I thought I’d visit my local yesterday to make the most of the nice weather and have a couple of ciders in the sun. Unfortunately though my enjoyment of this simple pleasure was spoilt by the shower of complete cunt monkeys who arrived shortly after me sat down at the next table to mine.
4 generations of chinless middle class wankers, including the latest addition to the inbred clan, a new born baby probably no more then a month old. Now this little ameoba was obviously the most loved, precious, amazing, miracle that had ever graced the planet and by fuck they wanted everyone to know!
Cue the whole fucking family spending the next 15-20 mins (believe me it felt a damn site longer) loudly singing nursery rhymes to the little shit whilst clapping along and sporting the same wide eyed shit eating grins that you’re more attuned to seeing on the faces of brainwashed cultists.
Plus the kids parents were exactly what you’d expect, a pair of public school educated ponces in their mid 20’s with names like Toby and fluer or something equally pretentious. The dad was a complete wetter who looked like he still called his parents mummy and daddy, and I don’t know what amazed me more, the fact that he’d had it in him to squirt his insipid watery jizz into the arid grumble of the stick insect sat opposite him, or that generations of family inbreeding hadn’t produced a fetus with 9 eyes and a wattle.
All the while this was going on the child just did what newborn babys do, stared vacanantly into space whilst filling it’s nappy with yet another load of Waitrose organic baby food shit.
Finished your GnT’s and Prosecco? Good, now get back in your Rangerover Discovery Sport and fuck off back to the home counties you bunch of self absorbed, posturing cunts
Nominated by : Cuntasurus Rex
Kids should be banned from pubs.
One of my favourite pubs in Edinburgh proudly displays a sign outside that reads ‘Dogs welcome. No children allowed’.
Afternoon all.
44
My favorite bar has a sign that reads; We don’t serve Bud Lite and No Trannies allowed.
24
Bud Lite? Americans drink bottled urine General ? Ye gods!
11
Lol!
What part of Texas are you from General?
4
Well done Ron! I can’t believe you know that line.
The old stereotype about Texans was they thought Texas was so big that everyone must be from there. You could meet a Texan in a bar anywhere in the country…from New York to LA from Nome to Miami and anywhere in between and inevitably he’d introduce himself and say:
“…I’m from Dallas. What part of Texas are you from?”
7
GC
Whilst on holiday in Florida a few years ago I genuinely had an American couple ask me if I knew the ‘Robinsons from Manchester?’. So some Americans also think that Britain is so small everybody must know everybody else.
I live about 180 miles away from Manchester and fuck knows how many families named Robinson there are here, but I’d hazard a guess that it’s more than one!!
6
Didn’t you know them?
They’re dead nice.
4
They are very cordial..
10
Hey LG,
No shortage of dumb cunts here in the colonies.
Next time you’re here in our once fair land and somebody asks you if you know the Robinsons from Manchester here’s how to answer:
The Robinsons! From Manchester! Everybody knows the Robinsons! The father’s been arrested for kiddie porn 3 times and the mother’s doing rime for prostitution.
The oldest boy has been brought up on drug charges and their daughter just had her fourth kid by four different fathers.
There’s still no word from the youngest since she was photographed wearing a hijab in Afghanistan, but some people still express hope that she will return safely.
The Robinsons from Manchester? Everybody knows the Robinsons from Manchester. Why do you ask? Are they friends of yours?
12
@LG again
If that’s too much try this much simpler approach:
The Robinsons from Manchester…yes that was too bad about them…the whole family too. But we don’t like to talk about it in front of the children.
8
GC
Great advice which I will follow next time. Do they not teach basic Geography in American schools though?
2
Don’t have to go to the States to find this parochial view of the world. A few years ago my boss sent a couple of guys from London in a van to collect some kit fom me. I don’t think these two guys had ever been outside the M25. When they arrived in Birmingham where we lived at the time they actually stopped a woman on the street and asked her;
“Do you know where Arfur lives?”
