Electric Hire Bikes

Posted on by


are cunts.

Where I live in Surrey, Cunts leave these bikes just about everywhere in the most awkward places. I have seen one parked under a tree and nearly totally covered in bird shit, dog knows how long it’s been there, but it must be an incendiary incident waiting to happen!

These bikes are vey, very heavy and you could rupture yourself lifting one, as the Cunts who ride them, they seem to be entitled shitbags who think it’s always someone else’s problem to dispose of them. I have seen footage on BBC News where the cunt has finished with the bike, just parked it across a rode junction and a car had to negotiate it’s way around it.

I went to Londonistan the other week and these bikes are just dumped all over the place, blocking pavements and even doorways. Also watching the Cunts who ride them would boil anyones piss as most of them do not seem to have any road sense, (particularly the tinted ones).

The two main companies which run these hire bikes – Lime/Uber and Human Forest are also absolute cunts, as they have developed websites that would drive you insane in minutes just to try and report the fucking things dumped on the pavements.

These machines are designed by Cunts, hired out by Cunts to Cunts.

the times

Nominated by Cuntalugs.

55 thoughts on “Electric Hire Bikes”

  2. This is the future as far as the eco-loons are concerned!

    Commute to work by e-bike/scooter and save the polar bears, who probably don’t give a toss anyway.

    Meanwhile those very same eco-loons (yes you, Greta and Emma) will continue to travel the world by private jet.

    And as for e-bikes – just another hazard to be aware of as stupid cunts ride them on the roads/pavements without a care in the world and no insurance, and will blame you for any accident that befalls them,

  3. Also off topic a tad, police tape and car wreckage, why doesnt any cunt pick this up and dispose of it, and they preach to us about litter. The fuckers.

  4. You would think that a substantial refundable deposit would ensure that they are returned to an approved location.

    However, I would suggest fining the companies for fly-tipping might have more of an impact.

    • I was thinking app, credit card, deposit of £50k and a lien on your scrawny daughters and wife, plus a date on which your bollocks would be thoroughly kicked.

  6. Maybe fit a couple of electrodes to the bike and administer electroshock therapy to the cunts that ride them.

    Could be useful for the treatment of mentally ill transbummers and stabby ethnics.

  7. You could drive at the bastards with an 8 wheeler and do no damage such is the field of smugness and righteousness surrounding the right on cunts perched atop these conveyances, bit like Star trek force field.

  8. Can we expect old Suckdick to be riding around on one of these things for his very important environmental meetings?

  9. No e-bikes where I live but plenty of hired out e-scooters.

    Last summer the police collected and impounded every one of them that were parked (dumped).

    It must have cost the hire companies thousands to get them back.

    Hopefully there will be fewer this year.

    • Art, that fills my heart with joy.

      Or should. Hire companies automatically write off hire vehicles as soon as they are purchased, so they don’t pay VAT. It’s automatically assumed that they will be stolen, damaged beyond economic repair, rendered unsaleable.

      So, no. They wouldn’t have bothered getting them back.

      The best bet is a fly tipping charge.

  10. Anyone know how these fucking things work? Are they chained up like a supermarket trolley in London where you stick in a coin to release them? Who charges them up, when and how? It appears that there is no track kept of them and the people who use them just dump them anywhere. Any figures for how many are thrown in the cut or simply stolen? Any figures for how many catch fire while the cunts are riding them?

  11. Ideal to run over some cunt you detest, or use for a getaway to a robbery. Just two ideas off the top of my head.

  12. Dowse all of them in 4⭐ and throw a match on the lot.Pointless mode of transport.Shit for brains.

  13. Interesting concept that demonstrates the fraud of environmental transportation. Take a fairly environmentally friendly mode of getting around and add a battery that relies on rare earth metals and creates long term environmental damage and call it eco friendly.

    Pedal power is free and healthy but adding a battery and motor makes it a fucking green nightmare and does fuck all to encourage cycling.

  14. I watched the other day as some cunt in my area nearly took an old lady out on one, If I’d have been nearer my car I would have jumped in and ‘Jeremy Vined’ him.

  15. Future landfill fodder. Environment better or worse off for their creation/existence, overall?

    I’m gonna guess worse. As with EV’s, a ridiculous percentage of people haven’t the (and it’s not complex) basic spark to comprehend the whole ‘break-even’ cut-off point that has to be reached with any of these things.

    Different lectures have given different figures (for different vehicular(car) size) .. but they ain’t low numbers (120k-180k) .. reps might hit those numbers (but, incidentally, end-of-life is NEVER included because … because because … 🤫

    Dumb fucks see ‘electric’ and that’s enough to give them peace of (simple) mind. A pushbike is waaaay less harmful, by any fucking standard.

    All this green shit is just the equivalent of shaking keys to distract an infant.

  16. Dump the lot in a big funeral pyre outside your local town hall, place environmental officer on top, dance around in frenzied ‘arthur brown’ style helmets whilst chanting ‘ …….’i am the god of hellfire and i bring you fire 🎶……eco cunts

    • Sounds like a plan.

      Then we can all plead mental elf and get let off with Community Service, a small fine and our machetes confiscated.

  17. More like Laz-E bikes.

    Where in Surrey is this? Not the Guildford-Godalming area, one hopes. They have Landies and Wange-Wovers.

