Mel’s Chippy

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News from Welsh Wales folks, where to ease the cost of living crisis on those living in tattoo poverty a chip shop is flogging children’s meals for £1. ‘We’ve been overwhelmed by demand’ says the owner Mel Lewis. What, selling meals at a quid a time is popular? Well who’d have thought it.

She’s sold 250 in just under a month and she’s open 5 days a week, so that’s about 12 a day, which is not what I’d call overwhelming. Perhaps if more of the locals could squeeze into the shop she really would have been overwhelmed.

Of course this story is meat and drink (pun intended) to the BBCunt’s The Tories are Heartless Bastards Department. Anyway, not to be outdone I’m off down to Wales tomorrow to enjoy some cheap grub before the daft bitch goes bankrupt and puts the shop on the market for £1.

Bbc news

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

114 thoughts on “Mel’s Chippy”

  2. Real food costs more and is worth it. I wouldn’t feed that shit to a dog.
    For me, rule #1 with food is that it be edible.
    The picture looks like a government school lunch before Michelle Obama made the menu into rabbit food.

  4. The nutrious value in that header pic would barely reach double figures. No wonder we have so many fat bastards plodding around our streets.

    And as for Mel Lewis. Well her business acumen must mean she’s fully qualified to the the next Chancellor or governor of the Wank of England.

    • Fat, carbohydrate and salt content would be high.

      Wonder how it compare to a big mac or quarter pounder from the McToilet?

  5. Well its no Munchy Box is it?

    The sad looking apple looks like the out of place token w*g in a BBC period drama.

  6. Now if she can knock up about 40,000 a day at that price, should save a fortune on feeding the dinghy scum..

  7. The juicy burger looks like it’s not got ketchup on it.

    I bet Mel charges a fiver for it,the cunt.

    • I take it the ” juicy burger” was ironic, Unkle?

      It looks like a reshaped, deep fried Weetabix, and probably contains the same amount of meat as the original does.

  8. I bet there aren’t many cats, dogs, rats near where Mel lives and works.
    Not that I’m saying she uses them for her burgers of course. Perish the thought.

    • If a ratburger was good enough for Sly Stallone in Demolition Man, it’s good enough for us plebs.

    • But parents are always “victims”. It’s always the nasty old government that’s at fault. Or that’s how the media would lead you to believe.
      And in any case aren’t kids entitled to free meals thanks to Marcus “millionaire” Rashford?

    • What whould happen is that the government should introduce a payment to the parents which is a benefit for the child.

      They could give it a snappy name which reflects this as its purpose.

      Surprised no-one has thought of it before, really.

  10. Good to see the Beeb’s No Shit Sherlock Department giving sound advice to those with the mental capacity of a turnip on how to reduce the cost of their food shop:
    – Check what you already have in the cupboard
    – Head for the reduced section and only buy what you need
    – Buy stuff close to it’s best before date which is reduced in price

    They missed the best one though. Fill an empty rucksack with anything you can lay your hands on and scarper without paying. As long as you nick less than 200 quid’s worth plod won’t give a fuck.

    • They do make programmes about how to shop for food and how to keep your house clean. Same with Channel 4, who now make a programme about how to watch television.

      • Nowt wrong with this you posh cunts.

        Worth a quid of anyone’s money that is.

        Bargain.

        Wouldn’t buy it for my kids though.
        They get free school dinners.
        Fuck em

      • CP, to the older generation, programmes about how to shop, clean etc. seem ridiculous, but schools used to have Domestic Science ( as they were called then) and actually taught children these basic skills.

        It seems to have fallen out of fashion, these days. Fair enough, knowing how to put clean sheets on a bed might not be the most fun ever, but it’s about time these basic life lessons were reintroduced for 11yearold+ schoolkids.

        Then, during the school holidays, they wouldn’t need Mels disgusting food, because they’d have the skills to make a simple meal their self.

      • In the article above it mentions someone else in Wales is undercutting Mel!

        Offering meals for 50p.

        Wonder what that’s like?
        Slice of toast?
        A potato?

        Bet like Mel they’re rushed off their feet.

      • Great idea for creating lessons for kids but when it’s fortysomething chavs it’s just sad.

        There was still domestic science/Home economics at school in the 90s. My first recipe was cauliflower cheese. Of course, at home time my mum’s largest pyrex dish slid from my arms and smashed, scattering the fucking lot up the corridor.
        I got quite upset, but my classmates squealed with laughter, the cunts.

      • Children are cruel.

        When we made bread, the smell used to lure the entire student population to the door of the Home Economics room.
        You’d try to exit, and be surrounded, like you were eating fish and chips on Whitby harbour!
        My Sis, fierce fucker, would wait for me to come out ( I’m only little now, and was even littler then) and beat them away with a metal rule.
        The teachers were the worst culprits, the fucking twats.

