Bucket Lists

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As deaths icy claw gently strokes your chin and the reaper whispers

” Not long now kid…..”

You start to ponder your life.
Great moments, sad moments, heartbreaking pain, moments of joy,
Deeply shameful things you’ve done,
Things your proud of doing, you get the picture.

And it’s with this in mind I started to think about a ‘Bucket List’.

For those who don’t know what that is,
It’s things you always wanted to experience
And ticking them off before your worm meat.

Some people bungee jump.
Some get a tattoo
Some swim with dolphins (🙄)

Well you can fuck that.
Im going panning for gold.
Always fancied it!
Like a grizzled old prospector.
Sieving for nuggets at the side of a river.
I’ve looked into it.
Can find gold in the UK.
So in summer I’m having a week off to go panning for gold.
I’ve got gold fever.
And when the reaper says

“Knobhead. You drowned in the river didn’t you?”

I hope I can reply by grinning showing off my solid gold artisan made teeth🖕

https://youtu.be/XZ8Q9mOYJgE

Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt

73 thoughts on “Bucket Lists”

  1. The only thing you will be panning for in our rivers is raw sewage..

    Oh wow that’s some nugget..
    Just don’t put it in your mouth.

  2. Me too Mis. I’m off down the canal to pan for used johnnies, traffic cones and supermarket trollies.

  3. Morning Mis, all.

    You’re a bit young to be thinking this way Mis?

    I’ve got twenty years on you and I’ve only just started entertaing such thoughts!

  4. There are goldmines in Wales where you can go panning for gold, Mis.

    My bucket list involves fucking off to a tropical paradise in the Atlantic and becoming a subsistence farmer.

  5. Mis, sorry to disappoint you my list has one entry. To see the Northern lights. Sorry to disappoint etc, sorry not sorry etc.

    The only problem is the Scandinavians charge about £10 a pint. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

    • I saw the northern lights once in a coffee shop in Amsterdam. Long time ago now…

    • My brother in law off to Sweden for a bike rally and did some research on beer prices. Apparently, 500ml of beer about same as UK. A pint of Adnams is north of a fiver in my pissy little local.

  6. Puts me in mind of those poor fucking kids of the 70s with terminal cancer writing to Jimmy Savile from their hospital bed:

    “Dear Jim, will you please fix it for me to meet Gary Glitter and Rolf Harris in our local swimming pool”.

    *Shudder*

    • Len Fairclough was your man for the ultimate pool experience, always there to help kids out of the water.
      George Carman QC had a lot to answer for including my dentist.

      • Apologies Infidel – posted before I read your post. “Will I really sink if you take your finger out uncle Len?”.

  8. A day strafing our enemy in the English Channel in a Hawker Typhoon tops my list.

    Bloody Good Show.

  9. Tomorrow I shall achieve the number 1 spot on my bucket list:
    Wiping out dozens of innocent people with several dozen well-placed claymores during jug-ears’ coronation.

    • I always thought your number one was having diane abbott sitting her ample arse on your face, Thomas?

      • Morning BZ…that’s my errrrr…..”number two”, if you’ll pardon the expression.
        Not that I’ll have the chance now, the first claymore is already installed in her arse crack.

      • Morning Thomas, you could a whole NVA battalion up that arse..

      • ‘NVA gook’ was a strange insult from the playground at my old school the days following Full Metal Jacket being shown on TV one night.

  10. Bucket 🪣 list before the grim reaper?
    Hmmm 🤔
    Probably tens of thousands of days to live with which to ponder

    Sorry that’s a wish not a list. But it’s better than jumping out of a plane swimming with dolphins or panning for gold. Fuck that load of bollocks off

  11. I’ve got a list of things that I really need to do but I just can’t be bothered, it’s my fuck-it list….

  12. Just take the wife, an excellent gold digger. Dont tell the wife.🤭

  13. Katie Price
    Kerry Katona
    Jess Phillips
    Ulrika Jonsson
    Madonna

    There’s a list of ‘buckets’

      • CB

        I’d have shagged the arse off of her back in those days.

        Looks like a right old boiler now though, with a fanny that probably looks like a yawning hippo

  15. What a great cunting – very different to all the usual this-one-or-that-is-a-cunt.

    While bucket-lists in general clearly need to be cunted, this nomination shows that the r i g h t type of bucket list can still be worth it.

    Panning for gold in miserable, cold Blighty – why didn’t I think of that? Brilliant.

  16. My fuck it list is wishing people physical harm. I’ll forgo all favour, just so long as these cunts “cop it” once and for all. I will succeed with some before my time is up, but just hope I can tick off a decent few. Morbidity isn’t in it, I know.

    • Must thank Mis for reminding me of evil thoughts for the benefit of all friends on here.

  17. Unlike the common definition of “bucket list”, my definition of bucket list is “a list of slags I’d like to slam”. Much like the common bucket list though, it will forever remain unfulfilled.

    • I would say that a bucket list should consist of things which are, if not likely, at least feasible. Having a list of impossible things to do seems rather pointless, unless you plan to have a meal at Milliways.

      • Sadly my bucket list is a vestige of my youth and I still haven’t come to terms with being 40 years old.

        In my early 20s I was slamming slags on the regular so my nickname was Slag-slammer and I called my penis Slag-hammer (AKA the Slag-hammer of Slag-slammer or Slag-slammer’s Slag-hammer).

