Jamie Oliver – Salt of the Earth (15)

other cunts available on request.

I live alone, and although I still wear the same size clothes I did at 20, I’ve noticed a slight thickening of the belly area. I put this down to an over-reliance of ready prepared meals, and decided to try to cook more.

So I looked about, and found this. Well, the first God knows how many are puddings, cakes etc. When you go a little further in, there’s meals, with meat, that have 5 ingredients, except for the salt, olive oil and ground pepper.

Excuse me, are they not ingredients?
What are they then? Road maps?
Directions on how to assemble an IKEA asbo bookcase?

He’s a fucking annoying cunt.


Nominated by Jezum Priest.

108 thoughts on “Jamie Oliver – Salt of the Earth (15)

  1. That repulsive slug needs salting..
    Paid back all your creditors back yet whale tongue?
    Yeah thought not..

    I would love to tenderize him with my steel toe capped boots..

    • He fucked off his restaurant staff with no pay, then bought himself a multi-million pound mansion somewhere. Yeah – you’re just one of the people aren’t you Jamie You paid your staff poorly, then just dumped them with fuck all.

      And my fizzy pop costs more because of that cunt.

      • That cunt Ramsey has fucked off a few too hasn’t he – didn’t he do some dodgy dealings with his father in law.

  2. So you’ve swelled up to 7stone JP and somehow it’s lisping salivating mockney Jamie’s fault?

    you a disgrace.

    Blaming innocent multimillionaires for your greed.

    He’s practically a fuckin Saint with his calls for free school dinners and you slander him?

    I think he’s pukka.😁

    • ps

      my favourite recipe by Jamie is reggae reggae turkey twizzlers doused in liberal splashing of gozz.

      if it’s not been spat all over I ain’t eating it.

    • I thought The Hairy Bikers might be more JP’s cup of tea Miserable. One of their hearty beef stews would last him and the dog most of the week.

      • Watch out for the reggae reggae sauce, as well as being accused of cultural appropriation you might also tom tit your Alan Whickers.

      • Couple of frauds – they are no more bikers than Rishi Shitnak. I saw the bikes for sale from one of their shows – had about 200 miles on them. Just another gimmick. Now doing a stupid advert with a schwartz dad at home cooking dinner for his daughter – yeah, right, that happens all the time.

    • my youngest still hates the cunt. “thats the prick got chips stopped at our school dinners he says” he used to pocket all the wee salt bags at mcdonalds as they also stopped giving them salt at school meals.

  3. Good Morning

    Jamie Oliver’s Five Ingredients cook book is a great recipe book for those who, like me are enjoy cooking but are not very good. I use it a lot.

    In fairness to JO he did put £2 million into his restaurant chain just before it went belly up.

  4. I would offer to shag his wife, but after five kids, it’d look like the top of one of Dawn French’s wellies.

  5. Chief among my many reasons for finding this unflushable turd irritating, is his propensity to take all the credit on his tv shows.
    MY roast chicken is a real winner!
    I’VE come up with a great noodle recipe.
    No you fucking haven’t! You’ve an army of home economists creating these recipes for you. Give them at least a tiny bit of credit.
    And as for 5 ingredient meals. My good lady has attempted some of HIS recipes, following the mockney mongoloid’s instructions to the letter, and we always say the same thing.
    It’s missing something.
    Indeed. The four or five other ingredients it should have had to make it taste good.
    Fucking chancer!

  6. I bloke I was working with hates JO with a passion because he got turkey twizzlers taken off the school menu.

    Apparently that was the one thing they had to look forward to in some sink estate comprehensive.

    I dare say there is an entire generation of young adults out there who would happily declare a fatwa on the fat tongued mockney twat for just that reason.

    • Odin@

      I hate Jamie for the same reason.
      I loved school dinners.
      Never had a bad one.
      value for money,
      hot tasty meal for a growing boy.

      This evil cunt meddled and now it’s all fuckin salad and pasta.
      No wonder modern kids are all spastics and bedwetters.

      • Was never a fan myself, Mis.

        every fucking lunch involved revolting mash potatoes.

        for about 20 years I couldn’t stand the stuff until I discovered wild boar sausages with vegetable mash at a Belgian beer cellar.

      • I don’t have any fond memories for school dinners, except there was always one day with chocolate pudding and chocolate custard – what joy. All the leftovers went for pig food I believe. However, all the food was cooked on site and was, at least, fresh.

