The Spandau Ballet Kemp Brothers – Not Cunts

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I cunted Spandau Ballet not so long ago. Mainly because of some of the diabolical lyrics Gary Kemp wrote.

But, after seeing the hilarious ‘The Kemps – All Gold’ the two brothers, at least, deserve an uncunting.

It was as funny as fuck, with Gary and Martin sending themselves up mercilessly. Hilarious turns from Michael Kitchen, Christopher Eccelston and Quo’s Francis Rossi as well. And Tamsin Outhwaite is even more doable as a MILF.

Like a New Romantic Spinal Tap (with loads more swearing), the Kemps show they are lads with a sense of humour and that they can laugh at themselves and the so-called ‘business’.

So Gary and Martin Kemp….. Not cunts.

BBC News

Nominated by: Norman

And seconded by: Chuff Chugger

I second this uncunting of the Kemps, on the basis their portrayal of the Kray twins in the film ‘The Krays’ made it one of the better Kray films there has been of the genre.

Admittedly doesn’t say much, but the only Kray film I watch if I find it is on tv is their one.

56 thoughts on “The Spandau Ballet Kemp Brothers – Not Cunts”

  1. I’m on board with this cunting, with one caveat.
    Martin is 50 percent responsible for producing Roman Kemp. An insufferable, whinging pretty boy who thinks he’s had a hard life.
    Having said that, no one could pretend to be able to play bass like Martin.

    • I still think they’re cunts.
      I need more convincing than Francis Rossi’s approval.

      I heard they stole Adam Ants lipgloss and once wiped their arse on Boy George’s frock.

  3. Did have some cracking songs, ordinary world, rio, wild boys and my favourite planet earth..

  4. When it comes to uncunting previously cunted cunts it has to go to a vote.
    Then the motion goes to the ISAC high council.

    The case is heard for and against.

    This is then put before the Dark Judges.
    Who willl rule on the matter after deliberation.

    Francis Rossi can’t overrule a Dark Judge.
    Their word is law.

    Stop flauting the rules with celebrities Norman.
    They think theyre above the status quo.

    Or something??

    • That’s true mis, I don’t care how nice his ice cream is.
      Mines a double flake Francis..

      • Bet he sells knock off fags and videos under the counterBaz?

        Blueys.

        All ice cream men are criminals.

  5. “With a thrill in my head and a pill on my tongue…”

    Mary Whitehouse and the guardians at the BBC must’ve missed that one whilst they were banning Frankie.

    • Fancy naming your son Roman?!!
      The filthy eyetie invaders who put our great country to the sword.

      Straightened our lovely traditional crooked roads and made us have hot baths.

      What’s wrong with a traditional British name like Athelstan or Oswald or something?

      The new romantic cunt.

  6. Spandau ballet got the name after graffiti on a wall in Spandau prison, it describes how German soldiers convicted for war crimes met their end by being hanged and during them hanging their legs were twitching, we could do with Spandau prison still doing business today

    • I always thought it was a reference to our brave lads going over the top in WW1 and being mercilessly mown down by Spandau machine guns, set up to create crossing arcs of fire.

      The result being the poor Tommies doing what looked like a ballet as they were slaughtered in their tens of thousands.

    • Cuntstable @

      So the Kemps have got to you to as well as Norman?

      Paid you off I take it?

      Blackmail?

      Photos of you in a delicate scenario with a sheep in fishnet stockings?

      The kemp brothers are well known to stifle detractors.

      • This is a outrage!!

        Who’s up next?

        Tommy Cuntengine claiming Kajagoogoo didn’t kill Stephen Lawrence?

        Or Eddy Wallace saying Haircut 100 weren’t involved in Jill Dandos murder?!

        You people make me sick.
        Corrupt as fuck.

        Be pure
        Be vigilant
        Be have!

      • I’ll not be questioned by New Mill’s foremost dogging exponent. And who told you about the stockings?

  8. I’ve not seen it, Norman, so can’t comment other than to say that the Kemps always came across as decent enough lads when on the telly. As for Tony Hadley as a singer, The Invisible Man’s got more stage presence than him and our outside lavatory seat’s less wooden than the boring fucker. Agreed about Outhwaite, very knobable.

  9. The hybrd band ‘Spandau Quo’ was well funny.
    And Christopher Eccleston as some sort of Mancunian Phil Spector was great.

    So many pop stars are such precious and humourless bastards. Like Ed Sheercunt. He stormed off Twitter just because someone laughed at his shit turn on Game of Thrones. Taylor Swift comes across as somebody who wouldn’tt laugh at Billy Connolly or Richard Pryor in their live prime. And that old whore Madogga attempted to sue three elderly nuns, because they used the ancient religious term ‘Madonna’ as their website name. And, while Lennon and Harrison loved the Rutles, McCartney got all mardy and offended by it, Until his wife Linda told him not to be such a soft and miserable cunt.