“Arfur who?”
“Oh we don’t know his surname.”
I asked what her response was and they told me she didn’t answer, just turned and walked quietly away.
1
If only inns looked more llke this, i would be more inclined to venture therein ?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXceesWYoho&list=PLweawaCzmZtckCBzqPZl70dpcdR8jyh3G&index=3&t=2375s&pp=gAQBiAQB8AUB
0
Deacon Brodies I suspect
5
I’l have you know it’s not just any urine but specially bottled Clydesdale Urine. Beechwood aged no less!
8
Best kind of boozers those ones Ron.
The services club in town used to be no wimmen or children in the lounge bar. You just don’t get that anymore sadly
5
Yeah LG; my bar in Edimbro does a cracking chilli as well!
0
@LG
No they no longer tech geography. They teach gender identity, global warming and the joy of diversity.
To be fair they do teach other stuff as well. Institutional racism, white privilege, and racial justice.
4
Evening GC;
Been to Texas several times (the daughter and son-in-law lived and worked there for a few years). Great place; some of the most welcoming and friendly people I’ve ever met. They used to go bananas at the wife’s soft Edinburgh accent!
2
I’d have been out of there ASAP!
6
After blocking all the exits and starting a fire..
10
I don’t mind kids but babies are boring little bastards aren’t they?
If I wanted to be in the company of some goggle eyed unfocused, drooling , incontinent who’s happy sat in their own shite,
I’d take Sasha Johnson down the boozer.
Ps
She’s paying.
24
I have a 3 month old nephew. He was 9lbs 7 oz at birth so we’re getting the insults in while he’s still small. My brother says he’s a just a reptile at this point; all instinct, but by the time he’s in his twenties i’ll be some feeble old cunt and he’ll be like David Prowse in a clockwork orange, carrying me around in my wheelchair.
8
If his birth weight is an indicator Cuntamus he’ll have no difficulty doing so. Our elder was that weight and her party piece before she was six years old was to throw her arms around my thighs, lift me off the ground and put me down in the opposite corner of the room.
1
Babies are better than kids in my opinion MNC, bottle, burp and off you go to sleep.
Snotty nosed little noisy toddlers though are a different kettle of fish…
8
I went to a fancy dress party last night at a notoriously busy pub.
Went dressed as tennis ball, got served straight away….
23
That’s ace.. no faulting that.
Did you have orange duece.?
12
By the end of the night did you score or did it remain love all?
8
What a bloody racquet!
10
I completely get this nomination and I support it…with the proviso that I’d prefer to be around a family of Middle Class Twats than a litter of Ghetto Rat Cunts.
16
Do whites, blacks and Latinos have their own bars/pubs General? Maybe in the neighbourhoods where there is a large concentration of a particular ethnic group? I’m sure Slow Joe knows every Irish pub in Washington and pisses green on St Paddies day.
9
It depends on where you go. There are definitely minority owned bars where white people aren’t welcome.
But try keeping a melanin enhanced patron from a white owned establishment and BLM will burn you down, Al Sharpton will sue you and the US Justice Department will indict you for a hate crime.
14
the British equivalent to Ghetto rats is chavs, i’d guess.
6
I would have downed 6 pints of Stella and slapped the cunt and then bent his wife over the table and poked her
7
That’s fucking brave given you have no idea what she looked like. And only 6 pints? Lightweight.
9
Not so brave Moggie. As we say in the States, (and quoting the old song) the girls all get prettier at closing time.
6
😂😂😂😂 I’m a lightweight – 6 pints of the R Tois and I’m anyone’s.
5
“do you serve vegan food?”
Cheese n onion crisps.
” Marnie has gluten intolerance and has allergies”
Chew a beer mat Marnie.
Middle class families are a fuckin nuisance.
High maintenance.
The pub we go on a Sunday can get busy in summer.
