Nasal Hair

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Now that I’ve turned 60 I have already noticed a few tram lines on my face, along with the the ubiquitous grey hair on my head (although fortunately I still have a full head of hair and far from becoming a total slap-head!).

But I have also noticed hairs up my nostrils, eye brows and inner ears. Now I always thought hairs on one’s body came during the puberty years of teenage angst. Hairs and zits were the order of the day, along with wet dreams thinking of Sally James going down on Felicity Kendall.

But it would seem nasal hair has been biding its time for an additional 40 odd years and only now has decided to sprout, along with its friends the ears!

Nasal hairs are a cunt because for me at least they tickle, as well as become quite visible to others. I usually just pluck the fuckers out, which is a bit painful,. But then after a few weeks the fuckers grow back again!

Getting old is a real cunt when things start to fail on you, but sure enough nasal hairs will just add to your angst as you poke a finger up there trying to placate your irritation while others think you’re picking your nose!

Nominated by Technocunt.

51 thoughts on “Nasal Hair”

  1. My brain isn’t awake yet. I thought this nom was about some foreign cunt that I’d not heard of😂😂😂😂

    • Nazaal Ha’eer! Reminds me of that scene from Sacha Baron-Cohen’s film The Dictator when Dictator Aladeen is being asked his name so just looks around for words that can be made to sound Arabic – Ladiss Wa’Sharum…… Ladies Washroom.

  2. Good Morning

    Just about to trim mine with a pair of nail scissors. There are worse things about growing old.

    • And you find yourself in possession of a bell end like a watering can rose, which squirts piss in every direction, including backwards.
      And a shrinking bladder that means enduring this bastard situation 30-40 times a day. And night.
      Old men stink of piss they say.
      Too fucking true.
      I’ve had to resort to dropping my kecks and pissing like a girl, or flopping my tool in the bathroom sink, which at least creates a decent barrier for my soggy legs.
      The wife will kill me if she finds out.

      • Use the flautist method. Pretend you’re playing the flute and press on the old knob and you will straighten the flow immediately.

  4. Add rogue body hairs to that list, I have a mad one that grows out of the top of my shoulder. Shave it, back a week later..

    Nasal hairs are the main ingredient in pot noodles, so don’t throw them away.
    Unilever pays top dollar.

  5. Stuff plucking! You might be brave but I’m not. Some of my nose hairs are as thick as 30amp fuse wire and must be rooted at the back of my skull. I’d not stop crying if I used tweezers. Like wnaksock it’s scissors all the way.
    I had thought of getting one of those rotary nose hair trimmer things from Boots but reckon it’d only end up plucking the lot in one almighty tug of hair, snot & blood.

    • Sirs:

      I yank them out with tweezers — after showering. This is critical. The follicles or whatever they are called are loosened up and I can grab and tug great clumps of nose hair without any discomfort.

  6. That’s the thing about getting old – you get hair in places you don’t want it to grow and often lose it in the one place that you want it to remain. I’m only 41 but seem to spend an inordinate amount of time plucking my nose hairs because of how much they tickle.

    One thing I wouldn’t recommend though are those stupid nostril hair trimmers – they cause an unsettling electrical plastic smell when jammed up the nose and leave horrible, itchy stubble in place of the previously protruding spider legs.

  7. I’m not that bothered. A sharp tug on a regular basis keeps my honker reasonably clear. What does puzzle me is that although I have blonde hair it’s grey when trimmed. How does that work?

  8. Why as I’ve passed 50 have I grown back hair?

    Perhaps I’m returning to full caveman.

    Good.

  9. I had hair all over the palm of my right hand until the likes of Victoria Principal started to look old and also because the doctor advised me to stop or at least cut it out a bit.

    • I went for a medical and was told I had to stop masturbating, when I asked why she said it was because she was trying to examine me.

