Shitty Hollywoke Film Remakes

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I think the general consensus here on IsAC is that we have reached a point in society of cultural stagnation. Bland sanitized music, the recent Shit Awards a prime example, woke comedy, preachy TV dramas and reality shows catering to ball scratching dossers and social media addicted yoofs…and pointless film remakes.

Writers today are just such uninspired lazy cunts, so devoid of original ideas for scripts its just so much easier to take a classic film from decades ago and utter those words that no cunt wants to hear, “Updated for modern audiences”. The remake adds nothing to the story, its just a chance to shoehorn in some social engineering and correct any historical wrong think from back when men had penises and the 14th century England was white.

Over the years many have been butchered to varying degrees of shittyness. Who can forget The Wicker Man with Nicholas Cage, Sly Stallone in Get Carter or the abomination that was Ghostbusters with a bunch of ugly feminists? Even one of my favourite westerns True Grit has fallen victim, being remade in 2010.

“Sorry Duke, your too ‘problematic’ and have been rebranded for modern sensitivities. Maybe a diversity workshop and a course on preferred pronouns in the workplace?”

“The hell I won’t”.

Stacker

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

108 thoughts on “Shitty Hollywoke Film Remakes”

  1. They should remake threads with a diverse cast. At least we would be able to enjoy watching them get toasted by the Russians.

    • Horrendous film. Gave me nightmares, that did. It’s on Britbox if anyone’s interested.

    • Yeah Threads is a good one to mention in the presence of snowflakes who find Black Mirror a bit bleak, hahaha.

  2. The yanks audacity took the biscuit when remaking the Ladykillers. Believe the black landlady murdered the film.

  3. Black Mambo and the Seven trans gender, LGBTQRSTU ethnic minority dwarves.

    • I never understood why they needed to remake ‘The Taking Of Pelham 123’. Did they think they could improve on the 1974 version? Screenplay writers show little or no imagination these days, you see the same plots recycled again and again.

  4. Most Hollyweird films are awful these days. Hollyweird has ruined itelf, sinking into a pit of race-baiting and pretentious wokery, while boring us to death with trashy remakes of classics like ‘The Magnificent Seven’, ‘Ghostbusters’ and what have you, or more fucking ‘Star Bores’ spin-offs with ‘strong women’ leads and stupid cunt blokes.

    If I go to see a film, I want to be entertained, not preached at by some cunts who think that their fame gives them some sort of permission to finger wag at the audience about fucking climate change, diversity, gender, veganism or whatever.
    If most American films were playing across the street for free, I wouldn’t be arsed.

    I’m sick of these cunts; go Ricky!

    Afternoon all.

    • Afternoon Ron, they seem to have a talent for fucking up when remaking foreign films too.

      ‘Oldboy’ from South Korea and ‘The Ring’ from Japan were both badly hashed. The Godzilla franchise seems to get rebooted every so often, getting more ridiculous and CGI heavy to the point they are just paying some cunt to stand in front of a greenscreen for millions of $$.

    • Hey Ron,

      Your post is spot on point. And the example of the Magnificent Seven is perfect.

      One of the best Western movies ever made was turned into a shitfest of wokery. The original film had a great cast and story line and to this day is thoroughly enjoyable.

      The remake has a stupid reworked story line, a forgettable cast…including Denzel…and is completely unwatchable.

      • Afternoon both.

        Denzel’s effort at Robert McCall in the re-boot of the tv series ‘The Equaliser’ pretty much sucked as well. Loads of fantastical action, with Denz never getting a scratch of course.

        He could never begin to match Edward Woodward’s air of quiet yet deadly menace tho.

        The re-make I’m really looking forward to seeing is ‘Gone With the Wind’, with Idris Elba as Rhett Butler. Could be a winner.

      • …with Michelle Yeoh as Scarlett…Natalie Emmanuel as Melody and Trans actress turned actor Elliot Page as Ashley
        Wilkes

  5. I’m done with going to the pictures anymore. Cinema one of the two great loves of my life. Is now dead. From my earliest childhood recollection of seeing magical films like Dr. No, Lawrence of Arabia & Zulu. Until I sat through that pile of arty shite that was Moonage Daydream last year. I have had enough of woke-wank-cinema. You don’t get my skinny white working class arse and you don’t get my money.

    • The whole cinema experience has been ruined, John.

      They are now full of knobheads with their phones. Cunts tweeting and texting throughout the film. The light from their iphones an irritating distraction. And the bastards who actually talk on their phones during a film should be given a kicking and banned for life. Then there’s the cunts with kids who can’t behave. And then, of course, there is the loud foreign types. The ex-iron curtain scum who bellow ‘Booshka! Dooshka! Gooshka!’ to each other. The ‘pictures’ has been destroyed by all these cunts.☹ Along with the now extortionate prices and Nazi style security, of course. ‘You can’t bring those sweeties in ‘ere, laddie. You as to buy our popcorn at 10 quid a go. Oh yus.’🙄

      • Cinema like music and so many other things. Pursuits and interests that made our life’s worthwhile, interesting and I dare say gave it purpose. Are now just casualties of this dreadful modern age. You can see it everywhere all the time. People with the attention span of a gnat on a dog turd with a total lack of interest in anything…. I so miss the long conversations I used to have about the latest film or a new album with intelligent informed people. Cinemas are like libraries a meeting for morons to talk and text. No more.

  6. I last went to the flicks about 20 years ago, can’t remember what I saw.
    Now I just find films on youtube. Good old black and white films from 40’s and 50’s and some more relatively modern stuff with good plots, good actors and directors. They are usually ad-free too.

    Loads to choose from, so don’t get too wound up about shite remakes or even shite modern originals.

  7. The nightwatch.

    Fucking ruined by Hollywoke with Ewan McGregor and Nick Nolte cast as the leads.

    The Danish original (Nattevagten) with Nikolai Koster Walau, Kim Bodnia and Sofia Grabol is seriously dark and sinister..

    I also recommend ‘I Kina spider de hunde’ (In China they eat dogs).

    Excellent, dark, hilarious in places and something that Hollywoke couldn’t plagiarise.

    • What the fuck?
      Why’d they do that?

      I liked the Wonder years too.

      Little Fred Savage replaced by mtembe the savage.

  10. I’d be interested to see how Hollywood would remake Zulu.

    Perhaps the Zulu would win this time and at the same , be formulating a cure for cancer and the 12 VCs awarded to the defenders of Rorke’s Drift would be given to them instead

    • Fun fact;- Colour sergeant frank bourne never received the VC for rorkes drift odd that?

  11. The last time I went to the cinema was about 5 years ago.

    I was tempted by Top Gun; Maverick but apart from some of the stunt work it looks like another comic book film.

    An old Tomcat taking on SU-35s? Gay as fuck.

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