You’ll get your Oliver and Cressida types sit at the outdoor tables and get out a picnic!
The landlord tells them that the tables are for customers ,
You can’t bring your own food.
They get sniffy.
They’ll park the car in the pub carpark and expect to go on a all day walk in the hills without so much as buying a drink.
Cheeky as fuck.
They don’t know how to behave.
They let little Jonty with the long hair like fuckin Mowgli run around the tables getting in people’s way,
The staffs way ,
And don’t tell the little cunt to sit down and behave.
If you tell the kid to calm down they get all upset.
They shouldnt be in pubs unless they have the kid on a short lead.
28
My village pub has started serving some fancy artisan pizzas. Its a slippery slope once some twat posts about it on Facebook and starts attracting the sort of bellends who take pictures of their food.
If they say I can’t come in with my wellies covered in cow shit and my Crossroads Bennie woolly hat because I’m lowering the tone, I’ll be drinking elsewhere.
12
That taking a picture of your dinner; what the fuck’s that all about?
10
To me, taking a picture of your food before it goes in is just as weird as posting a picture of it after it’s come out the other end. Sad cunts.
8
These stupid middle class parents who dress their todflers and young kids in t shirts with Nirvana/Smashing/Pumpkins/Red Chilli Peppers do my nut in.
I can’t imagine my mum and dad dressing me in shirts with David Bowie on.
7
Cuntamus, you were 43 at the time !
3
i’ve travelled to tge future!
Grrreat Scott!
0
I can just imagine the parents of the bairn – typical middle class Wireless 4 wankers who like to the “country” every day so listen to The Archers, and forget it is a group of people round a microphone reading scripts with pre-recorded FX inserted to sound like a farmyard. They have a lie in on Saturday morning to listen to the piffle that is Kitchen Cabinet and make sure they have their rubber knickers to piss themselves over The News Quiz or The Now Show. They always listen to Just A Minute because mummy and daddy always listened to it when Tristram and Jacasta were home from boarding school. If they don’t have to go to Waitrose on Saturday afternoon, they might even phone into any answers to defend Just Stop Oil from the beastly attack the one right-winger on Any Questions? made on those darling saints, and of course they will listen to Gardeners Question Time on Sunday because now they are working from home, they like to pay special attention to their Lobelia. The best in the Close.
One tip – next time you are sitting in a pub and a pair of those jokers come in with a baby, make sure you have a small supply of stinkbombs on your person, and while Tristram and Jacasta are enjoying their spotted dick, drop one, then give the baby a look of sheer contempt., and a worried from to the proud parents – they will be off down to A &E quicker than a Bishop leaving a brothel raid.
15
There used to be a radio programme called MoneyBox Live (maybe it is still going) on Radio 4 , supposedly to give financial advice, but really just used by cunts to ring in and boast about their savings, for instance ” I’ve got a small nest egg – four hundred thousand pounds, can you recommend any investments with a likely high return but low risk” or some other shit along those lines. I always wanted to ring up and say “I’ve got five pounds to last me until payday, what shall I do?” and when the host acted all nonplussed, call them a useless cunt and hang up.
9
Yes still going on Wednesday’s 1500 hrs – Wireless 4 like to keep their old shows ticking along. They have after all just done the 111th series of The News Quiz, and that i a mere whippersnapper at 47 years old. Whomever “plans” Wireless 4 is getting money for old rope. If it is 1830 it must be “stand up” time, unless it is one of those comedy shows so weak they dare not let an audience in to laugh at it.
1
@ Mary H
I like the cut of your jib.
1
Spot on Mary and the equivalent on television is “Escape to the Country” where people with a million to spend whine that they can’t find a property that suits.
1
Admin: It must have taken you a c*on`s age to find that header pic. They`re all white.
12
Of course they’re all white. This is about white, married, middle class couples and their children. Not some spare Prince from the fucking Royal Family!