      • Hit and miss at my primary. Wouldnt have served those turkey twizzlers. they are too fatty.
        We did get those dry, grey BSE burgers in floppy baps, wrapper in red and white greaseproof, but quite a lot of decent food as well like veg curries and rice, chilli con carne, cottage pie and lamb hot pot, and even an occasional roast dinner.
        Mash was a bit bland; no butter or seasoning but it was mass catering for £3 a week per child.

        That was before i went to the secondary school of Not Giving a Fuck; pizza, chips, BSE burgers, turkey burgers, cheap sausages.
        Heaven help the poor bastards who relied on school for their one hot meal because their parents were chain smoking alkies.

  7. There are 2 reasons why I like this fat tongued pot rattler.

    1. His (?) mustard chicken with leak recipe.

    2. His (?) way of making roast potatoes.

    There are countless reasons why I think that he is a cunt. Here’s a few……

    His stupid mockney accent.

    The way that he thinks that he invented the vegetable peeler for preparing his enormous array of boring salads.

  8. The Two Fat Ladies were brilliant.

    No fucking around with low carbs with them.

    Rick Stien is a greedy, fat cunt.
    It’s embarrassing the way that he stuffs so much food into his face at one time.

    • When either Mrs or myself over fill a sarnie and start spilling snap everywhere we call it doing a Rick.

    • Rick has nothing on my dad’s side of the family. Fucking pelicans and groakers.

      The family motto should be ‘You eatin’ that?’

  9. Keith Floyd was the kiddy, I always thought he was on the verge of a meltdown, and I can just remember old Fanny Craddock and her old fella he always looked pissed

    • Floyd was good because he was always swilling red wine and getting pissed on TV. TV chefs today are sanctimonious bores and Oliver is the worst cunt in a field crowded with cunts.

  10. Sorry, it’s all a mystery to me. My wife does all the cooking and is very good at it. I’d struggle to make toast.

    • It worries me when I hear that a man can’t cook.
      It’s like saying that you can’t drive.

      Feeding yourself and being able to prepare the occasional meals for your family is a basic skill.
      A bit like being able to wash and dress yourself.

      My brother in law can’t, or won’t cook.
      He has always been looked after.
      Except by his new wife who also claims not to be able to cook.

      They live on fast food deliveries.
      Their fridge is stuffed full with just chocolates and sweets.

      Amazingly he hasn’t put on too much weight.

      His wife gets bigger every day.
      The fat, lazy cunt.

      • ‘It’s like saying that you can’t drive.

        It’s getting like that down on the south coast. Lots of millennials can’t do either. A worrying number of mates i met at college who use the train along the coast and up to London (albeit with a change at Brighton or Portsmouth) have never learned to drive and they wonder why the job opportunities are so limited.
        I think it’s backward.

      • I have no defence Artful, guilty as charged. I can still wash and dress myself, though our elder told me that I get dressed in the wrong order! Doesn’t everyone put on their wrist watch and socks first? Coincidentally I was out in the car yesterday and picked up a radio programme about widowers of my generation who were trying to learn to cook. It was all so familiar. Working class lads where the women cooked and the men went out to work. A conversation between two of them;

        “What did you try cooking last?”

        “Rice pudding.”

        “Oh yeah, how did that turn out?”

        “Like a brick.”

        As I posted recently, I’d better die first.

        Oh, and driving to me is more natural than walking.

      • I’ve just been in the kitchen and she’s making rum babas. From fresh ingredients including yeast and cream and rum.

        Totally outside my skill set. I just eat ’em. Like they were going out of fashion.

  11. Did you know there’s a shortage of bakers in the country?

    well there is.

    As the old ones retire it’s hard to replace them as modern kids don’t want to get up at 5am.to.start work.

    I’d of thought with the popularity of TV show ” Britain’s Bake off ‘
    there’d be loads coming up,
    but no.

    So kids rather than get a load of debt going to university get a apprenticeship as a baker,
    never short of work,
    good money,
    and you’ll smell Fabulous 👍

    • Making meals at home is one thing MNC, but baking at home is for women, poofs and trannies.

      How can there be a shortage of professional bakers?
      There is a Gregg’s on evert high street.

      • They’re not proper bakers in Gregg’s Artie.

        Being a baker is a upstanding position.
        Nowt gay about it.

        Think of Mr Bunn, he can hold his head upright as he walks the high street.
        A solid profession like butcher, and your name above the shop door

        ‘MISERABLES artisan baked goods ‘

        my loaves would be crusty
        my cakes sweet
        and just squeeze my buns!

      • Anything with the cuntish word “artisanal” appended to it should be avoided like the plague.

        “Artisanal Bread” – no, give me Hovis.

