Celebrity Travel Shows

Jesus H Christ. ENOUGH WITH THEM! Who do you cunt here?! BBC, ITV, 4, 5, Netflix, Amazon, Disney, the celebrities themselves? (The entire hypocritical concept will do – Day Admin)

They’re endless and each more pointless and repetitive than the last. Susan Calman, Bradley Walsh, Martin Clunes, Gino DiCampo, Eva Longoria, Zac Efron, Jane McDonald, Sue whats-her-name, Mel thingy, the gay bloke in Travel Man, James May, Bill Bailey, Stanley Tucci, the DIY bloke, politicians and on and on and on it goes and they’re all the cunting same, eventually all going to the exact same places, meeting the same damn people and doing the same hackneyed stereotypical clichés of each place.

Join us on the excitement of Japan, where we’ll patronise the locals of provincial towns across Hokkaido and pretend to care about the customs and concerns of the people. We’ll do it with all the enthusiasm and credibility of a hard-hat donning politician at a factory up north.

Follow us as we do some samurai/ninja bollocks, then dress as a geisha, before taking part in a bit of Sumo. After that we’ll go to meet that same pissing robot, Asimo, and then head off to do a bit of karaoke and sushi.

But no celebrity trip to Japan is complete without going to one of those seedy clubs where 40 year old salary men drool over 16 year olds masquerading as 12 year olds, where said celebrity tries to convince us ‘It’s not sexual it’s just friendship’. Pull the other one, Sue.

Maybe I wouldn’t find it so goddamn annoying if it wasn’t that there are at least 3 on a night, clogging up TV screens, with no more genuine insight on these places other than any other non-celebrity could provide if they went to do the same banal shit.

Speaking of non-celebs, there’s no escape from it now that every bratty, perma-single millennial and gen-Zeder is now an Instagram travel influencer.

Nominated by: Migraine

60 thoughts on “Celebrity Travel Shows

  1. Add to this Celebrity history shows. I caught one last night fronted by Rory fucking Stewart FFS

    • Hear hear CotL

      Billy Ray Cyrus is a 101 Proof* cunt. This “one hit wonder” parlayed a fucking country jingle (Achy Breaky Heart) into an overplayed ear worm that causes madness and rage in all sensible humans. I mean even dogs howl and cats yowl when this noise reaches their ears.

      As he had no talent, he became a Q List actor whose most notable achievement was whoring out his daughter Miley to Disney and appearing as her clueless dad in her TV show.

      Of course he turned her into a real life, hot mess with his non-existent parenting skills.

      Needless to say he’s a celebrity here in the states and accordingly, made one of those horrible Celebrity History Shows; Hillbilly – The Real Story.

      Vomit inducing garbage, I retched for days after accidentally catching a few minutes on the so-called History Channel.

      *The legendary proof rating of Wild Turkey Whiskey

    • Hey Admin,

      I tried to respond to these remarks and my post disappeared.

      Was it binned? Was it deemed spam? Did it just vanish into cyber space?

      If found would you be so kind as to restore?

      Thanks.

  2. No comment from the politicians and the Climate Crisis cult followers who are probably on the same plane…….first class and all expenses paid obviously.

  3. Maybe 🤔 a trip to the floods in Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 could be arranged for the cunts

  4. I think even worse are the ones were they get their whole fucking family involved. There’s one at the moment where some tool called Matt Baker is going around with his mum and cunting dad. FFS.

    • Could not agree more – this show is the biggest load of shite ever or is the fat muff muncher Calman worse?

  5. These cunts are on American TV too. Ever notice how they don’t go to the garden spots of Utopian civilization like Pyongyang or Tehran or Havana or Harare?

    I’d like to give them a tour of the oven.

    As for those revolting Instagram travel “influencers” I’d like to see them visit Gaza, don a checkered tablecloth headdress and get the full Hamas experience.

    Well cunted Migraine.

    • A bit like those “auditors” on YouTube trying to get a rise from ordinary, normal working people – what I really want to see is one of these fucktards turn up at the latest pike y camp and audit them – then I would have respect.

  6. Got to fill the schedule up some how, quality programming is way beyond the likes of all channels listed above.

    Can I pitch a luxury cruise near the Somalian coast for the next show.

    • I don’t like celebrities.
      I don’t like travel.

      I don’t want to see a permatanned homosexual on a beach.

      I don’t want to know how foreigners live.

      I don’t want to buy property in some arid flyblown shithole.

      Ive no interest in your exotic fruit drinks
      Or spicy local delicacies.
      They give me the shites.

      So only one I watched was the Bob Carolgees Blackpool.

  7. I’d like to see a celebrity shit themselves to death after eating the exotic local cuisine, though the experience can be replicated by us ordinary folk at any food court.

  8. Talking of Gaza , I saw the football gaylords all standing in silence for the conflict the other day.

    I’d imagine pretty much all of them believe it’s due to World Cup 90 hero and all round waste of talent Paul Gascoigne has passed away

    If you asked any of them to find Gaza on a map , none of them would manage it

    • Dumb cunts probably think The Gaza Strip is a Gentleman’s Club in Londonistan with topless dancers wearing only a hijab.

    • An elderly Muslim gentleman passed away, and when friends gathered at his house, they were surprised to find the body laid out in a full Glasgow Rangers kit.
      ‘What in the name of the prophet’s beard is going on?’ raged the local imam.
      The deceased wife answered ‘his last wish was to be buried in the Gazza strip’.