  10. As we age some very strange things happen to our bodies Techno.

    I’m not a scientist so can’t tell you the evolutionary benefits of looking like you’ve got Status Quo shoved up your nostrils,
    But there must be a reason.

    For me it’s the top of my ears.
    I’ve developed Tufts that stand upright,
    Like a Lynx.

    At first I was a bit dismayed!
    But now I quite like them!

    Just settle for the fact at least your not growing horns or a tail like some people probably have to suffer.

    Maybe braid them ?

    • What’s the idea Mis, going yankie on me. Don’t you mean plait nose hair. You’ll be calling the hair fringe, bangs next. The yanks shoot them off. As you know, they love playing with guns.

  11. I’ve noticed a lot of Turkish/ Kurdish barbers opening up lately they’ll burn the fuckers out for you. I think they’re all money laundering cunts BTW

    • The Turks only set fire to our ears, because they know about nasal hair protects us. They’re only partly stupid.

  13. I’ve more hair up me nose 👃 and in my ears 👂 than I have on my head. And how come these are still black when everywhere else is grey. Including pubes. It’s a cunt alright.

  14. Nasel hairs are to protect you from catching a cold. I trim them whilst having a shave. I’ve always used an electronic razor and use the trimmer that flicks out to cut the bastards that show. The most awkward fuckers I pluck with the tweezers and dry my eyes with bog roll.

    • left out the fuse wire eyebrows. Again I use the trimmer on the electric razor and a comb. You should be able to work that one
      out, without having to explain. The awkward bastards again get
      the tweezer effect.

  16. Ear hairs are worse. Trying to operate scissors whilst looking in a mirror seems to be too difficult for me.

  17. Getting older guarantees dry dreams and wet farts, and it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night. Copyright kevin bloody wilson and fred wedlock.

    • Hold in the experience of the wet fart and save it for when you squat on the toilet to prevent piss spraying everywhere.

    • Don’t worry, we left handers are ambidextrous. Its the case of having to be, due to right handed bastards not giving a toss. Even Apple iPads are only for the right.

  21. Holy Christ! I had a major misfortune incident recently. I had the same problem and used one of those nose-waxing kits. Really effective but I unknowingly used too much wax and didn’t realise until it was too late. It’s a good kit where the little wax pellets have to be melted in the microwave over a pot of water. I waxed one nostril at a time, but the wax stuck to the inside of my nose like epoxy resin.

    I tried in vain to get the fucker out. It wouldn’t budge. I then had to resort to pliers to grab hold of the wax-stick, but even a hard pull wouldn’t shift or even dislodge it. By this time, I was panicking like bollocks and had a gory vision of tearing my nose off and needing plastic surgery. In the end, instead of trying to pull the stick out quick, I had to pull really slowly, feeling every hair being slowly torn from the root with tears streaming down my face, piss on the bathroom floor and the words “fuck wank cunt fuck arse” filling the air. The pain was akin to some sort of Medieval torture session in a dark dungeon.

    It did the trick however.

    • I remember Jasper Carrott saying how lousy it is to reach forty, that’s when hairs stop growing out of your head and start growing out of your nose and ears instead.
      I got myself one of those Wahl nasal trimmers and it was a waste of money. I’ve had to resort to using scissors and you’ve got to be bloody careful.

      • See, this is when having daughters comes in handy, Allen.

        They know every trick about the removal of unwanted hair, in the most pain-free fashion possible, and they have the devices needed, also.

  22. When a hair dares to come out past the nostril I simply pluck it out. This will determine if ye be a man or not as the pain brings tears.
    Ear hair I pluck with a pair of small pliers with smooth jaws. Not painful. Trimmers have proven to be a waste of money for me.
    I don’t think I’m aging well. If I live to be 100 I will look like something from a movie about mummies or zombies.

  23. Absolute appalling post – Sally James going down on Felicity Kendall – you sick bar steward – no – should be Sally James using a 12 inch strap on up Felicity Kendall’s dirt box!

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