gateway in the muddiest part of the field. I have this ongoing battle with my beloved wife, doors open then slammed including car, lights on and left on, ghd’s left out, ironing board, hoover all left out, just be normal and put things back, then i get tutted at for leaving a slight skidmark in the pot.💩

  18. *Point of Information*

    Our gate is painted dark green, yet decor-wise, country cream seems to be de rigeur.

    Would the more fashionable minded cunters among us recommend a re-painting job so that we can keep up with the Joneses?

    Morning all.

  19. Despite owning a dog, i support the right of farmers to shoot any dog off-lead in a field where livestock are kept.

  21. I suppose it’s been said.

    60 years ago GB should have shut the gate to the world’s third world shite…💩

    • Unbelievable as it may sound now, following WWII there were no restrictions on immigration from Commonwealth countries.

      Their populations were legally British subjects, and as such had full rights of citizenship in the UK.

      This principle was reaffirmed in the British Nationality Act of 1948.

      It was not until the Commonwealth Immigrants Act of 1962 that stricter restrictions on the entry of Commonwealth citizens into the UK was enacted.

      From then onward only those with work permits (which were typically for high-skilled workers) were permitted entry.

  22. Thankfully I have no right of way over any of my smallholding, so any “Packemesque” cunt who tries to cross the field can become accosted for a chat by my neighbours Jersey bull, but overall I couldn’t give a fuck about any other cunts gate!

  23. Having chased 3 spitting, shitting, kicking and biting llamas off an A road and back to my field after some cunt of an Amazon driver left the fucking gate open, I could not agree more.

  24. I solved the gate problem at the front of the house ages ago.

    I got rid and widened my driveway to allow my hopeless at reversing daughters to park with low risk of removing their wing mirrors.

    The 8 foot back gate has three padlocked bolts on it, top, middle and bottom, because I live on an estate where the scag rats do shit on their own doorstep.

  26. I always leave my gate wide open,
    got a cat trap and a dog pit inside,
    having a good roast on sunday & a swell collection of fur hats.

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