8
They like big scarfs.
Don’t drink ale.
Their kids don’t behave.
Are overly demanding seeing as they are ordering a £15 pub meal and not in the fuckin Ivy spending £500.
They’re moaning cunts.
They’re mardarses.
They don’t use manners to the staff.
And they wear red jeans.
I despise the utter cunts for this crime more than any other.
I can see how Roual Moat and Michael Ryan lost it.
Probably one of these Fanny’s asking in the pub if they serve fairtrade goats cheese quiche.
12
Big scarves and red jeans.
and the blokes look like Harry Potter as an adult/Robert Peston.
My local area is crawling eith the cunts.
10
Anyone who doesn’t drink ale is a cunt in my book.
3
women?
0
In the village where I live, most people wear a jumper that is at least two sizes too small for them.
We’re a close-knit community….
18
Do you live in Jersey?
7
A sure fire way to identify these cunts in the states is by their children’s names.
The boys will have names like Fletcher, Jameson or Aidan. While the girls will be Madsion, Kelsey or Sloane.
Of course the parents will be Asher and Thea or Reid and Aurora.
The last names are all the same too. Cuntington, Cuntsworthy, or Cuntsford.
13
People who eat quiche are the same people who don’t know what a woman is.
It’s basically a declaration of homosexual proclivity.
If you eat fuckin Quiche you may as well go ‘ full bandit ‘ and suck cock.
🖕
10
Quiche? One of your bay windowed, fancy dan, Stockport dishes. We have fucking flan round Scunny.
5
An ex of mine cooked a brocolli and asparagus quiche once.
it just tasted of water. Hardly any butter in the pastry, no cheese, couldnt even taste the egg.
Thank jebus i learned to cook.
0
Whenever I’m to venture out into the public arena, I always have my trusty wax earplugs with me. Now a dab hand at arranging them to hearing fuck all, with sunglasses to top off my anonymity.
6
I’ve upgraded my earplug outdoor perigrinations to an enhanced level,namely a set of Cambridge Audio-Melomania earbud speakers.High-grade audio,affordable and a discreet fit.
Excellent for obscuring everyday aural incursions vexatious to the sensibilities ie-…supermarket-piped radio,GP waiting rooms local radio atrocity.A delicate tap to the right-side bud changes tracks seemlessly and good if your music’s on a phone for calls.
0
What a lovely cunting.
I was stuck on the train with a bunch of middle class fuck tards that were trying too hard. They kept loudly referring to fuck ugly mutant undisciplined kids by their full names at every opportunity. Cornelius, Apollo, River and Tate. Fuck my old boots…….. felt like the longest journey ever
14
Cornelius? An insult to Roddy McDowall’s character in Planet of the apes.
6
Do you know CP that’s what I immediately thought of too.
Cornelius and Zira.
3
i liked Dr Zaius. He used to tinker with people’s brains. He bet he ate the bits he removed, like those apes that eat smaller monkeys.
0
I was once in a very nice restaurant and a couple of these cunts turned up. Their arsehole offspring were called Barnaby and (I kid you not) Cascade.
They spent ages agonising over whether there was anything palatable on the wine list, and spent a fucking small fortune on bottles of French still mineral water when they could’ve just got a big jug from the tap.
One of them sent the main course back. I hope the chef wanked in it.
11
The ones you encounter on trains are pretty bad. There is always a loud conversation for everyone else’s benefit, about how well everyone is doing or about young so-and-so who has just started at university. It amazes me how much these cunts still believe university is the be all and end all, do they not notice how many thick resentful ex-uni cunts are working in the coffee shops or low paid admin roles, or just languishing at home?
7
So true.They also always think that it’s perfectly fine to let young Araminta and Archie tear up and down the carriage ‘freely expressing themselves’ and being a pain in the arse to other passengers.
Little arsewipes.
