Cunts holding business meetings in coffee shops

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I was sat yesterday in a well know branch of expensive coffee shops, talking half an hour out from a hectic work schedule and hoping to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet from the general work hubub and watch the world go bye.

Only table available was directly in front of this corporate HR assesment type cunt with a note pad and laptop open holding a none too private employee assesment with some young lad of his employ.

I heard everything about his greiviences to do with his colleagues, what he was shit at and what he excelled at and where he wanted to be in a years time. It was as if i was still at fucking work and i was in the interview room with them.

Im paying four quid for a coffee and i listen to people work…wtf? I could have got a cheap coffee out the works vending machine and simply stayed sat at my desk for the same effect.

I made note of names this guy was moaning about and when i got up to leave, i turned to them both and said, ‘i know such and such and rest assured i will tell them what you said about them’ the looks on their faces was worth wasting enjoying my coffee for.

Apparently this is a ‘done thing’ now. I think its cuntish and down right rude.

Live career

Nominated by Chuff Chugger.

77 thoughts on “Cunts holding business meetings in coffee shops”

  1. You ought to have ‘accidentally’ spilled some coffee on his laptop, CC.
    Or just started kicking the table the laptop was on.

      • Reasonably well, thanks for asking. I managed to keep a lid on all the disgraceful filth dancing merrily in my head. Weird age range though…35 to 55. I’m 50 and most of the wimminz were under 40, so I’m not expecting much out of it. Nice experience though, only a couple of fat chicks!

      • Did you get any phone numbers?
        A mate of mine joined an internet dating site-he is in his late 60’s-recently been banging a polish bird in her early 50’s.
        Said in a strong Yorkshire accent:

        “Av’e bin all round t’world lad, av’e add women from Lands End to John-O’-Groats and am’ tellin’ ya now: it’s teken me till am almost 70, to experience a fuckin’ squirter!! The dirty-little-bitch.”

        Might be worth a “pop”, Thomas😀👍

  2. Could have been worse. Go to any strip joint and there’s every chance you’ll overhear an ‘Is A Cunt’ management team briefing.

  3. Frequenting Costa or Starbucks.

    Exacyly who are we cunting here?

    😂😂😂

  4. A great nom.

    I especially hate it when the cunts make a loud show of ‘…and yeah like I’m meeting their MD for a face-to-face in New York next week before I head off to the San Francisco office…’.

    The rest of us in there for a quiet coffee and scone are fucking staggeringly impressed by this power play.

  5. I’d tell the cunt whose idea i was to hold n assessment of my work in public to give ITV a call and perhaps it could be done with that daft bint Lorraine Kelly and her pet quack Dr Shilary ‘wear masks in the sea’ Jones

  6. Coffee shops are for soy boys, lesbians and the gays.

    £8 for a brew? I fucking moan if it’s more than 50p in a greasy spoon. And at least you get a proper mug in a greasy spoon, not one of those Warwick Davis cups.

    I have to admit to having to control my urge when passing a wanky coffee shop, to open the door and shout “You’re all a bunch of fucking wankers!”

    Sounds like you inadvertently entered a building regularly filled with cunts?

    Flat white or Americano, Sir?

    Neither you cunt. I want a proper brew, none of this gay shit. PG tips no sugar in a proper man’s mug, you soft twat.

    • Afternoon CB…imagine if there was a shop still selling 70’s and 80’s tat…
      Mugs with PG Tips L̶e̶n̶n̶y̶ ̶H̶e̶n̶r̶y̶ chımps on, Robertsons marmalade gọlly t-shirts, wee Jimmy Krankie school uniforms covered in wife-swapper spunk, replica Jim’ll Fix It gold badges…they’d do a roaring trade!

      • I always wanted one of those ‘Adolf Hitler European Tour 1936-45’ tee shirts, but the wife refused to be seen out with me in one.

      • Splendid idea Thomas. Here’s a couple more:
        A stylophone in its original box with Rolf Harris’s face on it (anyone remember them?)
        Any ‘It’s a Knockout’ memorabilia featuring Stuart Hall

      • Geordie: I did get a retro Styrophone as a gift, in the early 2000’s. Gave it away, fairly sharpish😂

        Who was Grace and was she really amazing???🤢

    • I’ve only been in three coffee shops I think and they were all the same……full of nerds and total wankers. Fucking blokes on their own tapping away on laptops, fucking wimminz talking over each other at a thousand words a minute. Fucking nightmare, not for me.