      • “Artisanal.” MMNC, perhaps I’ve been lucky but I’ve never come across this ugly word. Who put the anal in artisanal? It sounds like yet another brain-rotting Yankism.

      • No worries Hardy.

        People are always confusing my initials with MNC (Miserable Northern Cunt). MMCM is short for my old handle – Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine. So MNC and I have agreed a multi-million pound merger, to be known henceforth as Marvellous Mechanical Northern Cunt (MMNC).

        As for “artisanal”, the word is sadly prolific for cunts trying to make their food sound like something other cunts would like to eat.

      • I won’t wear, eat, drink, buy anything unless it’s artisanal.
        it’s the sign of good taste.

        But then someone should keep Poundland and Primark in business I suppose….😁

      • ‘Artisanal’ means a bit fresher than the bakery in the supermarket but twice the price.

        ‘No, no, love you buy all that fucking seeded sourdough and not fucking eat it because youve decided you are gluten intolerant and the kids can’t bare the tadte of sourdough.

        I’ll just work Saturday and then get moaned at for it’.

        I’m not married for this and several dozen other reasons.

      • I have no problem with you or anyone else not being married Cuntamus, but Christ I would be a lost soul.

      • I’ve never wanted to get married or have kids, Arf’.

        I’ve known it since I was a boy, and seeing what friends have ended up like, I’m grateful.

        Most of that is my personality. I’m quite distant, even for a British bloke, and i’m very selfish with my time.
        Another reason is perhaps that millennial women are just a different breed to Gen X/boomer birds.
        I find them the most boring people on Earth.

  12. He’s a greedy,smug,know it all cunt.

    And his “recipes” are made by committee.

    “aww white dawliiin” oven.

  13. And I don’t like any TV chefs.
    I wouldn’t eat anything Anthony Worrell Thompson or Hugh Furry Whittington had made.
    Because they look like sex offenders,
    and I’d probably find pubes in it.

    Same with any sooties,
    probably don’t wash their paws,
    and it might be bushmeat.

    No, can’t think of one I’d accept food off?

    yet I adored the school dinner ladies and enjoyed the fabulous meals they lovingly prepared.

    • impossible job to do now mis..
      Every kid has some sort of allergy..

      When I do work in school kitchens, there are bio’s of the kids on the wall, with what they can’t eat..
      Tristan can’t eat peanuts and kale..
      fussy little bleeders..

      • kale?
        that’s for livestock!
        and peanuts are a pub snack.

        why what do you do in schools Baz?

        you a dinner lady? 😄

      • I’m the child catcher…

        nah that’s just weekends, I fit kitchen canopies and extraction systems. Among others things but I won’t bore you, or myself..

      • I was on a plane this week and they made an announcement that there was someone on board with a nut allergy, so no-one else could open anything with nuts. I first thought “fucking hell”, but then mellowed as I wondered how I would feel if it was my kid.

  14. Is Jamie a cunt?

    Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear Maurice, River Rocket Blue Dallas.

    Oh well, that answers that question.

  15. Talking TV chefs Mis.
    You never see Ainsley Harriet and Rusty Lee together.
    Perhaps they are one and the same. 🤔

    • morning Cuntalugs 👍

      well I can’t tell them apart!
      just a big dollop of shite laughing loudly.

      You’d have to have a strong faith in God and the digestive tract of a goat to eat anything they’d cooked!

    • There used to be a famous Jellied Eel salesman in the East End called Tubby Issacs – legendary in fact. The odd thing is that Tubby was Jewish and eels are not kosher.

      According to Google – “Tubby Isaacs famous jellied eel stall stood on the corner of Goulston Street but, alas, is no more. The business was founded in 1919 by ‘Tubby’ Isaac Brenner and gained a reputation as the East End supplier of choice for slippery jellied eels to the masses. Tubby emigrated to the USA in 1938 and the business was taken over by his assistant Solly Gritzman who had begun his career on the stall at the age of 11. Solly died at the age of 73 in 1982 and was succeeded by his nephew Ted. Ted’s son Paul started working on the stall in 1989 but has finally called it a day as an unstoppable tide of pizzas, curries and burgers have taken over as the fast food of choice for the East End cockney”.

      A fascinating look into the old East End, before it was taken over by Mudslimes, fried chicken, curries and burgers. But there are still a few old Jellied Eel and Pie and Mash stores in London.

      Sad, the world we have lost.

      • sounds like it’s always been a shithole.
        I wouldn’t be seen dead eating Jewish eels.

        No wonder Ronnie Biggs fucked off to Brazil

      • How about Pie and Mash, MNC? The pies are covered in a liquor made from boiled eels. Tastes like wallpaper paste.