      • That’s why they want to decriminalise shoplifting because the majority of ‘lifters are probably not of a white pigmentation, shall we say.

        No doubt Suckdick Khan will try to do the same with stabbings and shootings for precisely the same reason!

      • Perhaps we could adopt that daft American bints idea, of having a crime curfew, where law abiding citizens stay indoors behind their security shuttered properties, and shoplifters take their chances on the streets with the knife/machete/gun wielding thugs.

      • Wow, shoplifting from John Lewis has doubled in a year. How gratifying to see thieves are moving upmarket. Social mobility in action. Most wouldn’t be seen dead stealing from Poundland I guess.
        Anyway, I suspect theft from John Lewis is largely down to a certain individual known to us all and his wife Ethel.

      • I wouldn’t shoplift from John Lewis as I’d have to pay bus fare to get there but there’s a Poundland round the corner.

      • Moggie @

        When working nights in a supermarket,
        We’d regularly steal bags of sweets off the aisles.

        Everyone chewing as they worked.
        This older bloke always used to rob the own brand, basic, midget gems.

        I asked him why he didn’t get the better branded ones.

        ” these are cheaper” ?!!!

  11. White bread, chips and meat formed from eyeballs and arseholes isn’t ‘food’. I also take the notion that the UK is in any kind of ‘food crisis’ with a pinch of salt, given that tattoo parlours and branches of JD Wetherspoon are still chocka.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64515557.amp

    We’re now such a nation of crybabies that our underclass (who supposedly can’t afford to roast chickens or boil cabbage) would rather fly to the Middle East for life threatening surgery than take up jogging or swap their bacon cobs for porridge.

  12. Yes Mel should be offering crushed advocado on toast and a fruit smoothie,
    Maybe a free yoga class?
    😁

  13. Sod Mel’s burgers.
    I’m about to make homemade salt & pepper chicken with chopped mixed peppers a few spices, a dab of garlic, a curry sauce and long grain rice. All for about £8 and serves 4.

    What’s so difficult or expensive about that!

    • That’s my point, Techno.

      Once a fortnight, I cook traditional Sunday dinner. A large chicken, plenty of veg and the usual roasties, Yorkshires.

      The leftovers feed me for the rest of the week ( and often the Lass and/or her mother)

      Broccoli and cheese flan.
      Chicken and sweetcorn chowder.
      Cauli cheese and reheated leftover roasties.
      Chicken and sweetcorn pie.

      Probably costs about £12, but provides about 12 meals.

      Eat your heart out, Mel, I win!

    • Sounds like paki food Techno.
      You not dining scandi style yet?
      Rollmop and loganberries
      Reindeer and pike marinated in mead

      Ive made Hot pot.
      Missus miserable is working till 7pm.

      So slow cooker hot pot and fresh (on the tree this morning) apple pie and ice cream for pudding.

      Mel would charge at least £2.50p for it

      • Just approaching the Country Cream gates.

        Spoon in hand. 😀

        Had some almond and cherry baked ring, with icing on ( like the stuff on buns ) today.

        A whacking great portion.

        Asked the girl for vanilla ice cream 🍨 with it.

        Food of the Gods. 👍

        Good evening.

    • Fantastic aren’t they JP ?

      Few carrots, potatoes, peas, onions , beef and stock, bung it in and wander off.

      Come back later, smell of stew wafting out.

      I thought a slow cooker was a downs chef like Jamie Oliver but no.

      Anyway I approve of them .

      • I use mine regularly, anything that benefits from a long, slow cook like
        oxtail, beef skirt or flank.
        Cheaper cuts, that you need a proper butcher for, but done right, oh yes!

        Even jacket spuds, set it going in the morning, come home to heaven.

      • Great invention.

        Prepare food, eat it hours later without further ado. Brilliant for things like braising steak.

      • It’s not too long since oxtail was pretty cheap but it’s shot up in price. Even bones for stock are ridiculously priced nowadays.

      • I always boil the chicken carcass for stock, onion, celery, carrot, teaspoon salt, white pepper.
        8-10 hours in the slow cooker.
        Reveals the hidden meat, as well.
        Depends how I feel, and what it looks like, but it’s either dog food, or a pie for me.
        The stock, reduce and freeze. There’s a lentil and carrot soup with smoked ham waiting for you, my lovely!

      • I love oxtail, it’s often reduced at the supermarket I go to Friday afternoon.
        No one has a fucking clue what to do with it, or how to cook it, the mongs.

        Same with flank, blade steak. If I’m roasting beef I always buy thick rib.
        Folk simply don’t know how to cook what’s available.