      • I’ve only ever been into one. It was a Cafe Nero back in 2009 and it was a mystery shopper assignment. The only thing I remember about it is thinking I’d prefer a decent standard cafe or even a pub.

  7. Coffee shops?
    Get fucked.
    A decent thermos flask filled with the beverage of choice.
    Stay in or go out.
    End of.

  8. Perhaps you could have pointed out that discussing such matters in public is probably a violation of the subject’s human rights,breaches employment law and is the mark of an outright cunt.

    • Four pounds for a cup of coffee? I paid less than that today for a 227g packet of Colombian Roast & Ground Decaff at Asda.

      • Decaffeinated coffee Harry? A fucking scam in my book. Like sugar-free sweets or skimmed milk. I understand they have even removed the cocaine from Coca Cola now!

  9. How dare you.. I hold all my private meetings in public coffee shops and I’m the head of MI6.

    Though I have left a few unlocked laptops behind over the years.. Still no harm done.

    • It just sounds like the typical banter blokes used to have in the pub.

      Trying to ‘out sick’ each other. I was literally in a pub doing just that about 22 years ago. Who could tell the sickest joke contest. The winning gag?

      What noise does a baby make in a microwave?

      Dunno I was too busy wanking.

      Now clearly it’s just a joke and it doesn’t mean the teller of the joke fantasises about such things at all.

      However, now, you’d lose your job and career for it if you said it on social media or even in a pub- some soft twat would film and report you if you started up such a contest.

      I doubt any of these officers hate disabled people or worship Hitler or child murderers.

      Just sick banter but fuck me, thick as fuck to even post it in a private chat, using something as popular as WhatsApp.

      Careful what you say out there lads, even in jest. No cunt has a sense of humour anymore.

      What a wonderful time to be alive.

      Seeing as the BBC and the Guardian are foaming at the mouth over this, why haven’t they sacked Frankie Boyle for similar, in fact, worse comments about the Harvster?

      Oh, because he’s a lefty tosser of course, I forgot!

      • Spot on Cunty!
        Look at the Surnames if the sacked officers😉

        Replaced, no doubt, with recruits with surnames such as Khan, Patel, Sunak, Bolingoli, Rafiq etc, etc, fucking etc…

  11. I can see why people have business meetings in coffee shops – you are using somebody elses’ heating and electricity to generate hot air, and, if you are the CEO of Boggs Pornographic Film Productions (Taiwan) Ltd., when you are making an epic like “Let My People Come”, would you really want the disgusting Dave Lammy and Dawn Butler in your home, or in the case of “Open Wide” would you want a tart like Angie Rayner and her knickers stinking of kippers in your front room?. You would have to keep a bucket of water on hand in case she was on heat.

  12. I was in a similar situation recently in a modern cafeteria – someone was shouting loudly into their `phone, only held in their hand from about a foot away. Why do they do this? Anyway, I asked them to hurry up and finish as there was a queue for the said `phone.

  13. It’s nice to see that Admin has followed the wokie rules with a couple of effnicks in the header photo. Just like the telly innit?

  14. And what about those con artists raking it in as so called “professional coffee tasters?”
    I don’t know how those cunts sleep at night….

    • The ads are getting silly, one the other night, a white couple (shock horror) with POC kids, must have been imports 😂

      • Kids probably ordered from Amazon-those cunts are notorious for delivering the wrong items…..

  17. Pubs, coffee houses, the local library, everywhere is full of these loud blobs and their “business” crap. Loads of them are foreigners.

  18. There is always one or more students who are in there all day making using if the free Wi-Fi. In Londonistan it’s usually a slitty eyed types.

    • London is now awash with the little slitty eyed fuckers.

      As clever as they are supposed to be, they are actually devious, lying, thick as pigshit arrogant cunts.

      My dog is not your fucking dinner!!!

  19. These employee assessment meetings were called Personal Development Reviews in my last job. I had no fucking time for them. The prat from HR seemed unable to understand that having experienced promotion at previous employers I was avoiding such like the plague. My boss’s job was as desirable to me as having hot needles pushed into my eyes. Just pass me the calls and I’ll go fix them. At one such meeeting where I was required to enter a comment on the official form I wrote; “A merry christmas to all our readers.” It didn’t go down at all well. Hahaha.

