Cold Callers at My Door (2)

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Cunts who turn up on my front door to ask for my money or my vote when I’m trying to relax, need executing.

Sorry no link admin, as this is a general life experience cunting.

Charity cunts. Political cunts who only want to talk to you at voting time. Sales cunts. Listen, you cunt, if I was going to spend 10 grand on a new kitchen, I wouldn’t organise it with some random twat who knocked on my door. And disturbed me in rare moment of peace and quiet.

No, I suggest a new law to the house. No knocking on doors for charities, sales cunts and yes, politicians. I am no longer polite to any of these cunts. They all get told to ‘fuck off’ and get a door slam.

Leave me alone you cunts!

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks 

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Helpful link provided by: Minge Juice Bottler

76 thoughts on “Cold Callers at My Door (2)”

  1. And then at those very quiet times, there’s Jehovah, Jehovah…
    No, please don’t leave me a leaflet!

    • These brainwashed morons get on my tits Hugh, I literally had to manhandle a group of them off my driveway, accompanied by language Jehovah would definitely not approve of.

  2. Is that Michael Fabricant in the header pic, patiently waiting for a new syrup delivery..

    Personally I’m hoping for a few political cunts to come knocking, just to be able to tell them a few personal truths about their despicable parties.
    And to slam the door in their ugly faces.

  3. “…told to fuck off and get a door slam”

    HA!

    I once greeted a census taker with a pistol in my hand.

  4. A bear hunting trap strategically placed near the front door should deal with the problem. Trouble is it might get the postman as well.

  6. Those ex-cons selling cleaning materials and sponges at the door are the worst. I am all for ex-cons being rehabilitated, but these recidivist salesman usually revert to type and can be quite menacing and persistent.

    If Ronnie Kray turns up on your doorstep and insists you buy a J-Cloth and a bottle of Fairy Liquid from him, its difficult to say no.

    Cunts.

  7. Am just waiting for Wishy Washy to call a general election, and then we’ll see our local politicians/candidates come out of hibernation to face the Great Unwashed, desperate to hear of our concerns and needs for a better future.

    Knock, knock, knock on your front door. You open it and you’ll be welcomed by some smug smiley cunt with an appropriate rosette on his/her/its lapel. And then comes the well-rehearsed script starting with “Can I count on your vote?”

    How does “Fuck off and die!” sound before slamming the door

    We’ll get a lot of this fake concern/begging from would-be politicians. They can all piss off, unless its some wide-eyed 19 year old college student girly representing Reform.

    • You need a dog
      Bigger the better.

      And good social skills

      “What the fuck do you want?”

      I don’t get many grifters pushing open my artisan made country cream gates nowadays.

      • One most enjoyed my dear late German shepherd Wolfgang seeing off chuggers and botherfolk, he wasn’t viscous he just took so much joy in making people shit themselves with fear. Whom shall get to the gate first, where is your God now?

      • Shack@

        We always had two German shepherds growing up.
        The biggest one we had ,
        A beautiful looking male called Kai.

        He was feared by all youths in the area,
        For good reason,
        He didn’t bluff .

        He once chased a mate of mine who accidentally let him out the front door ripping his leather bike jacket off his back😁

        He swaggered , glared, and hated everyone and everything accept family.

        Loved that dog.

  8. We don’t have this problem anymore. Used to fuck us off so much that we padlock the gate once the postman’s been😁

  9. Expect a few more knocks on your door over the next few days with Halloween just round the corner.

    “Trick or treat?” And if your treat is sufficiently rewarding (ie. a 4 pack of Stella, 80 ciggies, or some weed) then expect a brick through your window.

    Pity householders can’t retort by saying the same thing to these young cunts in their plastic masks. A hose pipe or perhaps even a flame thrower for the more persistent types might suffice.

    To much?

  11. It’s a little known fact, that’s how Rod Hull died..

    There was always somebody at the door, so he retreated to the roof for some peace and quiet.

    And we know how that ended..

    Tune in next week for the truth behind Michael Hutchence bizarre death..

  12. A thorough round of white phosphorus is the remedy to this,and indeed most,disagreeable situations.

    Morning all.

  13. cor blimey! most of the anti-cunt rants on this page are either true or funny or both, but this one… essentially a howl at everything one does not already know suggests a narrow-minded approach to life at odds with a big, open-minded attempt to rank the world with Good at one end and cunts at the other.
    or to put it another way, those who would call cunt on anyone knocking on their door is almost certainly a narrow-minded cunt!

  14. Last one’s I had were the Jehovah’s lot. Well I kept them talking about all sorts For an hour.
    Never seen them again….😂

    • Answer the door naked.
      And invite them in.

      Never see them again.
      *

      * this has a element of risk,
      And can backfire massively if they turn out to be fruity.

      Although if your constipated they might dislodge something?

      Glass half full

    • LOL. I remember doing exactly the same thing, many years ago.

      The cunts were begging to get away.

      Eventually, I let them go.

      ” Do come again ” I shouted cheerily, as they hurtled down the driveway. ” It’s been lovely talking to you ”

      I’m on their do not disturb list. 😀

      Not seen hide nor hair of them since.

