The management and other people at my office are constantly bringing food in….today we had 17 pizzas delivered as a treat for the staff!.
There was also a pile of boxes of shortbread and chocolate bars. It is starting to look so obscene that I am wondering what is really behind it, some sinister plan to keep us mentally dependant perhaps, or the idea that if people are constantly stuffing their faces then they aren’t moaning.
The culprits all bugger off early leaving behind half empty boxes for others to clear up or put in the fridge.
It is getting on my tripe so fucking much being surrounded by all this stuff, but try asking anyone to rein it in a bit and you may as well say you eat babies for dinner. Besides this there are all the fucking charity days where a veritable avalanche of cakes descend on the place.
Presumably the employer doesn’t mind if everyone takes eight weeks off a year because of type 2 diabetes complications. It looks particularly bad just after Christmas when most people have already overdone it a bit.
Is there no other way of rewarding staff than pushing more chocolate and lard on to them? Only yesterday they had fucking Blue Monday where the message was have a cup of tea and some cake to cheer yourself up – yes, what have you got to lose except more fucking weight.
What a bag of lardy cholesterol ridden fat arsed cunt.
Nominated by: Mary Hinge
Why should staff be rewarded for doing jobs that they’re paid to fucking do? Good morning everyoneđ€
19
When I moved north I were clemmed wi’ unger. We got nowt at work, if we were lucky.
7
Fuck me sideways, I’m just grateful if I get off on time or get a break less than seven hours into a twelve fucking hour shift…
6
Why are so many NHS nurses obese DCI? Your lot and the doctors seem pretty fit but every hospital ive been to in the last ten years ive noticed the nurses and receptionists should have ‘wide load’ on their arses.
9
No idea. The ones that work in ED mostly aren’t, so that’s where I get my impression from as we don’t go to many other departments. And we do have some fat knackers working for us, mind! But not too many.
3
Yes I noticed that too on a recent out-patient appointment. Even the poor old porters who seem to lift and push people about all day looked obese.
5
ItĆ not like that in StarmerĆ Âšmission-ledš outfit, – a plate of mince, iced pansy water, and, only if you are a really good obedient poof, a taste of fairy cake. If you are on a really low calorie diet, a suck of MandyĆ dick for those who can have only really small portions.
14
Many many years ago when I worked in an office there was this very fat childless women in her 50âs Iâd guess who was never out of a packet of biscuits.
There was a picture frame on her desk and I said to a mate I wonder whatâs on that picture as she hasnât got any kids and he said rather amusingly IMO âdonât you know itâs picture of a packet of dark chocolate digestive biscuitsâ.
8
Dark chocolate digestives, the daddy of all biscuits.
1
This is why when I worked for HM, Gawd bless âer, I grew to absolutely loathe and despise my female colleagues. Every fucking day one of the cunts would be bringing in some home produced diabetes inducers! You could actually smell the fucking sugar. And every day, regular as a shitting Dog, they would offer them round, and every day I would refuse! Eventually, as my name would suggest, after being told I was rude to refuse, I fucking lost it with the cunts and said âNo, itâs not rude! In fact itâs the polite thing to do, along with not bring your half-baked fucking rubbish into the office! If you want rude, Iâll give it to you! You sit there like Pigs around a trough, then complain about your weight, your BP, your blood sugar cholesterol and then come January you all flock to the staff Gym and clog up the machines and the PTIâs valuable time in the same way as this shit clogs your arteries!â Do yourselves a favour and come in with salads or something, FFS!â As you can guess, that brought on a swift âInterview without coffeeâ with the CO and a âPlease explain!â Luckily, she wasnât impressed with the fact her staff resembled a Walrus colony either, and put a swift end to the troughing!
2
Not sure why Iâm replying to MM with this rant, but you get the picture!
1
Big meeting at Labour HQ today.
Nugee and Flabbott are taking part.
The queue of vehicles delivering their elevenses stretches round the block.
7
As I left my abode on the other side of the smoke I did sense a heavy, fried chicken stench in the air.
That explains everything đ
2
Where I work is 90%+ female and there are constant – and I do mean constant – staff lunches, cake days and other assorted pony. Then the silly bitches complain about their weight.
I do go to the drinking club on Friday afternoon though.
Long weekend here for Australia Day tomorrow. Smoked lamb and a nice bottle of red wine for dinner.
8
I bet they’re all what Viz calls ‘gigglebiscuits’ – fat birds whose identity and sense of humour is based around cake.
See Millican, Sarah
7
Can’t beat a nice bit of lamb. Enjoy mate.
4
Was it Napoleon who said the way to a soldierâs heart was through his stomach? I canât remember.
Anyway, itâs up to the individual to choose wether to eat crap or not, even if it is free. To dictate otherwise leads us to Jamie Oliver territory.