    • Yeah those HR cunts are right humourless knob heads. You know how they got that name?

      Back in the day when cunts introduced themselves as working in Personnel, as they called it then, people would reply with Clint’s line from Dirty Harry……
      “Personnel? That’s for assholes.”
      So some clever cunt came up with Human Resources.
      See what I mean?…..no sense of humour.

      • Such a mechanical, lazy title lacking in any humanity.
        Human resources, demoted to a utility.

      • I don’t drink coffee in coffee shops,
        Or have business meetings in them.

        I don’t frequent them.
        Theyre for middle class wimmin and puffs.

        I conduct my business either sat in my undercrackers drinking Bovril .
        Or scratching my knackers sat in the van.

        I’m the modern face of commerce.

  20. There’s a record shop/cafe near where I live. As record shops go, it’s a good one. Some great bargains and I’ve found a few gems in there. However, the cafe is always full of hipster cunts talking pretentious shit or fucking about on their phones. I’ve heard the grub is pretty good in there, but I won’t eat there because there are too many hipsters. And I don’t like hipsters and ‘vinyl heads’ who shout about their ‘passion’. It’s like the real ale twats from Viz.

    • The cunts who go in there seem to think they are the successors to the Factory Records mob. Someone should tell them that it finished years ago and that all the talented people involved in it are long dead. But pretentious isn’t it. If there’s one thing worse than Paul Morely, then it’s a cunt who thinks he’s Paul Morely…

  22. An assessment meeting in a public place? Almost as awful as a large bearded man in a dress.telling telling parents of little children that it’s for their own good that they do not know that Timmy is becoming Trinny. Fuck it all

  23. I saw on the news that Essex Police sent 5 officers to arrest the Crystal Palace 1st Eleven.
    Fortunately, the manager had plenty of reserves, to field a weakened team…..
    🧐

    • Bovril😂😂

      You are Jasper Carrott and I claim my free copy of Country Cream Gates Monthly

    • The Bovril at Old Trafford in 1977 was always at lava temperature. Buy it before kick-off, but drink it at half time and it’d still be hot.🔥😄

      Now they don’t sell Bovril. Now it’s cunts with smoothies, papaya juice, piss poor lager. In fact anything those Glazer scum can sell to clueless twats and daytrippers.😞

  27. I was in a lounge on a channel ferry with the wife and kids. This excuse for a bloke came in with his wife and two kids and sat by me after he’d dismissed his family to parts elsewhere. Straight away the prick got his mobile out and talked business bollocks most of the way across the channel. I felt the same as the cunter who proposed this cunting. For me, it was just like being back in work. If I’d thought that I would have got away with it I’d have snatched his phone and thrown it overboard to sink in the reserved fast track dinghy lane to Blighty. What a complete and utter arsehole he was.. ‘Low hanging fruit’, ‘Two pipe problem’ and ‘Issues around….’ – I got the lot.

      • Phone inserted in wankers rectum, then free short fall without a parachute lesson with a watery ending👎👎👎

  28. If I was allowed to, I’d work out of the pub.
    A lot of folks in coffee shops seem to have to have ‘the look’, with a laptop, and then spend ages over something I would drink in a few minutes.

  29. Why has one nomination got comments all in bold and on the home screen on right hand side?

    Has TtCE spiked Admin’s dinner with ‘shrooms?

  30. Ugh. Nothing worse than a cunt trying to act important by sitting in a meeting with the intergalactic director telling you he did a report to the chief financial cunt of risk and got a pat on the head.

    I have a meeting in London next week with the CFO… Condolences, cunt rag.

    Insecure arseholes, know a few people who turn into completely different people when in the presence of a lot of strangers…

    They all of a sudden acquire a 20k pay rise (and need to tell it) and all of a sudden have been browsing prestige car brands they couldn’t afford when you talked to them 24 hours ago on their own.

    • Sometimes I’ll sit in wimpy wearing big red braces and shout into my mobile phone
      “BUY! SELL!”
      I’ll flick through my filofax and twirl my Porsche car keys around my finger.

      I can tell other customers are impressed and think I’m ever so special.

      • That takes me back Mis. When you were still at school parts of London were knee deep in such prats.

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