        Still, my gain, your loss.

        Ps, I just ask the butcher at the counter if he’s got a knucklebone for my dog, and strangely enough, he does, costs me 1p.

      • Agreed JP, all very underrated.

        I was a Saturday lad in a butchers and the blacks loved all the stuff like pigs tails and trotters.

      • Moggy is right. I used to buy the Rottweiler a pack of oxtail lumps from Tesco. £3.50.

        Went to treat the Tervuren to some about a year ago and the same amount (350g) cost £6.50.

        It’s cheaper to feed him ribeye steak!

      • I bought a duck from Asda over the weekend and sorted it today. Took the breasts off to freeze, roasted the carcass and stripped the meat, also in the freezer. In the meantime I chucked carrots, celery, parsnips, leek, some bay leaves and peppercorns into the pressure cooker for an hour, then removed the veg and chucked the duck bits in for another 90 minutes, reduced the liquid and, again, in the freezer.

  16. So mel’s chippy?

    There is alot of that going around nowadays..

    Maybe he can get together with Patrick and create a umbongo meal instead of reparations.

    Goat curry,rice and peas. And a can of rio.

    A snip at 16 trillion..

    • Legions of the cunts waddling along the South Coast. They need bulldozing into the sea with the Dinghoids.

  19. In all honesty, I have been charged a lot more for alleged food that looked a lot worse.

    Anyone who has dined at one of those fine service station establishments, such as the Crappy eater or Little thief will know this.

    • I dont think ive seen a burger as ropey as that. Perhaps those shite ones wrapped in greaseproof at school, which probably cost a similar amount.

  20. Makes me laugh that she thinks the ingredients and her labour etc is worth more than a quid anyway

  21. Does anyone remember the Wimpy chain of “fast” food restaurants?

    We had one in Sheffield. You sat at a free table. The waitress would come and take your order.
    It was like an American diner, but with shitty food.

    One thing they did was a huge smoked pork sausage ring, in a breadcake. They filled the middle of the sausage ring with half a tomato. The sausage was awesome, really good.

    • Still have a couple local to me, JP.
      It was called a wimpy bender sausage.

      Or the mandy mandelson now.
      Choice of sauces, all very salty.

      • No mate, used to have a wimpy across from the local pub, after a good beer session in the afternoon.

        Stroll over have a big greasy burger and then back on the beer.. Happy days..

      • My Youngers hubby comes from Darlington, Barry.

        It’s like the Land That Time Forgot.
        If anywhere in this country still had a Wimpy, I’d have bet money it was in, or very near, Darlington.

      • I’ve nothing but fond memories of Wimpy.

        The most glamorous place I’d ever been (at 7yrs old).

        My gran took me and it was like a American diner.

        The burgers had bits on the buns (sesame seeds) like on TV.

        I had a burger and my first milkshake.
        This was way before mcFuckin Donald’s came here.

        I felt like the Fonz.

        And shamelessly bragged at school making it sound like they had a jukebox playing,
        Waitress on rollerskate’s and Elvis popped in.

        I wish they still had a wimpy near me.

    • According to my brother, most American diners/burger bars do serve shit food anyway. They use low quality beef and dont know how to cook vegetables.

  22. The Libyan government has said that thousands of its people are missing.

    They’re all in four star hotels in Blighty.

    Get To Fuck.

      • Just did a quick Aunty Google, quite frankly, I don’t even give half a fuck.

        It’s natural selection. Mother Nature decides who shall live and who shall die.

        Strange which countries she selects.

      • Probably climate change bollocks. Same old shite. We’ve had floods and earthquakes for millennia, and has little or sod all to do with human industrialisation. But cunts at the BBC will say otherwise.

        Anyway, I suppose Sunak will spunk a few million quid their way, and we’ll get a few Libyan migrants coming our way.

    • Fortunately its BAMEs vs BAMEs but I suppose the BBC will blame whitey in some random way.
      And that clip is totally out of context as there is a longer clip showing the woman being aggressive towards the shopkeeper before it all kicked off. But that doesn’t make for a good click-bait story.

      Meanwhile, plod are still in their cars/stations surfing social media for hurty word hate crimes

      • The wobby gog on the loudhailer was muttering on about white supremacy. FFS this was Asian v Sheboon.

        Try as you might, you can’t pin this one on whitey.

  25. I know that part of Peckham very well. The locals are mostly Nigerians (Little Lagos they call it) and the shopkeepers are mostly Peacefuls from the wonderful state of Pakistan. Needless to say they fucking hate each other. Raaaaaay-sism most people would call it. Well, they would if whitey was involved.

    • Let’s hope they slaughter each other.

      The cunts.

      Is it where you go trawling for black ass ?

      LOL.

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