Rat infestation

 
It will come as no, or little surprise, to you to read that the Hoc is infested by rats.
We’ve known this for years, and yet our helpful suggestions of flamethrowers, smart bombs, sarin gas etc have been completely ignored.

So when I saw this titbit today, I was curious.
Folks, it appears that the HoC is invested with actual rats and not just the thumb and tit sucking cunts ( in the main) that sit on the benches.

Oh, the irony!

Apparently, they’ve been refused cats, as the potential for a lethal cat poisoning is high, due to the poison traps.

What IS the solution. I can think of a few, which I think I’ve pretty much already covered.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

85 thoughts on “Rat infestation

  1. Maybe if the fat bastards didn’t have all those fancy restaurants with so much fancy food (subsidised by the taxpayer) the rodents wouldn’t be attracted in the first place. Let the fat, lazy traitor bastards go across the road to McDonalds and mix with the people they despise so much.
    Fucking bunch of foul cunts. Give me the rats any day.

  2. London is one big rats nest, headed by a dirty, smelly, ugly, pygmy one.

    Rentokil have no chance.

    • I hope Rentokil tell the the greasy, odious fuckers to sod off. Thr MPs that is, not the rats.

  3. Can see them bringing in a new Pied Piper to remove the rats, only the will stand applauding whilst the Cabinet follow the Pied Piper instead.

  4. Can see them bringing in a new Pied Piper to remove the rats, only they will stand applauding whilst the Cabinet follow the Pied Piper instead.

  5. To my mind demonstrates how little these MPs know. When I was a lad living in a slum we had a rodent problem. We got in a couple of cats. The rodents departed in fucking short order. Remove the useless poison laden traps, the rats will simply walk past them. Get a few cats, preferably rough, feral moggies. They will hunt the bastards down. You may find though that they bring the bodies into the chamber as a gift of a tasty morsel.

    • Not Larry though. By all accounts he has fully embraced the lifestyle of an MP and is a lazy work-shy bastard.

      • Yeah, but at least he can’t fill in an expenses form and dish out big fat contracts to his rich moggie mates.

      • Isn’t Larry about 15? I could be wrong, can’t be arsed checking.

        He’s an OAP for a cat and they haven’t got the energy to be chasing rats at that age really.

      • Raynet could probably use her minge as some sort of wet ‘n’ dry vacuum, she could snare a few hundred at a time. It is more than likely that her diseased genitalia producing clouds of phosphine, easily mistaken for rotting fish, which would kill the rats.

    • Not too easy if they’re under the boards or even walls maybe ? A decomposing feline would be possibly worse than a deceased rodent i suspect ?

  6. Stop providing food for dinghy chancers and send them to the HoC to scavenge for their own. Rats and Rayner alone would keep ‘em going for months,

  7. It just goes to show the vermin don’t spend that much time there.

    Because if I was a rat I would prefer somewhere else than there.

  8. Fill it with its “members” then brick all the doors and windows up.

    Let the rats knaw on the cunts whilst we have a street party to celebrate (No foreigners or gypsies allowed).

    Or Guido Fawkes the problem.

    No fucker would miss any of them.

  9. London is in a race with Paris to see who becomes the most rat infested shit hole. I see nearly 900 invaded the beaches yesterday.
    Any of you cunts give money to the RNLI?

  10. I’m thinking of the 1984 film where Winston has the face mask attached to a tube with rats. We should be able to manufacture 650 of them

  11. Bloody obvious really, cannot get rid of the likes of Keith Vaz just by telling them to fuck off. Most likely hoards of cockroaches, steam beetle and who knows what as well. For all the good the place does for us the powers that be should make it a safari park, ideal to view the urban flora and fauna.

    • They’re on a river.
      Bound to get rats.

      They need some blokes with terriers.
      Put it on expenses.

      God I hate rats,
      One animal I’m happy to kill.

      We had em under my shed.
      I got Third Reich about it.
      No rats now.

      They’re worse than Somalians.

      • @MNC. I Had ’em under the shed.

        I used the ‘ Heydrich Maneouvere ‘

        Total annihilation 👍

        It was very fulfilling

        The dog flung one in the air !!

        Ethel was wailing and shrieking like a Banshee. 😂

        Just another day at The Rookery.

        LOL.

        All right pal ? 👍

      • Yeah good cheers Jack!👍
        Just back from Sunday dinner at Edale.

        I was worried that the rats would give the dog a disease.

        Shot a few.
        I found the tunnels and smoked the cunts out.
        If I could of got Zyklon B I’d of used it.
        Hate the fuckers.

        The devil’s hamsters😡

      • Horrible little cunts.

        Years ago, I liked nothing better than going full on mental with me pump action 12 bore.

        💥💥💥💥💥

        Not the cheapest method.

        But very satisfying 😀

      • I bet.

        There’s nothing a rat isn’t capable of.

        They are the type who cheat at cards

        Don’t get a round in

        Tell the boss you were late

        Listen to Coldplay

        Wear skinny jeans

        Eat your last biscuit

        They are utter bastard’s.

  12. Digression: United have an aubergine in goal, dressed like a banana. Will he play out of his skin ? Will he fucking hell as like !

    • Fuck me, Sammy. That new goalie is shite. Even Chris Turner or (dare I say it) Jim Leighton would be better. Let’s just say I am far from impressed with the cunt.