And enjoy the occasions when the boss has forgotten to order vegetarian, vegan or halal options and watch the disgruntled faces.
Most satisfying
9
When my wifeâs vegetarian cousin would go to my mother in laws for a family roast the old mater-in-law would forget a veg option. Always hilarious as the pallid girl was given boiled vegetables. No gravy either, meat juices in đ„©đ€Łđ€Ł
7
I donât eat cake, disgusting shite, you shouldâve seen the faces on the greedy cunts at the last place I worked at where people brought in cakes (plural) on their birthdays and I came in on mine. âWhat, no cake?â âNo, I donât eat itâ âBut itâs your birthdayâ âIndeed, I shall enjoy a bottle of wine and a steak at home laterâ. You could see the entitled piggy shits getting annoyed I didnât bring any in for them.
7
Fuck ’em.
3
Sounds like Transfat City Arizona, Ms Hinge.
Free pizza and Quality Street were what kept the NHS going during the Covids. Domino’s used the opportunity for virtue signalling to the max. Now look at the size of the average NHS worker! Fucking elephants.
Burn’s Night tonight. An excellent excuse to eat pigs lungs and sheep’s guts. Brilliant! Tuck right in…
6
Apologies to the bard for misplaced apostrophes. I am an illiterate cunt.
2
They were hefty before the pandemic, but i agree, the amount of jumbo-sized nurses and receptionists, and even porters is a bit sad.
4
Some cunt in Edinburgh is flogging a chocolate haggis, which is also available deep-fried in batter. Can be served with ice cream and caramel soss.
https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/scotland-now/scottish-chippy-give-away-free-31946848
Ffs.
3
PS Good morning, everyone.
PPS OT/ I see the wretched Johnny Marr is moaning that The Donald has been using one his little ditties at victory rallies. Grow up you miserable cunt. Be happy that you are associated with success. Or just fuck off and die.
11
Being associated with success is one thing; but being associated with someone he probably regards as a dangerous fascist, well it’s understandable that he might have objections to his music being used to promote said individual.
5
He may well do MJB!
Most people who see themselves as liberal use the term ‘fascist’ without really understanding what it actually means eg when their grammar is corrected. Dog whistle politics is the norm here. Maybe not so much in the USA. I guess we will find out on 5 November.
5
He probably wouldn’t complain if a hopelessly corrupt woke “fascist” like the Kiddy Sniffer used one of his songs though would he?
“No jab No job Joe Biden”
Now I’d call that fascism.
Marr, like many of his ilk, is just a complete cunt.
Morning MJB
7
* dangerous fascism. I must add.
0
Hi HJ, Marr probably thinks it is fascist to increase job prospects and improve the economy, cut energy prices, not waste lives in futile wars, and stop illegal immigration. Last time I looked they were Trump’s main election promises. The evil fascist bastard!
6
I was unfortunate enough to work in an office..a more unhealthy place you cannot find,heating on 12 months of the year,stale air..
And the cakes,biscuits and other assorted shite that were fetched in by the hopeless managers.
Being a right cunt,I never touched any of it and always made sure to piss off the wimmin by having my window open year round.
Thank fuck the cunts made us all redundant last year.
6
They probably spent too much on cakes
2
Management bringing in food…! FFS we were given a warning if we had more than 10 minutes for our brew time.
It wasn’t a soft shiny arse office job, it “were hard graft on’t shop floor”
I’ll bet MIS doesn’t allow treats to the worker’s.
8
I doubt Mis even pays his workers.
5
I hear he pays them in Pies, chips and gravy.
1
A peep into another world for me Mary. On leaving school I had little idea of where I should work. my parents knew no better and the official careers advice was, like today, almost comically poor. I had three jobs in three years, none office based and then discovered IT field service. That was it for me, stayed in that line until I retired 49 years later. Brilliant. Out there alone on the road any time, any weather, any where, not knowing where you would be later that day never mind tomorrow or next week. I often had Radio2 on in the background for their nation wide traffic reports and sometimes they would list half a dozen sites with problems and I knew every one of them. Customers didn’t want to chat or be your friend, they wanted the kit back on line ASAP. Fix it, let them test it, sign here and back out the door on to the next one.
Very good morning all.
8
Careers guy looked me over and said “baliff or tax collector”……..
2
I can’t have cakes anymore as it is due to acid reflux. So I suppose it’s just as well I’m not still in my old job. Come to think of it I must do a separate cunting for that awful condition at some point.
3
Get a prescription for omemprazole or something similar. I’ve been taking one tablet a day for about two years, never had any heartburn since.
1
You’re right MM omeprazole are great at getting rid of heartburn I’m on them for acid reflux and doctor wanted me to stop them for a fortnight and take gaviscon instead so they can do some test.