6
Ask them why they’re even using the train. “Are you too poor to afford a car?” “Why aren’t you lot in First Clarse”
2
Make sure on your next train journey, that you take along a recording of Derek and Clive to warm the cockles of the heart if any similar events occur.
6
Peter Cook. one of the patron saints of IsAC.
1
I did hear a pair of tossers calling their son Rollo in a local garage.
‘Hurry up then, Rollo. Get something…’
I had to dart down an aisle to hide my mirth.
1
”Electra darling” i once overheard in Waitrose Lymington.
0
In the Terry house these deeply irritating cunts are know collective as Jeremies.
Loud,uncontrolled kids,vegan,gluten free,soy cunts.
Demanding entitled mardarse cunts.
Cunts.
Oven.
17
Blame the landlord and his staff.
It seems that he is encouraging this cuntishness.
If there is no seperate area for kids then he should consider his other customers.
The landlord should have told the family to shut the fuck up as they were being annoying.
I bet he would have done if there were a bunch of football fans singing football songs.
He sounds like an obvious cunt.
Find somewhere else to drink.
7
What a total misanthropic curmudgeon you are Rex.
A man after my own heart.
5
WTF is this nom all about !!
Class hatred is alive and well, it seems.
7
I don’t hate any class, just the cunts that belong to it.
8
As far as I can make out, a family had the temerity to sit near the cunter in a beer garden and play with their child. They don’t seem to have been doing anything offensive, just enjoying the sun, as he was. This seems to have unleashed a seething tide of class resentment in the cunter.
Hardly the crime of the century.
I think the family should be cunting him.
10
They may well be doing just that.
5
Who paradoxically have little in the way of class in any natural sense ?
0
Calm down Horatio, stick a large vodka in yer Pimns.
12
Definitely. This calls for a treble, I think.
4
A cunt is a cunt to me. Whether they came from a council estate or a mansion
7
MCMM@
I’m using class hatred as a substitute for my racism.
Sort of like vaping to give up smoking!!
Since I’ve turned on Tarquin and Cressida I’ve not used one racial slur!
24hrs and counting🤞
9
Only a matter of time MNC…..
3
N199ER!!!!!
Oops.😁
10
How do you know my postcode?
7
Id find the social media pages of the local and cunt it,. They hate that Other good option is a loud fake conversation on the phone to the likes of “No No i told you id sell anything to anyone btut not to kids. No not kids i draw the line. How old are they ? They Look Older ? Ok maybe a couple of grams – no more than a bag – gotta go think my buyers here”
5
A good Bass fart would have cleared them off.
14
**Posting Problem**
Guys;
I’ve tried posting noms recently but keep getting blocked by ‘Wordfence’, which is stating ‘potentially dangerous activity detected’, whatever the hell that means. I wondered if Admin might be blocking me for some reason, but that’s not the case.
Has anyone else experienced this? My nom posting days on IsAC may well be numbered!
Regards
Ron
2
Harry and MeAgain have finally caught up with you Ron 😉, it must be Nom page because you are posting here, I put in Nom a couple of days ago which went through OK.
2
I posted one on Sunday I think Ron and no problems, hopefully just a temporary glitch.
Maybe send out the IsAC bat signal to Technocunt in Denmark.
3
Yep it just seems to be noms.
Been having a prob for about 10 days or so, who knows? It’s just a pain typing up and then getting blocked.
2
Maybe it’s just one word in your nom Ron?
I had it with a long post.
Just kept evaporating ..
By the time I’d changed a few words and posted it was completely out of context.
Also check your sign in details.👍
3
Probably being vaporised by Jewish space lasers Ron.
Not been nominating the rich,powerful and tight have you..
6
Yes, periodically.
Usually from using the d word to describe vertically challanged cis/non-cis people.
Hope I got everything correct, there, politically.
2
Yes maybe the Israelis have got these space lazors. That ‘protective Dome’ is very advanced technologically.
It’s very effective at stopping rockets.
