Electro-swing

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A cunting for the genre of music known as Electro-swing.

I can’t stand its contrived mashing together of cabaret/speakeasy vocals, the silly flutey twenties/thirties jazz with the metronomic thump of modern dance bass line.

All Electro-swing sounds the fucking same. It’s the sonic version of that stupid ‘steampunk’ aesthetic but shifted forward by about 40 years to an era of art deco full of Chrysler buildings and Zeppelin fetishes. I blame that film adaptation of The Great Gatsby; Every fashionista thinking they’re some flapper or Eff off Shitsgerald or the bloke with the plane and unfortunate views on Jews.

There’s always some glum tart dressed as Maria from Metropolis or a Weimar cabaret strumpet in any promo art or poster.

The thing is John Williams sort of did it forty-odd years before for the Mos Eisley cantina band in Star Wars. That was basically Glen Miller with added synth and steel drums and sounded way better, even though it was just for one scene in the film.

Electro-swing is fake, square shite for fake, square cunts.

jazzvocate

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.

34 thoughts on “Electro-swing”

  1. “Electro swing” ain’t that for lazy people who can’t be bothered to push?

    • No that was Two Ton Tessie, Emily Thornberry jamming with the David Lammy D’Oyle Carte Banjo Ram Jam Rascals.

      Oh play that thing!

  3. A straw boater hat
    Doing the Charleston
    Wearing spats
    Owning a dirigible
    Childhood rickets

    I could get onboard with that.

  4. Music, like fashion, is cyclic.
    One day they`ll do a revamped Black & White Minstrel Show – but it will be very woke: Probably just use actual black people, thus totally missing the point of the good clean family entertainment value of the show as watched by billions of TV viewers back in the 60s & 70s. Great, harmless days …
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7DKd7V2C-E

  5. Boom box fodder! Designed to dumb down, and its working on the young. Clever!

  6. https://youtu.be/fBGSJ3sbivI

    Some more ‘ electro swing ‘.

    I must say it’s better than fuckin Hip-hop which I loathe,
    Most things today’s youth like,
    I normally despise but this…
    Well done kids!👍

  7. Its not a music genre that’s likely to catch on. I’m more of a traditionalist where music is concerned. Classical tops the list, followed by the Minimalists, Indian Classical, with their Morning and Evening Ragas, Rhythm and Blues, Indie Rock, with the odd Shoe Gazer thrown in. There might be the odd one or two left out. I’ll let you know later when I’m fully awake.

  8. Country Drill for me.
    My girl done gone so I must stab some fucker.

  9. I remember that fucking cunt Dave Lee Travis and Steve Shite pushing this music for people who don’t like music in the late 70’s . It always had an electronic beat that never altered throughout it.

    • Remember being at the Manchester Cavern Club in the sixties and dave lee travis ( lower case for cunts ) was in the dj booth mouthing it as per usual and I went over to him and simply told him to fuck off. The silly twat just grinned, mainly in fear. It got a good laugh from all around.

    • After a lobotomy terry, you would be a shoe in for the new director general of the BBC.

  11. Good nom CP, I fucking hate jazz and swing so to mash this up just causes me irritation.

    We are so fucking unoriginal these days it hurts. I’d rather watch paint dry.

  12. The one thing that this ‘music’ has going for it is that it ain’t as gruesome as rap.

    Good shout CP.

    Morning all.

  13. Will the transbender agenda be affected by this music genre? In todays climate one has to ask, a reply in the negative would endanger job, bank account, parking space schooling for your children. Play safe fellow cunters remember the dictum “women can have willies transbender men can breast feed”. Repeat ad infinitum and you will likely be safe from the transbender wrath. In peace go.

      • Hi RK yes I saw that article. Some drugs can cause a man to grow breast tissue and even lactate. Old hat, this tranny stuff is certainly interesting but methinks it’s bollocks. Another thing that the article didn’t mention is where the kiddy who was benefitting from this expression of maternal feelings came from.
        Maybe the kiddy was borrowed from next door, or the breast feeding man has a partner that is a women who looks like a man, who knows, rather complicated. I have asked my daughter who is a midwife what she thinks of all this crap. She replied they have enough hassle as it is with without all this bollocks on top, A man having a baby is a woman who looks like a man as she and her colleagues stated at some woke on training session. Did not go down very well Fuck the snowflake cunts.

      • You’re right BB.

        I was wondering about the sprog’s origin myself.

        I was reading a while ago about a child born to a woman who thought she was a man, fathered by a man who thought he was a woman. The kid might be a bit confused when it gets a bit older.

        ‘Girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it’s a mixed up, muddled up shook up world’.

  14. I just listened to about 10 seconds of it on a Youtube video and that was more than enough considering that my ears are now bleeding.

  16. Steampunk is shite.
    The genre was invented quite innocently by 2000AD writer, the great Pat Mills, during the 1980’s, before being hijacked.
    Why these fuckers feel need to wear top hats with welding goggles, with cog wheels glued on them is beyond me.
    The cunts all look like they’re heading off down to the East End on a foggy night, with their Gladstone bags and sharp knives.
    There’s even one local bellsniff that goes about dressed like a fucking pirate. The twat.
    And don’t get me started on those Goth/Cenobite/Marilyn Manson lookalikes, in their full length leather coats and make-up either.
    Fucking purile dicks.
    I feel better after that.

    • Are you in Sheffield?

      It might be the same pirate Cunt that I see.

      • No.
        It must be latest fashionable look around the country for some cunts.

    • The only thing you could vaguely call Steampunk that I like is War of the Worlds or 20,000 leagues under the sea.
      As for Goths, ive always found their fashion and outlook on life affected, and childish.

    • I’d rather this than Drill/Grime and all the ridiculous “m’uh dick” nonsense for wannabe roadmen.

      I like New Jack Swing and some reggae but can’t abide the guns n’ bitches gangsta shit.

      • Not even the Snoop and Dre classic ‘Bitches aint Shit’?

        I hear they sing that in primary school assemblies in Peckham these days.

  18. I’ve no doubt that hipster cunts like Harry ‘closet’ Styles, Lana Bel End, and other tossers will dabble in this electro swing bollocks.

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