Crisis UK


Fuck me, is there nothing these days that isn’t a crisis? I’m sick and tired of being told that everything is a crisis.
Latest bullshit is the concrete crisis. It’s not a crisis, it a genuine problem that needs addressing but it’s not a fucking crisis.

We’ve had the lot lately haven’t we? I’m sure I’ve missed a few but here’s a list :

The cost of living crisis. Nothing compared to the 1980s but we didn’t have snowflakes in those days.

The climate crisis. Nothing compared to the crisis we’ll actually have when the electricity runs out running all those heat pumps and cars.

The obesity crisis. Eat decent food you cunts. Take some exercise. Take some responsibility.

The NHS funding crisis. Sack the fucking managers and diversity consultants.

The mental health crisis. No wonder the way we’re talking up the other crises!

FFS stop calling everything a crisis! There’s going to be a general election soon and if Starmer and his cronies get in then there really will be a fucking crisis. You heard it here first…

Rt. Hon. Dioclese (still alive and kicking).

65 thoughts on “Crisis UK

    • Miles (can I call you inches for short), I am sure that you won’t mind if I correct you.

      The plural of crisis is actually crises.

      I bet that you wish that you could edit your post.

      Good morning and kind regards.

      • You should call Miles ‘centimetres for short’: we’ve gone metric. And the plural of ‘crisis’ isn’t ‘crises’, it’s ‘crisisesise’
        We are living in a post-Trump, post-Johnson world, and I claim my alternative facts

  1. Good nom.

    Crisis! Unprecedented Pressures! Emergency! This is the lexicon of fear used to keep Joe Public in a state of perpetual anxiety, fear, confusion, and an all pervasive if ill defined feeling that he is somehow guilty and therefore responsible.

    Well guess what? I have always paid my taxes, never claimed bennies. never fallen foul of the legal system, never owed anyone a bean (other than banks or building societies for business or mortgages), always discharged my civic duty by voting at elections…Oh wait, that last one means I am guilty! It is all my fault. I caused the crisis! Sorry.

    Fuck off.

    Good morning, everyone.

  2. I was in crisis earlier, couldnt get IsAC to load. Was touch and go wether to call the Samaritans. Fixed now obviously and crisis over, phew!

  3. The Cuban missile affair was a crisis thanks to the syphilis addled bullet magnet Kennedy..

    But some un-maintained concrete do me a favour..
    Adds a bit of adventure to their young lives while they are being brainwashed into thinking Britain was a African colony..

  4. It’s best to anticipate a crisis in my opinion. If every bloke turns trannie where is all the cock gonna come from?
    They haven’t thought of that have they, the clever cunts?

    • When a fifth of zoomers think they’re quare or non-binary, there can be loads of cock but it wont see much procreative use.

  5. This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you got a moment, it’s a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour portage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying ‘This Is a Large Crisis’.

  6. It’s a load of fucking waffle is what it is.

    Those laughable game show hosts..I mean newsreaders who spout all this shit,plus all the other Professional Boring and/or Infuriating cunts,will be replaced by chatbots for all the difference it makes.

    A pathetic woke soap opera for idiots.

    Oven.

    Morning Gents.

  7. Good nom. Yet another over used hyperbolic cliche.
    In fact, you could say we have witnessed a tsunami of crises recently (tsunami being another annoying media favourite).
    It’s even more annoying when the said crisis doesn’t exist, I.e the climate crisis.
    The only crisis I can see is the one we’ll experience at the ballot box next year. A two party system where both parties are almost identical and both are united in their desire to fuck us up.
    Now that’s what I call a crisis.

  8. It’s not just the overuse of the word “crisis”.

    Everything these days is either
    Amazing
    Gobsmacking
    Terrifying
    Horrific

    Then there’s the use of words like “dupe” and “glow up”.

    Fucks sake, buy a Thesaurus.

    • Morning Jeezum. Morning all.

      The one that boils my piss is ‘So and So BLASTS So and So on twitter’.

      Blasts them with what? A 12 bore shotgun? An anti aircraft battery?