      • Fuck that MCMM.
        Solly Goldberg and Moishe Silverstien can shove their Zionist eels up their arses.

        I’m buying Palestinian tadpoles instead.

      • Yep – my grandparents who were proper cockneys (did well for themselves and moved out) always used to stop there on the way back from town. Blooms was also a local landmark – long since gone as the Jews were displaced by mozzers. Although to be fair, the old lahore is the best curry house around.

      • Losing Jellied eels to Curries is the very opposite of sad. I wouldnt feed that shit to the dog.

        Smoking eel is the way to cook and prepare it.

      • Sad, the world we have lost.

        Suspect you could apply that sentiment to all the big cities MMCM. When we were in our twenties to leave Brum wouldn’t have occurred to us. In 1999 we were glad to leave. The decline was precipitate. Our first house was in the constituency of a Tory MP. It’s present MP is a mudslime who holds a record for expense claims. The local schools are failing and the violent crime which around there did not exist in our day is now moving on from blades to firearms.

      • Very true Arfurbrain. I’d never have thought I would be nostalgic for the lost slums of yesterday, but I am.

    • My biggest worry is we all we pay the toll for that cunt burning the coal. Imagine the misery she’s going to spurt when he shunts off

  16. Nigella Lawson was my favourite, enjoying the way she cooked and gave you the horn whilst doing so. Having to keep rewinding after looking at her tits instead of watching her cook. Her voice was the subliminal sound track.

  17. Delia Smith used to have an easy to cook programme. I only got as far as how to boil an egg.

  18. I’m a great cook.
    probably in the top 15 % in the country.

    it’s all to do with the ingredients you use.

    choice cuts of meat
    Red potatoes makes great mash, (.salt, pepper, English butter)

    most of you people think your Gordon Ramsay if you open your own packet of crisps,
    but I’m genuinely great at cooking and self taught.
    No foreign shite
    no spicy crap
    no salad
    no gay pasta

    My steak and ale pie would smash the shite out of anything Jamie Oliver could make.

    • My beans on toast has a Michelin star

      My signature dish of poached egg on toast is simply the best,

      Top Chef 👍

      • I also do a quickie for those who have busy lives, it’s called…

        Toast and marmalade, it’s ace

    • I was bored in lockdown, so I cooked fishfingers and potato waffles and built them up on a plate to look like a block of council flats.

      Had I added curry sauce and some lit matches I could’ve called it Grenfell.

  19. Bossy Fanny Cradock, with her face like a blistered pisspot. Nowonder Johnnie was always pissed. Anyone would need a drink inside them before tackling it.

  20. Complete cunt, Pukka cunt, Fat tongued Wanker.

    He did upset the fat arsed wanker who is Dawn Butler with his jerk rice 😂😂😂

  21. 15 nominations, yet not on the wall of cunts. Is it because his whale tongued mong face is so vomit inducing?

  22. Remember Philip Harben. He’d be band today for looking like a big fat whale, showing you how to make dripping pie and other such killer foods.

  23. what was that cunt called who thought he was a rock star?
    all fuckin sunglasses an cowboy boots ?
    Anthony Bourbon or something?

    hung himself.

    couldn’t make a sausage roll.
    I hated that cunt.

  24. Fat tongued cunt.

    Was behind the push to get sugar removed from Lucozade. The mockney shithead didn’t give one thought to diabetics who have relied on Lucozade as a rapid and effective means to pick up their hypoglycaemia.

    Fucking bellend.

    • Remember the Dinner Ladies force feeding me Semolina Pudding at School. I couldn’t go out and play football till I’d eaten the foul wank wallpaper paste. Fucking Edie / May / Flo, (Delete as applicable) Dinner Lady twat,

      • Its a wonder Bob, you didn’t have a croak in the throat after eating all that frog spawn.

    • Best chefs I’ve ever met are in the Toll Bar Chippy in Stoney Middleton 👍

      sublime with salt an vinegar

  25. Fat ginger British chav bird likes black cock?

    Say it ain’t so.

    The top knot seems to have replaced the noughties pouf as the style of choice for the nation’s slags, but the tattoos and taste for BMW remain the same.

    • Sorry, that was a response to Cuntus Maximus.

      Jamie Oliver uses too much olive oil, but he was taught by two italian blokes. At least it isn’t fucking Truffle oil. The sad yanks love that on everything as they think it makes them the ‘VIP’ at their own dinner table. It’s fucking muck.

      If you want to pretend you’re rich, then use butter and cream.

  26. I was part of the generation affected by his school meals crackdown. I’ve never forgiven him for it.

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