    • Kingston and just over the Greater London border in Thames Ditton.
      I suspect they are rode by cunts who want the “10 minutes free” and then just dump them.

  18. They seem to be a nuisance..but on the plus side several Cunts have died riding off the pavement into the path of Syrians or some other dirty cunt in a DPD van..

    And let’s not forget their propensity to vigorously explode while charging,burning some fuckwits house to the ground.

    How very Greta they are.

    • Any manbun type who says they are “good for the planet” is a lying cunt..

      I’ve never seen a polar bear,hedgehog or whale riding one.

      Ever.

  20. Drill a hole in the fuckers and fill them with concrete. That’ll learn the virtual signalling cunts that ride them.

    In fact do that to the cunts that ride them too.

  21. I’m seriously glad of this cunting because round my way these are a major problem.

    I have a number of issues with them.

    1. The cunts who ride them are in three categories. Drug dealers, school kid cunts and tourists.
    The drug dealers are usually gingers (anag.) and like to ride at full speed down the pavement knowing they can’t be traced.
    The school kid cunts are also usually gingers (anag.) and you can tell when the bike has been stolen because of the sound of the broken lock that the aforementioned drug dealer has smashed off the bike. This will also be ridden at full speed down the pavement.
    Tourists, usually rinky drinks, think it is a topping wheeze to ride down the middle of the Kings road taking photos of the London sights and causing accidents. Because they’re cunts.

    2. They get left strewn all over the pavement and are a cunt to get round with the hound.
    Round the corner from me, the pavement looks like a drug dealers convention has just rocked up and the pavement is impossible to navigate safely.

    3. The only way to complain is via twitter, where the Uber / Lime / Forest cunts ask you where you saw the problem of a dozen bikes blocking the pavement
    I’m not doing your fucking job for you. You should know where your fucking assets are and who is / was riding them.

    Not being the kind of cunt to take this shit laying down, I have started to take my own form of action against these selfish pricks and would advise my fellow cunters of the following:

    First I started using the basket on the front as a mobile dog shit bin. it’s on the pavement, it looks like a bin. it’s getting filled with steaming hound fudge.
    This stopped amusing me after a while and I started to smear the saddles with steaming hound fudge instead when they’re left on the pavement (not on the proper bays).
    This still amuses me, but the problem persists.
    Therefore I have now treated myself to a very nice boot dagger for cutting the valves off the tyres.

    Please join me in my crusade, cunters one and all.

    PS. Do not got on one of these in London unless you want dog shit all over your strides.

    • Sorry about that Odin. I’ve gone back in time. I stumbled across the place whilst out walking. Its the real life version of Brigadoon. If I tell you where it is, you’ll all want to come. You must understand.

      • This is uncanny. But no sooner had I posted this cunting, I received an email from Tony Devenish (GLA member for West Central London) MP, advising me of this issue and what the Tories are going to do about it. (nothing)

        Sorry to burst you bubble, Tony.

        One step ahead of you.

  22. Can’t remember the last time I rode a bicycle?

    It was probably my Raleigh Chopper.

    Who in their right mind hires a bicycle?!

    I drive a van.
    Vroom vroom.
    A lovely diesel van❤️

    Sometimes I let the engine run just because I like the smell of the exhaust.

  23. Been working in Stoke today,
    Got home an sat down to eat me tea (fish n chips)
    And on the telly was something called the 70s kitchen.

    It was that awful chuckling ethnic Rusty Lee making her version of Findus crispy pancakes.

    Now I liked Findus crispy pancakes.
    I liked all Findus or Birdseye products ,
    Excellent cuisine!

    But if in the 70s my family was gathered,
    And out came a fat crackling sootie offering pancakes she’d had her cigar like fingers in?!!

    Not one of my clan would of ate one.
    That was in the 70s .
    They wouldn’t fuckin eat them now!

    Findus crispy bushmeat and missionary pancakes.

    • Nothing wrong with Findus. Only a queer would turn down a good bit of minced horse.

      I remember crispy pancakes. Drove me mad with all the additives, which in turn drove my dad mad.

      ‘Calm ‘im down, woman! Have you been feeding ’em Findus again?’

      My dad is a Birds Eye man.

  24. OT

    ‘The suspect in an alkali attack in south London was convicted of a sex offence in 2018 and was later granted asylum.’

    So there you go, that’s how we manage asylum. The fact he’s a danger to UK citizens counts less than he might be in danger at home.

    Common sense says this is unacceptable if you want a cohesive society. These cunts think they can conscript our children whilst failing to defend them on the streets of their own land.

    Electric bikes can be useful but do can electric chairs……

  25. We have similar issue in Bournemouth, cunts leaving ebikes and scooters all over the place, in the street, along the seafront (right in the middle of the pathway), even chucked over the cliff and left hanging precariously in the gorse bushes.

      • No, moved down here at age of 40 from Londonistan. Mind you, Bournemouth has had its fair share of violence and stabbings recently. Used to be a nice town, now it’s becoming like other scum holes, full of low lifes, everywhere you look.

  27. The irony is, these bicycles can be left strewn all over the place and unable to be converted by ladri di biciclette.

Comments are closed.