      Usually seen the the Daily Heil. When one celeb disagrees with another.

      You would think that the Daily Mail could afford a Thesaurus too.

      • Football managers do a lot of ‘blasting’. With the overpaid preening cunts they have to deal with these days (and many not even having a say on who the club buys in the era of directors of football)I wouIdnt blame them for getting the shotgun out.

    • Don’t panic!
      Don’t panic!

      You need a cool head and a steady hand in a crisis.
      So not Michael j Fox.

      It’s just modern life
      Our grandfather’s would approach a crisis with a tip of the hat, a good morning and a casually thrown hand grenade

      Our children approach a crisis by sucking their thumbs, identifng as cats and bedwetting.

  9. What, me worry?
    Jeremy Cunt on the radio just now:
    “We’re going to make a tremendous success of Brexit.”
    So that’s alright then, lol.
    Always look on the bright side of life…

    • Always keep your back to the wall,
      Only enter rooms with more than one exit,
      Carry something naughty in your pocket,
      And pick who you’ll take hostage.

      R.Brand

  10. Remember how we plebs were told that the cost of living crisis was mostly caused by the war in Ukraine?
    Just about everything we need to live suddenly came from Ukraine, grain being the big one, doubling the price of a box of weetabix or animal feed overnight.
    Turns out it was all bollocks. Most of the EU are hoarding it and playing politics with it.
    My point is, the media know all this, yet prefer to scream crisis crisis!
    The problem is, the word can be a self fulfilling prophecy.

  11. NGO’s who are deliberately intending to destroy Europe by sending millions of men over from Africa in boats is a genuine crisis.

  12. for some snowflake cunts not being able to login to Facebook or X for 5 minutes is a major fucking crisis followed by a mental health meltdown.

  13. Maybe 🤔 corporal Jones could fix some of these crisis with his bayonet.
    They don’t like it up em captain

  14. Now available in the shops “now thats what i call a crisis”. Featuring ahem, china crisis, steps tragedy, kenny loggins dangerzone, billy ocean red light spells danger, and possibly many many more, over to you cunters.

    • Another instance of the BBC forgetting the internet exists.

      I havent watched Diversity…sorry, ‘Football’ focus is about ten years.

      Every week; aren’t black players and womens’ football great, but there’s still a problem with racism/sexism/online ‘hate’/coaching/countries with few black people.

      They should try making it about football for once. In that way it’s like most BBC programmes pretending to be about something of interest. Countryfile is another example.

  15. Never been sure whether this is a deliberate ploy or just semi-literate thickos being allowed to write for serious news organisations.

    It all started with things like “World record SMASHED!!!” by 0.01 seconds. Old record definitely broken, but not a Bob Beamon-esque step change in the numbers.

    It leaves them with absolutely nowhere to go when something genuinely amazing happens. Most current ‘crises’ fall into the ‘no idea whom you’re talking about’, ‘vaguely aware of that place/person/thing but don’t care’ or ‘that’s a mild inconvenience’ categories.

    Journalism has lost nuance, which is odd because, unlike ‘gullible’, it’s in the dictionary, just waiting to be rediscovered.

    Good morning.

    • Lefties like nuance, apart from when anything happens that they disagree with, then they start screeching.and trying to get cunts fired.

  16. The schools concrete crisis mean that the teachers are forced to have time off on full pay. Not all negative though; it also means the kids get time off from the trans propaganda cuntery and the critical race theory brainwashing.

  17. When Kim Jong Uncouth starts firing nukes that crisis will trump all the other crisises. Until Yellowstone super volcano pops off then….

  18. Definition: a time when a difficult or important decision must be made.

    So permanently with this government ( or any incoming Labour one).

  19. What about the bulldogs ripping peoples faces off crisis? No news story is too small to provoke a crisis these days.
    Fuck my boots!……I think I’m having a mental elf crisis!!

  20. Nothing like a continuous crisis to keep the people in a state of anxiety. Anxiety and fear keeps the plebs from thinking.

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