      Oldies but goldies…

  9. You can add plum-in-the mouth posh old tart Joanna Lumley to that list. Nile, Japan, Northern Lights, Silk Road blah blah. Silk knickers more like. How about the wrinkly old slag takes a film crew somewhere really wild and untamed full of dangerous animals where no human ever ventures?
    Brixton, for example.

    Good cunting Migraine.

    • isn’t she also one of those climate Change cunts who bang on that we plebs shouldn’t travel around the world anymore!

  10. Nobody has mentioned Chris Tarrant on a fucking train yet .

    Get back to Tiswas you washed up old cunt , Portillo owns you 😂

    • I was ordered off a steam train near Minehead (along with a lot of other people) because Michael Portillo was going to get on and start filming one of his railway programmes. I pointed out that I had paid about £20 to travel on it all day, and some other people were brandishing their membership cards. The TV cunt said the atmosphere would be better if he was in the carriage on his own. I saw him in the distance wearing a lime green jacket and pink trousers, absolutely not lowering the tone of the area at all.

  11. I’d quite like to see Peter Mandelson visiting Port-au-Prince and be accused of petty theft by a penniless nıg-nọg then subsequently beaten and necklaced.

    • Good point Thomas.

      You never see any of these cunts fawning over how wonderful the open sewers and feral porch monkeys are in Haiti.

  12. Join us on Thursday, on BBC 9 when Jo Brand takes us on a cultural tour of Pakistan. Be entertained by the beheadings and stoning; be amazed as Jo attempts to enter a mosque; wonder as Brand witnesses the idiosyncrasies of the local traditions of camel-selling and goat-rapîng; finally, marvel at the wonders of the local Pakistankîes shitting in the street which Brand tries herself.

    Thursday, BBC 9.

  13. Excellent nom, I’ve been moaning to “she who must be obeyed” about this crap for years. She just thinks I’m a bad tempered old bastard.
    Which of course, I am…

  14. Anything with ” celebrity/star” in the title is to be avoided like the pox, saves me a lot of rage and agitation.

  15. They never tell you anything useful like where is the cheapest beer, they’re always finding some terrible legacy of Empire or wailing over someone losing their shack next to a river because of climate change.

    • The only thing left in my mind after going through these replies, was Jo Brand still standing after the shit filled sink fell off the wall ?

  16. I travelled to the multicultural wonderland of Barking yesterday.
    I braved the locals appalling driving skills, I battled the peaceful parking wardens.

    I got stink eyed for being a honky in a foreign land, I took in all the disgusting smells and sights..

    Where’s my travel show nutflix you pandering cunts..

    Join me tomorrow when I ask does any speak English?

  17. Maybe now that, according to the msm, the war in Ukraine is over, tv land could send a z list celeb over there to make a travel program.
    They could show us where 90% of our cereal, poultry, beef, vegetables, fruit, cooking oil and gas supposedly come from.

  18. I wonder why Calman has not journeyed to an extreme Pork Hating Nation,( accompanied by her “wife” ) for her holiday programme.

    I think the sight of them both chin deep in sand as they get bombarded with house bricks could be quite amusing. ( just saying of course )

  19. It’s like that load of shite who do you think you are that traces peoples roots apparently Danny dyer is related to royalty who are you your a cunt now fuck off and make some decent telly

  20. Its all the rage now im afraid. Unimaginative programme makers picking a presenter out of a pot of straws, you will do, you have no interest in the subject. Cunts the lot of them. Who is watching this bilge. Zander armstrong is another, julia fucking bradbury. 🤯

  21. These nonentities programmes tell you one thing. They don’t know how to use their health and wealth wisely. Think they are showing off, when only making fools of themselves.

  22. It’s telly on the cheap.

    Cheap is good.

    From the providers side.

    Not so good for the poor old consumer.

    By the time the product or service reaches him, the price has mushroomed.

    Pay through the nose for a load of old codswallop.

    Becoming an MP or member of the House of Frauds solves this thorny problem.

    As you just put your TV licence and Netflix subscription on your expenses claim form.

    Along with everything else.

    Get To Fuck.

    • Not half as cheap as the ubiquitous wildlife programs they churn out.
      Animals don’t charge appearance fees, repeat fees, don’t have agents and can’t argue that there is no climate crisis.
      All you need to do is put Attenbore’s voice over the top and hey presto, the viewer gets to see a leopard eating a gazelle. Again.

      • ‘I’m standing here atop a huge mound of bat guano, and the stench is appalling’.

        Top use of the licence payers’ money.

  23. Alan Whicker’s rotting corpse would have more charisma and charm than most of these vacuous globe trotting “Slebs”, he’d be busy sipping cocktails while trying to find Bradford’s only white man called Pavel, “Fare Well and Bon Voy age”

  24. Couldn’t agree more. I resented this sort of shit years ago with ‘Michael Palin’s Amazon/Himalayas/seemingly any where else you’ll find in an atlas’. The possessive voice pissed me off straight away. It sounded as if he was the first human to set foot in those places and had claimed ownership. Furthermore, as I was building up courage before facing another day at work I used to think why should somebody who is immeasurably better off than I get paid what to me is a fortune for something I’d give an arm and a leg to do. Besides all that, he wasn’t funny and most Monty Python output wasn’t either. I do make the odd exception to celeb travel programmes and actually enjoyed Billy Connolly travelling route 66 on a motor bike.
    The same goes for celeb history: example ‘Tony ‘Dorian Gray’ Robinson’s First World War.’ He must be about as old as my grandad b.1893 d.1973 but doesn’t look 130. Forget Blackadder, it must have been Blackmagic.

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