        You are right about realistic expectations though to be fair. Back then, I had fat birds on tap but I’d be lucky to even score with a fat bird nowadays.

        Modern fat birds’ confidence and opinion of themselves’ have increased at an entirely inverse level and rate compared to their waist lines. I bet they aren’t even grateful anymore.

      • wouldnt the increase be in parallel with rather than inverse to?

        What in you book is a. fat bird?
        For me it’s anything with a dress size bigger than 18 and can eat a larger serving at a steakhouse/grill or Indian restaurant.

      • @Cuntamus Prime

        The two have increased in parallel but they should be the inverse of one another, you are correct. I misspoke.

        My definition of a fat bird when I was younger was a size 14 or over (relative to height of course) but now my fat bird definition is more inline with yours (maybe size 16 over over).

  18. See Villa win the league again.
    Win the lottery.
    Spend two months in Bermuda with Julia Hartley-Brewer, attending to her many and varied voracious sexual needs.
    Find out what REALLY happened in the JFK assassination, and whether there are aliens out there.
    Watch as wokes and wokery self combust, and the SNP frauds get thrown in the clink.
    Spend two months in the Turks and Caicos Islands with Susanna Reid, attending to her many and variou voracious sexual needs.
    Savour a bottle of 50 year old malt.
    Fly in a Mosquito and a Battle of Britain Spitfire.
    Spend two months in Antigua with Salma Hayek, attending to her many and varied voracious sexual needs.
    Spend two months in the Turks and Caicos Islands with Susanna Reid, attending to her many and vario

    Not too much to ask, is it?

  20. Scarlet Johansson is high on my bucket list . I would die a happy man if she came and sat on my face while on my death bed.

    • She seems to have toned down all that demented democrat leftie shite recently. But she is still an insufferable Biden acolyte.

      I still would though.

  21. Aye up MNC, I watched that Attica riot documentary you recommended.

    It was very good, but I had mixed feelings about it.

    First, I was delighted with the heavy handed response. The cop shouting “White power!” after the massacre was particularly amusing (to some, not me of course.)

    I wasn’t happy with the BBC’s ‘muh racism’ narrative either. Bottom line, the prison was full of the worst criminals. Rapists. Murderers. Diddlers. Politicians. It was full of blacks because they commit the most violent crimes, per capita. Their problem not mine, with my perfect white skin that I am stroking right now.

    And if they hadn’t taken fucking guards hostage and beaten one to death, perhaps they wouldn’t have had a rough time when payback (righteously) came.

    And there were plenty of honky prisoners forced to strip and crawl through that latrine they’d dug out and vandalized the yard with. They didn’t count, of course.

    No, they got what they deserved. I’d have gone in even harder, forced them to watch in a queue, as they got the pliers and blowtorch treatment.

    “You’re next, Leroy!”

    I felt sorry for the hostages who got shot by trigger happy cops/soldiers though. Fucking cunt prisoners dressed them up in prison gear so they’d get shot, the bastards.

    And I was very disappointed that some of these cutthroats got millions in compo recently.

    Who says crime doesn’t pay?

    Commit murder, get 30 years, take over a prison, kill a guard and get millions for your retirement when you come out? Just because you crawled through shite and got a beating?

    Fuck off. They should’ve killed every single one of the cunts when they retook the prison and sent their waster families the bills.

    Would’ve had a much happier ending had I been in charge.

  22. For the time being.
    I want all responsibile for allowing illegal immigrants onto our small island, hung drawn and quartered.

    All men who think they are women to be legally jailed.

    Just stop oil cunts to join the Tarmac permanently by some kind motorists.

  23. There was a story released by one of the Africa charities recently about an unfinished bucket list left by a dead Ethiopian.

    1. Eat.

  24. On my bucket list is to obtain a list of all buckets from around the World.

  25. Bucket lists are shite. But the Glazers copping it in a chopper crash would be nice.

  26. Off topic, but that ‘news’ about Taylor Swift and that cunt from The 1975 is pretty funny.
    His mum is Denise Welch. Taylor Swift and Denise Welch? That will go well, won’t it?

  27. i dont have a bucket list. A bit American for me.
    How urgent does it have to be?

    The only thing I can think off is a trip through Eastern Europe, but it’s not a must and not very urgent.

  28. Bollocks to that.
    I’ve a ‘Fuck It’ list, and I’m kicking off with next door’s delightful Estonian missus, who he doesn’t pay any attention to.

    • The list in full.

      Might sound boring to some,
      But it’s things I am going to do .

      1 pan for and find gold
      2 northern lights
      3 ride a horse
      4 ride a steam train
      5 walk the Pennine way
      6 eagle watching in the Scottish Highlands
      7 shear a sheep
      8 forge my own axe
      9 drive a tractor

      That’s it.
      Going to do all of them.
      Or die trying.

      • 4 weeks in the Australian outback and you might strike lucky.

        You’ll have to research the hot spots. As far as I know, you don’t need to pan, just waft around a metal detector – the stuff is loose on the ground.

        I’ll come with you. This time next year we’ll be considerably richer than we were, or dead by dingos or summat.

  29. Great idea, I might just watch Paint your Wagon from the comfort of my settee.!!

  30. Maybe an unachievable goal but I’ve always wanted to win something and I don’t mean a medal at sports day or a raffle.
    What I mean is I always wanted to be good enough at something to win a national competition or at least a regional one or county one.

    But alas no.😔

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