Mind you why would they want to start forest fires in California?
2
Thanks guys.
Just posted a nom and got blocked. Ffs. Thought I’d give it one more go, and was successful
Christ knows what’s going on.
1
“9 eyes and a wattle” made my day. Thank you.
7
A superb cunting. Many a time we’ve been trying to relax in a beer garden and unwind, but felt fucked out when some arf arfing Jocasta and Tristan & their tribe of entitled hyperactive fuck trophies run amok and generally piss everyone off, usually by showing their equally feckless friends endless shots of what country they’ve visited. A good idea…dress like a seal and go for a relaxing dip in False Bay. That would be a good start.
They’re exactly the sort of people who are so thrilled about the artisan meal they’ve made, they have to share it on FaceFuck for everyone to see. I’m waiting for the “before and after” craze, when said artisan meal has been digested and shit-out in the pan and they share photos of the toilet trout as well.
Parents of said kids…nobody wants to see or hear the results of your pinot fuelled carpet fuck. Twat off…preferably to a highly dangerous war zone and take your annoyingly whining fanny turds with you.
10
Pubs aren’t pubs anymore anyway – just buy your own beer and stay at home. Heckle the TV, swear loudly, say what you want, smoke if you feel like it. you’ll be happier and save a fortune.
16
Aint that the truth SJ?
4
I usually save that for Thursday nights at 10pm. Fucking really boils my piss that. Fucking Echo Chamber of egos and immigrants.
5
Most pubs are now restaurants with a larger selection of beverages and smaller food menu.
2
I keep getting blocked for days from isac with the ” you are behaving like a cunt” etc message, I know I can be a twat in private but I didn’t think I was broadcasting it to all and sundry.
Does anybody know why?
3
When I get that I just switch my mobil data off for a minute then turn it back on the it comes on..
0
I will try that Miles thank you
0
I thought the message was self explanatory ?
Only messing, dawg.
5
To be fair, I would rather them be drinking near me that scum class parents and their cunting kids. Give the kids in pushchairs a packet of crisps and a red bull to shut them up, whilst the feckless parents get pissed and skin up.
5
I no longer use pubs frequented by the underclass. Wetherspoons and their pint glasses that smell of vomit.
0
If the middle class are rich and stupid enough to pay £14.50 for two pints, then they are going to feel right at home in my local.
I can’t afford to drink there any more.
4
Absolutely Odin, see my response to Sedgewick at 8:08pm. £14.50 will buy you eight pints of various strong ales in Tesco’s and give you change.
3
In my fantasy pub, the Forsk Inn, which I hope to open at some point, we’d be going back to the 1970’s and beyond. Kids would be out in the car park with their bottle of coke and Golden Wonders. If they needed a piss, they’d have to creep through the pub under pain of death if they uttered any noise.
There’s be no fancy food, just cheese or ham rolls, or chicken in a basket if you’re feeling flash. No music, unless unless a local turned up with his instrument (so to speak). No sports tellies. Quiet bar if you want to bring the Mrs and rowdy bar for everyone else. No slot machines or games … just banter of hard working blokes and brass women serving up honest booze and packets of kp nuts.
Anyone here wants to visit, you’re welcome
13
Cheese and ham rolls 3 days old under a plastic dome in full sunlight.
Cigarette smoke you can cut with a knife.
Undrinkable Watneys Red Barrel on tap.
The landlord’s dog asleep in front of the fire farting it’s arse off all night.
Let me know when you’re opening, Fuckwittery.
11
Halves of bitter served in jugs.
1
Sorry guys the property has been turned into a Islamic centre.. Alan’s snackbar..
3
one of the only benefits of pancreatitis is the inability to drink thus making a trip to the boozer a waste of time and from what I’ve heard saving a fortune, last time I was regular drinker it was 30 bob a pint in the pub and in the naafi and squadron club 55p a pint, happy happy days.
2