    The Kemps really took the piss out of themselves, the music business and the whole 80s nostalgia revival trip. A fresh change from the usual up their own arses rock stars we normally have to endure.

    • Thete havent been enough pop/rock parodies. The Rutles was good (Oasis nicked How Sweet for Whatever); Tap; Comic Strip; that Dennis Pennis actor as a deaf dj.

      Didn’t know anything about this one, Norm. I shall investigate.

  10. Ive found a few of the eighties acts can rake take the piss out of themselves, and a few seem to relish it (largely British ones).
    I remember Depeche Mode enjoying the line of questioning by that silly cunt Simon Amstell (remember him?) and just playing along, whereas a number of younger pop stars have been caught off-guard and stormed out.

    This was on Channel 4 before Amstell took over from Mark Lamarr on NMTB.

    • Duran Duran with that cunt Jonathan Woss.

      Woss likes to take the piss out of people on his shows and loves showing old photos of people looking young and daft (mainly because he is such a shit chat show host). But Duran Duran ripped the piss out of him and dressed him up like an 80s prick. Cunt didn’t like a taste of his own medicine.

      I also remember on some chat show John Cleese making a joke about women, and Taylor Swift sternly saying ‘Don’t even go there!’ Like she was giving the legendary Python an order. Humourless pucker faced miserable bitch.

      • What did you make of Simon Amstell, Norman?

        I thought he was okay for the most part. He sabotaged his career when he made that joke about Russell Watson’s brain tumour.

    • Amstell showed promise, Cuntamus.
      The Watson thing was a misfire. But Russell Watson is no saint. Bit of a wifebeater, so I heard.

    • Brown can be a touchy bastard at times. He also chimped out on a plane over something and nothing.

      His Roses bandmate Mani said Brown was a Jeckyll and Hyde type. Mani said ‘Ian is either a really intelligent and lucid guy, or he’s a complete twat.’

  12. Ethel loves SB.

    Donkeys years ago ( 40 ? ), we were at some musical shindig at Haydock Park.

    Spandau Ballet made a guest appearance, not performing, just being driven around the course in an open topped limo, waving and saluting the crowd.

    I found it all very ‘ Berlin in the ’30’s ‘.

    Visions of fluttering swastikas around the racecourse briefly swam into view.

    Spooky ☠️👻

    I’ve never trusted SB ever since.

    A dangerous, far right threat to our nation’s pop grannies.

    I bet they wear Hugo Boss.

    Good afternoon 🌞

    • Well, Tony Hadley is known as the ‘right wing rocker’.

      Seriously. he’s like the Alf Garnett of 80s pop.
      That’s why Spandau always fall out. Gary Kemp and Tony Hadley clash over their political views. Tony is a staunch Tory, adored Maggie Thatcher, hates the migrants and despises woke. Not a bad bloke really.

      Afternoon Jack.👍

      • Hadley is a supporter of the Conservative Party and an admirer of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. He has attended the party’s annual conference and was reported in 2008 to be interested in standing as an MP. In 2012 the New Statesman described Hadley as one of the few openly right-wing rock stars.

        😉

    • I favour a genuine rock star of superlative talent levels.Dresses the part,survives 3 heart attacks,boozer par excellence with a penchant for scoffing chicken masala’s..mid concert.A man of this calibre from one our greatest bands-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-OajExZnq0&pp=ygURcmljayB3YWtlbWFuIHNvbG8%3D

    • I wouldn’t have stopped at nutting him.
      I’d have booted his groin so hard, his bollocks would fire out of his nostrils like torpedoes.
      Pretentious, talentless cocky little cunt.

  14. Alright Norman ? 👍👍👍👍

    I have to admit to getting up on the dance floor at the local British Legion and dancing to SB.

    In my defence, it was all done in pursuit of pussy.

    Happy days 😀

    • Dead right Jack.

      Spandau, Duran and Wham were fanny magnets in the 80s.
      Crack on that you knew Andrew Ridgley, John Taylor or Steve Norman and they were like flies round shit. Happy days indeed.😉👍

  17. The next nomination is identifying as the BBC website with a story about immigration..
    No comments allowed.

  18. Fuck it.

    Comment on here instead.
    The who was a band like Spandex ballet who could laugh at themselves.

    They loved a joke did The Who.

    Often involving explosives, hand grenades or piranha fish.

    The tune ‘ who are you?’ was wrote after a night on the piss with Steve Jones and Paul Cook from the Sex Pistols.

    I’ve never had any problems knowing who I am,
    Finding myself,
    Or questions about my gender?

    But then I’m incredibly smart.

  22. Will the hamshank tourists who bought Victorian plastic toilet seat, please hand them all in, to prevent you halfwits from entering the new Mental Homes being reopened. The Awareness Brigade time is up and the original Sensibility lot have been given a second chance.

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