      • Personally I think he’s awesome.

        Good game, he wasn’t to fault for the goals, not one of the THREE goal’s Manchester United conceded were his fault.

      • What a game though.

        Modem footy is a cunt, no doubt, but you’d have to be some sort of puff not to have enjoyed that (unless a United fan of course.)

        Early days but the new UTD keeper does look a bit dodgy so far imo.

      • The thing is, ever since the debut of Peter Schmichel in 1991, we expect every goalie to hit the ground running. None of them did except Edwin Van Der Sar.

        And even if this Onana was Gordon Banks, he’d still have shite like Lindelof and McGuire in front of him. Which is what De Gea got sick of.

      • And, as soon as Maguire and Evans came on, you could tell it was going to turn into a repeat of the Titanic.

      • I have this vague memory of Jim Leighton advertising condoms the season he had a bad Cup Final.

    • I remember that too, Sammy. I know the lad who did that Jim Leighton cartoon for the fanzine Red Issue. Softarse Jim wanted Red Issue banned from Old Trafford and he went crying to Alex Ferguson. Fergie told him to grow a pair.

      It was well funny, and true.

      ‘Clean sheets cannot be guaranteed.’

      • And did anyone else notice the pally pally poofery in the tunnel before the game? It’s Arsenal vs Manchester United for fuck’s sake. And we’ve got opposing rival players practically tonguing each other. An absolute disgrace and modern football sausagebandirty at its worst.☹🤢

  13. This is part of the horrible mess London has become under Suckdiq ‘Sheer’ Khan’.

    But the remedy is simple. Go to London Zoo, get a couple of tigers, and let them eat the little bastards. And, with any luck, they might eat Rishi, Starmer and a few others. And they’ll scoff Angela Raynor like a shot. Tigers like fish.

    • Normally I would heartily concur with that view…but forcing animals to eat that shite I do find disturbing.

      Hope you are well Norman and the blek trash at the hospital aren’t as big an infestation as they might be.

      • I’m not doing too bad Tez. Thanks.

        The usual Dickie Dakis are coming in the kidney unit. But my music on the headphones drowns the fuckers out. It was (Blackmore’s) Rainbow and Free yesterday.

      • Seriously strange shit with the Dakis at my kidney unit. Outside it there are lots of bushes and the like. And this Parkin Stan Lee woman keeps going to the blackberry bushes and eating them. Straight up.

        Thing is, she does this in broad daylight and she also scoffs them uncooked/unwashed. And there are lots of animals (and what animals do) around there. Foxes, cats, squirrels and other creatures will have pissed all over those bushes.

        And now, another Daki woman there has followed suit. No word of a lie, they bloody eat the things. Isn’t the butty and the cuppa they get inside the clinic enough?

        Fucking savages.

  14. London has a population of nearly 8 million brown and black rats. The white ones ( few though they may be ) are quite cute.

  15. Off topic

    But can you still buy safari suits?

    They’re ever so dignified.
    Been watching 6million dollar man and Colombo
    And noticed cool customers in the early 70s rocked a safari suit.

    Roger Moore liked em.

    I could do with smartening myself up
    Time they came back.
    Just saying.

  16. Can’t those geniuses Lammy and Abbott use their traditional wisdom and call upon the Juju spirits of deepest Wakanda to get these rattas outta de kitchen!

  17. That looks like a black rat to me. In which case ‘A plague on both your houses’ would seem appropriate.

  18. We’re only ever 15 feet away from a rat you hear people say. Supposedly. Is that one of those urban myths?

  19. They creep me out.
    Rats.
    I’m in the James Cagney school of thought.

    I nearly made RTC sick once on here when telling him about hitting a moving binbag in Rochdale with a shovel.
    It spilled open to reveal a freshly halved rat.

    Id chopped the cunt clean in half.

    I truly hate the fuckers.
    They hiss,
    Spread disease

    Watch this👍

    https://youtu.be/Tff9l4r9NTo?si=FnyFMPAKJ5Te3eUy

      • Your saying it’s his fault Miles?

        What was he thinking?!!

        Plague spreading, grain stealing, scaly tailed, uncontrollable bladdered Mickey mouses.

      • They’ve just had a bad press Miserable.

        I mean you get these domesticated rats. Absolutely adorable they are.

        It’s their ‘environment’ Miserable.

        I mean if you grew up in a sewer you would have ‘issues’. wouldn’t you?

        I ‘understand’ them me.

        All they want to be is loved.

        I know you you can always use the ‘bubonic plague’ against them.

        BUT IT WASN’T THEIR FAULT.

        They were just ‘passengers’.

        Give them a break.

  20. isnt the Palace of Westminster being refurbished at a cost to the taxpayer of around £20bn?

  21. Fucking Rat infestation, the fucking BBC world service must have a veritable cornucopia of rats infesting its corridors, just seen a heads up for a programme later on to night about wimmin scientists helping Asian FISHERFOLK be more sustainable. Every feckin woke right on box ticked, extermination by gas or rottweiler would be to humane, absolute shower and cunts to a man.

  22. Disinfect the offices, chambers and debating houses with Zyklon B.

    Once the vermin are eradicated then leave the building to the rodents.

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