I managed a couple of days and ended up deciding fuck the test and went straight back on the omps
2
When I was working, the sales staff always had packets of biscuits, cake, bags of sweets etc littering their desks and when offering me the said items and I declined, it was always “Ooh, are you on a diet then!”, I had to hold back the reply “No you fat cow I don’t snack and browse all the time, just eat sensibly”. Or it would be a visit to HR.
Oh and these troughers would have a salad for lunch. đ
4
I’d go mad if it were my office/place of work. Tell them to pack it in, no more sweet wrapoers and crumbs everywhere. If you want to eat like a pig, wait until you’re in your car.
I don’t understand why bosses put up with it.
They can have a flask or cup of hot drink or bottles of cold drink with lids. if they’re sitting about eating all day they’re probably always on the toilet as well.
Bunch of fucking children.
2
I fast one day a week, not for religious reasons but because it is good to just let your body have a a break from processing it all. Not that my diet is unhealthy, I just like to exercise a bit of self control. I don’t go around telling anyone about it, or that they should do the same, but occasionally someone notices and demands an explanation. You would think I was a complete fucking degenerate from some of the comments I have had.
1
There another phenomenon sweeping the advertising and IT companies of the U.K. and thatâs the Starbucks / Costa Run / Delivery
I have a feeling I cunted this several years ago but itâs still rife.
I hate the places but occasionally am forced to go to one to meet a client or such like.
Just before Xmas I was in the one behind the Trafford Centre and a young chap walked in and spent nearly ÂŁ50 on 9 drinks to take back to the âwork spaceâ that were all âfreshly preparedâ by a twat that thought he was Patrick Swayze in the movie cocktail.
But 9 drinks at nearly ÂŁ50 is best part of ÂŁ5.50 each and they say they canât afford houses and pubs are too expensive.
8
It shouldn’t cost THAT much. Whenever I’m in there it’s 4.30 for a large (4.60 if you have a milk alternative).
2
Is the extra 30p a cunt tax?
0
It’s for it you want coconut milk, almond milk etc. Sadly dairy doesn’t seem to agree with me these days so I don’t have a choice in the matter.
0
Weâll all I can say OC is there was definitely 9cups of various assortments one or two with plastic domed tops and what looked like the top of a Cornetto underneath and Iâm sure the Bar Bastard said something like âthatâs just forty eights pounds and twenty two penceâ
Thatâs what stopped me in my tracks FFS.
1
Fair enough OC.
0
Mind you, coconut milk actually works rather well in hot drinks. Definitely worth trying imo even absent health reasons.
0
On that subjectish.
What about urbanites that walk/rush/mince around outside with coffee. What the fuck is their problem? Are they all late for work? If so, donât stop and buy a coffee on the way. The need to fuck up.
1
The other half bought a hot drink from Greggs the other day because he had a voucher, he won’t go in there usually. After drinking it, he felt strange and had to lie down for a bit. We googled the contents and it had 7 teaspoons of sugar in it!. And he says it didn’t even taste very sweet so it was somehow hidden with the other flavours.
2
Fat bastards
7
Succinct as ever Edward đ
3
Cheers!
2
Spot on
1
They are indeed (mostly) fat bastards, Edward
1
It seems to be more of a female thing, probably because blokes canât be arsed / think a trip to the pub would be more appropriate. Apart from gen z obviously
4
Definitely a female thing. No bloke would be seen dead eating cake in the workplace.
Apart from Boris Johnson, obviously.
3
‘While temping in an office in south London, Mick used to bring in biscuits, doughnuts, and chocolate bar multipacks, which he would “munch on” all day as well offering them out.
But he claimed he was told by management his diet was “aggressive” to his female co-workers who were trying to be health conscious.’
Lardy cunt. He needs the R. Lee Ermy treatment.
‘You are a disgusting fat-body!’
1
All it takes is will power. If I was younger, that is the name I would use above my chain of shops. I’m surprised nobody’s thought of it before, especially the now popular none smoking campaigners. “Will Powers” puff on an exhaust pipe. Me, I’ve always used the term when giving anything up. Narrow doors for cake shops anybody ?
3
and chicken shops, Mcdonsads, greasy spoons and kebab shops.
That’s 90% of the police ‘service’ excluded.
0
Luckily I’m a Coeliac so this nomination has no effect on me……. I didn’t even read past the title if I’m honest.
1
What the fuck is all this ‘Blue Monday’ crap?
More Americanised bollocks like Black Friday?
Blue Monday is a classic New Order 12′ single.
2
Sadly Norman, the ‘Blue Monday’ bollocks is entirely British.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Monday_(date)
1
I work in a passport office, the team I am in is mostly women, itâs fucking torture working with them. Straight after new year all they talked about was diets, itâs never ending diet talk while eating the sugary crap they bought in M&S. Every night itâs the same story .
0