Currently every credulous cunt in the country is gathered on the shores of Loch Ness with the stated intention of capturing an hallucination. We are familiar with the myth: there is a gigantic creature unknown to science lurking in the near-freezing peaty depths of the loch.

In the link, a clown is seen explaining that plesiosaur remains* have been found in the UK and that these are somehow relevant: a plesiosaur (woooo!) may have survived and bred in the loch during the 66 million years since they became extinct everywhere else, ignoring a couple of major ice ages at that. Help, Nurse, his meds have worn off.

Further, the link claims that a distant thermal anomaly on the loch shore is the beastie, rather than a sheep, say, a quad bike, someone having a crafty fag, a wild swimmer or anything warm- blooded and fatally uninsulated against the chill of a Highland loch, really.

All this is nonsense, of course. The odd seal might make it through the Caledonian Canal, perhaps…very perhaps….but there is absolutely fuck all unusual about the loch other than its size and the intriguing tectonics of its location in a gigantic strike-slip fault zone. As anyone not into ear candles and crystals living in the region will tell you. The Loch Ness Monster is a necessary aid to getting the awful local hotels and campsites filled with gullible people, but let’s not confuse it with anything that exists in fact.

PS. The “Surgeon’s Picture” is included in the catalogue of pseudoscience presented in that clip. I will now for the first time reveal what this actually is. It is identical in all respects to the emerging tail of a black Labrador dog which is diving for a thrown stone. Long ago I had a black Lab cross which did this, most enthusiastically, and only her tail remained above water. There is nothing to indicate the scale of that picture, and please note the little tuft of fur at the tip.
I would like to have met that surgeon….he’d have been a laugh.

*Jurassic ones

Mirror

Nominated by Komodo.