      Good morning.

  15. We live a neighbourhood watch area, sign on the door stating cold calling is illegal. Obviously the cunts cannot read, especially the ones who want to clean your drive on prune trees…..

    • I’ve had any number of cunts knocking on the door to prune my trees. I enjoy the disappointed look on their face when I tell them I don’t have any trees. Lazy bastards, all they have to do is glance over the fence to see that.

  16. Had the Labour party canvassers on the doorstep yesterday.

    I don’t think that “I will vote Labour when Kier Starmer can define what a woman is’ was the response they were hoping for.

    Felt rather proud of myself.

  17. So called ‘Nottingham Knockers’ are real cunts.
    Supposed ex-cons trying to rehabilitate themselves selling tat.
    They can get nasty if you say you’re not interested.
    Know from experience.

  18. All I would say is that tall gates with a comms system, along with living in a private road, keeps 99.9% of the riff raff away.

  19. The local Labour candidate cold called to mine a couple of weeks ago.

    I missed him because I was at work and he posted a flyer through the letterbox.

    I wish I’d been in.

  20. Cold callers, religious fanatics and politicians all get told that their implied right of access is withdrawn and if they don’t fuck off quickly I’ll call the police because they are now knowingly committing trespass.

    Anyone knocking at my door should be pre invited, have an appointment or be suffering a real emergency.

    I don’t like people, why would I want strangers knocking at my door?

    Rude cunts.

  21. I’ve always wanted some political cunt knocking at the door but it’s never happened, sadly. I’m not going to be rude or tell them to fuck off it’s just that I’m well prepared and intend to tie them up in knots. I start with the advantage of knowing they are tree huggers and lovers of illegal immos and poofs. So they want to rob my pockets for the biggest scam in history, give my money to foreign criminals and terrorists and stop me laughing at the gays.
    I expect them to write “far right” on their clipboard and never bother me again.
    Cunts.

  22. I live in the middle of nowhere – mountains all around me – but these buggers turn up and knock. I open the door and point at sign: ‘NO COLD CALLERS’ and slam the door in their face. I wish the badgers would attack them. GITS!

    • You remind me of the times we were allowed signs in the windows

      NO BLACKS
      NO IRISH
      NO DOGS and laugh. Thinking what’s the poor defenceless dog done to deserve this.

      • Even the equivalent of friends you admire calling unannounced is a nuisance. There’s a time and a place. The wait of a booked appointment can also be annoying.

      • I am offended by your prose and so is my black Irish wolfhound, Shamus. To be sure, to be sure it’s the truth.

      • And also ‘NO THEATRICALS’
        Which meant no poofters.

        If any such sign was put up now, the woke police would be round, investigating ‘hate crime’ and telling people that they ‘need educating’.

  23. O/T, just watching kuensberg program,the ex Israeli prime minister has just ripped the presenter and the BBc a new arsehole. Bugger me they just cut him off..
    Natali Benet was the guy…see if you can find it on catch up..
    I doubt it….!

    DEFUND THE BBC CUNTS…!

      • He gave that BBCijihad cunt a right straightening..it was hilarious

        Until the terrorist loving vermin cut him off.

        Oven

      • Superb pair of initials! I wonder if she has a side hustle, going door-to-door selling “glamorous” lingerie, guaranteed 100% recycled polypropylene?

  24. You got cold callers at your door and you didn’t invite them in to get a warm ?

    Excuse, pretend you’re blind and have a big fuck off knife in your hand. Yes ?

    I’m holding a Black Mass, would you care to join us ?

  25. We used to get earnest American evangelical cunts knocking to bring us the word of Jesus.

    There’s a house not far where they stayed.

    Sort of Donny Osmond types,
    Although occasionally they’d have a black one.

    Don’t get them anymore,
    Miss telling them to fuck off back to their own country.

    • We’ve had them at our door a couple of times in the past. Odd that they come all the way over here when there are millions of heathens in their own country to work on.

      They’re so earnest and well-meaning that I just told them that Jesus was my friend and they gave me some leaflets and went happily on their way.

  26. WE’ve got a big sign in our front window that says ‘NO COLD CALLERS. WE DON’T BUY AT THE DOOR’.

    It’s still amazing how many cunts still ring with the bell, with patter along the lines of ‘Morning! We’re just cleaning your neighbour’s windows/drive/car/gutters and we wondered whether…’.

    SLAM!

  27. My home has a cellar so I think I’ll do two things.

    1. Get a bigger and better ‘No sales! No charities! No politicians!’ sign.

    If (1) doesn’t work, then invite them in.

    I will covert my cellar to look like the one Buffalo Bill had in The Silence of the Lambs and get a poodle. Play that same dark music too. Then strip naked and say, ‘It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.’

    Doubt I’d see them again. Although a few politicians might want to stay, could be risky.

  29. I have four notices telling unwanted callers to basically fuck of all at eye level and to date they appear to have been successful. Answering the door whilst brandishing, a Cossack shaska is also an effective method of discouraging unwanted callers or being shot by coppers on a hate crime raid

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